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Thursday, December 31, 2009

That damned July

What's Mallard raving about today?

2009, 2010, Unemployment.

Ha! Ha! Unemployment is hilarious.

And since it happened in July, it is all President Obama's fault.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

That damned Year

What's Mallard raving about today?

2008, 2009, The Media.

Anyone who honestly believes that 2008 and 2009 were similar in any appreciable fashion automatically disqualifies themselves from being listened to.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

That damned inheritance

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush.

Pretty much true, except that I am not sure that those things which Obama did not inherit yet has accomplished can all be considered "good" (c.f., HCR, also known as "Insurance Industry Giveaway").

Good luck making the case that those things inherited from the Bush Administration are not all completely cocked-up.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Those damned Hearings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush, Impeachment.

Wow.

Prsident Bush violated the Constitution in authorizing illegal wiretaps on American Citizens. President Bush violated International Law by authorizing torture.

And none of this was enough to prompt impeachment.

I have to ask: Do you really want to go there?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday, December 26, 2009

That damned Mess

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Environment.

Aaaand, back the the same old same old after one day putting politics aside.

That said, obviously Climate Change is a hoax and there is no need to worry about the Environment, because someone left a mess behind, which obviously disqualifies them from being taken seriously.

Unlike the 2 gazillion teabaggers, who descended on DC and left almost no mess behind, almost as if they were a crowd of only 60-70,000 people.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, to one and all.

(And "Happy Holidays" to you Heathens among us.)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!

The Seattle PI Website changed their comics page and with it the URL format for Mallard Fillmore, so this is now the Big Blog of Broken Links.

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Global Warming.

Charter Member of the Flat Earth Society, Mallard Fillmore, strikes again.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

That damned Wheel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Wheels.

Richly ironic from someone who only has a job because someone else had the same job.

Also, with the exception of access to affordable health care, I defy Mallard to actually name one concrete example of something which fits this Straw Man agrument.

Monday, December 21, 2009

That damned Program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christmas, Environmentalism.

Mallard literally does not understand the difference between Science and Religion.

That explains a lot.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Mallard's Christmas Message

Mallard wishes us a blessed Christmas.

But I refuse to believe Mallard would be caught doing anything so Liberal as reading a book.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Marketing Wizards, Debt.

How many more weeks of "trivial crap that's bugging me today" are we going to have to endure?

Friday, December 18, 2009

Those damned Holiday Specials

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Holiday Specials? Holiday Specials?

Mallard is waging a war against Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. Alert Bill O'Reilly.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Those damned Exchanges

What's Mallard raving about today?

Males, Females.

Wow, what kind of hell must Mallard have put Mrs. Mallard through this year if he's gotta give her a Lexus?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

That damned Album

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rockers, Folk Singers, Hip-Hoppers, Pop Tarts.

Determined to finish the year strong, Mallard offers another candidate for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Those damned Choices

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stunts & Hoaxes.

While not as rare as the Mallard Fillmore which is actually funny, today we see the slightly less rare Mallard Fillmore with nothing really objectionable about it.

Monday, December 14, 2009

That damned Bow

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gatecrashers, President Obama.

Our right wing water carrier combines two stale items into an incoherent whole and, surprisingly, does not come up with the Comedy Gold he expected.

There's absolutely no reason for him to be so stale on the bowing thing, of course, since the Right Wing Propagandists were going to freak out either way:
  • "ZOMG, he bowed! Now we're subjects of the Japanese Empire!"
  • "ZOMG! He didn't bow. What a Foreign Policy rube!"

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Those damned Wheels

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Taxes.

After the week we've had, it's almost a relief to get back to the empty-headed propaganda!

Friday, December 11, 2009

That damned Ability

What's Mallard raving about today?

Smart Phones.

11 December 2009.

Mark that date down.

It is the first time you ever read a true statement in Mallard Fillmore.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

That damned Click

What's Mallard raving about today?

Advertising, Christmas.

I know it was too much to hope that the "click" in the first panel was Mallard turning the TV off for a change.

Stupid of me to get my hopes up.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Those damned Aliens

What's Mallard raving about today?

Razors, Aliens.

I imagine they will also wonder why you've done nothing but watch TV in your pajamas for the last 2 months.

Monday, December 07, 2009

That damned Santa

What's Mallard raving about today?

Santa, Congress, President Obama.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

See, instead of only giving gifts to Big Business and the Very Wealthy, Santa brings gifts to everyone.

So, of course, Mallard hates him.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

That damned Stuff

What's Mallard raving about today?

Stuff, Environmentalists (presumably), Advertising.

It's late in the year, but this is a strong entry for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.

Seriously, can anyone parse this wall of text?

Friday, December 04, 2009

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, President Obama, Shopping.

And then those companies will create jobs, which out of work citizens would take, earning enough money to buy what they want without subsidies.

And that would be a tragedy, for Mallard.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

That damned Blame

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media.

So Fox is no longer going to blame 100% of violent acts on Islamofacists?

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Those damned Orders

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Terrorists, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly.

Mallard is able to win arguments handily when he defines the other side's argument in cartoonish terms which have no basis in reality.

Bravo.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

That damned Snap

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, Americans, The Media

So, if I understand this correctly, Mallard's main complait is that after the Fort Hood shootings, America did not react with a wave of pants-wetting and invade a country which had nothing to do with the shootings?

Or is it that the perpetrator was arrested and is going to be tried for his crimes rather than being subjected to immediate vigilante justice?

