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Thursday, April 30, 2009

That damned Western Media

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pirates, The Media

When one is reduced to attempting to score cheap points by making the absurd claims on display this week, it's a clear sign that you are intellectually, morally, and spiritually bankrupt.

Not that Mallard hasn't been thus bankrupt since the start, but this week he's totally jumped the shark.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

That damned cutlass

What's Mallard raving about today?


Speaking as someone who has interviewed and hired many people...anyone carrying a cutlass into a job interview is pretty well screwed, pirate or not.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Meta-Post: Comments of the Whatever

I've been meaning to do this for a while because, let's face it, the commenters on this blog are funnier, more insightful, and smarter than I am.

But I just never got around to doing it...

Anyway, on no specific basis (timing or otherwise) I am going to excerpt my favorites comments or comment snippets and post them up in the right hand corner there.

Just a small token of my appreciation for the fact that you guys make the blog worth reading.

That damned spokesperson

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pirates, Spokespeople, Tolerance.

The pirates were shot by Navy Seals, pretty much to the general acclaim of the entire world (save the Republican Party's leader, Rush Limbaugh, who miraculously found a way to criticize President Obama over the incident).

So what exact tolerance is Mallard talking about?

Seriously, this may rank as one of the biggest Straw Stretches in Mallard's contortionist history.

Monday, April 27, 2009

That damned mascot

What's Mallard raving about today?

Pirates, Mascots.

Honestly, when's the last time anyone remembers a significant outcry about team name?

I remember the Indians mascot itself being deemed offensive a while back because of it's general appearance. But honestly, this is nothing but manufactured outrage over something which simply does not occur with enough frequency to justify actual outrage.

Certainly not when our economy is in turmoil and War Criminals are roaming the country at liberty.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

That damned time of year

What's Mallard raving about today?


Holy freaking cow.

NBA Playoffs, NHL Playoffs, Start of a new MLB season.

Totally depressing time to watch sports.

At base, just another example of the fact that Mallard does not understand that the things which piss him off don't always have the same effect on everyone else.

Mallard is really coming unglued.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

That damned Jimmy

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy, Jimmy from the Government

That Mallard Fillmore over there comes with a series of disconnected reference to stuff that bugs Mallard, no joke, and no point.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Those damned rules

What's Mallard raving about today?

Michele Obama, The Media, Sexism.

Yet another example of an unintentionally creepy self-revelation.

In this case it's the fact that whenever Mallard discusses what women are wearing he expects to be decried as a sexist, raising the question of just what is it he's saying to these women?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

That damned Evidence

What's Mallard raving about today?

Global Warming, Dinosaurs.

If by "primitive SUVs" you mean a massive series of volcanic eruptions...

It's hilarious to me that Mallard feels evidence of Global Climate change at other periods of the Earth's history is proof that the current Global Warming is not being caused or exacerbated by human activity.

The level of intelligence demonstrated by this type of sophomoric thinking helps one understand why Mallard can't stand science, in general.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Those damned reporters

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama. The Media, Michele Obama

Stupid media!

Why won't they transcribe the unhinged complaining of the extreme radical wing of the Republican Party (currently known as "The Republican Party") and call it Truth!

It was so much simpler when they just followed orders.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Those damned dinosaurs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Liberals, Talk Radio.

Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!

Stop saying mean things about Rush Limbaugh. After all, he's a model of restrained rhetoric.

Waaah! Waaah! Waaah!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

That damned Paycheck

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, Larry.

It wasn't funny or insightful two days ago. It was deeply ironic two days ago, given that Mallard is guilty of the same thing he is making fun of.

Nothing has changed in the interim.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Those damned taxpayers

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, President Obama.

Yay, we're citizens!

Does this include all the legal and illegal immigrants who pay taxes in America?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

That damned Larry

What's Mallard raving about today?

Larry, Taxes.

I'm sorry? Just a few days ago Mallard equated (again) not paying additional taxes in April with not paying taxes at all.

Which means, Mallard has no basis for mocking Larry.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Those damned strings

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, Fat Cats, Congressional Junkets, Earmarks.

Come again?

Aren't we upset because they gave money away without strings attached and it got used to give the fat cats bonuses?

I suppose we should be happy that Mallard went through Tax Day without a mention of tea bags.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

That damned memory

What's Mallard raving about today?

Taxes, Cabinet Members.

Making a mistake on taxes is now equivalent to not paying your taxes.

Another example of right-wing equivocation oversimplification.

Monday, April 13, 2009

That damned quote

What's Mallard raving about today?

Vice President Biden, Taxes.

Shorter Mallard Fillmore: I love America, but I don't want to pay for it!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

That damned racism...again

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Racism.

I enjoy watching the Republicans reinforce their irrelevance every single day with petulance.

Friday, April 10, 2009

That damned responsibility

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Responsibility.

If I understand this correctly, Mallard is mocking Obama for taking responsibility and telling the truth.

Those two attributes are pretty much the antithesis of the Republican Party, so I think I do understand this correctly.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Those damned gaffes

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Gaffes.

The Party of Nothing is really out-doing itself in Mallard Fillmore.

If all you had to go one was Mallard, you'd think we just learned the President has Tourette syndrome and that, other than this fact, pretty much everything else with the World is in great shape so we have time to kill obsessing on the matter.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

That damned Veep

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Vice President Biden.

Mallard Fillmore calculus:
  1. Three days and running on this topic which is apparently the most important thing going on in the world.
  2. None of President Bush's many gaffes ever got mentioned by Mallard.
  3. Therefore, Liberals are obsessive Bush haters.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

That damned Hulk

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, The Media, Hulk.

It's OK. Mallard. Don't let facts get in the way of a good sob story.

Enjoy your pity party.

The rest of us will be in the fact-based world if you ever decide to join us.

We won't be waiting for you.

Monday, April 06, 2009

That damned joke

What's Mallard raving about today?

The Media, President Obama.

I confess to having not paid much attention to the argle-bargle over President Obama's joke because, at that time, I was concerned with things that...well...matter.

At any rate, however, the fact that I know it happened and I know that President Obama subsequently apologized pretty much disproves everything Mallard is suggesting.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

That damned Facebook

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard is hiding under his desk for fear of Facebook.

Mallard was a cheerleader for the people who violated our Civil Rights with the Patriot Act and openly violated the FISA law.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

That damned size

What's Mallard raving about today?


Mallard finally drops his feeble attempt to link hamburger size and the economy and devolves into simply complaining about hamburgers.

Mallard loves the Free Market, until it limits how much food he can stuff into his beak.


Friday, April 03, 2009

That damned Gastrointestinal Humor

What's Mallard raving about today?

White Castle, The Economy.

Mallard has spent more time thinking about the significance of Mini Burgers than, well, pretty much anything else I can think of.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Those damned Minis

What's Mallard raving about today?

Economists, Recession, Depression, Cheeseburgers.

Because juxtaposing job loss and small cheeseburgers is just hilarious.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Those damned fools

What's Mallard raving about today?

April Fool's Day, The Stimulus Plan.

Should anyone be worried that an Mallard can't comprehend something?