What's Mallard raving about today?
Volvos, Bumper Stockers.
Mallard, when you pulled this off the shelf because you just didn't feel like writing something new today, did it not occur to you to replace "Volvo" with "Prius" so it sounds like you wrote it this decade?
For God's sake, do we have to do everything for you?
In that vein...here's a fun challenge for the comments: re-write this using fewer than the approximately 50 words it took Mallard.