Because, frankly, I fail to see how anyone with an ounce of humanity could be producing this.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Those damned Troubled Guys

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorists, The Media.

We get it Mallard. You want everything that causes you to wet your pants to be labeled "al Queda" because you feel that will justify the fact that you immediately knuckle under to terror.

The rest of us have a spine, so pardon us if we choose not to wet our pants on your cue.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

That damned Nixon

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox, Rush Limbaugh, President Nixon.

President Nixon's operatives broke into Lewis Fielding's office in order to get psychiatric info on Daniel Ellsberg's mental state to discredit him. President Nixon illegally wiretapped Daniel Ellberg. President Nixon had reporters audited. President Nixon's henchmen plotted to murder Jack Anderson.

President Obama's staff said that they will treat Fox as an opposition media outlet.

Worst comparison ever.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

That damned Nougat

What's Mallard raving about today?

Candy, Charity.

Mallard is openly mocking charity, for God's sake.

Mallard is determined to be less likable than Ebenezer Scrooge, this Christmas.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Those damned Holidays

What's Mallard raving about today?

Holidays, School.

Mallard joins the War On Christmas. Holidays? Bill O'Reilly is going to be apoplectic.

As for the strip itself: "Don't ask for taxes to pay for schools and don't ask me to pay for schools personally. Schools suck...I can't imagine why."

Thursday, November 26, 2009

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thanksgiving, television.

Thanksgiving is now a religious holiday? Seriously?

I mean, I know the Calvinists were there, but so were the Pagans.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

That damned Respect

What's Mallard raving about today?

Christianity, Islam, The Media.

Poor Christians...someday maybe one of them will be elected President.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

That damned Backlash

What's Mallard raving about today?

Journalism, Islam.

Meanwhile, at Fox Propaganda school: "Let's say a gunman has just shot a dozen people while yelling "Allahu Akbar." What question should you ask first? Exactly! How quickly can I gin up a Public backlash against Muslims."

Monday, November 23, 2009

Those damned Motives

What's Mallard raving about today?

Terrorism.

What shall we do in case an armed gunman with ties to radical Christian groups kills a doctor? Or sets off a bomb at the Olympics? Or blows up a Federal building?

In either case, I differ from Mallard in that I want the same thing: Primacy of the Rule of Law and no pants-wetting, fearmongering, and uninformed speculation.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Those damned Hungry Pilgrims

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pilgrims, Nobel Peace Prize

The Nobel Prize Committee are Hungry Pilgrims? And Americans are Turkeys?

Looks like Mallard feels the Most Mystifying Panel (aka The Golden Flash) category needed some beefing up this year.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

That damned Disclaimer

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Well, at least now we know why Mallard thinks he is on this imaginary Enemies List.

After all, he's been repeating the contents of his cartoon over and over and over for at least 3 years now.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Those damned Apps

What's Mallard raving about today?

iPhone, President Obama.

If you're going to make an iPhone joke, may I suggest you do some research? "Click?"

I will listen to Mallard regarding the importance of Presidential Approval Ratings when President Obama's fall to the same level as President Bush's were when Mallard started commenting about President Bush's poll numbers.

What's that? Mallard never commented on President Bush's poll numbers? I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

Update: D'oh! Comic link is fixed. Sorry, was jet-lagged.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Those damned investigations

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Enemies Lists, Racism.

Now Mallard is claiming that liberals feel over-frequent usage constitutes racism? So, any thing which gets discussed frequently is racist. For example, "Who will win the Super Bowl?" is racist. As is "Who will be the next Top Chef?" and "How was your day?"

Also, of course, "Do you think Mallard Fillmore has lost his mind?"

Fox, of course, hasn't launched an investigation. Not only are they actually the only network talking frequently about a fictitious enemies list, but they also couldn't care less if anything is racist as they already give a platform to batshit insane people raving about eliminationist fantasies and conspiracy theories several hours a day.

That damned rejoinder

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moderate Republicans.

I don't want to get in the way of the Great Republican Purity Purge, but "Moderate Republican" is not a rejoinder, trite or otherwise.

Now, please carry on purging the non Glenn Beck supporters from your ranks.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

That damned Collection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Enemies Lists.

For a member of a Party and a loyal viewer of a Propaganda Network which reflexively and angrily oppose everything President Obama does (he sleeps until 8am: "He's not working hard enough!"; he wakes before 8am: "Is Obama dangerously sleep deprived?") Mallard sure has a thin skin when challenged about his reflexive hatred.

Today does deserve special mention for the implication of "racism" and "socialism" without overtly using either term. Dog whistle politics at its most ham-handed...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Those damned Enemies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Voters.

Wow. Fox, Rush, & Mallard...Delusions of grandeur, Mallard?

Although, a pitch perfect water-carrying of their talking points, I admit. Note the fact that he ignores what exit polling said about voters approval of Obama in those two states. And no mention of NY-23?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Those damned Dinosaurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Dinosaurs.

Put this one in the category of Creepy Unintentional Self-Revelation because Mallard just admitted he believes that crimes which specifically target a victim because of their race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation are natural instincts.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

That damned Electorate

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Americans.

To increase the level to which our electorate is informed, or at least correctly informed, all we have to do is disqualify Fox viewers.

Friday, November 13, 2009

That damned Talk Radio

What's Mallard raving about today?

Talk Radio, Incivility.

Excuse me? Kids?

The Republican Party has a voter identification of between 18-22% among any demographic that could reasonably be referred to as "kids."

