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Thursday, March 31, 2011

That damned Study

What's Mallard raving about today?

Head Start, Liberals.

Yes, let's eliminate Head Start because some sort of partisan think tank did a study which just happened to reinforce a preconceived ideological stance.

The poor can go hungry and without education. Billionaires need more tax breaks. And GE's tax credit of $3.2b from the Federal government is just not enough for them to survive.

Hey Mallard, I'm pretty sure Jesus, who lived to help poor people, would punch you in the throat if he ever met you.

Republicans have stopped even pretending to have hearts or souls.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Those damned Elitists

What's Mallard raving about today?


Isn't that cute...the Billionaire's Lap Dog is accusing NPR of being Elitist!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

That damned Chancellor

What's Mallard raving about today?

Schools, Michelle Rhee

Mallard, your timing in holding Michelle Rhee out as a role model is absolutely impeccable.

Monday, March 28, 2011

That damned Candidate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Governor Walker, 2012 Election.

Republicans really are easily impressed, aren't they? And select their national candidates with great care and deliberation, latching onto the latest shiny object Fox dangles in front of them.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

That damned Body-Image

What's Mallard raving about today?

Body Image.

Mallard Fillmore: Men are from Mars, Women are weak-willed individuals who allow media images of beauty to affect their self-image and I cannot tolerate weakness and must mock them for it.

But before you, sir, are the sexist among us! Not I. YOU!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

Steve Jobs, iPhone, iPad.

Come on, Mallard. Give in. Just draw the rocking chair, the shotgun, and yell "Get offa my lawn!"

Unsurprisingly, no one has ever written something like this about Mallard Fillmore because, unlike Apple products, no one cares about Mallard Fillmore.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's Mallard raving about today?

Compact Fluorescent Bulbs.

Exactly! Who can be bothered to wait 15 seconds? Has anyone ever asked for so much sacrifice? Never, it's the worst thing in the history of the world.

Let's go back to gas lamps!

By the way, what happened to complaining that CFLs were going to kill us all?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Those damned Cheetos

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michelle Obama, Obesity, President Obama, The Budget, Cheetos

Michelle Obama is not the one who says we are Obese, Mallard. Scientific studies show that more Americans than ever are obese. Michelle Obama is trying to address that epedemic, not accuse you personally of being a fat ass. Now, I know, I know...Science...amiright?

But lying and saying the First Lady is accusing everyone in American of being obese, as if it were some personal affront to you, shows a distinct lack of anything one would call "Accuracy." And yes, I know, I know...Accuracy...amiright?

As for your budget reference: what?

Monday, March 21, 2011

That damned Gaddafi

What's Mallard raving about today?

Muammar Gaddafi, Kim Jong-il

Mallard Fillmore would like you to know that, in the "who's craziest?" sweepstakes, he considers Kim Jong-il more crazy than Muammar Gaddafi.

Like his opinion matters.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

That damned Robin

What's Mallard raving about today?

Robins, Spring, Florida, Brazil

Mallard, we're not mind-readers. And we don't get the daily Right Wing nontroversy talking points memo.

You have to try to make at least some sense to the 75% of the population that are not raving Right Wing conspiracy lunatics (aka Teabaggers).

Saturday, March 19, 2011

That damned Strike

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxpayers, Unions

Well, that depends...

If you're a member of a Union, you go on strike when your Union does so as part of collective bargaining.

If you're not a member of a Union, you can go on strike anytime you like, but you'll probably end up getting fired since you have no leverage.

If you're a talentless hack who gets paid to echo Right Wing talking points, pretty much every day is like being on strike, except that you get paid for not doing work.

Friday, March 18, 2011

That damned Mind

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV Producers

And yet, it's a certain TV-addicted waterfowl who actually came up with that one.

You know, I begin to see why Republicans like Mallard hate the poor. I mean, if I got paid doing what he does, I'd have a hard time imagining anyone not being able to find a job.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

That damned Kick

What's Mallard raving about today?

Obesity, The Media.

So says the duck who has been planted in front of his TV eating a box of snacks for as much as 60% of 2011.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

That damned Idea

What's Mallard raving about today?

FDR, Unions.

Ummmmmm....Mallard, what FDR actually said was this:
...a strike of public employees manifests nothing less than an intent on their part to prevent or obstruct the operations of Government until their demands are satisfied. Such action, looking toward the paralysis of Government by those who have sworn to support it, is unthinkable and intolerable.
Not that public sector unions or collective bargaining for public sector employees is unthinkable or intolerable. But that strikes are unthinkable and intolerable. Big difference to anyone sporting near-human intelligence, which explains why you fail to see the difference.

But while we're on the's a question for you Mallard...which President said this? "Where Collective Bargaining is forbidden, freedom is lost."

I'll give you a's a President who wouldn't be very popular among theTeabaggers

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

That damned Story

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unions, Protesters, The Media.

