Project Wonderful Banner

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Those damned White People

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rural, working-class white people, Howard Dean, The DNC, The Founders.

Come again? What exact rural working-class white people are being disenfranchised by the Democratic Party?

Not voting for presumptive nominee Barack Obama is not the same as being disenfranchised. Any more than voting for Mike Huckabee disenfranchised Religious Right voters in the Republican race.

And Straw Howard Dean is wrong...the Founders never intended Black people to have the right to vote.

Friday, May 30, 2008

That damed elitist

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama.

This is an astoundingly hypocritical criticism, even for an empty-headed water carrier/echo chamber like Mallard, when he himself described his chosen Presidential candidate as a bon vivant.

Apparently it was OK in January for a Presidential candidate to enjoy the finer things in life, but not anymore. Or Mallard does not actually know what bon vivant means.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Those damned Superdelegates

What's Mallard raving about today?


I think this was supposed to be a slap at Senator Clinton. What it turned out to actually be, however, is incomprehensible.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

That damned coffee

What's Mallard raving about today?

Coffee, Red States, Blue States.

One little indefinite article and you have Comedy Gold.

All at the expense the elite...which is a pretty hypocritical remark coming from a member of the Party of Ungodly Wealth and the Preservation of Wealth at the Expense of Everyone Else.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Those damned Python

What's Mallard raving about today?

Immigrants, Snakes.

Just days after openly declaring himself a racist, Mallard has now compared immigrants (and please note, not illegal immigrants) to snakes.


Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day 2

Hey, Mallard, don't be a nag.

That feeling you think is deep reverence for those making a sacrifice is really just wallowing in a sense of loathing based on smug superiority.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

Weather, Hope, Change, CBS, NBC.

I wonder what it feels like to wake up in the morning with the knowledge that your job is to write things like "with a refreshing mix of hope and change" and expect that your audience response will be "Effing right. I effing hate hope and change."

Friday, May 23, 2008

That damned irrational fear

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Weather Channel, Golf Balls, Tax Cuts, Irrational Fear.

It took several tries for me to parse today's Mallard, in part because I had a hard time believing I was actually seeing what I was seeing.

But I am forced to conclude that Mallard actually said that he has equal distaste for his Straw Liberal's position on tax cuts and on "irrational fear of those who are different"...more commonly known as racism.

In other words, Mallard is all for racism and anyone without the stomach to be the same is a Liberal namby-pamby.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

That damned weather

What's Mallard raving about today?

Weather, NBC, CBS.

NBC or CBS are going to buy the Weather Channel? And this will give them the power to control the weather?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

That damned Straw Man

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Government Jobs.

It must be so much easier coming up with material when you are not required to have any factual basis. You'd also think it would be possible to be funny under that set of circumstances, but apparently not.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

That damned Sweeps

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV, Swearing.

For a duck whose life seems to revolve around TV, Mallard sure is sanctimonious about it. But he has a point...prior to the advent of Television, children never learned to swear.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Those damned Mooners

What's Mallard raving about today?

Colleges, Professors.

Best Freudian slip of the day: "When I first stepped up to this podium, I was a bit unprepared."

Everything beyond that first panel isn't worth reading, so don't bother.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

That damned change

What's Mallard raving about today?

Elections, Change.

Pretty damned funny, if you ask me...and since you're here, I suppose in some twisted way, you are asking me.

That said, while one can certainly understand the reaction against change as empty rhetoric, leave it to Mallard to be against change during the first election in my lifetime where you have the intersection of a political/social/economic situation in which change is desperately called for and candidates who dramatically represent change...being from the out-of-power Party, the possibility of the first female/minority President, and one of whom also represents the possibility of a switch in terms of the generation with its hand on the switch.

In other words, even if he were consistently funny, you can still count on the fact that Mallard is always wrong.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Those damned good old days

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Jeremiah Wright.

And yet, this will not prevent Mallard from decrying the fact that the Media are in love with Obama.

Because it's not important that anything you say make sense as long as it is framed as a petty complaint.

Friday, May 16, 2008

That damned ambiguity

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, The Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Ambiguity? Equivocation?

Your desire to keep scoring cheap political points is not the same thing as ambiguity or equivocation.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

That damned Race Hustler

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama.

Apparently it's not over.