Thursday, November 12, 2009

That damned Civility

What's Mallard raving about today?

Civility.

Oh, look. Mallard is cribbing from The Lockhorns now.

It's rather rich for the killers to bemoan the death of their victim.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

That damned Asterisk

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, President Obama.

Travel day from hell for me, but at least now I don't have to go find the article which disproved this lie, since Kip W put the link in yesterday's comments.

So, yeah, here's how an 8% bump lie happens, with an actual useful link rather than an asterisk to "Since 'War' Began - AP"

Nice way to commemorate Veteran's Day, Mallard. I'm sure all those brave folks who fought in an actual war really appreciate your efforts.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

That damned obsession

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

President Obama, on Fox: "I think what our advisers have simply said is that we are going to take the media as it comes, and if media is operating, basically as a talk radio format, then, that's one thing, and if it is operating as a news outlet, then that's another, but it's not something I'm losing a lot of sleep over."

Mallard, on Obama, on Fox: "Blaaaaaaaaaargh!" Repeat until becoming a candidate for Most Interminable Series.

But, the President is the one who is unhinged. Right.

Monday, November 09, 2009

That damned attack

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, Rahm Emmanuel, President Obama.

Of course not, they were too busy fluffing President Bush.

And, as someone who found themselves part of a group which was routinely attacked by Fox as a "terrorist sympathizer" by virtue of my political positions, I find today's Mallard Fillmore the most hypocritical horse crap imaginable.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

That damned Racism

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Liberals.

Weird. Because I heard from the world's foremost authority that Racism was dead.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Those damned quotes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rush Limbaugh, CNN.

I have to agree with Mallard on this one. Who needs to make up quotes for the leader of the Republican Party when, caught passing along a hoax about President Obama he defends himself saying: "But we know he (Obama) thinks it."

Limbaugh and Mallard in a nutshell: it's easy to attack someone when you also make up what they think out of whole cloth.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

That damned legitimacy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fox, President Obama.

Right. Because that is what separates Fox from other news channels. Nothing to do with promoting Teabagger parties. Nor to do with pushing lies about things like death panels. Or actively rooting for the President to fail.

Nope, nothing to do with that.

Frankly, I fail to see what the kerfuffle is about. The White House says that it will treat Fox as if it were the Opposition Party and only go on Fox with that understanding. Fox Viewers, like Mallard, actively want Fox to reflexively gainsay everything the President does because this reinforces their pre-conceived world view. Seems like they both agree. So what's the problem?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

That damned style

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard, I defy you to cite one proven example of Chicago-style politics involving President Obama.

I'll wait.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Those damned Meanies

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

The White House Communications staff simply pointed out what everyone else already knows, which is that Fox is the most ideologically-biased network.

The White House Communications staff simply pointed out that they will treat Fox for what they are, which is an arm of the opposition party, and go on the network with that firmly in mind.

Fox then declared that this was a declaration of war against Fox.

Poopy-pants, indeed.

Monday, November 02, 2009

That damned quagmire

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox.

Much like the other wars started by Neocons, Fox seems to believe that declaring they are winning this "war" over and over is the surest path to victory, actual results be damned.

Now, I could go on about this topic, however I think the definitive smack-down has already been applied, so I will simply refer to it.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
For Fox Sake!
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

Sunday, November 01, 2009

That damned juice

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals.

I am assuming this is Mallard's answer to the question: "Why does {group I disagree with} hate America so much?"

And, even leaving aside the stupidity of the premise, this is a stupid take on a stupid premise.

All of which makes Mallard...well, you may draw your own conclusions.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Keith Olbermann.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Honestly, quite apart from his Right Wing Water-Carrying and reflexive repetition of whatever Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh tell him to think, Mallard Fillmore is a less likable being than Crankshaft.

Friday, October 30, 2009

That damned Hallowe'en

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en, Washington.

For Mallard, Hallowe'en apparently means Crime, Spending, Corruption, and "etc."

Oh, and by the way, Mallard. It's "Woo" not "Boo."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

That damned blessing

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Racism, Reverend Al Sharpton.

I had no idea this crisis had grown so acute...Mallard Fillmore truly has his finger on the pulse of...well, some sort of America that exists only in his own mind.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

That damned Return

What's Mallard raving about today?

The same thing as yesterday.

What if wondering about returning things is racist?

We get it Mallard. You're not subtle. Please move on.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, President Obama, Racism.

"Man those Liberals are stupid. Not real Liberals, of course. The ones in my head, though. Scary stupid!"

Monday, October 26, 2009

That damned Prize

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama.

President Obama was responsible for removing dangerously unstable Neocons from power. No one in 2009 did anything better than that to make the world a more peaceful place.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Those damned Teabaggers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Politicians, The Media.

Quite a little seld-important fantasy world Mallard lives in.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

That damned U.N.

What's Mallard raving about today?

The U.N.

For anyone with a hint of decency or shame, it would be pretty tough to cast stones about speeches made at the U.N. after Colin Powell's performance.

For Mallard...

Friday, October 23, 2009

That dmaned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars, Pet Peeves.

Take one teaspoon of Faux Outrage, ginned up by Fox Propaganda. Add a tablespoon of Self-Righteous Pet Peeve. Inexplicably, garnish with people watching TV.

The result...whatever the hell this mess is.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Those damned Journalists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Journalists.

I recall a complete hissy fit when someone submitted a videowhich compared President Bush to Hitler to a MoveOn.org contest...an episode which Republicans continue to lie about.

