Project Wonderful Banner

Sunday, July 31, 2011

That damned Soup

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cavemen, Soup.

Isn't that cute. Mallard is trying to use a scientific term. Of course, he has no idea what he's talking about, but it's still cute.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Having, as far as he can tell, plumbed the depth of humor available in the rogue teleprompter series, mallard moves on to criticize President Obama for wanting a second term.

Friday, July 29, 2011

That damned Stand-Up

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Wake me when its over.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

That damned Location

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

This is the raving of an unhinged mad man/duck.

An unhinged mad man without anything legitimate to gripe about, so he's wildly inventing things to gripe about.

It might be sad, if Mallard were worth of even the smallest amount of sympathy...but he's not.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

That damned Teleprompter

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Teleprompters

Someone wake me when this particular series of gripes is over.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

That damned Inheritance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Accents

Some of you, eh? Seriously, Mallard, you're not only the only one talking about this, you're also the only one who is bothered by it.

With the Economy lagging, the US about to default on its debt, three wars, and a host of other ills facing us...Mallard is bothered about the way someone speaks.

Congratulations, newspapers everywhere, for setting aside space for this cutting-edge commentary.

Monday, July 25, 2011

That damned Arugula

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore hates politicians who speak differently when campaigning or when addressing the public.

Mallard Fillmore hates President Reagan and Winston Churchill...to name just two people.

The only funny thing about today's effort by Mallard is that he believe anyone cares about this particular gripe.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

That damned Desire

What's Mallard raving about today?

Human Interaction, Politics.

The person closest to Mallard asks for human contact, human interaction.

Mallard, instead, provides a lame political "joke."

Anyone surprised?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Friday, July 22, 2011

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Monday, July 18, 2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

That damned Jeffrey

What's Mallard raving about today?

Social Networking.

Ummm, OK. So, Jeffrey is using his computer, staring at it with an expression of deepest rage, and ignoring his wife and visitor.

Anyone else feel like we're deep into creepy unintentional self-revelation territory here?

By the way, break...not a lecture.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

That damned Email

What's Mallard raving about today?

Email, Emoticons.

Mallard has found that, somehow, his racist Emails followed by a winky emoticon have not been fully understood as just a joke, because some of his best friends are black, don't you know.

In other news, ordinary folks deserve a break, not a lecture.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Thursday, July 14, 2011

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

If you though there was no way Mallard could top yesterday, you won't believe today.

Unintentional though it may be, this is as truthful as Mallard Fillmore has ever been.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

That damned Disclaimer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television

One day after decrying minorities as lazy, TV-watching slobs, Mallard Fillmore (with no hint of irony) can be found sitting in front of his television, too lazy to change the channel.

Honestly, how does Mallard's head not explode?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

That damned Entertainment

What's Mallard raving about today?

Minorities, Entertainment, Education.

So says the duck who spends 17 hours a day in front of the TV.

But, Mallard, minorities everywhere thank you for your concern trolling. It's very sweet of you, really it is.

Monday, July 11, 2011

That damned Address

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Michelle Obama, Michele Bachman

Mallard Fillmore announces that his support is behind Rep. Michele Bachman (R-Mars).

All I can say about that Mallard is I hope she is the GOP nominee.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

That damned Prequel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Superheroes.

The last person I am going to listen to about comic book movie adaptations is Mallard Fillmore.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

That damned Coverage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Americans, The Media, Scandals

So says Mallard, who has spent at least half of 2011 splayed in front of the TV, irradiating his crotch.

By the way, ordinary people deserve a break, not a lecture. Asshole.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Those damned Producers

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Hollywood, Scandals

Mallard will be in front of the TV, complaining bitterly, while watching every episode end-to-end.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Those damned Heels

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Scandals, Wives.

Today, Mallard Fillmore says something that never needed saying.

Taking over 30 words to say it.

And, to make matters even better, he's now said the same thing 3 days in a row.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

That damed Zoom

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Sex Scandals.

You know, I wish Mallard had not gone with "zoom in" in reference to Anthony Wiener's crotch shot. I really do.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

That damned Coverage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Media Coverage

When Mallard Fillmore thinks the media have gone too far covering a sex scandal involving a Democratic politician, CNN should be really, really, really ashamed of themselves.

Sunday, July 03, 2011

That Damned Bad News

What's Mallard raving about today?

U.S. History, Americans

First two pieces of bad news are both uncited and as likely pulled from cloaca as based in actual fact.

The second, especially, sounds very much like a Fox fact (e.g., a Lie).

The third, is notable because 100% of these High School Students spent their Elementary and Middle School years under policies from the Bush Administration during a period in which Republicans controlled virtually all the levers of Government.

Which is to say that I am sure this is all the Democrats fault.

By the way, on this 4th of July, Mallard would prefer you have a lecture, rather than a break.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

That damned Shovel

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Economy, President Obama

President Obama is going to dig the economy out of the grave Republicans put it into?

Friday, July 01, 2011

Those damned Seconds

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sara Palin, The Media.

Would still be better than watching Fox's Palin Masturbation Minute.