That damned mud

What's Mallard raving about today?

Campaign season, mud-slinging.

Good God! Mallard's "hair" has gone white and his chair has turned into an amorphous blob. How long before we see a Mallard panel decrying the shoddy workmanship of Chinese colorists?

Those damned leaders

What's Mallard raving about today?

Power-hungry megalomaniacs, Barack Obama.

Petulant refusal to engage in diplomacy is not a sign of strength, although I will admit it's what passes for foreign policy among the tiny-brained.

But the larger question: Where the hell is Mallard? Is he afraid to confront Senator Obama himself?

That damned cleavage

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hillary Clinton, Cleavage, The Press.

Uh, Mallard...you just used "Hillary" and "Cleavage" in the same sentence. I guess that makes you part of the problem, now doesn't it?

That damned Chantel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Singing.

Oh. My. God.

This sad glimpse into Mallard's non-political mindset is so much more frightening that any of his political screeds.

If it were anyone else, I might feel sympathy or suggest psychotherapy. Given that it's a duck who exults in the foibles of others for a living--foibles which often exist only in his own head--I shouldn't be surprised that I feel nothing.

At a minimum, however, we now have a basis for ignoring anything and everything which Mallard has to say about Science given the demonstrated twin idiocy of not understanding what thermodynamics is or that there are not, in fact, 11 other laws. Expect this to come up next time Mallard wants to talk about Global Warming.

That damned doctrine

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Fairness Doctrine.

"Apparently" they are thinking about making a sequel...only, not in any reality-based sense.

The House voted overwhelmingly Thursday to prohibit the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) from using taxpayer dollars to impose the Fairness Doctrine on broadcasters who feature conservative radio hosts such as Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

By a vote of 309-115, lawmakers amended the Financial Services and General Government appropriations bill to bar the FCC from requiring broadcasters to balance conservative content with liberal programming such as Air America.

Ever since Don Imus was booted from the airwaves, Right Wing gasbags are preemptively painting themselves as saintly victims whose days are numbered by First Amendment-hating zealots.

Not surprisingly, Mallard swallows this hook, line, and sinker. And repeats the claim without basis. And then compounds it all by attempting a tenuous analogy between legislation and a movie sequel.

Those damned bulbs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Going Green, "compact fluorescent" bulbs.

First, without the knowledge that Mallard doesn't believe in compact fluorescent bulbs, this panel could be mistaken for environmental advocacy.

Second, putting "compact fluorescent" in quotes implies that Mallard believes the bulbs are over-sized and not fluorescent.

Third, a light bulb does not "play" an idea. It represents having an idea.

That damned China-Free Section

What's Mallard raving about today?

China.

One sign would have done the trick, there, Mallard. Three signs doesn't make the point any stronger; it just makes you look like a crank.

Oh, wait a second...

Those damned Chinese

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Vick, China.

Fair enough.

I won't give up hoping for more outrage regarding Darfur or the fact that the United States is putting people in secret prisons and torturing them.

That damned Michael Vick

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Vick, Animal Cruelty.

Michael Vick's animal cruelty is commented on by a sly-eyed little puppy piddling on newspaper.

Thus, Mallard illustrates that years of over-blowing straw man arguments has left him without the ability to comment on a real issue.

Those damed Refs

What's Mallard raving about today?

The NBA, Referees.

I find it interesting that Mallard's point of entry into this particular story is the perspective of an angry, yelling fan.

Make of that what you will.

Those damned pigs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Eminent domain, local governments.

Just when Mallard has you on his side for a particular issue, he goes and ruins everything.

Personally, I'd rather read luxury condo ads in my local newspaper.

That damned Google

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gray Whales, Ice, Google, Global Warming.

Given that the whale apparently believes "Thicker Ice" is "just the opposite of Global Warming," (as opposed to Global Cooling for example), I have to contend that they are not smarter than humans. But, then again, I was not among the "hundreds" unable to find the rather specious article in question.

I will admit I am impressed that whales know how to use Google, however.

That damned Reverend Jackson

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reverend Jesse Jackson, Racism.

So, in conclusion, Mallard does not like Jesse Jackson and must put straw arguments into his mouth to justify it.

Sadly, however, this panel is probably not the conclusion of this thread.

That damned racist

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reverend Jesse Jackson, Racism, Barry Bonds.

I can't be bothered to parse this lunacy, but apparently some pent-up anger regarding Reverend Jackson has erupted in one, long-winded, barely-understandable, catch-all rant.

I hope Mallard feels better now that he's got that off his chest. Otherwise he may continue this rant again tomorrow.

Those damned Liberals

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, profiling.

Hear, hear.

But why be all namby-pamby about it, Mallard? I'm pretty sure all those World War II Internment camps are empty nowadays.