That damned Border

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration

I like the way Mallard casually throws "learn English" in there. Like all legal immigrants are fluent in English and difficulty with English is only a mark of illegal immigration.

I was recently reading a book on the Great Depression and one of the things that struck me most about it is that the same immigrant-bashing was going on then, only it was the Italians and the Irish at the time.

All of which is to say: this isn't about immigration, Mallard. It's thinly (very thinly) veiled hatred of "the Other."

Those damned Pythons

What's Mallard raving about today?

Burmese Pythons

Wait a moment...let me see if I understand this correctly, Mallard. You're saying the effect of [insert the name of an immigrant group here] is having the same effect on America that Burmese Pythons are having on the Everglades?

In unrelated news, it's hard to understand why Whites make up over 90% of GOP voters in all but two of their primaries to date.

Those damned Kids

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong Un

Mallard Fillmore's view of Foreign Policy remains as nuanced as ever.

That damned Lesson

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jingoism, Foreigners

Most. Meaningless. Statement. Ever.

Those damned Revolutions

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arab Uprisings

If a Republican or Fox support it, we're for it. Otherwise, we're against it. Was that really so hard?

That damned Europe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Europe

Mallard Fillmore decides he should continue demonstrating his lack of understanding of, well...pretty much everything.

Those damned Goats

What's Mallard raving about today?

Goats, Europe.

Because Europe is the one with a band of lunatics bent on destroying the Global economy by suggesting the United States should default on it's debt.

That damned Wedding

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Royal Wedding

Like Mallard, I do not share any sense of fascination for the Royal Family or the Royal Wedding.

Unlike Mallard, my lack of fascination is not confused for superiority over those who are fascinated.

Also, Mallard, your TV is just following Free Market principles. Why are you such a Socialist? Why do you hate Capitalism? Why do you hate America?

Mallard Fillmore in 2-3 weeks: Why President Obama does not deserve any credit for the killing of Osama Bin Laden.

That damned Spelling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Colonel Gaddafi, President Obama

Day two of Mallard's "President Obama is bad because he isn't acting" narrative.

Already replaced by Republicans with the "President Obama is bad because he acted" narrative, of course.

That damned Gaddafi

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muammar Gaddafi, Kim Jong-il

Mallard Fillmore would like you to know that, in the "who's craziest?" sweepstakes, he considers Kim Jong-il more crazy than Muammar Gaddafi.

Like his opinion matters.

That damned Robin

What's Mallard raving about today?

Robins, Spring, Florida, Brazil

Mallard, we're not mind-readers. And we don't get the daily Right Wing nontroversy talking points memo.

You have to try to make at least some sense to the 75% of the population that are not raving Right Wing conspiracy lunatics (aka Teabaggers).

That damned riot

What's Mallard raving about today?

Riots, The Media.

I'm lost.

Is Mallard, who believes brown skin is justification for strip searches because you might be a terrorist, now castigating the media for a lack of national specificity regarding riots in the Middle East?

Is this some oblique reference to Wisconsin?

Or is this a reference to the Fox Propaganda Network showing video of a rally in California and lying about it being from Wisconsin?

Those damned Tiger Moms

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tiger Moms, Bums.

Anyone care to theorize on whether Mallard agrees with or disagrees with the referenced article?

Because, apparently, we're supposed to just know what's going on in his head since he offers no clues in the panel itself.

That damned Work

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Middle East.

Over the next week, watch as Mallard morphs with the Glenn Beck approved talking points from "President Obama is not doing anything" to "ZOMG, Muslims are taking over!"

Those damned Languages

What's Mallard raving about today?

Spanish.

Mallard does his best to dress up "I hate the fact that we're tolerant of immigrants" in "why aren't we supporting all immigrants equally?" garb.

Not buying it.

That damned custom

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigration.

The immigrants coming to America, to work sub-minimum wage jobs, are predators.

The people employing them...helpless victims of these wily predators.

That damned Mexican

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arizona, Immigration, Mexicans.

Mallard's head is going to explode in a couple of weeks when he gets to today's ruling. I expect to see blood pouring from his ears this time 2 weeks from now.

Please keep up this line of attack. I think there are a few Latinos still considering voting Republican.

That damned Curling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer, Curling.

You mean, another sport growing in popularity?

Why do newspapers give a forum for a bitter waterfowl to piss and moan every day?

That damned Paste

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer, Paste.

The Right Wing in a nutshell: If I say something often enough, whether it is true or not, we can convince like-minded simpletons it's true.

As someone once said, it's like they take pride in being ignorant.

That damned Myth

What's Mallard raving about today?

Soccer.

28.2 Million Americans watched Game 7 of the NBA Finals.

24.3 Million Americans watched the World Cup Final. Of course, 8.8 Million of those watched on Univision, so they don't count.