What's Mallard raving about today?
Speech Codes, Academic Standards.
Monday: The First Amendment sucks and when the press use it to say good things about Barack Obama, it outrages me!
Tuesday: The First Amendment is sacred and speech codes outrage me!
Mallard Fillmore: stateless waterfowl, rage machine.
Project Wonderful Banner
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
That damned Challenge
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Secret Service, The Media.
I'm not actually certain this falls under the Secret Service's mandate, but Mallard may know more about oral-anal contact than I do.
Barack Obama, Secret Service, The Media.
I'm not actually certain this falls under the Secret Service's mandate, but Mallard may know more about oral-anal contact than I do.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Those damned predictions
What's Mallard raving about today?
Freedom of Speech, Oprah, Barack Obama.
Nominating Oprah to the Supreme Court would be as absurd as, say, President Bush nominating Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.
And since Mallard never moaned about that, obviously it must never have happened.
Oh, wait...
Freedom of Speech, Oprah, Barack Obama.
Nominating Oprah to the Supreme Court would be as absurd as, say, President Bush nominating Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court.
And since Mallard never moaned about that, obviously it must never have happened.
Oh, wait...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Golden Ellipses: Worst Rhyme Scheme
And the Winner is...
Mallentine from Barack to Hillary!
The nominees for Worst Rhyme Scheme are:
Mallentine from Barack to Hillary!
The nominees for Worst Rhyme Scheme are:
- BCS Voting - no discernable meter, one line with no rhyme at all, and a sign which breaks the whole thing up
- Mallentine from Barack to Hillary - The text makes no sense whatever, and the final line is unimaginably bad.
- Damp Stamp - 33 words to rhyme damp with stamp...and damp is thrown into the text only to enable the rhyme!
- Bitter Pigeons - Shoot a pigeon? When you have to go this far to create a rhyme, use prose.
- Speech Codes - At least twice as many words as necessary.
That damned defintion
What's Mallard raving about today?
Liberals, Asians, the NBA.
Institutional racism, on the off chance that Mallard cares what the terms he uses mean, was defined by Stokely Carmichael as: "the collective failure of an organization to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their colour, culture or ethnic origin."
Being allowed to play in the NBA is not a professional service they offer to people. In point of fact, the NBA is discriminates entirely based on merit, based on talent. If you are good enough to play, nothing else matters.
If the NBA were to actually exhibit an Institutional Racism, say by preventing Asians from buying tickets, Mallard would defend the Invisible Hand of the Free Market while Liberals would decry racism.
Liberals, Asians, the NBA.
Institutional racism, on the off chance that Mallard cares what the terms he uses mean, was defined by Stokely Carmichael as: "the collective failure of an organization to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their colour, culture or ethnic origin."
Being allowed to play in the NBA is not a professional service they offer to people. In point of fact, the NBA is discriminates entirely based on merit, based on talent. If you are good enough to play, nothing else matters.
If the NBA were to actually exhibit an Institutional Racism, say by preventing Asians from buying tickets, Mallard would defend the Invisible Hand of the Free Market while Liberals would decry racism.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Those damned Kennedys
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Kennedys.
Current there are 2 Kennedys in Congress (0.3% of 535 members):
But in Mallard's world, it's the influence of the Kennedy family we need to worry about.
The Kennedys.
Current there are 2 Kennedys in Congress (0.3% of 535 members):
- Sen. Kennedy, Edward (D-MA)
- Rep. Kennedy, Patrick (D-RI-1st)
But in Mallard's world, it's the influence of the Kennedy family we need to worry about.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
That damned game
What's Mallard raving about today?
The BCS.
Mallard Fillmore in a nutshell: don't bother being funny when you can just express bitter rage.
The BCS.
Mallard Fillmore in a nutshell: don't bother being funny when you can just express bitter rage.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Meta-Post: Golden Ellipses!
The dirty deed (reading an entire year's worth of Mallard Fillmore) is done, and we are ready to begin voting for the 2008 Golden Ellipses.
