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Monday, December 28, 2009

Those damned Hearings

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, President Bush, Impeachment.


Prsident Bush violated the Constitution in authorizing illegal wiretaps on American Citizens. President Bush violated International Law by authorizing torture.

And none of this was enough to prompt impeachment.

I have to ask: Do you really want to go there?


Factinista said...

Mallard considers being someone he doesn't like to be an impeachable offense.

Tog said...

Of course, Mallard ignores the truth that Bush would've followed such a statement up with something like this:

"Y'all know the special 'limpics! That's that 'TARD thing! With all the li'l dumbshits who can't talk good! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW! Whut? (leans toward whispering Secret Service agent) ...Man, go t'hell! I ain't gone apologize for nuthin'! I ain't done nothin' wrong! YOU bin to Harverd, asshole?"

I'm still waiting for Bruce "Fair and Balanced" Tinsley to get pissed off about that Oval Office "Search For WMDs" video that featured President George Bush crawling around on the carpet like a child in a fort made of sofa cushions.

But I ain't holding my breath.

Iron Dragon said...

I suppose that he might be technically correct, but then again that would be AFTER Bush subverted key parts of the bill of rights, the constitution, and basically began the process of us becoming a police state. Something like this might have helped galvanize more people against him, but yeah...

I seriously wonder what the constitution that the right wingers refer to looks like. Since it seems to only have the second amendment on it, and the personal protections only seem to phase in when a dem is in office.

deepbeep said...

Things for which we did not impeach Bush:

- exposing the identity of a covert CIA agent for political retribution
- wiretapping US citizens without warrants
- torture and extraordinary rendition of suspects
- initiating a war in Iraq under false pretenses
- claiming legislative power reserved for Congress by using unconstitutional "signing statements"

Things for which we would have impeached Bush:

- referencing the Special Olympics in a joke

Whew! He sure dodged that bullet!

MToje said...

No, Mallard, the sentence we would be hearing repeatedly at Bush's impeachment hearings would have been "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."

A deliberate, and disastrous, falsehood then as it remains now.

Rootbeer said...

Listen. Mallard Fillmore has come unstuck in time.

Not content with being a mere three weeks behind the news, the strip is now covering events that happened back in March.

By 2011 it'll have regressed far enough to be castigating President Clinton for "wagging the dog" in Bosnia.

Ken said...

Even for the standards of this comic, this is insane. In Tinsley's world, liberals hate Bush for no valid reason, but nonetheless hate everything he said. But we didn't impeach him. How the hell can he simultaneously believe that the WOULD have impeached him for hating something he said?

Kip W said...

Maybe if that had been the only dumb thing Bush ever said we'd still be repeating it, but as it is, it would have to get in line behind at least 60% of everything else he ever said.

I hate chuck asay said...

Bush would have qualified for the Special Olympics, because of whatever birth defect made him look like a monkey and have a 60 I.Q. Tinsley would, also, qualify, since his intelligence is much lower.

Other things for which Bush was not impeached:

* Suspending Habeus Corpus.
* Trying to censoring anything he did not like.
* Destroying the economy, social services, the world's opinion of us, any hope of peace for an indefinite, but surely very long period of time.
* Reckless endangerment and massive fraud, for the time he landed a plane in front of a bunch of soldiers, and declared victory in a war that would continue for seven years.
* Continuing all of the horrible things that Reagan started, like selling weapons to other countries, the Star Wars Program, giving absolute power to rich assholes, and making working men into slaves.

Word Verification: Reerspha, Tinsley shits these comics out of his rear like a giant fountain at a spa.

Frank Stone said...

Ah, the Poor Little Victim strikes again.

Worth noting, I think, that Obama apologized for his stupid crack. When was the last time Bushbaby apologized for ANYTHING he said or did while in office? (Oh, but wait -- apologizing is a sign of weakness, isn't it?)

And let's not forget that the FIRST thing for which Bushbaby should have been impeached was dereliction of duty -- you know, for spending his first 8 months in office dicking around and taking vacations while his counterintelligence experts were warning him that a major terrorist attack was being planned.

