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Monday, October 31, 2011

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

I am reasonably certain there was a point to this. However since Mallard chose to express it using a code understood only by the voices in his head, that point eludes me.

That said, I am hopeful someone is about to take a piss in Mallard's house.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

That Damned Holiday

What's Mallard raving about today?

Halloween, Washington DC

Oh, hey, look everyone, Mallard Fillmore is being a total dick about a children's holiday.

How utterly surprising.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

That damned Commandment

What's Mallard raving about today?

GOP Candidates, Ronald Reagan

Because what's really wrong with this crop of Republican Presidential candidates is that they are criticizing each other.


Friday, October 28, 2011

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Herman Cain

If you want to know what Herman Cain proves, Mallard, it's that Republicans are the party of the ultra-wealthy and that trumps everything else. However, we already knew that.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

That damned Herman Cain

What's Mallard raving about today?

Herman Cain, The Media

Yeah, that stupid media. I mean the GOP ignored Herman Cain until after everyone else (not named Mitt Romney) crashed and burned, how dare the media do likewise?

Meanwhile, in the's that media glare working out for old Herman Cain?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Those damned Elites

What's Mallard raving about today?


Funny how when you're unemployed or under-employed you find yourself with time on your hands.

But, Mallard, we can agree that everyone here would be thrilled if you were unemployed.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Those damed Corporations

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

Damn! Shut OWS down now since Mallard has spotted the flaw in their argument!

By the way Mallard, shall we discuss Tea Party members who use Government services, like roads, traffic signals, police & fire? Strangely, I don't recall you dismissing the Tea Party on those grounds.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Those damned Changes

What's Mallard raving about today?


I ask Mallard to cite statistics to prove that the USPS delivers mail to the wrong address at a statistically significant rate. This is not my experience of the USPS, but I accept that my experience is simply a point sampling. Mallard must obviously have data to back up his claim, or he'd simply be a fucking liar. And we all know...OK, here's where I can no longer keep a straight face.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

That damned Common Ground

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pets, Taxes, President Obama

Mark the day down. Today is the day Mallard Fillmore, tax-lover and heretic, was excommunicated by the GOP.

Friday, October 21, 2011

That damned Story

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pets, Hallowe'en

Mallard thinks that average Americans deserve a break not a lecture. Except that he likes to lecture people on what he considers acceptable behavior, rather than preferring to allow the Free Market to make those decisions.

Mallard is a liar, hypocrite, and Socialist.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Those damned Dogs

What's Mallard raving about today?


Meanwhile, most lies on the comics pages are caused by dressing a duck in a tweed jacket and no pants.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Those damned Costumes

What's Mallard raving about today?


Congratulations to Mallard Fillmore for finding a new high water mark for creepiness.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

That damned Radish

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Whole Foods

Oh, man. It's going to be a whole week of pithy observations which Mallard thinks are contradictory about Whole Foods shoppers. Wake me next week.

Monday, October 17, 2011

That damned Birkenfoods

What's Mallard raving about today?

Volvos, Bumper Stockers.

Mallard, when you pulled this off the shelf because you just didn't feel like writing something new today, did it not occur to you to replace "Volvo" with "Prius" so it sounds like you wrote it this decade?

For God's sake, do we have to do everything for you?

In that's a fun challenge for the comments: re-write this using fewer than the approximately 50 words it took Mallard.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

That damned funding

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hippies, Congressional Funding

Yet another Fillmore Foundation study reinforces the prejudice of the study's sponsor, without any facts behind it. Shocking.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

That damned Subsidy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Subsidies, Solyndra, Ethanol

Fascinating that subsidies to the most profitable companies on earth (oil companies) didn't make Mallard's newspaper.

Did I say "fascinating"? I meant "predictable."

Friday, October 14, 2011

Those damned Guidelines

What's Mallard raving about today?


Throw it in the trash.

Apparently it takes Mallard several years to read that sentence. I am not surprised.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

That damned Study

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voters, President Obama

The Fillmore Foundation: Producing fake studies supporting conclusions which, surprisingly, support the entrenched views of its ideological masters since whenever Mallard's fevered imagination first came up with the idea for a fake foundation.

Exactly like every actual Right Wing "Think" Tank in existence.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

That damned Demographic

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Voters

Mallard Fillmore: People only voted for President Obama because he is Black. Wait, why are you calling me a racist?

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

That damned Book

What's Mallard raving about today?

Ron Suskind, President Obama

Hmmmmmm, I don't recall Mallard's footnoted reference to Suskind's writing about President Bush, but I am sure he gave equal space and credence to Suskind when he was writing about a Republican President. because otherwise Mallard would be a total hypocrite and an intellectual lightweight and, well...we all know that can't be the case.

By the way, I refuse to believe that Mallard read a book. Shouldn't he be citing what Townhall told him the book said?

Monday, October 10, 2011

That damned Card

What's Mallard raving about today?

Greeting Cards, Unemployment, President Obama

The Mallard Fillmore process:

  • Step 1. Find item in newspaper
  • Step 2. Create a tenuous link to something to which I am opposed.
  • Step 3. Find prior artwork that can be re-used.
  • Step 4. Express the link from step 2 using the most words possible.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Those damned Democrats

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Mallard Fillmore, for once, hits close to the heart of the actual problem.

Mind you, if anyone pointed out that the issue is that Democrats don't understand why President Obama is sacrificing what is right for the country in a vain attempt to compromise with extremists who care more for party than the country, Mallard's head would expose.

So, you know, someone point that out to him.

Friday, October 07, 2011

That damned Debate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Don't Ask Don't Tell, Colleges

Let's compare lists of college professors fired for that reason and service members discharged just for being gay, OK?

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

That damned Yellow Dog

What's Mallard raving about today?

Yellow Dog Democrats

Frankly I have no idea what this is about and given the fact that Mallard felt the need to label everything in sight, I'm pretty sure he knows no one will understand either.

Of course, the unspoken message here is that Republicans, largely responsible for the multiple messes we're in, want to continue doing more of the same stuff because it's worked out so well to this point.

But, you know, Democrats, amiright?

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

That damned Help

What's Mallard raving about today?


This Middle Class voter (or uninsured person), left to die by Republicans, tries another tactic.

Sadly for him, he did not claim to be a Bank. Or Haliburton. Or Blackwater.

Monday, October 03, 2011

That damned Solyndra

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard Fillmore never uttered a single harsh word as Wall Street fell apart when pools of loans went south and took the entire world's economy with it.

He never said a word when the Bush Administration simply lost billions of dollars in Iraq and Afghanistan, with no accounting for where they went.

But he's absolutely aghast over the latest Right Wing non-troversy that 100% of the loan guarantees intended to stimulate America's Green Energy industry have not turned out perfectly.

The hypocrisy and lack of intellectual honesty is simply staggering.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

That damned Columnist

What's Mallard raving about today?

Katie Pavlich

Mallard Fillmore once more demonstrates his parochialism, believing anyone other than the Teabagger readers of Townhall have heard of this columnist. Also his belief that her writing are based on facts, which would make her unique at that particular website.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

That damned Thing

What's Mallard raving about today?


Rootbeer called it: "Oh god, this is start of a story line where he goes shopping for a new flatscreen widescreen tallscreen 1040g 80Hz 3-D LZD HBTV, isn't it?"