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Thursday, November 26, 2009

That damned Special

What's Mallard raving about today?

Thanksgiving, television.

Thanksgiving is now a religious holiday? Seriously?

I mean, I know the Calvinists were there, but so were the Pagans.


Tog said...

It is a solemn remembrance of a people who came to America to escape religious persecution...and, as soon as they got comfy, begin slaughtering "heathens" and "witches."

...Oh, you bet your ass Tinsley considers it a religious holiday.

Once again, Tinsley--who does one of the only strips in existence to actually flog television and specific TV shows--is bitching about TV. God. And you won't find a "sappier" holiday program than the ones on the networks devoted to flogging Jesus at you.

Seriously, what's the alternative? "Hulk Hogan's Ass-Kickin' Thanksgiving Parade With Great Big Tits?" You have football. Try being a little thankful for a change, Tinsley--instead of faking it for the sake of acting superior.

"Happy Holidays--unless you don't share my religion, in which case, F#$@ YOU!!"
--Neoconservative Jesus

exanonymous said...

I love how Mallard is offended here more by the fact that the television special has no religion in it than the fact that there IS a television special and people are chosing to spend Thanksgiving in front of the television.

Frankly, a "war on Thanksgiving" is rather hard, since it tends to be relatively private and confined to the family. And nobody outside the little sphere cares if you pray or not.

Jazzbumpa said...

I clicked "Head slap", but upon further review, "pity" might have been a better choice. Can you imagine what it's like to live inside Tinkley's little fetid brain, 24/7? No wonder the sorry bastard drinks.

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving, and Cheers!
JzB the thankful trombonist

JohnE said...

Well, here's the way the real world works, Tinsley. Television is a broadcast medium, which means it has to appeal to the largest cross-section of viewers possible.

Market research shows that most people don't want a whole lot of religion in their Holiday TV Specials. The ones that would like to see that sort of thing are generally in their various Churches.

The corporate sponsors who pay to put this stuff on the air aren't interested in missionary work, they want their ads in front of as many people as possible. There isn't some plot to keep these TV shows secular, Tinsley. It is just the Free Market at work.

CW in LA said...

The Tinsh has never struck me as a particularly spiritual individual, beyond the spirits one imbibes. So I'm pretty sure religion is essentially one more tool by which the Master Tool can feel both superior to and victimized by the rest of the world.

GeoX said...

You were unaware of The True Meaning of Thanksgiving? Pft. Someone isn't keeping up with his Chick tracts.

rewinn said...

The Puritans hated Christmas!

Tinshley loves the Puritans.

Tinskley hates Christmas!

rewinn said...

Geox - my favorite part of that tract is where "God allowed" the Puritans to "find" some food the Indians had stored.

I don't blame our honored ancestors for stealing to save their lives, and the Indians themselves seem to have have had a pretty humanitarian attitude toward the whole thing, but it's kinda funny to celebrate theft.

(I also can't say that I'm impressed by a God who slaughters half His flock in order to make the remainder more grateful ... but that's another problem with the story.)

Bill the Splut said...

I remember when CBS edited out the long Bible verse speech that Linus gave near the end of "A Charlie Brown Christmas." They replaced it with Linus instead saying "GOD IS DEAD AND WE EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS ALSO Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"

And I miss the original version of the Grinch, before they digitally inserted Cindy Lou Who in place of Baby Jesus. And when it was Yahweh Himself who carved the roast beast!

Thing I'm thankful for: I ain't Bruce Tinsley.

MartyRotten said...

Of course let us not forget that the Puritans, under Oliver Cromwell overthrew the king of England which set off a bloody civil war when they decided to impose their beliefs on their fellow citizens, whether they wanted to accept them or not, sort of like a Chrisitan Taliban.

exanonymous said...

Chick Tracts?

My favorite part is where he asserts that the Puritans left for a new world largely inhabited by what they considered subhuman savages who didn't speak English to bring in the lost.

Lost what?

Kip W said...

With his usual attention to detail, Tin Eye has drawn Mr. Pilgrim wearing a hat with a completely erroneous buckle on it, just like they had it when he was in grade school.

