Those damned words

What's Mallard raving about today?

Words.

I'd like to think this was an unbelievably well-disguised paean to George Carlin and his Seven Words. But it's more likely he's just pissed off that it isn't acceptable to call his Black neighbor "boy" anymore.

And, yes, that's as tame as I can make this.

That damned debate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama

Given that the current Occupant hasn't changed his mind about anything in 8 years, despite being wrong about everything, I'm not inclined to give a rat's ass, even if this weren't just empty-headed name-calling.

That damned blessing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Elitism.

For a man who professes to not like John McCain, Mallard is pretty consistent in his mindless parroting of McCain talking points. Dog whistle politics in action...

That damned bounce

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Polls.

Mallard, making things up out of whole cloth does not make them true.

Earlier this week, Obama and McCain were separated by just two to four points, but that was before the extensive U.S. news coverage of the last leg of Obama's foreign tour.

Obama's particularly large leads over McCain in Friday and Saturday's tracking suggest that the massive publicity surrounding Obama's speech at the Victory Tower in Berlin on Friday -- the only major public event of the trip -- and coverage of Obama's meetings with the heads of state in France and Germany may have tilted U.S. voter preferences more in his favor.

- Gallup Poll

That damned polling data

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Europe.

Whereas John McCain would win if the election were held in a German Restaurant.

But what's really amazing is the implicit attitude that being popular in Europe is a bad thing. Having Allies in the World is a bad thing.

"It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant."

That damned School

What's Mallard raving about today?

Being Green, School.

Today's Mallard reminded me how much was lost when Bill Watterson retired. I can't help but imagine what Calvin & Hobbes would have done with the exact same premise.

That damned assembly

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws.

Mallard, comics are not supposed to be a purely textual medium. Cutting and pasting your main character's head three times does not count as a visual element.

If you want to write Op-Eds, then get a gig in which you are paid to write an Op-Ed.

Are we clear?

That damned ruling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws, Criminals, Unions.

The Supreme Court strikes down the gun ban Mallard was raving about, but Mallard keeps on bleating. Proving that under no circumstances will he not complain about something.

On the plus side, it appears that, somewhere between March and today, the Anonymous Activist Criminal managed to form that Union he was calling for when we last saw him. He seems to have bulked up quite a bit also.

Those damned percentages

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Bush, Congress.

The reason Congress has an approval rating of 15% is that, instead of doing what is right, they continue to cave in to a President with an approval rating of under 30%, despite that fact that he is openly violating the law and the Constitution.

But it was a nice attempt, there, Mallard.

That damned meter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

A Sensitive-o-Meter? Seriously, that's what you want to go with?

A regular Sensitive-o-Meter?

That damned Beer

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beer, Barack Obama.

But, but, but, but, but...Arugula is bitter.

That damned Stella

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beer, Barack Obama.

If you wanted to make the case that Barack Obama is an elitist, you'd end with "...of my Stella Artois."

If you wanted to make the case that you are a talentless hack who doesn't know when the point has been made and just keeps vomiting forth stuff until the page is full in the hopes that something will be worthwhile, you'd add "And what is a 'Budweiser' anyway?" You'd also make sure to emphasize the word "is" because otherwise the sentence wouldn't make any sense...or something...I guess.

Those damned Fairy Tales

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fairly Tales.

Since I have no idea what triggered Mallard sudden anger at fiction, I will satisfy myself by pointing out the irony in Mallard criticizing trite overused narrative gimmicks.

Arugula anyone?

That damned Freddie Mac

What's Mallard raving about today?

Freddie Mac, The Media.

Americans are losing their houses and suffering. Mallard uses this as reason to mock the media.

Yep, seems about right.

That damned McCain

What's Mallard raving about today?

John McCain, Kazhakstan.

I'm totally confused. Is making Mallard ambassador to Kazakhstan throwing Mallard under the bus? Or rewarding him because he does not speak for John McCain?

Maybe the reason McCain hasn't repudiated Mallard yet is that, like me, he usually has no idea what the hell Mallard's talking about.