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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

That damned life

What's Mallard raving about today?



Mallard is castigating people for watching too much TV.


exanonymous said...

Merry Christmas Mallard!

I got you a LIFE!

Merry Christmas Bruce Tinsley! I got you a LIFE!

Me, I think I want cookies. Can't cut back on TV anymore than I already do.

factinista said...

It's truly amazing how much more noble this message would come across to someone who reads MF for the first time today.

Of course, we know better. Not to mention how hypocritical it is that Mallard's criticizing this guy for being "in tune" with TV when he himself is in tune with zilch.

named after ham said...

I, too, would probably do little more than sit around and watch TV if I had elephantitis of the balls -- as that man clearly does.

Also, if I had a "mother, sister, or wife... more in tune with the TV than HIS own family"... I may consider the gift of hormone therapy instead.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

if I had elephantitis of the balls -- as that man clearly does

*roaring laughter*

I have nothing to add. Like DaveyK, I'm pretty much speechless at this one. (The guy's even mimicking Mallard's TV-watching pose for God's sake. If he had the box of generic crap food instead of the remote--and maybe a little Asian boy writhing on his filthy floor--he'd be Mallard in human form.)

confused said...

Gift #34: If you have a friend, mother, cat with an alchohol problem...

Gift #35: Do you know a girl, boy, twig who always uses strawmen instead of intelligent debate? ...

Gift #36: If you have an Uncle, cousin, Weeble who thinks they have talent in art, but they really don't...

I think this new formula makes these things practically write themselves.

john said...

I love how Tinsley pulls off the double-whammy here. He acts as if his trite observation (watching TV instead of spending time with your family is bad) is some keen social insight, while simultaneously taking a trite expression (get a life) and presenting it as if it is a witty and cutting jab.

Top that all off with terrible rhyming and the terrible drawing of our poor friend with the testicular affliction, and you've got a load of bollocks, you do!

Anonymous said...

judging by the lack of a fluorescent light, I guess mallard didn't bother to think this one through.

dlauthor said...

OK, the flaming, frontal-lobe-frying hypocrisy of this stinkpile's been dealt with, so let's look at the poetry instead:

First line, 9 syllables
Second, 8 syllables
Third, either 11 or 12, depending on how folksy we're being with the pronunciation of "family."
Fourth, 8 again.

Brucie's invented a new meter! What should we call it? Moronic craptameter? Alcoholic suckameter?

Gold-Digging Nanny State said...

Actually, that's not an 11-12 syllable third line -- that's two lines. Tinsley tried to write a limerick, the usual form for his crappy verse, and it does scan right for that, but he's forgotten that the first line is supposed to rhyme with the second and fifth ones.

And that's what happens when you mix alcoholism, stupidity and "There once was a man from Nantucket."

Captain Slack said...

he's forgotten that the first line is supposed to rhyme with the second and fifth ones.

He often does forget that. By which I mean, I don't think he's ever quite remembered it.

mapaghimagsik said...

This is just like Mallard railing against Ted Kennedy for being a drunk!

Feminazi said...

He makes a good point, people need to turn off their TVs and turn on right wing talk radio instead. Then they will have a life.

Watching PBS on TV will make you a stupid liberal. Conservative blogs and talk radio will straighten you out.