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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Those damned Students

What's Mallard raving about today?

Students.

Remove Social Networking, change "Self-Confidence" to "Smugness", and change "Texting" to "Writing incoherent text" and you've got a job description for Mallard Fillmore.

15 comments:

Tog said...

You stupid brats and your fancy college ed-jew-kay-shuns!! Who needs higher learning? It's all bullshit anyway! Laying semi-comatose with my dick thrust at a television set all day is good enough for me!!

...But Junior Bush's daddy got him diplomas from Haardvark and Yayle, so stop saying he's stoopit!!

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

I mean good LORD, seriously? "Those darn kids are watching too much TV!" Mallard moans, slumped slack-jawed in front of the TV. Is this intentional? How can he possibly be this completely oblivious?

ajm said...

How can he possibly be this completely oblivious?

He's a conservative. It's in the job description.

dlauthor said...

Luckily Tinshley's making full and robust use of his college education.

Not the poli sci degree, of course, or any art classes he may have taken (but probably didn't). The keg party and fratboy douchebag parts.

Steve-O said...

This is one thing I just don't understand about conservatives. Why do they despise higher education? With all their idiotic rhetoric about personal responsibility and "boot-strapiness" you'd think they would applaud young people (and older people) bettering themselves. Maybe they just know that educated people are far more likely to be liberals. That's what I'm going with.

David in NYC said...

There's a place that has a course on "watching TV"?

Well, assuming Mallard is still unemployed, and that this isn't his week(s) to not send out résumés, he needs to get in touch with that place pronto, because he could be teaching that course, all the way up to the doctoral level.

I mean, does he (know how to) do anything else?

rewinn said...

"...Why do they despise higher education?..."

Educated people stand up for their rights.

The Aristocracy noticed very well that when the GI Bill flooded America a Greatest Generation that had the skills to take back our country, there was a rising tide of freedom and equality. The Aristocracy hates that.

So the word went out to attack science, education, all that stuff. Mallard Fillmore is just doing his job.

Neo Tuxedo said...

This is one thing I just don't understand about conservatives. Why do they despise higher education? [...] Maybe they just know that educated people are far more likely to be liberals.

This. Plus, a lot of people think it's not that reality has a liberal bias, but that teachers do. Specifically, they're going by John A. Stormer's belief that the Democrat Party personally and actively sold out Russia, China, Cuba, the State Department and the Department of Education to the International Communist Conspiracy.

Neo Tuxedo said...

The Aristocracy noticed very well that when the GI Bill flooded America a Greatest Generation that had the skills to take back our country, there was a rising tide of freedom and equality. The Aristocracy hates that.

So the word went out to attack science, education, all that stuff.


This too. Science was to be tolerated, as in Orwell's superstates, to the extent it provided the High with better tools for blowing up brown people in the Disputed Territories, and education in How to Accumulate Money was pushed, but all that art and culture stuff was surplus to the requirements of the High and had never meant much to the Low. The point was to eliminate the Middle, or at least ensure that they would never again pose a meaningful challenge to the current High.

Anonymous said...

Let's just save some time:
Conservatives are stupid.
Liberals are smart.
Conservatives are intolerant.
Liberals don't generalize.

deepbeep said...

I could be mistaken, but doesn't America have the best college system in the world? Aren't there important things you could be focusing on instead of inventing problems?

Honestly, I don't get the anti-college thing either. I have a theory though. I grew up conservative, and was taught that universities actually make people dumber. When I got accepted into UC Berkeley, I turned it down for a lesser school because I was afraid of its corrupting liberal influence. When I grew into a man during college, I realized my anti-college beliefs were wrong. And I think I held them because I needed something to tell myself when educated people disagreed with my beliefs, and to reconcile facts like educated people tend to be more liberal. In short, I was astonishingly ignorant, and believing that colleges made people dumber allowed me to feel better about myself.

A family member who follows Glenn Beck recently told me that UCLA has a class, for real credit, that teaches black men how to maintain their pubic hair. I could only say, "Um... I'm skeptical."

waaaaahbaggers said...

Anonyrast, apparently, has come up for a breath of air from nearly a week straight of fapping in the back row of the local theater playing the Justin Bieber movie. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.

See, Rast, liberals don't generalize -- for example we don't believe all conservatives are untreated, unreformed serial pedophiles.

Just you.

deepbeep said...

To clarify the pubes thing, supposedly that's the entire class and it lasts a whole semester. On the syllabus, it would look something like, "BSTU 105 - Pubic Hair Maintenance". I kept a straight face as I was told this, but needless to say, on the inside I was thinking, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

Glenn Beck may be ruining our discourse and civility, but I love that every few weeks he comes up with a new crazy theory that makes me laugh. Google is a government proxy and can't be trusted for doing research? The Egyptian revolts are a communist conspiracy? Hell yes, bring me more crazy.

Kip W said...

I'm sure Mallard thinks that his utter uselessness is hip and ironic and somehow better than those damn hippie kids in college. Well, he has to in order to face what's left of the mirror in his bathroom.

Kaitlyn said...

I'd love to major in coloring, it's very soothing.

"Self-esteem"? Really dude REALLY? That old whine?

So in the future we will still recycle complaints. I can't wait.