Those damned Guns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Guns.

When there's an incidence of violence against a Conservative, I'll remember that.

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

Bill O'Reilly, The Media, Handguns.

Right. Let's worry about how this affects Bill O'Reilly and the handgun rather than the victim of terrorism and his family.

That damned assembly

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws.

Mallard, comics are not supposed to be a purely textual medium. Cutting and pasting your main character's head three times does not count as a visual element.

If you want to write Op-Eds, then get a gig in which you are paid to write an Op-Ed.

Are we clear?

That damned ruling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws, Criminals, Unions.

The Supreme Court strikes down the gun ban Mallard was raving about, but Mallard keeps on bleating. Proving that under no circumstances will he not complain about something.

On the plus side, it appears that, somewhere between March and today, the Anonymous Activist Criminal managed to form that Union he was calling for when we last saw him. He seems to have bulked up quite a bit also.

That damned inconsistency

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Obama, Gun Control.

You can understand how Senator Obama's position is totally beyond Mallard's comprehension since it requires a view of the world which includes nuance:

I think we have two conflicting traditions in this country. I think it's important for us to recognize that we've got a tradition of handgun ownership and gun ownership generally. And a lot of law-abiding citizens use it for hunting, for sportsmanship, and for protecting their families. We also have a violence on the streets that is the result of illegal handgun usage. And so I think there is nothing wrong with a community saying we are going to take those illegal handguns off the streets. And cracking down on the various loopholes that exist in terms of background checks for children, the mentally ill. We can have reasonable, thoughtful gun control measures that I think respect the Second Amendment and people's traditions.

That damned mugger

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muggers, Little-Old Ladies, Guns.

I'd say the problem with little old ladies carrying guns is that if they get mugged one of two things will happen. If they try to pull the gun they will get themselves killed. If they don't try to pull the gun, it'll get taken in the mugging putting yet another gun on the street.

How much longer is Mallard going to stay on this topic?

That damned contract

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws, Violent Criminals.

But, but, but...if what you say about gun laws affect on the criminal mentality is correct, then Washington D.C. should indisputably be the most violent U.S. city, shouldn't it? Won't any evidence to the contrary prove conclusively that the causes of violent crime are much more complicated than such simpleton notions as the ones Mallard is bleating?

An interesting tidbit I picked up along the way, which further highlights what a simplistic sack of crap Mallard is when he claims that putting guns into the hands of law-abiding citizens is The Answer: "Though nearly 100 percent of murder suspects have criminal records, 90 percent of victims also have criminal records."

That damned series of standard complaints

What's Mallard raving about today?

Guns, Violent Criminals, Unions.

You can always tell when Mallard has actually run out of steam on a rant (as opposed to when he realizes he's run out of steam)...he spends 2 panels to re-set and re-tell the same joke then randomly tosses in a complaint against one of his standard set of bête noire (today, it's Unions).

Tomorrow: Violent criminals complain about a lack of Political Correctness.

Those damned studies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Bans, Violent Criminals, Studies?

No asterisk so I may look up these "studies"?

And yet, the strangest thing is that Mallard equates violent criminals with wearing paper bags on their heads...now that's just weird.

Those damed Guns

What's Mallard raving about today?

Guns, Drugs.

Essay question:

Has Mallard made the least equivalent comparison in human history? Discuss.

Those damned muggers

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Supreme Court, Gun Laws, Muggers.

By Mallard's admission, if the Supreme Court Justices make it to the court house without being mugged, the Gun-Ban is working. Interesting litmus test, but I'm willing to stipulate to it.

That damned Criminal Community

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun control, criminals.

On days like today, I feel compelled to note that the only difference between Mallard and a cranky letter to the editor is two poorly drawn duck heads of varying size.