What's Mallard raving about today?
Eliot Spitzer.
Mallard, in a single day, has expended more outrage over Eliot Spitzer than he has for Larry Craig, David Vitter, and Mark Foley combined.
I wonder what the difference is between those people?
It really needs to be mentioned that Mallard must have attended a Caricaturist's Seminar in which the only lesson was "Draw huge chins."
Project Wonderful Banner
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
That damned Tattoo
What's Mallard raving about today?
Affirmative action.
Sometimes following Mallard's train of thought is like attempting to read Finnegans Wake, except insofar as I doubt there's any payoff to understanding Mallard.
After 15 days complaining about other crap, Mallard returns to Affirmative Action, who is still anthropomorphized into the Junta leader of a Banana Republic, replete with a giant "A" on his cap. In this installment, we learn the unlikely detail that he allowed someone to tattoo something on his left buttock without knowing what it said but found a way to read it at a later date.
And, for the record, Affirmative Action is nothing like what Orwell had in mind. He had Bush, Cheney, and the Republican Noise Machine in mind.
Affirmative action.
Sometimes following Mallard's train of thought is like attempting to read Finnegans Wake, except insofar as I doubt there's any payoff to understanding Mallard.
After 15 days complaining about other crap, Mallard returns to Affirmative Action, who is still anthropomorphized into the Junta leader of a Banana Republic, replete with a giant "A" on his cap. In this installment, we learn the unlikely detail that he allowed someone to tattoo something on his left buttock without knowing what it said but found a way to read it at a later date.
And, for the record, Affirmative Action is nothing like what Orwell had in mind. He had Bush, Cheney, and the Republican Noise Machine in mind.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
That damned Constitution
What's Mallard raving about today?
College Students.
American College Students have spent the last 7 years watching the United States Government treat the Constitution as if it were (at best) inconvenient but ignorable suggestions and (at worst) toilet paper.
If this Straw Man argument holds even a grain of truth, the finger of blame points squarely at each and every person who voted for President Bush or any of his Republican enablers.
College Students.
American College Students have spent the last 7 years watching the United States Government treat the Constitution as if it were (at best) inconvenient but ignorable suggestions and (at worst) toilet paper.
If this Straw Man argument holds even a grain of truth, the finger of blame points squarely at each and every person who voted for President Bush or any of his Republican enablers.
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Golden Ellipses: Least Accurate Caricature
And the winner is...
Al Gore or a Lean-To?
In the category of "Least Accurate Caricature" we have the following nominees:
Al Gore or a Lean-To?
In the category of "Least Accurate Caricature" we have the following nominees:
Those damned teams
What's Mallard raving about today?
Leadership Seminars.
Mallard has no interest in leadership, teamwork, or self-improvement. Yup, sounds about right.
Leadership Seminars.
Mallard has no interest in leadership, teamwork, or self-improvement. Yup, sounds about right.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
That damned Middle Name
What's Mallard raving about today?
Barack Obama's middle name, Racism.
Do you think Mallard is being disingenuously obtuse for partisan purposes or is he genuinely as stupid as he appears?
Is it really necessary to point out that using the Senator's middle name is not racist? Or to point out that using the Senator's middle name in order to terrify voters that he may be a Terrorist is not racist?
It is fear-mongering...and pretty childish fear-mongering at that.
Barack Obama's middle name, Racism.
Do you think Mallard is being disingenuously obtuse for partisan purposes or is he genuinely as stupid as he appears?
Is it really necessary to point out that using the Senator's middle name is not racist? Or to point out that using the Senator's middle name in order to terrify voters that he may be a Terrorist is not racist?
It is fear-mongering...and pretty childish fear-mongering at that.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
That damned heart
What's Mallard raving about today?
Senator Obama.
Mallard hates hope...big surprise.
It's going to be a long 7 months, given that Mallard has already indicated that he hates Senators Clinton, Obama, and McCain.
Senator Obama.
Mallard hates hope...big surprise.
It's going to be a long 7 months, given that Mallard has already indicated that he hates Senators Clinton, Obama, and McCain.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
That damned inconsistency
What's Mallard raving about today?
Senator Obama, Gun Control.
You can understand how Senator Obama's position is totally beyond Mallard's comprehension since it requires a view of the world which includes nuance:
Senator Obama, Gun Control.
