That damned ABC

What's Mallard raving about today?

What else? ABC, Democrats, The Path to 9-11.

For God's sake, the miniseries itself lasted less time than Mallard's incessant whining about it.

Those damned dead horses

What's Mallard raving about today?

ABC, Powerful Democrats, Bill Clinton, The Path to 9-11.

At least there's only two more days left in this week and hopefully Mallard will move on to a new topic soon. A little too late, unfortunately, since he's beaten this dead horse so thoroughly that he was forced into over-writing today's screed such that the last panel makes no sense at all.

Those damned Golden Weenies

What's Mallard raving about today?

Do you really need to ask? ABC, Democrats, The Path to 9-11.

The power of the Democrats compels you! I think someone should tell Mallard that there are 4 broadcast networks, so the fact that his Golden Weenie award doesn't appear on 3 of them can only be attributed to the fact that it is the ranting of a lunatic duck.

Those damned power-drunk Democrats

What's Mallard raving about today?

Democrats, ABC, The Path to 9-11.

Seriously, has anyone more vastly overestimated the power of the Democrats than Mallard is currently doing? It should also be pointed out that doing the evening news in a tutu couldn't actually damage what little is left of Charles Gibson's journalistic integrity.

Those damned Democrats

What's Mallard raving about today?

ABC, Democrats, the Clinton administration.

There are powerful Democrats?

Those damned gas prices

What's Mallard raving about today?

Opponents of the Iraq War.

Ahh, the strawman argument! Nothing like defining the opposition's position on an issue to make them easier to defeat in a debate. Besides, you can also make them scrunch up their eyes so they look shrill while you look implaccable and reasonable...well as implaccable and reasonable as is possible with a duck's bill, anyway.

Those damned invaders

What's Mallard raving about today?

AOL Zogby poll results, our education system, our lazy rear-ends.

I would not have guessed that Mallard is such an America-hater that he's actively promoting the invasion and overthrow of our country. But, here you have it...

Those damned holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas decorations in September.

None of us is above a bit of carping about the early appearance of Christmas decorations which happens sooner every single year. The topic is mildly boring when discussed amongst friends and family. It's simply stultifying when appearing in a nationally syndicated cartoon. What's up next...complaining about alcoholic relatives?

Those damned fat kids

What's Mallard raving about today?

Childhood obesity, substandard geography knowledge, possibly Colorado and Mississippi.

Wow. Mallard must be off his medications recently. I have no idea what connection I am supposed to draw between the fact that Colorado and Mississippi have the lowest/highest obesity rates and are the least recognizeable states, geographically-speaking. Are these two fact supposed to be related in some nefarious way? If so, the connection is beyond me.

Those damned Hollywood types

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tom Cruise ( I think), Hollywood (in general), possibly Paramount.

Boy, those Hollywood types, are they ever bizarre? All of them. Yep, the whole lot. And their views? Equally bizarre. Yep, every one of them has bizarre views. I just wanted to make sure we're all clear on that fact. Now, please move along.

That damned Kofi Annan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kofi Annan, plugged toilets.

I never realized how much Kofi Annan, apparently, looks like Robert Guillaume. I mention this in lieu of discussing the actual content of today's panel because there is nothing quite so tiresomely repetetive as right-wing carping about the United Nations. Now, if you want to get into plugged toilets, on the other hand, man does that get me steamed!

That damned United Nations

What's Mallard raving about today?

The United Nations.

Do you suppose the fellow being caricatured in the yellow shirt and vest is supposed to be Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? The Mr. Rogers ensemble has a disarming effect on the man that no number of U.N. sanctions could possibly hope to equal. "Would you like to visit the nuclear weapons program in the neighborhood?"

That damned gleeful media

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gleeful media.

Of all the Mallard Fillmore standard formats, "Remember when this happened? Neither do I." is probably the most tiresome by dint of it's schoolyard-argument quality. I know you are, Mallard, but what am I?

That damned agriculture department

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Department of Agriculture, farm subsidies, cow-raising doctors, wheat-raising lawyers, sheep-raising stockbrokers.

Isn't this program decades old? And Mallard is just now complaining about it? And, not to be picky, but you raise cows and sheep, but you grow wheat. Important lesson, Mallard, if you are going to set up a parallel structure, try to make it parallel.

Thanks for the mention to Matt over at The Silent Penultimate Panel Watch, a favorite comics blog of mine and probably the single most specific comics blog around. If you're not familiar with it, it's required daily reading.

That damned BCS rating system

What's Mallard raving about today?

The BCS rating system, Samoan linemen.

Considering that the BCS' first poll comes out somewhere around mid-October, this outrage is a bit premature.