If there was a turkey in the strip, he'd have drawn it by tracing his hand and putting a beak on the outline.

Anonymous said...

Obama pardons turkeys. The annual tradition of pardoning a turkey took place at the White House yesterday, with President Obama pardoning two birds: Courage and Carolina.

According to the White House, the turkey "Courage" was given to Obama as a gift by the Japanese Emperor which is, you know, the whole reason Obama was only looking down and definitely not bowing.

A few years ago, George W. Bush made the mistake of trying to pardon a turkey that once belonged to Bill Clinton.

Anonymous said...

What an error, linking the Pilgrims to the celebration of "religious" Holidays. If it were up to the Pilgrims, there would be NO celebration of Christmas at all.

The Pilgrims were as anti-Christmas as you could get. It is not in the Bible so it is an invention of man. Christmas

Americas religionists would be outraged at the extreme hatred of this holiday the Pilgrims practiced. The Pilgrims themselves would be horrified that a new "religious" holiday is credited/blamed on them.

Bill the Splut said...

Oh, my mistake--I really thought that he was complaining about the Christmas holiday specials that start after today, but on rereading, he means nonreligious Thanksgiving specials.

Like what? Any Thanksgiving TV specials come to your mind? All I can come up with is "Daffy's Thanks-for-Giving Special," which I only remember because watching it was like having a baster of hot turkey grease squirted directly into my eyes. Although I probably would have a clearer memory of it if Daffy Duck and Marvin the Martian suddenly had a theological discussion about Leviticus during it.

He's just remembering things that only happened in his stupors, isn't he?

(Oh no--I had shrimp cocktail at my family feast today! I'm totally going to Hell because of what it says in Leviticus!)

GeoX said...

Does anyone have any idea what if anything anonyrast is trying to say? See, this is the sort of thing I'm talking about--they get so brain-scrambled with their own weird little conspiracies and codewords that they're completely incomprehensible to ordinary humans. Not that I'm complaining; it's just fascinating to watch.

Not THAT Anonymous said...

GeoX, I think the li'l nitwit just hung onto the whole "from the Japanese Emperor" angle, which he takes as a cue to start up the whole ZOMG THE KENYAN SOCIOFASCIST BOWED INSTEAD OF THROWING UP IN THE PUNK'S LAP OH NOES WE ARE MADE TO LOOK WEAK pile of horsedung again.

Seriously, my local free rightwing fishwrap had an editorial reminding us that Japan attacked us in 1941 and therefore Obama should've...I don't know, punched the man? They've been our ally ever since the end of WWII, but if Obama shows them a courtesy, TOTAL PANTS-CRAPPING FREAK-OUT.

It's not stupidity. It's complete insanity.

Not THAT Anonymous said...

The aforementioned fishwrap article.

It continues the whole neoconservative "we have no friends, everyone hates us and we should hate everyone" fantasy/foriegn-policy approach that Tinsley loves, and which has served us SO well in the past decade...mixed, of course, with a healthy dollop of "it's okay when one of US does it."

Anonymous said...

Note to Not THAT Anonymous:
Perhaps one could understand what you were trying to say in your comment, if you would learn how to code a link. Never mind it's probably better left the way it is now - worthless.

Not THAT Anonymous said...

Let's try that again.

Just for you, anonycoward. Don't you feel special?

Ducky is Right said...

Given Pilgrim religion, I think sucking it out of the tradition was a smart move.

exanonymous said...

So what are we at now, Obama's turkeygate? Or is this his waterloo?

You know, if the president is making fatal mistakes every single day in your eyes, you might want to have them examined.

Even Bush derangement syndrome has a shorter list than what's been brought up against Obama. But angry sells without requiring logic, so who am I to deprive the conservative pundits of their faithful flock?

Neo Tuxedo said...

It continues the whole neoconservative "we have no friends, everyone hates us and we should hate everyone" fantasy/foriegn-policy approach that Tinsley loves, and which has served us SO well in the past decade...

Hey, "We are few, and nobody loves us" worked for the Draka, and the neocons' model for world affairs is basically the Domination without the impalements.