Those damned houses

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV, Holiday Inn Express.

Three things leap to mind:

1. The housing market is collapsing and there were over 200,000 foreclosures last month. And this is Mallard's real-estate tip?
2. I'm not sure Mallard understands the concept of flipping a house.
3. Mallard watches too much TV. Way too much TV.
   

That damned Phenomenon

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Oprah Winfrey

Seriously? Mallard Fillmore is criticizing people for watching too much TV? Do I really need to count the number of panels so far this year in which he's been plopped in front of the TV?

Not to mention...you missed the whole Oprah phenomenon? That doesn't mean you don't watch daytime TV; it means you live with your head up your ass.

And finally, what an elitist jerk.

That damned life

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV.

Wow.

Mallard is castigating people for watching too much TV.

Just...wow.

That damned Guide

What's Mallard raving about today?

TV

Someone watches waaaaaaay too much TV.

That damned Uno

What's Mallard raving about today?

Uno, Steroids, Congress.

I certainly agree with Mallard that Congress making time to investigate steroid use in Major League Baseball represents a colossal set of misplaced priorities, what with the subversion of the Constitution and all that.

But couching this rather pedestrian observation in the manner Mallard chose simply underscores the fact that when one knows who won the Westminster Kennel Club one watches way, way, way, way, way too much TV.

Those damned Sasquatch

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sasquatch, Beef Jerky.

I have absolutely no idea what the hell Mallard is talking about. But I would say this tends to prove my point that, for a guy who constantly moans about the Entertainment Elite, Mallard watches way too much TV.

Those damned Heroes

What's Mallard raving about today?

Heroes, Katie Couric, CBS News.

I've said it before, I'll say it again...Mallard watches too much TV.

And then he assumes we all have the exact same thoughts which run through his fevered imagination.

Which leads to stuff today's panel which makes no damn sense at all to me.

That damned Flipping

What's Mallard raving about today?

Reality TV.

With that much text on the page, is it too much to ask for it to make some God damned sense?

That damned goalie

What's Mallard raving about today?

The US Soccer Team's goalie, Racism, the Media.

Never in a million years would I have guessed that the stresser for Mallard recent dissociative break was the U.S. Women's Soccer Team's Goalie.

I have no idea what the hell he's referring to, and I sure as hell am not going to look it up, but if anyone cares to elaborate in the comments, have at it.

I sometimes mock Mallard's claim that he speaks for the "common man." But I will admit he's common in at least a couple ways: he's places too much of his own emotional well-being at the mercy of the vicissitudes of sports and he will apparently watch whatever the hell comes on TV.

That damned Click

What's Mallard raving about today?

Advertising, Christmas.

I know it was too much to hope that the "click" in the first panel was Mallard turning the TV off for a change.

Stupid of me to get my hopes up.