Anti-war protests, as a general rule, got very little coverage, since the contradicted the prevailing media narrative about the Patriotic War, despite the fact that they actually drew large crowds (as opposed to lying about the size of the crowd).

Protesters were arrested for wearing anti-Bush T-Shirts.

Mallard Fillmore: Equivalency FAIL.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

That damned Timing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Olympics, Generals, Polls, President Obama.

Most hilarious Mallard Fillmore ever.

Unintentionally, of course.

Since writing this, the President won the Nobel Peace Prize and his approval ratings have been increasing for a while now.

Can't wait for Mallard's Nobel Peace Prize as Affirmation Action screed to join this in the Republican Cognitive Dissonance Hall of Fame.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Those damned Oscars

What's Mallard raving about today?

Roman Polanski, Hollywood.

I offer no defense for Roman Polanski apologists.

But, as usual, Mallard takes the statements and actions of individuals and imputes them to an entire segment of people whom he either detests as a predetermined fact or chooses to detest as a result. Counter-examples within the segment are not welcome, thank you very much.

Either way it's intellectually lazy. I mean, if you're going to spend your life being a Hater, then at least show some pride in your work.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

That damned Car Alarm

What's Mallard raving about today?

Car Alarms.

There's a Socialist Fascist in the White House, and you're complaining about car alarms?

Why do you hate America, Mallard?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

That damned Shirt

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Apologies.

Actually, there is a limit. Once for pretty much each action the Bush Administration took. Though, I admit, in that case a T-Shirt may be more effective.

Friday, October 16, 2009

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Obesity, Drugs.

I won't pretend to speak for all Progressives, but let's compare and contrast my mind with Mallards.

Mallard: Drugs come from Mexico and Colombia, I blame Mexicans and Colombians.
Me: I blame the drug cartels which operate out of those countries.

Mallard: Progressives don't blame drug suppliers.
Me: That's an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Progressives blame fast food companies for Obesity.
Me: That's also an idiotic Straw Man.

Mallard: Let's only attack problems from the supply side.
Me: Why don't we attack both the supply and demand side of the problem and solve it faster?
Mallard: You want me to hold two thoughts in my head at the same time? Blaaaargh!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Those damned Liberals

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Iran.

"The Community Organizer."

Also known as the democratically-elected President of the United States and Commander-in-Chief of the US Armed Forces.

But, hey, we can use Mallard's example to define how Conservatives think:
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Alcoholic Playboy!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Failed Businessman!"
"Quick! Somebody Alert the Actor!"

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

That damned Weenie

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Mallard's comprehension of Foreign Policy is at the approximate level as his word choice, that of a 1st grade child: "If we're not bombing or invading, then he must be a weenie."

The more I think about it, President Obama deserves his Nobel Peace Prize simply for supplanting these children.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

That damned Sanity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moammar Khadafy, Keith Olbermann.

And so, the Right Wing attempts to paint MSNBC as somehow equivalent to the Fox Propaganda Outlet. Some people on MSNBC provide a much needed alternative viewpoint in today's News landscape.

But equivalent to Beck? Limbaugh? O'Reilly? Malkin? Coulter? Hannity?

Hardly.

Monday, October 12, 2009

That damned Laugh

What's Mallard raving about today?

SNL.

Look, I have no idea what the hell Mallard is bleating about. I think that may be Moammar Khadafy, but who can tell?

And I just got off a plane 2 hours ago...so, I will look to the comments to help me out.

Update: Thanks for nothing in the comments...so far. Although I guess we have a nominee for 2009 Golden Flash.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

That damned Apocalypse

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV.

Sign of the Apocalypse #1 - Newspapers run crotch shots of a pants-less Mallard Fillmore.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

That damned Lie

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

I am assuming this morality play has to do with Joe Wilson.

In any event, it underscores just how little Mallard actually understands the discussion of racism.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Open Thread: Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

Since I am sure this announcement will elicit a lot of comment, I thought an open thread might be appropriate.

Personally, I am a bit stunned and surprised by the announcement and don't have any idea what President Obama accomplished to merit this award.

I remain hopeful that one day he will fulfill the promises he has made which could, in my mind, be a strong case for eligibility.

But in October of 2009, I fail to see justification.

That damned Discretion

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

Mallard Fillmore...a study in empty-headed attempts to turn Republican Talking Points into humor, weeks after the Talking Point already failed.

If it weren't so completely cynical, it might be pitiable.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

That damned Flake

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter

Despite Mallard's disapprobation, I am certain President Carter can live with his legacy.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter, Racism.

Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard, Mallard.

An interesting thing happens when you put "poll worst president ever" into Google.

You find that "all those polls" say nothing of the kind about President Carter.

You understand the word "fact" has a definition other than "shit I make up to support my pre-determined conclusion" right?

Monday, October 05, 2009

That damned Nut

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Carter.

"It's not all that difficult...just use your ex-President status."

Are you serious?

Just how many people do you think are able to use "ex-President" status in this world, Mallard?

By my count, there are four. Of course, I inhabit the real world, so perhaps in Mallard's world there are more.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Those damned Hicks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Fox.

1776 - "No taxation without representation!"

2009 - "Waaah! Waaah! I'm unhinged about the result of an election!"

Yeah, real similar.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

That damned Term

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Weather.

I had no idea Mallard was empowered to declare that racism is dead. How convenient for him.

Still, attacking the weather as useless by proxy. That's just weatherism and I won't tolerate it.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Thursday, October 01, 2009

That damned delay

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Joe Wilson, President Obama

Once again, Mallard, you lie.

