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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Those damned Things

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard Fillmore is a horrible joyless waterfowl living in a horrible joyless world.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Those damned Gifts

What's Mallard raving about today?

Gifts, Revenge.

Why does it not surprise me that Mallard is an expert on this subject.

Monday, November 28, 2011

That damned Photo

What's Mallard raving about today?


How shocking that Mallard doesn't understand social networking. Or human interaction.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

That damned Committee

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Super Committee

Thought we probably don't agree on the reasons, the stupidity of the Super Committee is at least one place where Mallard an I can agree.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

That damned Policy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rudolph the Reindeer, Santa, The Economy

Mallard's really going to continue with this?

Friday, November 25, 2011

That damned News

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Economy, Reindeer

Mallard Fillmore thinks people losing their jobs and families being unable to afford Christmas presents is hilarious.

Economically, he may not be part of the 1%. But he is part of the 1% in every other way.

For God's sake, are you really this much of a heartless bastard? I mean, we make fun of you all the time here, justifiably. But I've always assumed you were still basically human (or waterfowl, whatever) despite the fact that your politics are so misguided. After today, however, I'm starting to wonder if I may be being too generous in that opinion.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Those damned Stickers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Volvos, Subarus, Shoppers.

No, Mallard, I do not agree with your smugly asserted premise.

By the way, Mallard, if you were to consume no news at all, you would be more informed than you currently are, since you watch Fox

Monday, November 21, 2011

That damned Party

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Clinton. Herman Cain

Seriously? Mallard, based on facts (which I know you have an atavistic reaction against):

  • The Media crucified President Clinton.
  • Congress Impeached President Clinton
  • The United States People re-elected him
Your desperate attempt to rewrite history is baloney. And why do you hate Democracy so much?

Next up: comparisons to Justice Thomas as a defense of Herman Cain.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Those damned Lions

What's Mallard raving about today?

Detroit Lions

That joke would have been so much better before the Lions lost 3 of their last 4 games!

Just want to remind everyone that someone gets paid for Mallard Fillmore, because I know that seems an incomprehensible fact most of the time.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

That damned Toy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Barbie, Middle-Age Mome

Are these the same Moms who need a break, not a lecture? What kind of Nanny State does Mallard want to live in anyway?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Those damned Moms

What's Mallard raving about today?


Day 4 of Mallard extending his political philosophy to everyday life: I'm superior because you enjoy something I don't like. And no, I will not offer a single reason to back up the claim that my opinion on this matter is better than yours.

That damned Role Model

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twilight, Football

So, Mallard, we get it. You are completely unable to communicate with others and completely lack empathy.

We already got that from your politics, so can we please move on?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

That damned Promise

Whats Mallard raving about today?

Twilight Saga

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I am an insufferably smug asshole with no common decency, humanity, or empathy.

Even Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I am a Republican.

Monday, November 14, 2011

That damned Opening

What's Mallard raving about today?

Twilight Saga

His politics aside, on a personal level Mallard Fillmore is more of a prick than inveterate asshole Crankshaft.

Unlike that strip, however, Mallard Fillmore is proud of himself and an avatar.

Frightening, indeed.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

That damned Memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Herman Cain, Justice Thomas

And do you also remember where you were when Joe Paterno's character was assassinated?

Because this line of argument is exactly the same as that would be.

Which is to say that you're a vicious partisan asshole.

That damned Concept

What's Mallard raving about today?


Pssst. No one tell Mallard about the Turducken.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

That damned Accountability

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Once again, in a startling development, the Fillmore Foundation releases a study supporting the pre-conceived notions of it's eponymous Founder.

The study does, however, raise at least two interesting questions:

  1. As the Fillmore Foundation has only identified a single instance of Joe Biden saying something the Foundation has deemed "offensive", what is meant by the use of the plural "things" in this study?
  2. What methodology has the study used to control for the fact that Biden's statement occurred in 2007, while Republicans say multiple offensive things on a daily basis (c.f., Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, on November 10)?
We await these clarifications.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran's Day

Words aren't all you have, Mallard. Your actions could support current Veterans as something other than a political prop. But, you know, that'll never happen so, you know, carry on fetishizing the Military you giant hypocrite.

Update: I saw this today and wanted to add it to the post: Unemployment for Young Vets: 30%, and Rising. But, of course, one-term for President Obama is more important than the economy, jobs, or veterans, so, you know, keep on carrying that water, Mallard.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

That damned Program

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Seriously, you're going with criticism of Joe Biden? Ok, now please cite multiple examples of each claim you have made. I'll wait.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

That damned Netflix

What's Mallard raving about today?


How cute, Mallard is attempting to be relevant! Failing, of course, but...

Not sure exactly why Mallard hates the Free Market, however.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

That damned Experience

What's Mallard raving about today?


Oh,'s not even fun making sport at such a feeble effort.

Monday, November 07, 2011

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Dinosaurs

Uh, Mallard, you understand that Tyrannosaurus was also a carnivore, right?

In terms of your metaphor here, if the Tyrannosaurus was "old" then, in the animal kingdom, death is a pretty likely fate. Also, can you think of any other words with the same root as "Tyrannosaurus" which mean this metaphor works better when read with the opposite intent as yours?

God, you really suck at your job.

BTW - I realize I am not in the segment of Mallard's readers which are reflexively reflexively frightened at the dog whistle metaphor of a "pack" of "carnivores."

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Saturday, November 05, 2011

That damned Stereotype

What's Mallard raving about today?

Teabaggers, Occupy Wall Street

I think it's absolutely hysterical, and an indication of the absolute intellectual bankruptcy of the Teabaggers, that their main response to OWS is jealousy.

Tebaggers are proving that they have no actual policy underpinning. They are a movement whose only purpose was as a media attention whore to allow Fox, the Koch brothers, and the Republican Party to lie about having populist support.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

That damned Mess

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

Uh, by, "those of us" I assume you realize that also include those of us taking part in the protest, right?

By the way, still waiting for a single substantive argument.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Those Damned Slurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

While scoring 100% on echoing dishonest Fox ad hominem attacks on OWS, Mallard has yet to make a single substantive rebuttal.

In other words, business as usual in the Right Wing.

By the way, I'd like to remind everyone this is the same Mallard Fillmore who decries any claims that Teabaggers are racist.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Those damned Protestors

What's Mallard raving about today?

Occupy Wall Street

Nope, Mallard. Everyone in the neighborhood was throwing garbage at you because they hate you.

Keep up your feeble efforts to discredit the protesters, however. Your impotent fury is quite funny to watch.