Give mallard credit, after being chastised on this very blog for using non-citations with his asterisks, he managed to find a citation source even less believable than just telling the user to look things up for themselves: the Media Research Center.

I won't link to MRC, but suffice it to say that if you "look it up for yourself" you'll find two articles on the MRC website which are absolutely laughable in their lack of actual evidence for their claims.

In one, for example, they decry the use of "Dead Man Walker" as violent imagery, conveniently ignoring the actual meaning of the phrase Dead Man Walking.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Sunday, March 13, 2011

That damned Moment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Education.

It's high irony for a proud Know-Nothing, a reveler in ignorance, to be criticizing Education or someone trying to improve it.

Of course, Mallard and the Right Wing have proven conclusively they have no sense of shame or irony, so the fact that he is doing just that should come as no surprise.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

That damned Grammar

What's Mallard raving about today?


The person who wrote today's word jumble masquerading as some sort of commentary should not, under any circumstance, criticize people's use of the English language.

Friday, March 11, 2011

That damned Pepsi

What's Mallard raving about today?


To summarize...standing next to a taller skinnier can of Pepsi a person will look, comparatively, fatter.

Yeah, Mallard, that really needed to be said.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

That damned riot

What's Mallard raving about today?

Riots, The Media.

I'm lost.

Is Mallard, who believes brown skin is justification for strip searches because you might be a terrorist, now castigating the media for a lack of national specificity regarding riots in the Middle East?

Is this some oblique reference to Wisconsin?

Or is this a reference to the Fox Propaganda Network showing video of a rally in California and lying about it being from Wisconsin?

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Meta-Post: Golden Ellipses

I have yet to find a source for year-old Mallard Fillmore cartoons to determine nominees or even run our yearly awards. Not sure we'll be able to do this, as a result. If anyone knows where I can find these older strips, please let me know.

Those damned Emails

What's Mallard raving about today?

Doctors, Weather.

I'm sure this has something to do with protests in Wisconsin. But what it has to do with them is beyond me.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

That damned Gentleness

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unions, Journalists.

I'd like to thank Mallard in advance. He probably will spend 2 weeks on this train of "thought" (for certain limited definitions of "thought"), which means I don't really have to do any work to maintain this blog for the same period of time.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Those damned signs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Protestors, Violent Rhetoric

Thanks to the power of the Internet, we can look at Mallard's claim. The Wisconsin GOP very helpfully put together a video montage of offensive signs to make much the same point.

So, there you go, some signs comparing Walker to Hitler. One sign (shown twice, presumably because it was the only one they could find) quoting the now infamous "Don't Retreat, Reload" slogan and showing a crosshairs over Governor Walker's face.

Most of the signs, of course, are amazingly tame, comparing him to Hosni Mubarak, with whom Governor Walker shares some actual parallels (such as shutting off Internet access).

One chilling sign says (in comparing Walker and Mubarak) "One Down; One to Go" and shows the terrifying specter of an airplane to take Walker away! Heaven forfend! (Seriously, this is the worst the Republicans could find?)

Now, of course, let's ask what's prominently missing from the video? And that would be anyone of the prominence of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, or Sarah Palin spewing such rhetoric.

The point, Mallard, is that no credible person claimed that not one soul on the Left utilizes violent rhetoric. The fact is that it is not an inherent feature of the Democratic Party's discourse, unlike the Republican Party and their Fox Propaganda network which make use of violent and eliminationist rhetoric virtually every day of the week. And in that lies all the difference.

Shorter version: Mallard Fillmore: swing and a miss!

Sunday, March 06, 2011

That damned Call

What's Mallard raving about today?


Seriously, a whole Sunday panel devoted to being annoyed about inadvertent phone calls? When is someone going to wake up and realize the only thing Mallard Fillmore offers a counterpoint to is intelligent discourse and stop providing him with space to vent his spleen.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

That damned Commercial

What's Mallard raving about today?

Doritos, Michelle Obama

Apparently Mallard didn't like some Doritos commercial.

Unlike the rest of us, however, someone actually paid him to complain about it. Then that complaint got published in newspapers and online.

Seriously, is no one paying attention?

Thursday, March 03, 2011

What's Mallard raving about today?

Unemployment, President Obama.

At least President Obama is looking for solutions, rather than saying "so be it" about people losing their jobs.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

That damned Budget

What's Mallard Fillmore raving about today?

President Obama, the Budget.

This would be funny except Mallard repeated the same joke every year during the Bush Administration, while the huge deficits were being run up.

What, what do you mean he didn't?

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

That damned Campaign

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Two days in and Mallard has tips his hand. See, he's going to contend that President Obama is only good at campaigning and, see, that's why he was re-elected in 2012.

It's going to be a very long 2 years for those of use who subject ourselves to Mallard Fillmore.