Those damned Remakes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Remakes

"Mallard Fillmore continues to be one of the most highly contentious and celebrated comic strips, providing a unique conservative viewpoint to the comics pages. Mallard Fillmore has been a lightning rod for controversy with the right-leaning duck consistently addressing hot button issues and lampooning liberal politicians, the media and cultural establishments"

Except when he decides to imitate a bad stand-up comic. And does a poor job even at that.

That damned Headline

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers, Violence

Mallard has spent more time decrying the potential for "sneaker violence" (which never really materialized, I would remind you...since this is the first time I've even heard of this late August event) than he spent decrying multiple events of actual violence, such as the mass killings in Colorado or at the Sikh Temple in Wisconsin.

I wonder what it is about this particular story that so fascinates him?

Also, why does Mallard hate America so much that he criticizes it?

That damned Sneaker

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sneakers

I guess that Mallard is trying to make some point about gun control or maybe about the New York soda size thing. The racist overtones are pretty staggering, however.

That damned Sense

What's Mallard raving about today?

Young People

Reporter: What do you think of criticism that your views on the Youth of today are hackneyed and, despite your apparent belief that assertion is the same as fact, only serve to reveal your own small-mindedness?

Mallard: I deserve that.

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beloit College

What must it be like to go out of your way to be upset by things which have no chance of affecting you whatever?

Such as a list that helps professors make references and comparisons that have meaning to their students.

Extra Credit: Draw a straight line between Mallard's reflexive hatred of progress, as a perfect illustration of the Conservative mindset, and Todd Akin.

That damned Gaffe

What's Mallard raving about today?

Todd Akin, Joe Biden

Joe Biden (metaphorically): unregulated financial institutions are going to put people "back in chains."

Todd Akin (literally): women's bodies have magical protection against rape sperm (at least in the case of "legitimate rape") and when that fails should be forced to carry the rapist's baby to term.

Must be the Mainstream Media's fault that one of those comments outraged people more than the other.

That damned Abuse

What's Mallard raving about today?

People, Himself

Mallard Fillmore: Petty asshat with delusions of grandeur.

Seriously, is there even one other cartoonist out there who is equally self-aggrandizing inside of their own strip?

That damned Comparison

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Marriage

Wait, voting for someone and marrying someone are somehow comparable? Seriously, Mallard? I mean, I thought it would be hard for me to downgrade my opinion of your intellectual capacity, but...may have to re-think that.

Speaking of marriage...Chris Kluwe, punter for the Minnestoa Vikings, is my new hero.

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals

Whereas in the Republican plan you give all the roots, berries, and Woolly Mammoths to the 1%, and claim that will mean more for everyone. Amazingly, when put into practice, this results in running out in 2 years instead of 5.

Those damned Rockers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Aging Rockers

Today, Mallard lists things more relevant than himself.

Nice timing on calling attention to aging rockers.

That damned Apathy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting

And what's the best solution for voter apathy? If you are a Republican, apparently the answer is restricting voting hours because...you know...stuff.

And, no, it does not have anything to do with reducing the opportunity for voters who might not vote Republican, how dare you suggest that. The fact that voting hours are being restricted only in areas with high concentrations of minorities is just happenstance.

Plus, way to give people a break, not a lecture, Mallard.

That damned Fall

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting, Celebrity

Mallard appears to be going off the reservation here and starkly stating that encouraging voting is likely to bring about the "fall" of America.

I thought he was supposed to be making the case that the 10 cases of Voter Impersonation since 2000 is what represents the dire threat to our entire civilization and not that allowing everyone to vote threatens just Republicans.

Also, nice timing on the celebrity-bashing, Mallard. How's Clint Eastwood working out for you?

That damned Time

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voters

Mallard Fillmore is a sanctimonious asshole who hates Democracy and Freedom.

I am pretty sure this is Mallard bleating impotently about why restricting voting hours is a good thing, which is why the GOP is doing it, and it is NOT about suppressing the vote of those least likely to vote for a Republican, how dare you suggest such a thing, despite the overwhelming evidence that this is, in fact, the case.

That damned Invention

What's Mallard raving about today?

Big Government, President Obama

The Big Lie continues...and yet the GOP still can't find anyone or anything which doesn't demolish this Lie and prove that President Obama was 100% correct...including a Vice Presidential candidate who built himself using Social Security (a program he wants to gut for everyone else) to pay for his out-of-state college tuition.

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

NBC, Paul Ryan

What's the matter, Mallard? Your boyfriend can't stand the heat from the mean old Media?