This year's categories:
This year's categories:
- Worst Rhyme Scheme
- Worst Metaphor
- Least Helpful Asterisk
- Least Accurate Caricature
- Most Interminable Series or Running Theme
- Most Disturbing Image (Mental or Visual)
- Creativity in Cartooning (Highest Text-to-Image Ratio)
- Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation
- The Golden Flash (Most Mystifying Panel)
- The IOKIYAR Award (for Brazenness or Hypocrisy)
- Most Violent Assault on the English Language
- Achievement in Oversimplification or Willful Ignorance
- Limbaugh Award for Best Regurgitation of Talking Points
- Ray Bolger Award for Invention in Straw Men
That damned Dole
What's Mallard raving about today?
Cars. Bob Dole.
Why is the car named after Bob Dole?
May I suggest:
Cars. Bob Dole.
Why is the car named after Bob Dole?
May I suggest:
Chevrolet will introduce a line of cars which run on taxpayer money.For God's sake, Mallard, get an editor and tell them to eliminate at least half of your words every single day.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
That damned Michele Obama
What's Mallard raving about today?
Michele Obama, The Clintons.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more indicative of the complete intellectual bankruptcy of the Conservative movement than their continuing obsession with a blow job from 1996.
And, yes, I am avoiding discussion of whatever sort of harpy that is supposed to be.
Michele Obama, The Clintons.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more indicative of the complete intellectual bankruptcy of the Conservative movement than their continuing obsession with a blow job from 1996.
And, yes, I am avoiding discussion of whatever sort of harpy that is supposed to be.
Monday, January 05, 2009
That damned hair
What's Mallard raving about today?
Rod Blagojevich
So, today's joke, such as it is, is that Rod Blagojevich has funny hair.
This incisive observation, little more than a schoolyard taunt, is appearing in newspapers across America as an example of Republican wit.
To make matters better, the accompanying picture doesn't even look like Blagojevich's hair.
On another note, I can now spell Blagojevich without having to look it up. That's not good. (Update: I spoke too soon!)
Rod Blagojevich
So, today's joke, such as it is, is that Rod Blagojevich has funny hair.
This incisive observation, little more than a schoolyard taunt, is appearing in newspapers across America as an example of Republican wit.
To make matters better, the accompanying picture doesn't even look like Blagojevich's hair.
On another note, I can now spell Blagojevich without having to look it up. That's not good. (Update: I spoke too soon!)
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Those damned expectations
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, Racism.
After voting for President Bush, twice, once can excuse Mallard for assuming a Presidency is successful if the President can just avoid crapping his pant in public. I don't have time for a Google search, but I am assuming that, by that standard, Bush qualifies. Though it would not surprise me to find out I was wrong.
Personally, I prefer to set my sights a little higher than Mallard. I prefer a President who starts his term with lofty aspirations for himself and from America.
If Obama doesn't succeed, it will (most likely) be because small-minded idiots preferred ideology over results. Which is the only yardstick by which the Bush Administration can be considered a success.
As for any charges that the Republican party represent race-baiting bigots, actions will speak for themselves.
Barack Obama, Racism.
After voting for President Bush, twice, once can excuse Mallard for assuming a Presidency is successful if the President can just avoid crapping his pant in public. I don't have time for a Google search, but I am assuming that, by that standard, Bush qualifies. Though it would not surprise me to find out I was wrong.
Personally, I prefer to set my sights a little higher than Mallard. I prefer a President who starts his term with lofty aspirations for himself and from America.
If Obama doesn't succeed, it will (most likely) be because small-minded idiots preferred ideology over results. Which is the only yardstick by which the Bush Administration can be considered a success.
As for any charges that the Republican party represent race-baiting bigots, actions will speak for themselves.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
That damned perspective
What's Mallard raving about today?
The Bailout, Rod Blagojevich.
Swing, and a miss. Could have been, should have been, funny. Of course, Mallard's loose affiliation with reality and grammar ruins it.
First off, it's a bailout, not a "bailout." The only way it would be a "bailout" is if the writer does not understand the proper use of quotation marks or if the writer has a tinfoil hat theory on the bailout in which it does not actually qualify for that term. Far be it from me to defend the bailout, especially the way it has been administered to date, however whatever dog whistle is being employed here is likely delusional.
