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Sunday, August 31, 2008

That damned memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Geometry, Memory.

Proving only that you have a crappy memory, Mallard.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

That damned Energy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Energy, People.

Combining his intense hatred of two things--people and climate change science--Mallard comes up with the worst pun of the 21st century.

Nice work.

Friday, August 29, 2008

That damned TV

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, John Edwards

For example if they had known that the outing of a CIA agent was a calculated disinformation campaign against the American Public by a Republican Administration, they would have said something, right? Right?

Oh, right...

Thursday, August 28, 2008

That damned metaphor

What's Mallard raving about today?

China, Old people.

In order for a metaphor to work, Mallard, it should have some resonance with the subject matter.

So unless you are saying that old people are like brutal Totalitarian states (which may be the case, given that Mallard hates everyone reflexively and intensely), this constitutes the worst metaphor ever.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

That damned lag time

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.

Nice timing.

I only wish that the attempt by Right Wing concern trolls, like Mallard, to manufacture a rift between Obama and Clinton were not being abetted by a Media obsessed with drama rather than facts.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

That damned Hillary

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton.

Hillary is the least of his worries, seeing as how Barack Obama is about to have his skull ripped off by a disembodied alien claw.

Monday, August 25, 2008

That damned Convention

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, The Media.

Empty-headed and wrong. Pretty much the definition of Mallard Fillmore.
Barack Obama is getting more negative coverage than John McCain on TV network evening news shows, reversing Obama’s lead in good press during the primaries, according to a new study by Center for Media and Public Affairs (CMPA).

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Those damned teachers

What's Mallard raving about today?


The young Mallard was too lazy to think for himself and preferred to be spoon-fed all his knowledge.

Today's Mallard is too lazy to think for himself and prefers to be spoon-fed his opinions.

It's a case study in the Life Cycle of the Right Wing Water Carrier.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Those damned supporters

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama's Supporters.

Much like the Rich Grumpy Old Man, Mallard's line of attack here is not so much an attack on Obama, but essentially an attack on his supporters as mindless celebrity-worshiping idiots.

Thus removing all doubt, if there ever was any, whether Senator I-don't know-how-many-houses-I-own will continue the divisive President of One-Half of America politics of President Bush. Less an attack, it is an admission that McCain is McSame.

The racism thing? All I can tell you is that Mallard must hear that charge a lot, and it's always the other person's problem. Nothing to do with him.

Friday, August 22, 2008

That damned man on the street

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, personal responsibility.

Mallard: Hello, pretend person, why do you support Barack Obama rather than the angry rich out-of-touch old guy?
Pretend Person: For a pretend reason that makes no sense in any event.
Mallard: Allow me to make what appears to be a droll comment but which is really just an empty expression of my smugness.
Pretend Person: I am an idiot.

Ooops. I forgot to tell a joke.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

That damned logic

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Vouchers.

Obama pays to send his kids to Private School and yet doesn't complain about funding Public Schools with his tax dollars.

Mallard wants to stop funding Public Schools, won't stop whining about it, and makes absolutely baseless statements that vouchers "work."

An Obama is the one you are mocking? I'll take Obama's compromise position any day.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Those damned vouchers

What's Mallard raving abut today?

Barack Obama, Vouchers.

Barack Obama supported vouchers in February? Really?

Not so much.

What Obama actually said was that if studies of voucher programs showed that they worked, then "whatever my preconceptions, my attitude is you do what works for the kids."
The executive director of the lobbying group Democrats for Education Reform, Joseph Williams, said the response was unusual for a Democratic politician, praising Mr. Obama for making his bottom line helping children learn rather than ideology.

"I don't think anyone can call him a voucher supporter out of this, but it is an intriguing response," Mr. Williams said. "It is a different kind of answer than most of us are used to hearing from politicians."
In other words: Obama would let facts guide his decision-making, rather than strict ideology. Suddenly I understand why Mallard is so threatened by Obama.

I'd call Mallard a lying sack of crap, but it's hardly worth stating the obvious.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

That damned program

What's Mallard raving about today?

School Vouchers, Barack Obama.

The Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Republican mouthpiece says the school vouchers program is working? God forbid anyone should question that!

I am reasonably certain that we have just finished reading the 2008 winner for the "Least Helpful Asterisk" Golden Ellipses.

Monday, August 18, 2008

That damned Freedom Fighter

What's Mallard raving about today?

Alexander Solzhenitsyn.

As if yesterday were not enough to peg the smug superiority meter, today Mallard is better than you because he read Alexander Solzhenitsyn, and you didn't.

Of course in acting superior to everyone, Mallard conveniently ignores the fact that some of those whose eyeballs fall on his work have read Solzhenitsyn. He also ignores the fact that, unlike him, many of those people have understood it.

Plus, isn't reading Solzhenitsyn something that only Elitists would do? Just spelling it correctly made me suspicious that Mallard is an Elitist.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Those damned projects

What's Mallard raving about today?

Science projects, Back-to-School.

That's Mallard Fillmore, ladies and gentlemen. Promoting smug superiority from cradle to grave.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Metapost: Happy YOU

I wanted to mention that this blog happens to be 2 years old today.