(Here's a memorable quote for you: "All right, you've covered your ass now." – Bush to the CIA rep who presented him with the August 6, 2001 PDB entitled "Bin Ladin Determined to Strike in US".)

Beef Wellington said...

Never mind the fact I have two calendars from 06-07 with each day giving me a new bushism.

Toots McGee said...

This would be funny if the title of the series was "Mallard's Great Moments in Fake Outrage"

Toots McGee said...

Here's a fun *cough* interview with the Tinz from the Pittsburgh Tribune Reiview.

(BTW, this newspaper runs Mallard on their editorial page every day, along some other foul smelling stuff....poke around in that opinion section and you'll see what I mean.)

mike said...

From Toots McGee's link:

"Q: I wanted to ask you to take a look back at this year and pick out some of the more comedic events of 2009. Would that be possible?

A: That's a good idea for a series of cartoons. Maybe I should hang up now..."

Well, at least he's somewhat aware that he's a hack.

deepbeep said...

Wow, Toots, that interview was really something.

Anyone else get the impression that in a few months Mallard will be complaining about the high cost of divorce attorneys?

Kaitlyn said...

That interview - I can't believe he's as bad we think he is!

(drunk, "retard", and other cruel and pointless insults aside)

I mean... the Jimmy Carter crack?

The whining about Tiger Woods?

He gives me the creeps.

Tog said...

Tinsley SHOULD give you the creeps.

So let's see: Tinsley thinks that "being controversial" is, in itself, a noble cause--truth and reality be damned. (Except, of course, when...oh, you've heard this one already.)

And--as we're all too familiar--he fancies he's the primary target of some media conspiracy. AND he charges past all those gossipy media scandals involving Caucasians to pitch a fit about a black guy (...but he's not racist!!). PLUS his defense of his strip (which wasn't always a repetitive pile of scraws) has finally degenerated to "well, liberal strips suck too!!"

That's the ticket, Bruce--aim high!

Thanks for the link, Toots. Any time I think we're being a little too hard on Tinsley, I'll remember that interview.

He's lucky he has a tolerant, productive spouse to leech off of while he spends his hours throwing his poop at her.

Bill the Splut said...

From the Tinny interview:

Q: Your wife is a liberal. Are you guys sort of like the James Carville and Mary Matalin of Indiana?

A: That's what we hear. She's a little better looking than James Carville on a good day.

HAHAH--wait, what? Seriously, you said that? About your WIFE?
"Hey, take my wife--please! Because she's UGLY and OLD and BALD! On her GOOD DAYS!"
Dude, you're not sleeping on the couch tonight, you're gonna be beaten with the couch!

I think there is a Web site called Bruce Tinsley is an idiot. I'm sure there are also some that you couldn't even print. I think there is a Web site Mallard Fillmore sucks and must die.

Google says No, they're ain't. You paranoid fuck.
But I'll bet someone registers those domain names today!

And I know all of this because my wife delights in reading them to me. "Guess what there is now? Guess what this Web site is called?"

Well, at least we know why you're paranoid!
Is your wife also turning the gaslights down a little lower every day? Do you smell bitter almonds in your whiskey?
You do?
Drink up, Bruce!

maybe it's a good thing for people to remember a cartoon more than two seconds after they read it. Whether they like it or hate it, it's probably a good thing.

Yes, you do have that! There's no such thing as bad publicity! Just ask the Son of Sam, or the Unabomber!

I think we are looking at another Nobel Prize for the president. Yeah, because you know now they ...know that that works
[sic; what, only THREE ellipses?]
And Tiger Woods. ...
[okay! Perfect!]

Oh, and I think The New York Times.

Note that he considers this a complete sentence.

If one more conservative gets on the best-seller list, they are just going to discontinue the thing. They are going to change it into "The List of Books That You Should Like if You Were as Smart as We Are." No more of this what-sells-the-most crap.

No more of this "Dick Scaife buys thousands of copies and gives them away to other right-wing retards who've never read a book that didn't have 'Left Behind' in the title" crap? You really have no idea, do you, Brucie Juicey, do you?

