That damned Reason

What's Mallard raving about today?

George Zimmerman

Who's rushing to judgement now, Mallard?

That damned Calculation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dancing with the Stars

It will surprise no one that Mallard's protagonist shares with Mallard a complete lack of understanding of Math, seeing as his calculation is wildly incorrect.

That damned View

What's Mallard raving about today?

The View, 3-D Television

And now I have the idea of Mallard's crotch in 3-D haunting me. Thanks.

On another note, I can't understand why Women hate the GOP so much...

That damned Money

What's Mallard raving about today?

GSA, Tax Dollars

Even by Mallard's standards, this is lame.

That damned Party

What's Mallard raving about today?

GSA Scandal

While GSA were idiotic, the question before us is: how many days will Mallard flog this particular horse before he gets distracted by the next shiny object?

That damned Evidence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Iowa, Conservatives, Higher Education

Suddenly Mallard is in favor of Trial Lawyers, Hiring Quotas, and Rushing to Judgement.

That damned Date

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto-Correct, Dating

I guess someone forwarded Mallard a link to DYAC.

That damned Objection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

One has to love the fact that, suddenly, judicial activism is good, if you are a Republican.

No sense being intellectually consistent when you can be mindlessly partisan.

That damned Lamp

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV

A week in the mind of Mallard Fillmore:

• Beetles in coffee drinks
• College Professors and (presumably) Obamacare
• 3 days of sympathy for George Zimmerman
• China and North Korea
• Reality TV and Free Market hating

Imagine what it must feel like to be trapped with a mind like that?

Those damned Nuts

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, North Korea

Mallard Fillmore attempts to comment on Foreign Policy, with predictable results.

That damned Role

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism

Because the true victims here are people whose motives for gunning down innocent people are being called into question.

That damned Son

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Let's parse this:

What President Obama said: "My main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon. All of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves."

What Mallard Fillmore heard: "I demand that you find the shooter guilty." I also remember the measured, "let's wait for the facts before judging" approach Mallard took to the Fort Hood shootings.

And yet, Mallard is accusing President Obama of forming opinions without any facts.

100% wrong 100% of the time.

On a separate note: why do Republicans want to coddle criminals all of a sudden?

That damned Material

What's Mallard raving about today?

Trayvon Martin, President Obama

You'd also need to have an opinion anyone cared about, which isn't the case.

That damned Thingie

What's Mallard raving about today?

College Students, College Professors, ACA

Wow, so...now we're attacking Professors, those elite eggheads you always rail against, for being ignorant?

And it's a proud member of the anti-science, anti-fact, anti-education political party making this accusation?

Stunning.

Those damned Beetles

What's Mallard raving about today?

Starbucks, Vegans.

It's days like today that you realize just how bad at his job Mallard Fillmore is. I mean, here we have a perfectly innocuous comic and even a recognizable joke.

But, for God's sake Mallard...a Frappuccino has MILK in it. Do you even understand what a Vegan is? You think that suddenly, with the introduction of beetles, the Frappucino is off the menu for them?

Mallard Fillmore: 100% wrong 100% of the time.

Update: Apparently in this story, the Frappucino is made with soy milk, so, you know, my bad!