It took President Carter raising the issue before anyone else had the guts to begin confronting the overt racism on display by the horde Republicans have whipped into a frenzy.

I await your explanation of why witch doctor posters, White House watermelon patches, "Barack the Magic Negro," and conspiracies theories which suggest the first Black President is not a "real citizen" have no racial component.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

That damned Heckle

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Joe Wilson.

How convenient. I can borrow Joe Wilson's own words to describe what Mallard Fillmore is saying today.

Mallard, you lie.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Those damned Millions

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, The Media.

Lie #1 - The Media Ignored the Teabaggers. To paraphrase what Rick Sanchez at CNN said: They covered it; they did not promote it.

Lie #2 - A couple million. Thoroughly debunked idiocy.

Truth - When an entire political Party becomes so divorced from reality that they cannot even count, there is absolutely no reason to take any of their policy positions seriously. Which is not to say that the threat they pose to the country should not be taken seriously. Because they are clearly insane.

Monday, September 28, 2009

That damned Trust

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, Teabaggers.

Distrust in the Media is at an all-time high in part because they refuse to do their job and instead lend credence to sacks of crap willing to lie and say that 60,000-70,000 protesters were "a couple million" strong.

And we add to our "Murderer's Row" of Least Helpful Asterisk candidates this year, with one referencing claims which have already been thoroughly debunked.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Those damned Jobs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jobs, Government.

Rather than dealing with the small portion which conforms to Mallard's pre-conceived ideology, let's look at what the article actually says:
The report, based on an analysis of federal jobs data, found that state and local governments steadily added jobs for eight months after the recession began in December 2007, with their employment peaking last August. State and local governments have since lost 55,000 jobs, but from the beginning of the recession through last month they gained a net of 110,000 jobs, the report found, in part because of the federal stimulus program.
A few observations:
  1. 110,000 jobs in 19 months. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo.
  2. 110,000 people still have jobs. Why? "...in part because of the federal stimulus program."
  3. Mallard would be happier is 110,000 more people were out of work?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

That damned Presidential Appointment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Czars.

Those who remained silent during the Bush Administration have no standing to criticize now, no matter how many tears Glen Back sheds.

I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I can't think for myself.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Van Jones, President Obama, Hugo Chavez.

"I am going to name three things I hate. Please make up your own joke because I can't be bothered."

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

That damned Poll

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Polls.

Man, remember how Mallard obsessed about Bush's approval rating as it slid to and stayed at historic lows over the course of his last term?

Yeah, me neither.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

That damned Respect

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel.

Whatever drugs Mallard is taking make him delusional and really, really boring.

Monday, September 21, 2009

That damned Heart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hulk, Disney.

One more of these and this is going into the Most Interminable Series Golden Ellipse category...if not because of duration, then because there was nothing to add after the first installment.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

That damned speculation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Government.

When you are a fear monger who belongs to a tribe whose basic mode of operation is to act as if everything they say is true, facts be damned, it's not hard to think yourself Nostradamus.

Of course, it would be impossible to find examples of things Mallard tossed out that turned out to be rubbish.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

That damned Hate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Readers, Mallard Fillmore, Hate.

Mallard has published 195 different strips on President Obama, amply demonstrating, in public, his feelings, whether you want to call it hatred, unhinged pants-wetting fear, or something else.

People have sent him letters asking about his very public record on this particular matter.

Mallard's response: They hate everyone with whom they disagree.

Crazy much?

Friday, September 18, 2009

That damned makeover

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Kennedy, The Media.

We finally emerge from the Great Television Moaning Period and are now going to enjoy Mallard's, no-doubt, classy treatment of the death of Senator Kennedy.

Strap yourselves in.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

That damned Fall Season

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Strangely enough, someday Historians will look back at the Teabaggers and the Summer of 2009 and wonder the same thing.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

That damned movie

What's Mallard raving about today?

Movies, Books.

Oh, please. I'm supposed to believe Mallard has read anything but Godless?

That damned Larry King

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel, Larry King.

Number of strips Mallard has done decrying the use of torture: 0.

Number of strips Mallard has done about the Marvel/Disney merger: 2 (so far).

Just saying.

Monday, September 14, 2009

That damned Hulk

What's Mallard raving about today?

Disney, Marvel.

For a guy who wants Free Market solutions to everything, Mallard bitches about what the Free Market does an awful lot.

That said, I confess I thought this topic, in the hands of someone who knew how to use language, would have been funny.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

That damned Twitter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twitter.

Guess who just discovered Twitter?

Guess who doesn't understand how Twitter works?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Those damned shows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

People who sit like a lump in front of the TV, too lazy to change the channel, have no right to bitch about a lack of quality programming.

And, for God's sake, they are called "procedurals" not "autopsy shows" you dumbass.

Friday, September 11, 2009

That damned Czar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Czars.

Dude was obviously not a Bush crony, or he would have gotten his obligatory sinecure/czarship.

This, by the way, is how Mallard Fillmore chooses to mark the anniversary of September 11th. By whinging the insane rantings of the Fox Propaganda Network.

You stay classy, Patriot.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

That damned difference

What's Mallard raving about today?

Community Organizers, Talk Radio, Angry Mobs.

Mallard Fillmore: In Defense of Angry Mobs.

Those damned shows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television.

Mallard bemoans the lack of creativity in television as he greedily absorbs all of the pablum it dishes out.

