Golden Ellipses: Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation

And the winner is...

At the Mall
The nominees for Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation are...

• A Sense of Obligation - How special Mrs. Mallard must feel.
• At the Mall - Mallard hangs out in the Girl's Wear Department.
• Black and White - If the world does not break down into easily understood black and white terms, Mallard resorts to violence. Nuance will lead to murder.
  
• Science Fair - Mallard hates children.
  
• Mallard's Home Life - Life at the Mallard Home was, and is, full of bitterness and recrimination.

Cast your vote now!

That damned Hi-Def

What's Mallard raving about today?

Digital Hi-Def.

Wow. Just...wow.

Mallard Fillmore is running out of things to rave about.

That damned Style

What's Mallard raving about today?

Style, Substance.

This morality play would work better if Mallard could actually draw a wheel in a manner that did not make me think the caveman invented the letter "O".

That damned divide

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Media, Cheerleaders.

He's going to heal the divide between reporting and cheerleading?

What? That makes no sense at all. Seriously, please read over your work before you hand it in.

Golden Ellipses: Creativity in Cartooning (Highest Text-to-Image Ratio)

And the winner is...

D.C. Gun Law Test
The nominees for Creativity in Cartooning (Highest Text-to-Image Ratio) are...

• Baked Potato Racism - All those words...with a brown oval to break things up.
• Tracking a Package - That is not a typo. A cartoon showing Mallard reading the entire text of a package-tracking status update on his laptop.
• D.C. Gun Law Test - A mountain of text, 2 pictures of Mallard's head.
• Roddy McGillivrey - Complaints about local judicial elections. An image continuity error in panel 2...where did the beanie go? And Mallard illustrates someone "riding coat tails" by having them grab a drape.
• What's Racist - Two images of a Straw Liberal to break up yet another rant about how aggreived Mallard feels by the fact that everyone calls him a racist.

After you spend the hour necessary to read all the text in these 5 nominees, go vote.

That damned groundhog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Groundhog Day, President Obama.

Only Mallard would need to "get used" to being optimistic about the future.

That damned involvement

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Super Bowl, Elections, Involvement.

Mallard hates Democracy, because other people are involved in the process of elections, including people of whom he does not approve.

That damned trillion

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Collectibles, The Bailout.

Here's something I never thought I would say, with respect to Mallard Fillmore: Sunday can't come soon enough.

That damned history

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hillary Clinton, Collectibles

Wow, how did I not see this particular twist coming?

That damned package

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Collectibles, Pensions.

My 401k lost 40% in 3 months. I'd have been better off putting my money into Obama collectibles recently.

On the plus side, Chet's is hiding his penis chin behind that package!

Golden Ellipses: Most Disturbing Image (Mental or Visual)

And the winner is...

Chris Dodd's Neck
The nominees for Most Disturbing Image (Mental or Visual) are:

• William F. Buckley - No matter what you think of Mr. Buckley, he did not deserve to be remembered in this way.
  
• Drill Her! - Uncle Sam is going to fuck a taxpayer here and now!
• Constipated McCain - UNNH! Best case John McCain is passing a stone. Worst case, he's having difficulty crapping his pants. Either way, it's not an image that's very pleasant.
• Chris Dodd's Neck - WTF is Chris Dodd's head perched on? This is the goiter version of last year's winner in this category.
• Mallard's Crotch - A representative panel (there were many to choose from) in which Mallard sits watching his TV, with his crotch disturbingly exposed toward the reader.

As soon as you finish throwing up, vote.

Those damned Xenophobes

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Collectibles.

OK, recycling the bitter comment is completely out of left field and makes no sense whatever in this context.

That damned Quarter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, The Economy.

Holy crap! The economy is going to grow by almost 120% (ht: Anthony) 120 times 360 times (ht: Gold-Digging Nanny) while Obama is President. Damn, even Mallard's a believer.

Those damned plates

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Commemorative Plates.

The Free Market is to blame for reviving the "cheesy collectible" industry, not President Obama.

Only an intellectual midget could confuse the two.

Why do you hate Capitalism so much, Mallard? I can only assume it is because you are a Communist.

Those damned Liberals

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals.

Former President George W. Bush handed over $350B to the Financial industry, with no oversight or accounting. That money is gone, banks are still in terrible shape, and no one will disclose where it went...except for the part of it that went to pay massive year-end bonuses to Execs who drove their banks into the ground.

It will, therefore come as a surprise to exactly no one that Mallard pins the blame for the bailout on Democrats.

Americans know who is to blame for this mess. They registered their opinion on the matter in November, resoundingly. No amount of bleating by Mallard and his fellow water-carriers will change reality.