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Saturday, October 31, 2009

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Keith Olbermann.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Honestly, quite apart from his Right Wing Water-Carrying and reflexive repetition of whatever Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh tell him to think, Mallard Fillmore is a less likable being than Crankshaft.

Friday, October 30, 2009

That damned Hallowe'en

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en, Washington.

For Mallard, Hallowe'en apparently means Crime, Spending, Corruption, and "etc."

Oh, and by the way, Mallard. It's "Woo" not "Boo."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

That damned blessing

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Racism, Reverend Al Sharpton.

I had no idea this crisis had grown so acute...Mallard Fillmore truly has his finger on the pulse of...well, some sort of America that exists only in his own mind.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

That damned Return

What's Mallard raving about today?

The same thing as yesterday.

What if wondering about returning things is racist?

We get it Mallard. You're not subtle. Please move on.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, President Obama, Racism.

"Man those Liberals are stupid. Not real Liberals, of course. The ones in my head, though. Scary stupid!"

Monday, October 26, 2009

That damned Prize

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama.

President Obama was responsible for removing dangerously unstable Neocons from power. No one in 2009 did anything better than that to make the world a more peaceful place.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Those damned Teabaggers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Politicians, The Media.

Quite a little seld-important fantasy world Mallard lives in.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

That damned U.N.

What's Mallard raving about today?

The U.N.

For anyone with a hint of decency or shame, it would be pretty tough to cast stones about speeches made at the U.N. after Colin Powell's performance.

For Mallard...

Friday, October 23, 2009

That dmaned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, Pet Peeves.

Take one teaspoon of Faux Outrage, ginned up by Fox Propaganda. Add a tablespoon of Self-Righteous Pet Peeve. Inexplicably, garnish with people watching TV.

The result...whatever the hell this mess is.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Those damned Journalists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Journalists.

I recall a complete hissy fit when someone submitted a videowhich compared President Bush to Hitler to a episode which Republicans continue to lie about.

Anti-war protests, as a general rule, got very little coverage, since the contradicted the prevailing media narrative about the Patriotic War, despite the fact that they actually drew large crowds (as opposed to lying about the size of the crowd).

Protesters were arrested for wearing anti-Bush T-Shirts.

Mallard Fillmore: Equivalency FAIL.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

That damned Timing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Olympics, Generals, Polls, President Obama.

Most hilarious Mallard Fillmore ever.

Unintentionally, of course.

Since writing this, the President won the Nobel Peace Prize and his approval ratings have been increasing for a while now.

Can't wait for Mallard's Nobel Peace Prize as Affirmation Action screed to join this in the Republican Cognitive Dissonance Hall of Fame.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Those damned Oscars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Roman Polanski, Hollywood.

I offer no defense for Roman Polanski apologists.

But, as usual, Mallard takes the statements and actions of individuals and imputes them to an entire segment of people whom he either detests as a predetermined fact or chooses to detest as a result. Counter-examples within the segment are not welcome, thank you very much.

Either way it's intellectually lazy. I mean, if you're going to spend your life being a Hater, then at least show some pride in your work.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

That damned Car Alarm

What's Mallard raving about today?

Car Alarms.

There's a Socialist Fascist in the White House, and you're complaining about car alarms?

Why do you hate America, Mallard?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

That damned Shirt

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Apologies.

Actually, there is a limit. Once for pretty much each action the Bush Administration took. Though, I admit, in that case a T-Shirt may be more effective.

Friday, October 16, 2009

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Obesity, Drugs.

I won't pretend to speak for all Progressives, but let's compare and contrast my mind with Mallards.

Mallard: Drugs come from Mexico and Colombia, I blame Mexicans and Colombians.
Me: I blame the drug cartels which operate out of those countries.

Mallard: Progressives don't blame drug suppliers.
Me: That's an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Progressives blame fast food companies for Obesity.
Me: That's also an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Let's only attack problems from the supply side.
Me: Why don't we attack both the supply and demand side of the problem and solve it faster?
Mallard: You want me to hold two thoughts in my head at the same time? Blaaaargh!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Those damned Liberals

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Iran.

"The Community Organizer."

Also known as the democratically-elected President of the United States and Commander-in-Chief of the US Armed Forces.

But, hey, we can use Mallard's example to define how Conservatives think:
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Alcoholic Playboy!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Failed Businessman!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Actor!"

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

That damned Weenie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mallard's comprehension of Foreign Policy is at the approximate level as his word choice, that of a 1st grade child: "If we're not bombing or invading, then he must be a weenie."

The more I think about it, President Obama deserves his Nobel Peace Prize simply for supplanting these children.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

That damned Sanity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moammar Khadafy, Keith Olbermann.

And so, the Right Wing attempts to paint MSNBC as somehow equivalent to the Fox Propaganda Outlet. Some people on MSNBC provide a much needed alternative viewpoint in today's News landscape.

But equivalent to Beck? Limbaugh? O'Reilly? Malkin? Coulter? Hannity?


Monday, October 12, 2009

That damned Laugh

What's Mallard raving about today?


Look, I have no idea what the hell Mallard is bleating about. I think that may be Moammar Khadafy, but who can tell?

And I just got off a plane 2 hours, I will look to the comments to help me out.

Update: Thanks for nothing in the far. Although I guess we have a nominee for 2009 Golden Flash.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

That damned Apocalypse

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV.

Sign of the Apocalypse #1 - Newspapers run crotch shots of a pants-less Mallard Fillmore.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?


I am assuming this morality play has to do with Joe Wilson.

In any event, it underscores just how little Mallard actually understands the discussion of racism.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Open Thread: Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

Since I am sure this announcement will elicit a lot of comment, I thought an open thread might be appropriate.

Personally, I am a bit stunned and surprised by the announcement and don't have any idea what President Obama accomplished to merit this award.

I remain hopeful that one day he will fulfill the promises he has made which could, in my mind, be a strong case for eligibility.

But in October of 2009, I fail to see justification.

That damned Discretion

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore...a study in empty-headed attempts to turn Republican Talking Points into humor, weeks after the Talking Point already failed.

If it weren't so completely cynical, it might be pitiable.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

That damned Flake

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter

Despite Mallard's disapprobation, I am certain President Carter can live with his legacy.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter, Racism.

Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard.

An interesting thing happens when you put "poll worst president ever" into Google.

You find that "all those polls" say nothing of the kind about President Carter.

You understand the word "fact" has a definition other than "shit I make up to support my pre-determined conclusion" right?

Monday, October 05, 2009

That damned Nut

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter.

"It's not all that difficult...just use your ex-President status."

Are you serious?

Just how many people do you think are able to use "ex-President" status in this world, Mallard?

By my count, there are four. Of course, I inhabit the real world, so perhaps in Mallard's world there are more.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Those damned Hicks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Fox.

1776 - "No taxation without representation!"

2009 - "Waaah! Waaah! I'm unhinged about the result of an election!"

Yeah, real similar.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Weather.

I had no idea Mallard was empowered to declare that racism is dead. How convenient for him.

Still, attacking the weather as useless by proxy. That's just weatherism and I won't tolerate it.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Thursday, October 01, 2009

That damned delay

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Joe Wilson, President Obama

Once again, Mallard, you lie.

It took President Carter raising the issue before anyone else had the guts to begin confronting the overt racism on display by the horde Republicans have whipped into a frenzy.

I await your explanation of why witch doctor posters, White House watermelon patches, "Barack the Magic Negro," and conspiracies theories which suggest the first Black President is not a "real citizen" have no racial component.