I'd say about self-awareness not being Mallard's strong suit, but that would imply he has a strong suit.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Those damned clunkers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Taxes.

I have no idea what Mallard's talking about. And, frankly, I am not interested in finding out today.

Have fun in the comments.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

That damned Government

What's Mallard raving about today?

Government. Obesity, Prosperity.

How to tell Mallard Fillmore is nuts. "Lowering taxes on the wealthy helps the poor. I want people without insurance to die."

Straw men are fun...and easy to argue with.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Friday, September 04, 2009

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Those damned pants

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Teabaggers.

Government wears pants?

The only way it could not be people who "pay the bills" is if the protesters were made up of non-U.S. Citizens who live outside the U.S. Which would be a cool protest, in an ironic sort of way.

And remember...this rule only applies when protesting things Mallard disagrees with. Otherwise, you're just a dirty hippie.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

That damned quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Healthcare.

Quotes are great fun when you take them out of context:
As I indicated before, I think that we’re going to have to have some system where people can buy into a larger pool. Right now their pool typically is the employer, but there are other ways of doing it. I would like to — I would hope that we could set up a system that allows those who can go through their employer to access a federal system or a state pool of some sort. But I don’t think we’re going to be able to eliminate employer coverage immediately. There’s going to be potentially some transition process. I can envision a decade out or 15 years out or 20 years out where we’ve got a much more portable system. Employers still have the option of providing coverage, but many people may find that they get better coverage, or at least coverage that gives them more for health care dollars than they spend outside of their employer. And I think we’ve got to facilitate that and let individuals make that choice to transition out of employer coverage.
That said, I refuse to grant the premise that our profit-motivated, employer-based health insurance system provides value.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Those damned Friends

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Health Care, Teabaggers

Right, the insane mobs are the victims.

And...

* Michele Malkin

Monday, August 31, 2009

That damned Love

What's Mallard raving about today?

Love, Hate-spewing Mobs.

I have absolutely no idea what this has to do with anything at all. But Mallard is pretty sensitive about the Astroturf nature of the teabaggers and the health care mobs.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

That damned Beast

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

If I were a cartoonist, I would never venture near a topic like this, unless I was sure I could do something better than Bill Watterson.

Mallard can't do it better than Bill Watterson, as he demonstrates today.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Those damned Protesters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Protesters

And now you have Mobs of useful idiots armed with lies that a 6-year old would find incredible, organized by Insurance Corporations, Fox, and the Republican Party.

What's your point?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presiden Obama, Enemies Lists, Health Care.

I will admit, to a change in President Obama since the campaign. The man who was generally unflappable during the campaign has been negotiating away key elements of Health Care reform, in the name of "bipartisanship," with a group of crazy people that won't vote for it no matter what was in it.

Republicans, meanwhile, have acted with shrieking, hysterical consistency. The violent, hateful, overheated rhetoric (and the grasp of reality) from today's Town Hall mobs is entirely reminiscent of the same mobs who attended Sarah Palin rallies.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

That damned Arrogance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Health Care, President Obama.

Uh, actually, I think they are calling them "Socialists" and "Nazis," Mallard. Plus carrying guns to a political debate.

Still, who would ever want to be elite?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

That damned Claim

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, President Obama.

A tacit admission by Mallard that the Town Hall mobs are not in fact what they claim to be, but are useful idiots ginned up by Fox and the Insurance Industry.

The astroturfers are scary only because they may succeed thwart their own self interest, and that of the rest of us, at the behest of their Corporate Overlords and with the cooperation of an inane Press. Well, and because they carry guns to a political debate...

Monday, August 24, 2009

That damned Enemies List

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Enemy Lists.

And not a moment too soon, look at the shifty eyes that guy on the couch is sporting.

Seriously...*Fox News? Gonna be hard to beat this as this year's Least Helpful Asterisk.

Unless of course the asterisk is meant to connote that Fox News maintains a list of enemies to the President so it knows who to invite on for commentary. In which case this would be the most honest Mallard Fillmore ever.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

That damned Test

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education Standards

Teacher Responds: Yes, yes it was. Furthermore, I am giving you an "F" on your attempt to make a joke.

Seriously, I know there have been some questions raised about bias in standardized testing, but is this a debate that is actively raging and I just don't know about it? Or is this another faux outrage into which Mallard has worked himself?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Those damned packages

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Post Office, The Economy.

Worst Economy since the Great Depression...yeah, I know.

Health Insurance system is broken and we need to fix it...yeah, I know.

Two wars still going on...yeah, I know.

You know what really chaps my hide, though? The Post Office.

And Airline food.

Am I right, or what?

Friday, August 21, 2009

That damned hypocrisy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Liberals.

Because the problem with the Health Care debate right now is that reasonable Republicans are calmly attempting to raise fact-based objections and are being shouted down by irrational name-calling Liberals.

The only thing missing, of course, are the frequent Nazi references and the fact that one side is bringing loaded weapons to the debate.

In more than 2 years writing this blog, this is the most stunning lie Mallard has ever printed.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Those damned Signs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Taxes.

I have to give a "Thank You" to Mallard today.

See, I have never quite understood why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

As an economic stimulus measure, it injected cash directly and immediately into an ailing part of the economy, directly helped an industry which employs millions of people (thus staving off a worse economic crisis). And since we, as a country, now have a major stake in the Auto Industry, it benefits us long-term if the Auto Industry grows in value. Not to mention potential benefit to the environment (which I realize the care nothing about.)

But today, Mallard crystallizes, for everyone to see, why Republicans hate Cash for Clunkers.

