That damned math

What's Mallard raving about today?

SPAM, Friends.

Goddamn it, Mallard. Do I really have to do math for you?

If you email this special message to 10 friends once a day you'll have 70 fewer friends by the end of the week.

10 friends, 1 time per day, 7 days of the week = 70 friends.

That damned chain eMail

What's Mallard raving about today?

eMail.

We interrupt your life for this important announcement from Mallard Fillmore: SPAM is annoying.

Those damned Nigerian Princes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong Il, Nigerian email scams.

Combine the threat of nuclear attack by the megalomaniacal leader of an Asian country with the inconvenience of Nigerian email scams and you've got COMEDY GOLD!

Seriously, Mallard is excessively put out by those emails, isn't he? And with every passing reference, he further cements his reputation for being a bitter crank.

Those damned con men

What's Mallard raving about today?

E-mail con artists, Bono, African poverty.

Today's panel leaves us with two equally-disturbing possible interpretations:

1. Mallard does not realize these e-mails are from con artists and actually believes he has a solution to African poverty.
2. Mallard thinks it is funny to mock African poverty and Bono's attempts to eradicate it. As if that were not enough, he juxtaposes extreme poverty against his inconvenience at having to delete bogus email, as if the two are somehow equivalent in stature.

On the plus side, no poetry!