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Monday, February 28, 2011

Those damned Limits

What's Mallard raving about today?

Campaigns, Term Limits

Yeah, really clever there, Mallard.

But, on the evidence, I don't think you actually understand the meaning of the phrase "term limits."

Ironic for a duck whose been bitching for two weeks about College students' intelligence.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

That damned Study

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard continues to flog this horse, despite the fact that he is lying about what the study found. Thus proving that schools are over-preparing people, assuming their aspiration is to be a Right Wing propagandist.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

That damned Warning

What's Mallard raving about today?

The weather.

Warning: Mallard Fillmore is so stupid that he has taken the phrase "Global Warming" to mean, quite literally, that it will never be cold anywhere on Earth, ever again.

Warning: Mallard Fillmore may be the most stupid waterfowl in History.

Warning: If not actually stupid, Mallard is even more dangerous, because he is being a willfully ignorant idiot.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Meta-Post: "Worst Rhyme Scheme" Nominees

Post a link to your suggested nominee for "Worst Rhyme Scheme"!

Meta-Post: Golden Ellipses Nominees

All - decided to enlist your aid in getting the nominees for this year's Golden Ellipses...

I'll post a thread for an award, please post nominees into the comments!

Those damned Oscars

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Oscars.

Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation.

Oh, pretend all you want, Mallard, that you hate the Oscars. We know you just hate human contact.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Those damned Conservatives

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Reagan.

No matter how many times you say that there's a Liberal bias in the media, Mallard, it doesn't make it true.

Liberals, for example, lack an entire network dedicated to propaganda.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Those damned Tiger Moms

What's Mallard raving about today?

Tiger Moms, Bums.

Anyone care to theorize on whether Mallard agrees with or disagrees with the referenced article?

Because, apparently, we're supposed to just know what's going on in his head since he offers no clues in the panel itself.

Monday, February 21, 2011

That damned Work

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Middle East.

Over the next week, watch as Mallard morphs with the Glenn Beck approved talking points from "President Obama is not doing anything" to "ZOMG, Muslims are taking over!"

Sunday, February 20, 2011

That damned Dollar

What's Mallard raving about today?

George Washington.

Are these Americans the same Americans who need a break instead of a lecture?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Those damned Stickers

What's Mallard raving about today?


We can't all be intellectual giants, Mallard.

Some of us have to settle for the ability to absorb information independently and think critically, as opposed to having everything packaged by Right Wing propagandists into bite-sized morsels that fit our mental capacity.

Oh, and read LOL Cats for God's sake. Your LOL speak sux.

Friday, February 18, 2011

That damned Triangulation

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama.

647, 646, 645, 643, 642, 641...637? 632? 629? 627? 625?

Did someone suddenly forget how to count?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Those damned Students

What's Mallard raving about today?


Remove Social Networking, change "Self-Confidence" to "Smugness", and change "Texting" to "Writing incoherent text" and you've got a job description for Mallard Fillmore.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Those damned Languages

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard does his best to dress up "I hate the fact that we're tolerant of immigrants" in "why aren't we supporting all immigrants equally?" garb.

Not buying it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Those damned Calls

What's Mallard raving about today?

Butt Calls.

That's because when anyone calls you, they quickly remember what an insufferable jerk you are and hang up.

By the way, approximately two weeks ago, Mallard first heard the phrase "Butt Call." He's probably still giggling about it. For the rest of humanity, it lost it's power to charm us 5-6 years ago.

Monday, February 14, 2011

That damned Arrow

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rush Limbaugh, Valentines Day.

Nope. He'll be the one saying that Democrats and Liberals are enemies of America and must be stopped, no matter what it takes.

And then if someone actually takes it upon themselves to kill someone for that reason, he won't understand how he could possibly have been at all responsible.

Mallard, you are quite possibly the least intelligent mouthpiece imaginable. When you dumb things down like this, it's hard to believe you're capable of running your own Autonomic Nervous System.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Those damned Islanders

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baby Boomers.