Because, while there may be massive and widespread benefit for the country, none of it helps Mallard personally. And if it doesn't help Mallard personally, then he's against it.

This is the definition of Patriotism...of a sort...I guess.

Anyway, thanks for clearing that up, Mallard.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Those damned Clunkers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cash for Clunkers, Health Insurance Reform.

If it weren't for the insane dishonesty of the whole Deather argument, I would have found this first take on Deatherism funny. Or, if you substituted a caricature of a Republican for President Obama, I would have found this funny.

Sadly, very sadly, Mallard's 2 week lag is not enough to have made this controversy irrelevant by the time he got to it. Real Americans continue to battle the Glenn Beck Tin Foil Hat Republican Brigade for control of the conversation over Health Care.

Meanwhile President Obama and Democrats continue to hand away key parts of needed reform in an attempt to attract votes from people who are clearly insane and won't vote for it in the end anyway, simply because it's a Democratic proposal.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

That damned bill

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Insurance Reform.

OK, see now I'm excited. We're past the "get ready for school" craziness and now we get to watch Mallard's head explode over Health Care.

Like today, where Mallard conflates the fact that he hasn't read the bill, being too busy watching television, with the Straw Man that no one has read it.

Monday, August 17, 2009

That damned Grammar

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools.

I was hoping a new week would bring relief for this dead horse, but all hopes were dashed.

Definitely another entrant for Most Interminable Series in 2009.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

That damned Nationalization

What's Mallard raving about today?

Nationalization.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Regurgitation of Limbaugh talking points...done. That leaves me 23-3/4 more hours in which to enjoy my Sunday!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

That damned Impression

What's Mallard raving about today?

Metal Detectors, Schools.

Allow me to help, since I am reasonably certain that you are confused at this point.

Rush's father performs an imitation of a metal detector going off.

Rush mistakes this for an impression of his alarm clock and tells his father it is "just mean" to do that to him.

Rush's father says that the word Rush just used to describe his noise-making does not describe his noise-making. Alternately, Rush's father may intend to say that the word "mean" does not do justice to his impression, however, since that's not a qualitative assessment of a metal detector impression, it would be idiotic of him to do so.

In any event, Rush's father has clearly been hit in the head by some sort of blunt object, which finally explains what he has been doing for the past week.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Those damned Elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Elitism

Mocking President Obama for being an elitist, based on Straw Men about his choice of coffee and/or salad greens is hilarious good fun, and he shouldn't think he's better than the rest of us.

However mocking underfunded schools for providing curriculum which supports average and below-average students, rather than being tailored to elite children who may someday eat arugula and drink lattes is also hilarious good fun.

I have marveled before about the tolerance for cognitive dissonance Mallard's exhibits. But I think he just can't remember all the things he hates, moment-to-moment, and only exists in his singular present moment of hatred.

I would make a joke about having the memory of a goldfish, but I think that might do a disservice to goldfish.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Those damned Thoughts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Zero Tolerance

Isn't zero tolerance the domain of Republican moral absolutists? Isn't moral relativism evil?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

That damned Complaint

What's Mallard raving about today?

Not sure, because I am on a plane.

Have fun in the comments and we'll see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Those damned people

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

A middle-aged waterfowl is criticizing the inflection used in the classroom.

Am I supposed to believe he's in the 3rd grade?

Not intellectually, mind you. Literally.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Those damned differences

What's Mallard raving about today?

Dinosaurs, the Environment.

A dinosaur has a better grasp of Science than Mallard Fillmore.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Those damned coasts

What's Mallard raving about today?

New York, California, Taxes.

Riiiiight. This is all California and New York's fault. Those years of Republican Government during which the surplus evaporated and everything fell apart?

Never happened.

Friday, August 07, 2009

That damned regimentation

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Mallard Fillmore: Repetition does not help in learning or education.

Explains quite a lot, really.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

And...we have an entrant for the 2009 Golden Flash.

Because the best explanation I could come up with is that Mallard is espousing the stereotype that Asian kids work harder in school.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

That damned California

What's Mallard raving about today?

California, Illegal Immigrants.

Yep. California going broke is just hilarious. Who needs an education, anyway?

Chalk up another win for Republican Governance.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

That damned reporting

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, the Media.

This is going to be a week of comedy gold. Wake me when it's over.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Those damned ratings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

After I started this blog President Bush's approval rating dropped by 20 points, from an already low 45% in August 2006.

And somehow this is the first time the topic of approval rating has ever come up.

Besides, whatever Obama's approval rating, it's still 30 points higher than the Republican Party.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Those damned celebrities

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, The Media.

Hey everyone! Take a look. Mallard's talking about Carrie Prejean's naked pictures.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism.

Seriously? This imaginary list is a product of Mallard's Fox-addled brain. It's his list and he wants to know who "maintains" it?

We've officially lept the shark into "creepy" territory.

Friday, July 31, 2009

That damned traitor

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

Wow, a double Straw Man. I'm pretty sure that's a Mallard first.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

That damned Mozart

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mozart, Michael Jackson.

This Straw Series has officially reached the completely unhinged state. Mallard's Michael Jackson fever is fueled not by an actual event but by the mere appearance of a prominent Black Man in the news.

On the plus side, I am pretty sure we're looking at a string contender for the 2009 Golden Ellipse for Most Interminable Series or Running Theme.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson.

Oh, geez, I'm so sorry.

