Project Wonderful Banner

Monday, October 17, 2011

That damned Birkenfoods

What's Mallard raving about today?

Volvos, Bumper Stockers.

Mallard, when you pulled this off the shelf because you just didn't feel like writing something new today, did it not occur to you to replace "Volvo" with "Prius" so it sounds like you wrote it this decade?

For God's sake, do we have to do everything for you?

In that's a fun challenge for the comments: re-write this using fewer than the approximately 50 words it took Mallard.


Tog said...

CHALLENGE REFUSED but good point about the Volvo reference. Lazy is as lazy would do if lazy wasn't so damn lazy. Get a job, lazy!

Come on, Batshit, why don't you just suck on a nice Republican family values frozen concentrate? Then you won't have to go outside and be assaulted by the straw-liberalfascists that exist only in the minds of you, Tucci, Jonah Goldberg, Chris Muir, and other projecting closet fascists?

Rush Limbaugh defends "Christian" murderers and rapists from that Mean Ol' Kenyan Wow.

Rootbeer said...

The secret shame of the conservative.

He KNOWS the value of liberal behaviors, like walking instead of driving, and consuming fresh fruit juices instead of the concentrated, frozen, reconstituted, flavor-pack-enhanced commercial products, yet he cannot admit their benefits to even his closest companions-slash-creepy-obsessions.

dlauthor said...

"Good thing I walked, because the cops took away my license again on Saturday."

Kip W said...

Mallard walked? No wonder he's in a mood. The way he moves, his crotch hits and drags on the ground with every single step.

"I just walked into town, and boy is my cloaca sore!"

Tinsley: Sociopath said...

"Obama is a foreign nigger, and only foreigners and niggers like modern technology like cars. They should all be tortured and killed." (22 words)

Word Verification: Irastax, iras are the extremely poor, and irastax is the only one Republicans support.

MartyRotten said...

"I secretly know that liberals are right but I don't want to admit it"
How's that?

Frank Stone said...

So juicing an orange is so far beyond Mallard's abilities that he's willing to risk the mockery of his girlfriend (?) and suffer the torture of walking and looking at Volvos with Obama bumper stickers just to get fresh-squeezed orange juice.

Wow. That's... really pathetic.

And in panel 3, it looks like Brucie is trying to see how little of the very tippy-top of an object he can get away with drawing and still have it be recognizable to the reader. It's almost like a game, but without any of the fun.

Here's my entry for the challenge:

"I know I'm stupid...
"...and lazy...
"...but as long as I can play the martyr, I don't have to think about it."

Badgerman. said...

Har, har, liberals love the same things as me har, ha...wait, am i gay? (15)

Steve-O said...

Here's my attempt at a Lawrence O'Donnell style rewrite of this "comic":

Panel 1: (Mallard is hurredly moving across the panel). "uhh...I drank too much Wild Turkey and I need to pee REALLY BAD"

Panel 2: (Mallard has a crazed look on his face)

Panel 3: (Mallard is behind a car). "Awwwww...that's better".

Wow, that works way better than what Tinsley wrote.

rewinn said...

Today's "comic", while lazily drawn and sloppily written, is not actively hateful. We make jokes about overpriced upscale groceries all the time. No doubt Tinshley's intent is to rabblerouse against Obama on the grounds that people who can afford good food are bad, or something.

But can anyone figure out what the grey thing in the last panel may be? Everything else in the "comic" is a duck; from context the 3rd panel may be showing a Volvo with a bumptersticker but good Lordy that is a terrible layout!

@Tog's link to the Limbaugh/pro-child-rapist story is awesome in its mindbogglingly bad awefulness. Perhaps its time to boycott his advertizers?

DiR said...

"God, am I fucking stupid."

Did I win?

Kip W said...

"Left, right, left, um, right..."

"Wait! I mean: Right, farther right, right, farther right..."

"Oh no! I've run into the excluded middle!"