I can honestly say that if it were not for the fact that I enjoy reading the comments on the blog every day, I am certain I would have abandoned this nonsense long ago.

So all the credit for that anniversary goes to those of you who read and post.

Thanks very much!

That damned flop

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Racism, Flip-Flopping.

Awfully considerate of Mallard to clarify what he meant yesterday by telling us that what's eating away at him is that when he makes racist comments about Barack Obama, he gets called a racist.

Google shows about 1,760,000 hits for the keywords "Obama flip-flop." So, the idea that this topic is somehow taboo is insupportable by anyone with a cerebral cortex. Hell, I'd venture to say that amoeba can see through this claim.

The fact that calling Obama a flip-flopper is not having the same effect as it did against John Kerry in 2004 does not mean that the tactic is racist. It means it is no longer effective when people compare that charge to the litany of disaster which 8 years of Republican governance has caused.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Those damned words

What's Mallard raving about today?


I'd like to think this was an unbelievably well-disguised paean to George Carlin and his Seven Words. But it's more likely he's just pissed off that it isn't acceptable to call his Black neighbor "boy" anymore.

And, yes, that's as tame as I can make this.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

That damned debate

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama

Given that the current Occupant hasn't changed his mind about anything in 8 years, despite being wrong about everything, I'm not inclined to give a rat's ass, even if this weren't just empty-headed name-calling.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

That damned blessing

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Elitism.

For a man who professes to not like John McCain, Mallard is pretty consistent in his mindless parroting of McCain talking points. Dog whistle politics in action...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

That damned bounce

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Polls.

Mallard, making things up out of whole cloth does not make them true.
Earlier this week, Obama and McCain were separated by just two to four points, but that was before the extensive U.S. news coverage of the last leg of Obama's foreign tour.

Obama's particularly large leads over McCain in Friday and Saturday's tracking suggest that the massive publicity surrounding Obama's speech at the Victory Tower in Berlin on Friday -- the only major public event of the trip -- and coverage of Obama's meetings with the heads of state in France and Germany may have tilted U.S. voter preferences more in his favor.
- Gallup Poll

Monday, August 11, 2008

That damned polling data

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barack Obama, Europe.

Whereas John McCain would win if the election were held in a German Restaurant.

But what's really amazing is the implicit attitude that being popular in Europe is a bad thing. Having Allies in the World is a bad thing.

"It's like these guys take pride in being ignorant."

Sunday, August 10, 2008

That damned School

What's Mallard raving about today?

Being Green, School.

Today's Mallard reminded me how much was lost when Bill Watterson retired. I can't help but imagine what Calvin & Hobbes would have done with the exact same premise.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

That damned assembly

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws.

Mallard, comics are not supposed to be a purely textual medium. Cutting and pasting your main character's head three times does not count as a visual element.

If you want to write Op-Eds, then get a gig in which you are paid to write an Op-Ed.

Are we clear?

Friday, August 08, 2008

That damned ruling

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gun Laws, Criminals, Unions.

The Supreme Court strikes down the gun ban Mallard was raving about, but Mallard keeps on bleating. Proving that under no circumstances will he not complain about something.

On the plus side, it appears that, somewhere between March and today, the Anonymous Activist Criminal managed to form that Union he was calling for when we last saw him. He seems to have bulked up quite a bit also.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Those damned percentages

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Bush, Congress.

The reason Congress has an approval rating of 15% is that, instead of doing what is right, they continue to cave in to a President with an approval rating of under 30%, despite that fact that he is openly violating the law and the Constitution.

But it was a nice attempt, there, Mallard.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

That damned meter

What's Mallard raving about today?


A Sensitive-o-Meter? Seriously, that's what you want to go with?

A regular Sensitive-o-Meter?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Monday, August 04, 2008

That damned Stella

What's Mallard raving about today?

Beer, Barack Obama.

If you wanted to make the case that Barack Obama is an elitist, you'd end with "...of my Stella Artois."

If you wanted to make the case that you are a talentless hack who doesn't know when the point has been made and just keeps vomiting forth stuff until the page is full in the hopes that something will be worthwhile, you'd add "And what is a 'Budweiser' anyway?" You'd also make sure to emphasize the word "is" because otherwise the sentence wouldn't make any sense...or something...I guess.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Those damned Fairy Tales

What's Mallard raving about today?

Fairly Tales.

Since I have no idea what triggered Mallard sudden anger at fiction, I will satisfy myself by pointing out the irony in Mallard criticizing trite overused narrative gimmicks.

Arugula anyone?

Saturday, August 02, 2008

That damned Freddie Mac

What's Mallard raving about today?

Freddie Mac, The Media.

Americans are losing their houses and suffering. Mallard uses this as reason to mock the media.

Yep, seems about right.

Friday, August 01, 2008

That damned McCain

What's Mallard raving about today?

John McCain, Kazhakstan.

I'm totally confused. Is making Mallard ambassador to Kazakhstan throwing Mallard under the bus? Or rewarding him because he does not speak for John McCain?

Maybe the reason McCain hasn't repudiated Mallard yet is that, like me, he usually has no idea what the hell Mallard's talking about.