Second, no one bought a U.S. Senator. Framing the scandal that way is a propagandist's ham-handed attempt to change the issue and imply guilt regarding someone other than Blagojevich. If Mallard wanted to make the joke work, he could have said "buy a U.S. Senate Seat 4,652 times". But, of course, Mallard actually prefers propaganda to making a joke work.
The Bailout, Rod Blagojevich.
Swing, and a miss. Could have been, should have been, funny. Of course, Mallard's loose affiliation with reality and grammar ruins it.
First off, it's a bailout, not a "bailout." The only way it would be a "bailout" is if the writer does not understand the proper use of quotation marks or if the writer has a tinfoil hat theory on the bailout in which it does not actually qualify for that term. Far be it from me to defend the bailout, especially the way it has been administered to date, however whatever dog whistle is being employed here is likely delusional.
Second, no one bought a U.S. Senator. Framing the scandal that way is a propagandist's ham-handed attempt to change the issue and imply guilt regarding someone other than Blagojevich. If Mallard wanted to make the joke work, he could have said "buy a U.S. Senate Seat 4,652 times". But, of course, Mallard actually prefers propaganda to making a joke work.
Friday, January 02, 2009
That damned...OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama, The Media.
We'll be hard pressed to find a better nominee for next year's Golden Ellipse for "Least Accurate Caricature" during the next 363 days of 2009. For God's sake. Barack Obama does not have two chins, penis-chin or otherwise.
Speaking of the Golden Ellipses...I am preparing as we speak. This would go a lot faster if I didn't have to read a year's worth of Mallard Fillmore, which has to be done in small doses.
I will note, however, that in Jan/Feb of last year, Mallard was bitterly complaining about Hillary Clinton and the media's love of Hillary Clinton. What a difference a year makes.
Barack Obama, The Media.
We'll be hard pressed to find a better nominee for next year's Golden Ellipse for "Least Accurate Caricature" during the next 363 days of 2009. For God's sake. Barack Obama does not have two chins, penis-chin or otherwise.
Speaking of the Golden Ellipses...I am preparing as we speak. This would go a lot faster if I didn't have to read a year's worth of Mallard Fillmore, which has to be done in small doses.
I will note, however, that in Jan/Feb of last year, Mallard was bitterly complaining about Hillary Clinton and the media's love of Hillary Clinton. What a difference a year makes.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
That damned hope
What's Mallard raving about today?
The New Year, Barack Obama, Hope, Change.
Yeah. God forbid anyone be optimistic.
Mallard's relentless drumbeat against change, against optimism, against hope, and his calls for the status quo reminded me of this quote from Robert Kennedy:
The revolution starts in 2009, the revolution which will return America to it's promise. We don't need Mallard, and he wants no part of it anyway.
One last note as we go into the New Year on the matter of comments. I have no plans to moderate comments because I don't ever want to be an arbiter of what can and can't be said. I will simply remind everyone of what you already know. Trolls are not looking to have a rational discussion. As such you can't engage them in rational discourse. Feed the trolls if it amuses you, but keep in mind that you are giving them what they want.
The New Year, Barack Obama, Hope, Change.
Yeah. God forbid anyone be optimistic.
Mallard's relentless drumbeat against change, against optimism, against hope, and his calls for the status quo reminded me of this quote from Robert Kennedy:
Men without hope, resigned to despair and oppression, do not make revolutions. It is when expectation replaces submission, when despair is touched with the awareness of possibility, that the forces of human desire and the passion for justice are unloosed.Mallard can bleat all he wants. But the rest of us are no longer resigned to despair and oppression, despite the last 8 years. So long as we don't allow Mallard and his ilk to dampen our expectations or our awareness of possibility, 2009 holds as much promise for change and hope as we can make of it.
The revolution starts in 2009, the revolution which will return America to it's promise. We don't need Mallard, and he wants no part of it anyway.
One last note as we go into the New Year on the matter of comments. I have no plans to moderate comments because I don't ever want to be an arbiter of what can and can't be said. I will simply remind everyone of what you already know. Trolls are not looking to have a rational discussion. As such you can't engage them in rational discourse. Feed the trolls if it amuses you, but keep in mind that you are giving them what they want.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)