What's Mallard raving about today?
War on Christmas
Wow, Mallard's advanced from the stage where the heathens were trying to remove references to his deity of choice to the stage where they are actively promoting taking his name in vain.
And all of it just a product of his fevered brain.
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Showing posts with label Schools. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Schools. Show all posts
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
That damned School
What's Mallard raving about today?
Speech, Congress, Schools
Careful, Mallard...the 1% do not like to be challenged by their water carriers.
Speech, Congress, Schools
Careful, Mallard...the 1% do not like to be challenged by their water carriers.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
That damned Beast
What's Mallard raving about today?
School.
If I were a cartoonist, I would never venture near a topic like this, unless I was sure I could do something better than Bill Watterson.
Mallard can't do it better than Bill Watterson, as he demonstrates today.
School.
If I were a cartoonist, I would never venture near a topic like this, unless I was sure I could do something better than Bill Watterson.
Mallard can't do it better than Bill Watterson, as he demonstrates today.
Monday, August 17, 2009
That damned Grammar
What's Mallard raving about today?
Schools.
I was hoping a new week would bring relief for this dead horse, but all hopes were dashed.
Definitely another entrant for Most Interminable Series in 2009.
Schools.
I was hoping a new week would bring relief for this dead horse, but all hopes were dashed.
Definitely another entrant for Most Interminable Series in 2009.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
That damned Impression
What's Mallard raving about today?
Metal Detectors, Schools.
Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.
Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.
Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.
Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.
In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.
Metal Detectors, Schools.
Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.
Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.
Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.
Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.
In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Those damned Elitists
What's Mallard raving about today?
Schools, Elitism
Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.
However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.
I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.
I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.
Schools, Elitism
Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.
However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.
I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.
I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Those damned Thoughts
What's Mallard raving about today?
Schools, Zero Tolerance
Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?
Schools, Zero Tolerance
Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Those damned people
What's Mallard raving about today?
School.
A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.
Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?
Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.
School.
A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.
Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?
Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
That damned Mind
What's Mallard raving about today?
School.
And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.
Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.
School.
And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.
Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
That damned thanks
What's Mallard raving about today?
Thanksgiving, Schools.
Despite Mallard's obvious attempt to suggest that those damned Secular Humanists in Public Schools are ruining Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is a secular holiday to begin with.
It's called Thanksgiving after all, not Thank the Christian God.
Unless Mallard is suggesting that being grateful is a uniquely Christian capability. Which is an idiotic suggestion, but I would not put it past him.
Thanksgiving, Schools.
Despite Mallard's obvious attempt to suggest that those damned Secular Humanists in Public Schools are ruining Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving is a secular holiday to begin with.
It's called Thanksgiving after all, not Thank the Christian God.
Unless Mallard is suggesting that being grateful is a uniquely Christian capability. Which is an idiotic suggestion, but I would not put it past him.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
That damned logic
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Vouchers.
Obama pays to send his kids to Private School and yet doesn't complain about funding Public Schools with his tax dollars.
Mallard wants to stop funding Public Schools, won't stop whining about it, and makes absolutely baseless statements that vouchers "work."
An Obama is the one you are mocking? I'll take Obama's compromise position any day.
Barack Obama, Vouchers.
Obama pays to send his kids to Private School and yet doesn't complain about funding Public Schools with his tax dollars.
Mallard wants to stop funding Public Schools, won't stop whining about it, and makes absolutely baseless statements that vouchers "work."
An Obama is the one you are mocking? I'll take Obama's compromise position any day.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Those damned vouchers
What's Mallard raving abut today?
Barack Obama, Vouchers.
Barack Obama supported vouchers in February? Really?
Not so much.
What Obama actually said was that if studies of voucher programs showed that they worked, then "whatever my preconceptions, my attitude is you do what works for the kids."
I'd call Mallard a lying sack of crap, but it's hardly worth stating the obvious.
Barack Obama, Vouchers.
Barack Obama supported vouchers in February? Really?
Not so much.
What Obama actually said was that if studies of voucher programs showed that they worked, then "whatever my preconceptions, my attitude is you do what works for the kids."
The executive director of the lobbying group Democrats for Education Reform, Joseph Williams, said the response was unusual for a Democratic politician, praising Mr. Obama for making his bottom line helping children learn rather than ideology.In other words: Obama would let facts guide his decision-making, rather than strict ideology. Suddenly I understand why Mallard is so threatened by Obama.