Larry agrees with Mallard, so I guess...well, frankly I don't know what that proves.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

That damned expansion

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

Anyone else notice that Mallard is attempting to gild the lily more and more, adding phrases like "wisely added" and "perpetually expanding" to this standard construct?

Unfortunately for Mallard, it has the opposite effect from what he wants, making him seem more unreasonably strident and petty rather than making his point stronger.

Monday, July 27, 2009

That damned List

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson, Racism.

A Black entertainer dies, Mallard seizes the opportunity to decry charges of racism which are tossed around too loosely.

Meanwhile...Mallard tosses around charges of racism.

I believe Republicans greatest achievement is the ability to withstand their own cognitive dissonance.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

That damned Health Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Health Care, Government.

Maybe I've been at this too long. But I have no idea what the hell Mallard is talking about anymore. I mean, I know he's complaining about plans for a Public Insurance Option. But, what relevance does "buy one get one free" have for the Health Care debate?

Or is this just one of the most sophomoric metaphors ever?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Those damned brands

What's Mallard raving about today?

School.

It's July. A back to school comic in July makes as much sense as the content of this comic.

Friday, July 24, 2009

That damned spending

What's Mallard raving about today?

Congress, Spending.

Paid cash for their houses, did they?

Everyone racks up debt, Mallard. There is good debt and bad debt, of course. But I wouldn't expect someone who can't even comprehend this simple fact to understand that.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

That damned panel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Celebrities, Global Warming, President Bush.

"I'm Mallard Fillmore, and I just wanted to prove that there was no depth to which I would not sink."

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

That damned memo

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden.

And, far better than the 8 years of President Bush & Vice President Cheney, by far.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Those damned Advisors

What's Mallard raving about today?

Foreign Policy, Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortego, Fidel Castro.

Only in Mallard's fevered, Fox-fueled, imagination.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

That damned GPS

What's Mallard raving about today?

Auto Makers, Government.

Mallard is very vocally opposed to the US Government takeover of the Auto Makers.

He's a lot less vocal about our takeover of financial institutions.

Discuss.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama

I have no idea, unlike Mallard, who Jon and Kate are.

But I want to remind you that Mallard thinks Michael Jackson fans have no life.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Those damned Cows

What's Mallard raving about today?

Cows, Climate Change.

Michael Jackson fans have no lives, but Mallard is the one titillated by the thought of cows belching.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Those damned lives

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michael Jackson Fans

Michael Jackson, in his career, changed Music, Dance, and Marketing forever.

And yet a duck, who has done nothing for over a decade but repeat what Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck tell him during his 80+ hours per week sitting inertly and watching Fox, is criticizing his fans for mourning his passing.

That said, I look forward to finding out later this week how the fans of Michael Jackson are the real racists in American society.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

That damned Culture

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pop Culture, Michael Jackson

A duck sitting inertly in his armchair, a brown box of generic snacks beside him, staring with glazed eyes at the TV is criticizing American society and pop culture.

With no hint of irony.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

That damned Ideal

What's Mallard raving about today?

Colorblind Society.

Aside from one statement, taken largely out of context and hardly even controversial when considered in light of statements from past Supreme Court Nominees, Mallard has not presented one shred of evidence to suggest that Sonia Sotomayor is not qualified nor the best person available.

His entire argument against her is, quite literally: She's a Latina, therefore she must not be a qualified candidate.

It's really hard to understand why Republicans have a 5% favorable rating among Latinos.

Monday, July 13, 2009

That damned study

What's Mallard raving about today?

Kevin, America.

This just in from Mallard Fillmore: Education does not have the power to change race and gender.

Meanwhile, Republicans continue to demonstrate that their party has no interest in receiving another Latino vote, ever.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Those damned options

What's Mallard raving about today?

Education.

Always interesting when fiercely anti-education Mallard Fillmore brings his proud-to-be-ignorant mind to bear on Education issues.

Today's episode is particularly fascinating insofar as:
  • "c" is not really borne out by reality (but let's not let that get in the way of our talking points)
  • "Spending More on Education" is not among the available options.
You also know your in for an intellectually lazy experience when "Mr. {Something I Don't Like}" makes an appearance.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

That damned Silence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Boxer

In Mallard world, Senator Boxer requesting the correct form of address warrants two days of bleating.

In the real world, this was such a non-event that no one even heard about it.

The slide continues...

Friday, July 10, 2009

Those damned things

What's Mallard raving about today?

Senator Boxer, name-calling.

The Republican slide into complete irrelevance due to their insatiable focus on petty incidents and infantile name-calling continues apace.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

That damned Miss Viable

What's Mallard raving about today?

Progressives, Torture, Abortion.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: Progressives are in favor of terminating as many completely viable late-term fetuses as possible.

What surprises me most is how many people willingly swallow this line of obvious horse crap, designed to turn political opponents into sub-human monsters.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

That damned Genuflection

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Fox Network.

Of course Fox are not genuflecting. Former President Bush is not around.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

That damned Test

Whats' Mallard raving about today?

Kim Jong-Il, President Obama, Fox Network.

Having spent the past 8 years ingesting a steady diet of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, Mallard has, quite literally, forgotten that criticism of the President occurs.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Those Delusions of Grandeur

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Blogs, Twitter, Fox, Talk Radio.

Wow. Simply breathtaking.

Breathtaking in its stupidity in comparing citizen-driven journalism to talking points-driven propaganda outlets.

Or breathtaking in its delusion of grandeur in comparing Mallard Fillmore's importance to Fox and Rush Limbaugh.

Either way...breathtaking.