All Baby Boomers are turning 65 this year? They were all born the same year? Well, what do you know, you learn something new every day.

Wait a second, scratch that. I already knew Mallard Fillmore was an idiot.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Those damned Cards

What's Mallard raving about today?

Valentine's Day

We don't believe you, Mallard. No one, not even marketers, send you Valentines.

Partly because you make no sense at all.

Friday, February 11, 2011

That damned saying

What's Mallard raving about today?

Other people.

First of all, Mallard, this is why no one will ever speak to you more than once. I know you think it's retribution for bravely speaking truth (aka Big Lies). But it's actually just because you're a petty, mean-spiritied, smug, superior asshat.

Second, what? I'm not sure that sentence can be parsed according to the rules of English grammar and you're criticizing that other guy?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Meta-Post: Golden Ellipses

As it came up in the comments...

Truthfully, I have not had the energy to subject myself to a review of 12 months of Mallard Fillmore in order to find nominees...yet.

Golden Ellipses will happen.

That damned Tolerance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Higher Education, Tolerance.

And now we've segued from the Big Lie about a study to the bogey man of "tolerance".

It's indicative of Mallard's audience that putting "tolerance" in scare quotes is assumed to resonate as a horrible thing. Most people see tolerance as something to strive for. Mallard sees it as a shackle on the free expression of his feelings.

Mind you, this is the same Mallard Fillmore who would bleat about his First Amendment Rights if he were criticized for expressing those feelings, so, you know, we're grading on a massive curve here.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

That damned Report

What's Mallard raving about today?

Higher Education.

Repeating a Big Lie does not make it true, you feckless duck.

Doubling down on a Big Lie which only points to his own intellectual shortcomings is par for the course when it comes to Mallard Fillmore.

But, then again, simply opening his mouth always points to his own intellectual shortcomings.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

That damned nothing

What's Mallard raving about today?

College Education

Proving that Right Wing mouthpieces cannot stop lying because they cannot stop talking (the two activities are inextricable in their case), behold Mallard Fillmore:

  • What Mallard Says: "Half of all students learn nothing in their first two years of college."
  • What the study actually says: "...the authors followed more than 2,300 undergraduates at two dozen universities, and concluded that 45 percent 'demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communications during the first two years of college.'"
I can name someone who has demonstrated no significant gains in critical thinking, analytical reasoning, and written communication since Elementary School.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Those damned Crosshairs

What's Mallard raving about today?

CNN, Crosshairs.

The point has been well-made in the comments that violent metaphors and gun references are immaterial. What's material is portraying people with different opinions as enemies, sub-human, and worthy of elimination.

Of course, Mallard and other Right Wing water-carriers know this. But, like with Death Panels, they cling to the Big Lie because it is all they have.

On another note, actual people died from actual gunshot wounds. Stay classy, Mallard.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Those damned Snacks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Super Bowl, Snacks

Despite claims that Michele Obama and the Government are going to take away your ability to choose your own food (and should therefore be killed), Mallard somehow is able to ingest 7 pounds of crap.

And he's proud of it.

Plus, you know, duck crotch.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

That damned Rhetoric

What's Mallard raving about today?

Moby Dick, Incendiary Rhetoric.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Moby Dick! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

People died.

Friday, February 04, 2011

That damned Response

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard is not capable of applying for jobs and responding to job postings at the same time.

And he wonders why he is still unemployed.

And hates Public Sector Employees, but that's kind of a tangent, really.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

That damned Wheel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Baby Boomers, Education

I usually refrain from making snarky comments that could be construed as alluding to the alcohol issues of unnamed hack writers of fifth-rate propaganda scribblings. Today, however...

Can anyone name someone who has no use for (or access to) social justice, love, sex, or wheels?

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

That damned Correspondent

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment, Baby Boomers.

Mallard's previous job, and his current hobby, is being a water-carrying lick-spittle for those with a massive sense of entitlement (as well as open disdain for those in lower economic classes, including their water-carrying lick-spittles).

With a bit of skill he should be able to spin that the right way and finally get back to work.