That damned Box

What's Mallard raving about today?

Same thing as yesterday

For God's sake, Mallard, we got it days ago.

That damned Thing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Higher Education, Racism

Mallard Fillmore: proving daily that repeated assertion and fact are not related, no matter how hard you try.

That damned Quota

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeremy Lin, Higher Education, Racism

You see how Mallard ties this all together into one nice neat, incoherent bow?

Those Damned Test Scores

What's Mallard raving about today?

Universities, Asian-Americans

For those curious, here's the basis for today's Mallard Fillmore:

We have recently completed an extensive examination of how much weight is placed on applicants' many characteristics in the elite private university admission process. Race and ethnicity matter in producing a diverse class. Measured on an all-other-things-equal basis, black applicants have an admission advantage compared with whites equivalent to 310 SAT points (on the old 1,600-point scale), while the advantage for Hispanic candidates is 130 points. Asian-American applicants face a disadvantage of 140 SAT points.

Of course, Mallard chooses the highly inflammatory phrasing "require Asians to score 140 points higher" when, of course that is a falsehood.

Anyone want to venture a guess what Mallard would say if college admissions were 50% Asian-Americans?

Those damned Pythons

What's Mallard raving about today?

Burmese Pythons

Wait a moment...let me see if I understand this correctly, Mallard. You're saying the effect of [insert the name of an immigrant group here] is having the same effect on America that Burmese Pythons are having on the Everglades?

In unrelated news, it's hard to understand why Whites make up over 90% of GOP voters in all but two of their primaries to date.

That damned Office

What's Mallard raving about today?

Harvard

Asian Americans make up 4.4% of The US Population.

Thanks to commenter DiR, we know that 18% of Harvard's class of 2015 are Asian American.

Ergo, facts have a Liberal bias, which we know because the only alternative is that Mallard Fillmore is a lying sack of crap...and we all know that can't be true.

That damned Bias

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeremy Lin, Racism, Higher Education

Geez, this again?

That damned Constraint

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeremy Lin

Well, now this has veered into truly creepy territory. But, you know, I am sure Jeremy Lin was inspired by a fetishized Asian-American child character in Mallard Fillmore.

That damned Imbalance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Jeremy Lin, The Media

On days like today, I wonder if Mallard acts deliberately obtuse because he sees it as his role to be an agent provocateur or whether Mallard is just dumb as a bag of hammers.

That damned Lin

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeremy Lin

It's going to be a long week.

That damned Other News

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jeremy Lin, President Obama, Mitt Romney

The Fillmore Foundation gets paid to point out the absolutely obvious: Politicians are less popular than a sports star.

That damned Company

What's Mallard raving about today?

Green Companies

Don't you dare use tax dollars to incent development of Green technology, unless it is 100% guaranteed to succeed.

But, don't you dare threaten tax dollar subsidies to Oil companies. Being the most profitable companies on the planet, they require tax dollars to survive.

While we're on the subject, Auto Industry bailouts which saved over 300,000 jobs? Blaaargh!!!!!!

Here's the thing about the modern GOP: They pretend to care about deficits and government spending. But all the really care about is what tax dollars are spent on. If spent to further enrich the Rich, that is OK. The fact that they are Rich is proof enough that they deserve to be Rich and we should support them with obedience and tax dollars. If spent on the Middle Class or in any way to benefit the Middle Class, then it is Socialism, Evil, or Class Warfare (possibly all three).

That damned Survey

What's Mallard raving about today?

Telephone Surveys

Hey, look everyone, Mallard is on the phone again. Waiting again. Doing nothing again.

It's like watching Waiting for Godot, if it were written by a fourth-grader, with set design by a kindergarten class, featuring actors from Mr Harrison's first-grade class.

That damned Cholesterol

What's Mallard raving about today?

NPR.

Seriously, why are we opposed to value judgement? Can't all media be like Rush Limbaugh and just call college girls sluts?

That damned Rate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Minimum Wage, Employment

Except the Minimum wage remains at $7.25.

And research indicates that raising Minimum Wage does not increase unemployment.

Other than being wrong on every assertion in today's comic, nice work, Mallard.