You can understand how Senator Obama's position is totally beyond Mallard's comprehension since it requires a view of the world which includes nuance:
I think we have two conflicting traditions in this country. I think it's important for us to recognize that we've got a tradition of handgun ownership and gun ownership generally. And a lot of law-abiding citizens use it for hunting, for sportsmanship, and for protecting their families. We also have a violence on the streets that is the result of illegal handgun usage. And so I think there is nothing wrong with a community saying we are going to take those illegal handguns off the streets. And cracking down on the various loopholes that exist in terms of background checks for children, the mentally ill. We can have reasonable, thoughtful gun control measures that I think respect the Second Amendment and people's traditions.
Monday, March 24, 2008
That damned mugger
What's Mallard raving about today?
Muggers, Little-Old Ladies, Guns.
I'd say the problem with little old ladies carrying guns is that if they get mugged one of two things will happen. If they try to pull the gun they will get themselves killed. If they don't try to pull the gun, it'll get taken in the mugging putting yet another gun on the street.
How much longer is Mallard going to stay on this topic?
Muggers, Little-Old Ladies, Guns.
I'd say the problem with little old ladies carrying guns is that if they get mugged one of two things will happen. If they try to pull the gun they will get themselves killed. If they don't try to pull the gun, it'll get taken in the mugging putting yet another gun on the street.
How much longer is Mallard going to stay on this topic?
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Golden Ellipses: Most Violent Assault on the English Language
And the winner is...
Abortion Pun
In the category of "Most Violent Assault on the English Language" we have the following nominees:
Abortion Pun
In the category of "Most Violent Assault on the English Language" we have the following nominees:
- Odious Ode (11%)
- An Odd Conclusion (11%)
- Abortion Pun (54%)
- Cow Squirt (20%)
- Ideas (4%)
That damned Bill Buckley
What's Mallard raving about today?
William Buckley.
I've always been amazed that people lined up intellectually behind a man who claimed to stand "athwart history yelling Stop." I mean, you take pride in that?
Buckley's greatest incarnation must be George W. Bush who has managed to unravel history as far back as the Magna Carta so far...and he's still got 7 month left to go.
William Buckley.
I've always been amazed that people lined up intellectually behind a man who claimed to stand "athwart history yelling Stop." I mean, you take pride in that?
Buckley's greatest incarnation must be George W. Bush who has managed to unravel history as far back as the Magna Carta so far...and he's still got 7 month left to go.
Friday, March 21, 2008
That damned contract
What's Mallard raving about today?
Gun Laws, Violent Criminals.
But, but, but...if what you say about gun laws affect on the criminal mentality is correct, then Washington D.C. should indisputably be the most violent U.S. city, shouldn't it? Won't any evidence to the contrary prove conclusively that the causes of violent crime are much more complicated than such simpleton notions as the ones Mallard is bleating?
An interesting tidbit I picked up along the way, which further highlights what a simplistic sack of crap Mallard is when he claims that putting guns into the hands of law-abiding citizens is The Answer: "Though nearly 100 percent of murder suspects have criminal records, 90 percent of victims also have criminal records."
Gun Laws, Violent Criminals.
But, but, but...if what you say about gun laws affect on the criminal mentality is correct, then Washington D.C. should indisputably be the most violent U.S. city, shouldn't it? Won't any evidence to the contrary prove conclusively that the causes of violent crime are much more complicated than such simpleton notions as the ones Mallard is bleating?
An interesting tidbit I picked up along the way, which further highlights what a simplistic sack of crap Mallard is when he claims that putting guns into the hands of law-abiding citizens is The Answer: "Though nearly 100 percent of murder suspects have criminal records, 90 percent of victims also have criminal records."
Thursday, March 20, 2008
That damned series of standard complaints
What's Mallard raving about today?
Guns, Violent Criminals, Unions.
You can always tell when Mallard has actually run out of steam on a rant (as opposed to when he realizes he's run out of steam)...he spends 2 panels to re-set and re-tell the same joke then randomly tosses in a complaint against one of his standard set of bête noire (today, it's Unions).
Tomorrow: Violent criminals complain about a lack of Political Correctness.
Guns, Violent Criminals, Unions.
You can always tell when Mallard has actually run out of steam on a rant (as opposed to when he realizes he's run out of steam)...he spends 2 panels to re-set and re-tell the same joke then randomly tosses in a complaint against one of his standard set of bête noire (today, it's Unions).
Tomorrow: Violent criminals complain about a lack of Political Correctness.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Those damned studies
What's Mallard raving about today?
Gun Bans, Violent Criminals, Studies?
No asterisk so I may look up these "studies"?
And yet, the strangest thing is that Mallard equates violent criminals with wearing paper bags on their heads...now that's just weird.
Gun Bans, Violent Criminals, Studies?
No asterisk so I may look up these "studies"?
And yet, the strangest thing is that Mallard equates violent criminals with wearing paper bags on their heads...now that's just weird.
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