"I don't think anyone can call him a voucher supporter out of this, but it is an intriguing response," Mr. Williams said. "It is a different kind of answer than most of us are used to hearing from politicians."
I'd call Mallard a lying sack of crap, but it's hardly worth stating the obvious.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
That damned program
What's Mallard raving about today?
School Vouchers, Barack Obama.
The Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Republican mouthpiece says the school vouchers program is working? God forbid anyone should question that!
I am reasonably certain that we have just finished reading the 2008 winner for the "Least Helpful Asterisk" Golden Ellipses.
School Vouchers, Barack Obama.
The Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Republican mouthpiece says the school vouchers program is working? God forbid anyone should question that!
I am reasonably certain that we have just finished reading the 2008 winner for the "Least Helpful Asterisk" Golden Ellipses.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Those damned projects
What's Mallard raving about today?
Science projects, Back-to-School.
That's Mallard Fillmore, ladies and gentlemen. Promoting smug superiority from cradle to grave.
Science projects, Back-to-School.
That's Mallard Fillmore, ladies and gentlemen. Promoting smug superiority from cradle to grave.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
That damned School
What's Mallard raving about today?
Being Green, School.
Today's Mallard reminded me how much was lost when Bill Watterson retired. I can't help but imagine what Calvin & Hobbes would have done with the exact same premise.
Being Green, School.
Today's Mallard reminded me how much was lost when Bill Watterson retired. I can't help but imagine what Calvin & Hobbes would have done with the exact same premise.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Those damned administrators
What's Mallard raving about today?
Steak knives, School Administrators.
Nothing like taking a single isolated incident and blowing it up into some sort of trend to make whatever point you want to make, is there?
Beside, you're missing the obvious point. If other kids had the ability to carry concealed steak knives, this kind of thing would not be a problem.
Note: It's just Mallard's luck that a Google search for this incident turns up a news story with a link at the bottom to a different story in which a 7-year-old girl was accused of threatening someone with a knife.
Steak knives, School Administrators.
Nothing like taking a single isolated incident and blowing it up into some sort of trend to make whatever point you want to make, is there?
Beside, you're missing the obvious point. If other kids had the ability to carry concealed steak knives, this kind of thing would not be a problem.
Note: It's just Mallard's luck that a Google search for this incident turns up a news story with a link at the bottom to a different story in which a 7-year-old girl was accused of threatening someone with a knife.
Friday, November 02, 2007
That damned pill
What's Mallard raving about today?
I have no freaking idea.
Isn't the whole over-medicating-kids-with-Ritalin thing from, like, the late-90's? Where's my asterisk so I know why this rant now?
I have no freaking idea.
Isn't the whole over-medicating-kids-with-Ritalin thing from, like, the late-90's? Where's my asterisk so I know why this rant now?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Those damned statistics
What's Mallard raving about today?
Sodom, Gomorrah, Religion, Schools.
Isn't it interesting how two people can see the same statistic and come to completely opposite conclusions?
Case in point: "50% of high-school seniors think Sodom and Gamorrah were married."
Mallard sees this as an indictment of public schools for not teaching The Bible.
I consider the fact that my knowledge of The Bible comes from my parents and from going to Church and, well, you can probably see where I am going with this...
Sodom, Gomorrah, Religion, Schools.
Isn't it interesting how two people can see the same statistic and come to completely opposite conclusions?
Case in point: "50% of high-school seniors think Sodom and Gamorrah were married."
Mallard sees this as an indictment of public schools for not teaching The Bible.
I consider the fact that my knowledge of The Bible comes from my parents and from going to Church and, well, you can probably see where I am going with this...
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Those damned PhDs
What's Mallard raving about today?
Folks with Ph.D.s in Education, arcane facts, McDonald's.
Well, if these folks got their degree in Education rather than "Education" maybe they'd be more qualified.
Almost as qualified as someone who doesn't know how to use the term "mull" correctly in a sentence. Unless Mallard intentionally did not say "mull over" because he actually meant to say that they were heating and adding sugar and spices to arcane facts.
Folks with Ph.D.s in Education, arcane facts, McDonald's.
Well, if these folks got their degree in Education rather than "Education" maybe they'd be more qualified.
Almost as qualified as someone who doesn't know how to use the term "mull" correctly in a sentence. Unless Mallard intentionally did not say "mull over" because he actually meant to say that they were heating and adding sugar and spices to arcane facts.
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