Based on his lack of a week long bile spout, we can assume that Mallard agrees with the following statements:
I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the thing in their face and say you helped [9-11] happen. (Jerry Falwell)

All hurricanes are acts of God, because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they were recipients of the judgment of God for that. (Pastor John Hagee)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

That damned...oh for God's Sake Shut Up Already!

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama.

OK, we get it.

Anything anyone says about Black people is interpreted by Black people as racism. So says Mallard Fillmore, spokesperson for all Black people.

Can we please move along?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

That damned 15 Minutes

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama.

Speaking of 15 was a nice effort by Mallard and his Right Wing Overlords, but it looks like the American public has pretty well rejected the whole Guilt by Association with a Scary Black Pastor line of attack.

Isn't it time to move on to the next petty distraction?

Monday, May 12, 2008

That damned Scheme

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

Look, Mallard...

There are many reasons beyond racism why someone might not support Senator Obama. Our own billywitchdoctor (hardly your biggest fan) is very openly not an Obama supporter, for example. No one has accused BWD of racism.

But if you keep equating not supporting Obama with racism over and over and over again, you might as well just come out and directly say that you personally can't support Obama because he is Black.

It's OK, we won't think any less of you for being honest. We can't think any less of you.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

That damned Mother Fish

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mother's Day.

Enjoy your day of respite. Tomorrow the demented Obama horror show will undoubtedly resume.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

That damned Teflon

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teflon, Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan.

OK, this is getting seriously delusional right about now.

Friday, May 09, 2008

That damned Noseworthy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Racism, Elitism.

How little must you think of your own ability and the intelligence of your readers when you have a character introduce himself and state his purpose every time he appears?

Bonus points for the totally nonsensical use of the word Elitist here just because it was the Right Wing Water Carrier's word of choice when this was written. Much of an echo chamber, Mallard?

Thursday, May 08, 2008

That damned Putin

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vladimir Putin, Universities.


Because if you are commenting on suppression of speech in America, land of the Free Speech Zone, you need to look to Universities for the example you want.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

That damned Media

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, The Media, Barack Obama.

Bill Clinton's infidelity is always funny! Plus, it looks like someone dropped a heavy weight on Hillary's head. Plus, the Media have always treated Hillary Clinton like their lover. Plus, the media is now in love with John McCain...uh, I mean Barack Obama.

Wait a second...this panel makes no sense at all.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

That damned discovery

What's Mallard raving about today?

Indiana, Democrats.

I think I should be depressed that the Democratic Primaries have become absurd enough that even Mallard was able to eke out a joke which is recognizable as such.

Monday, May 05, 2008

That damned Jimmy Carter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Jimmy Carter.

Can I confess that, just in a general sense, I enjoy the way that everything President Carter does causes out-of-proportion apoplexy among the Right Wing Rabies Carriers? It's not because I agree or disagree with President's just the way they go atomic and he refuses to give a rat's ass. For that fact alone, I love the man.

I believe this specific reference must refer to President Carter's visit to Hamas. His fairly rational assessment that any Middle East solution will, of necessity, involve Hamas being part of the political process cannot go over well with the foot-stamping, breath-holding, saber-rattling crowd of idiots who are still waiting for this approach to bear fruit.

When you consider that, in 1982, Ronald Reagan removed Iraq from the list of states supporting international terrorism and sent Special Envoy Donald Rumsfeld to shake hands with Saddam Hussein, it's also spectacularly hypocritical.

Not that there's anything unusual about that...I'm just saying.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Those damned words

What's Mallard raving about today?

Massachusetts, Education.

This blather was a waste of everyone's time a week ago. The intervening time has not added any new insight from Mallard to justify using 20 extra words and the extra space of a Sunday panel to make the exact same point.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

That damned check

What's Mallard raving about today?

Checks, the US Post Office.

Leave it to Mallard to complain about getting money from the government because it involves the Post Office. Essentially proving that there is absolutely nothing that Mallard will not reflexively complain about.

Friday, May 02, 2008

That damned JFK

What's Mallard raving about today?

JFK, Conservatives.

Apparently, Mallard pines for the good old days when someone like Strom Thurmond could be an openly racist member of the Senate (albeit a Democrat until 1964).

Thursday, May 01, 2008

That damned pastor

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, the Reverend Jeremiah White.

Nice timing.

I'm not holding my breath for the panel on John McCain's relationship with his endorser, the Reverend John Hagee.