What's Mallard raving about today?
Much Much Shorter Mallard: "Can't give the little socialists anthrax, and too chickenshit to say no to their faces, so I give 'em stale, rotten candy. Christ, I'm a genius!."Bet You Didn't Know That #375: Mallard's fingers speak. Ironically, they make the sound of poop plunking down a toilet.
Whoa, wait, what? You pack up the candy, and put it in the attic for a year, then give it out again?The fuck's WRONG with you?!No, really, what the hell part of your brain is malfunctioning so badly that this is judged as acceptable behavior to you?Holy hell. You know why only douchey teenagers come to your home? Because the parents of the small children won't let them near you.Bruce is Kathey from the Wayside School series, only less likable.
Did Mallard take a dump 4 times in one strip? It would explain the lack of pants.
No problems here. Anything Mallard can do to drive teenagers away from him and his noxious beliefs is fine with me. I guess I should extend that to kids as well, unless anybody really believes he'll have two separate candy dishes based on who deserves what.wv: odboompl. "Hey, look at that odboompl! It is a funny odboompl! I'll trade you an odboompl for your sandwich! Ha ha ha ha!"
On the one hand, children should not grow up too fast wear risque costumes. On the other hand, teens should grow the hell up and stop trick-or-treating. Mallard's view of humanity is analogous to his political view: incoherent, inconsistent, and based on maximum hatred of others.
The candy is "in it's festive Halloween wrappings"?You're dropping (sorry, "plopping") each piece into this bag from the bowl INDIVIDUALLY?And, as everyone has noted- YOU'RE SAVING IT UNTIL NEXT YEAR?!??!?!But- I- You- If -(head explodes)Verification- condi: what Mallard gives out at Halloween (it's like candy, but I make it myself and it lasts forever!)ORcondi: one of the things Ghadaffi and Tinsley had a common interest in.
Today's "comic" is an example of how when Mallard has two major themes: (A) attacking the 99%, and (B) complaining that life is dreary. This may be because ducks are fundamentally dinosaurs, devoid of mammalians features such as an advanced brain.---Meanwhile, in reality ... one of the first surveys of OWS suggests that most OWSrs are independents ... definitely interested in progressive solutions but not attracted to any political party. That is good news - the silent majority is waking up and She Is Really P1ssed!
I have an alternative theory: Maybe Mallard is so far gone that he believes Halloween candy lasts forever, like Christmas fruitcake.Or maybe he's just a bitter, meanspirited, passive-agressive prick. Either one.
My attempt at reworking this idea into an actual joke. I've had to break the rules of the strip by incorporating actual dialogue and visual action, but I did try to stay true to Tinsley by remembering the four-dot ellipsis.CHANTEL: Why do you have two Halloween candy bowls?MALLARD: One's for the kids, and one's for the teenagers who still go trick-or-treating.CHANTEL: What's the difference?MALLARD: After Halloween, whatever's left in THIS bowl....(Takes the kids' bowl and empties it into the teenagers' bowl)MALLARD: ....Goes into the other bowl for NEXT year.It's still grouchy and misanthropic, but at least it follows the basic structure of a joke. AND it doesn't use the sound effect "Plop."
Early onset dementia?The life expectancy of a mallard is 10-15 years in captivity, and this one's well into the second half of his second decade. Right on schedule, I'd say.
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