Project Wonderful Banner

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

That damned Album

What's Mallard raving about today?

Rockers, Folk Singers, Hip-Hoppers, Pop Tarts.

Determined to finish the year strong, Mallard offers another candidate for Most Violent Assault on the English Language.


exanonymous said...

Well, there goes any chance of hearing an actual carol this Christmas. Most of the original creators and singers are dead.

Or are only country singers and rappers allowed to redo Christmas songs?

deepbeep said...

Mallard, you of all people should know that making something illegal doesn't stop people from doing it. Remember that before lecturing the "vockers" who limit their bad ideas to things that are legal.

Without the fuzzy trim, Mallard's xmas hat looks more like a night cap. Planning on falling asleep while wearing that suit? ...Wait a minute, give me those keys!!

Tog said...

I can't help but assume that Tinsley's favorite Christmas carol (such as it is) is Mr. Garrison's "Merry @#$%in' Christmas."

John E said...

'just because it's not illegal doesn't mean it's necessarily a good idea...'

Yeah, just like writing a 'comic' strip that regurgitates humorless Right Wing talking points and wouldn't be marketable except that newspaper editors feel they have to 'balance' Doonesbury isn't illegal - but still isn't a good idea.

Jazzbumpa said...

Clearly, Blallard has never heard The Roaches Christmas Album.

Oh, wait a minute. I'm the only person in the world who likes it.

Never mind.


Anonymous said...

Nice article you got here. I'd like to read a bit more concerning that theme. Thanx for giving this information.
Sexy Lady
Escort in London

Toots McGee said...

Mallard hates the free market...

okay, he's hedging his bet a little with "just because it's not illegal", so he doesn't condone any actual regulation of who's allowed to record Christmas albums, but he's willing to condemn as a matter of taste.

My response to that is, screw you Tinsley. Most of these newly recorded Christmas albums do not immediately work their way into the Christmas music all day radio format or the Christmas music for holiday parties or shopping malls canon, so unless you go out and buy them, download them, etc. and actively listen to them, you don't have to hear them at all.

We know you're just dictating taste as per usual and wrapping it up in some smug reverence for Christmas music. Fine.

Kip W said...

"Nice article you got here..." Hey, "Sexy Lady," just because comment spam isn't illegal doesn't make it a good idea!

It's interesting that Mallard fixes his unfathomable glare on folk singers. Why shouldn't they sing Christmas songs? Is Tin Ear against all Christmas music, or is it okay for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to take a flyer at it? I'd think that voice with acoustic guitar would be a fairly natural and even tasteful way to treat classic holiday tunes.

But what do I know about it? I'm just a guy who accompanied a pick-up choir a week and a half ago in a Christmas program at a rest home.

Rootbeer said...

He's really sticking it to Run-DMC! Take THAT, "Christmas in Hollis"!

This is 1987, right?

RJ K said...

So here's something that's been bothering me for awhile - What kind of music does Mallard/Tinsley listen to?

The only genres that haven't been mentioned are jazz and classical, both of which I believe would be over Mallard/Tinsley's head

As for Christmas music, I would recommend that he listen to The Pogues' Fairytale of New York, but that would be a waste of good music. A better recommendation would be for the author to promptly place himself in the nearest drunk tank. (alluding to the song)

Word verification: drande - acting tsundere to Republican Politicians.

Lagomorph Man said...

In a rare display of bipartisanship, I'm going to have to agree with Tinsley as I don't particularly care for hearing 28 versions of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" a day. Where I work, however, I don't have much of a choice.

Still, it's probably for very different reasons. I don't like it because it's annoying. Period.

And it doesn't change the fact that the "joke" is still poorly drawn and poorly worded.

dlauthork said...

Tinshley's musical taste is probably equal parts Toby Keith and John Philip Sousa, as played through the slightly wonky jukebox at the back of the bar. Inside his head, of course, it's all calliopes and yodeling.

Bill the Splut said...

I say count our blessings. All the other "topical" strips are knee-deep in Tiger Woods jokes.

WV: cophar; how one says "cop car!" after 16 beers.

John Ball said...

This clearly mostly aimed at Bob Dylan. A man who has so much more talent than Tinsley that they must never be allowed to meet, as it would result in an explosion.

Squid Vicious said...

If Mallard had included country singers in this, I would have whole-heartedly embraced this strip. As it is, I read it as an invitation for yet another puffy motherfucker in a sleaveless western button down and tight jeans to bestow upon us yet another steaming pile of maudlin, tributes to baby Jesus, NASCAR, and the local bar-maid.

Neo Tuxedo said...

When lo! we hear this flutic note:

Bob Dylan. A man who has so much more talent than Tinsley that they must never be allowed to meet, as it would result in an explosion.

And just like that, Tinsley, John Ball has rungen your bell.

rewinn said...

While not actively hateful, this is one of the most wrongheaded ideas ever (...which for Tinshley is saying a lot...)

It's an iron law HALF of all artistic endeavors are below average (or below median, but what the hey.) If you want to listen to the best 10 per cent of any form of music, someone has to produce that other 90 per cent. And who's to say what the best 10 per cent is? I'm not a Toby Keith fan, but some people like him and what the heck. It's a big market out there and unless you want some sort of Soviet-style uniformity, you've got to endure a lotta music you don't like so that everyone else can have their shot at hearing what THEY like.

And the "standards"? A lot of THEM are garbage. "The Little Drummer Boy" ends with Baby Jesus smiling ... which as any parent knows, means he's just taken a dump. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" is a shaggy-dog story set to music.

"Jingle Bells" is full of terms no-one understands anymore: "We, we got upsot!" But the worse is "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" ... does anyone really believe we want you to bring us a figgy pudding, and we won't go until we get some?

Ga-a-a-agh! Give me something that means something to people today. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" is dumb but funny and very very singable.

exanonymous said...

The one I hate hearing over and over is "Baby it's cold outside". I find nothing festive about hearing a man whine for sex while a woman pretends to be coy and concerned about reputation in this day and age.

But it's my only Christmas-rage song. They need to stop singing about it and just screw. It's not 1944 anymore, no one is going to care.

wavydavy said...

Jazzbumpa --

Those would be the Roches (no "a"), and I absolutely love their Xmas album. It's one of the few holiday-themed items I allow in my household. In particular, their version of "Good King Wenceslas" is without a doubt my favorite.

Also, for the longest time -- but, alas, no more -- they would perform at the Bottom Line in NYC as the Caroling Carolers, a group which added friends, family, etc. to the usual Roches trio. It was an absolutely wonderful and endearing show; I must have seen it at least 10 times.

WV: trole. Honestly.

Kip W said...

I love the Roches' treament of the Hallelujah Chorus from "Messiah."

MartyRotten said...

Mallard Fillmore hates folk music. Folk Music is the root music of American culture and reflects the hopes dreams and aspirations of Americans everywhree.

Therefor Mallard Fillmore hates America.