Does each "..." represent a pause for "thought," such as it were, or a slug of Jim Beam, or just a fried mind trying to remember what the question was?

The area I agree with the president -- although I don't think it ought to be a matter of law like Congress does -- but I do think we need a playoff system in college football. I'm not saying that will happen in 2010, but if Obama can't do it ... I think the next thing is for Jimmy Carter to come on TV and tell us that we're racist if we don't do it because Obama wants to do it.


Look, I work in a liquor store. This is how people talk, and think, at the point of severe alcoholism. They start with a story that no one but them would ever care about, then ramble about until they forget what they were originally talking about. "I agree with Prezzy Halfbreed...we need a playoff system in college football...Jimmy Carter to come on TV and tell us that we're racist if we don't do it because Obama wants to do it."


Bill the Splut said...

Oh, dear, I apologize.

Apparently there is a blog post titled "Bruce Tinsley is an Idiot," about the Israeli invasion of Lebanon. From mid-2006.

Website url, blog post title, sure, I can see the confusion between the two. Like Bruce, I often blear through the morning hangover and think "Put on your shoes and socks," and then put them on in that order.

CW in LA said...

This does underscore the Rethug eagerness to use impeachment at any excuse, no matter how trivial, as opposed to the Democratic scared-shitlessness that prevents them from making even minimal attempts to hold Rethugs accountable for truly monstrous crimes against humanity.

If the Democrats ever lose their congressional majority during Obama's term, we can look forward to another trumped-up impeachment, even if it ends up being based on the "Special Olympics" comment the Tinsh cites. But his successor's efforts to "nuke our way to the rapture, you betcha" will most likely be "off the table" for impeachment hearings.

rewinn said...

I got a good laugh at that interview Toots linked to, where it said "Today, the comic strip is in nearly 400 newspapers nationwide."

Mallard Fillmore *may* have been in 400 newspapers 5 or 10 years ago, but a lot of them have folded - the Seattle PI, for example, exists only as a website on which you can get just about any comic there is ... because it doesn't cost them anything.

Meanwhile, the corporate media cheered so loudly about George W Bush's obvious lies about Iraqi WMDs that maybe they're too out of breath to get outraged when Obama makes a stupid joke and promptly apologizes. I mean, sure, I can see the moral equivalence between a Special Olympics joke and 4000+ cases of felony-murder (...'felony-murder' is when in the course of or as the expected result of a felony, someone dies ... and lying to Congress is a felony.)

Tog said...

I'll repost when the new entry appears,

Just check out the Tuesday MF. Mull it over for a second and you'll realize you have a keeper--absolute, inarguable proof that Bruce Tinsley and his fellow neolibertarianconservatoids live in a separate universe from normal Americans.

Kip W said...

Most of these points are, like the strip, no-brainers. I have to object, though, to the idea that the ellipses are themselves evidence of anything. They most likely mean that the interviewer took something out. ("Scuse me, I have to barf again. HUALGGHHHH. Okay, I'm back.") Even if they indicated blank pauses, I wouldn't take them as proof of something, or the sentence fragments either. When you're talking on the phone, things get pretty informal. Winging it makes your speech a lot looser. I'm inclined to give him this one, having seen video evidence of what a goon I seem to turn into on unscripted occasions.

Let's be clear here. It doesn't mean he's not an idiot, just that you can't really prove it from an unscripted interview.

wv: Nothing. It wants to tell me I got it wrong before it'll show me a word.

exanonymous said...

No no, you see, it's LIBERALS that want to impeach all presidents of the opposite party. And that's not a strawman at all, because we wanted to impeach Bush, Q.E.D. or something.

But yeah, as someone pointed out had Bush said something dumb, it would just be a grain of sand in a desert.

Remember how Biden was supposed to be gafftastic and the gift that keeps on giving? You could probably do a monthly calender, but that's about it.

And what is with this idea of connecting Woods with Obama? There's no similarities I can see other than the fact that they both have the money to vacation in Hawaii.