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Saturday, March 22, 2008

Golden Ellipses: Most Violent Assault on the English Language

And the winner is...

Abortion Pun

In the category of "Most Violent Assault on the English Language" we have the following nominees:


SecretMargo said...

aborshun pun aborshun pun aborshun pun.

whait pepul shudn't go 2 afrika = runner up

rewinn said...

An ode to a pun that is so fine:
Did he check with a woman some time
To see if joke on abortion
Is so very rip-snortin'
Why it should go in Mallardtine #169 .....

jnomdrbt said...

Cow squirt. The abortion pun is worse, but not because of its assault on the English language, because of its assault on basic human decency.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

"Cow Squirt" is moronic, but I'm going to give Tinny credit for making fun of dumbass bigots like himself, albeit probably by accident. He probably thought he was making fun of pro-diversity Lefties with the "lactose intolerant" line; but then, he does have "cow squirt" for brains--it's just not milk cow squirt.

The worst part of "Ideas" is the artwork--and the fact that, at the time, there were genuine concerns with CFLs Tinsley could've exploited, but didn't.

The qualifier in "Abortion Pun" is too obscure, and easily eclipsed by the Wally Willy "groundswell" line. Oh, that's hilarious.

"Odious Ode" almost wins because it's so utterly incomplete. "To so-and-so; blah blah blarg." Tinny forgot the "blah blah blarg" part...perhaps because Mallard Fillmore is all "blah blah blarg." (Funny how Tinny abruptly develops a problem with free-market forces when they displease him. Why do you hate America, Bruce? Go back to England, commie-rat!)

Ah, but "An Odd Conclusion:" there are e-mail scams; therefore, "Americans" (like secretmargo said, "whait pepul") shouldn't fly to Africa. ...Jeeeeez.

Hot dog! We have a weiner!

Kaitlyn said...

abortion pun for sheer head explodingness

Michael said...

An Odd Conclusion: a violent assault on logic.

Abortion Pun: as jnomdrbt said, a violent assault on basic human decency.

Cow Squirt: a pun.

Ideas: a failed joke.

Call me a purist, but Odious Ode gets my vote, because it fits the voting category of violent assault on the English language.

Abortion Pun could be my favorite Mallard ever though. The "groundswell of support" marks the apex of Tinny's hubris. Howard Dean has Ming the Merciless eyebrows. He equates "doctors" with "abortion doctors". It features a pun so tasteless and offensive that it rivals holocaust jokes. And to top it all off, it isn't even remotely funny. It makes me feel like laughing derisively, and crying for my country, both at the same time. After all, isn't that what makes Mallard great?

John said...


"After all, isn't that what makes Mallard great?"

Great meaning "large" or "immense"?

(I use it in a pejorative sense)

Michael said...

Great meaning sucky.