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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Golden Ellipses: Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation

And the winner is...

At the Mall
The nominees for Creepiest Unintentional Self-Revelation are...
  • A Sense of Obligation - How special Mrs. Mallard must feel.
  • At the Mall - Mallard hangs out in the Girl's Wear Department.
  • Black and White - If the world does not break down into easily understood black and white terms, Mallard resorts to violence. Nuance will lead to murder.
  • Science Fair - Mallard hates children.
  • Mallard's Home Life - Life at the Mallard Home was, and is, full of bitterness and recrimination.
Cast your vote now!

12 comments:

rewinn said...

Five winners! or I should say losers.

I hope "Mallard's Home Life" goes into some sort of "Funniest Unintended Joke" because bacon breast still makes me laugh.

Otherwise, "I Hate Showing Affection To My Woman", "I Want To Kill People" and "I Hate Kids", while unsettling, just can't match the sheer pedocreepiness of "Staring At Little Girls' Undies".

Kaitlyn said...

At The Mall is an update of the dust angel from last year.

GeoX said...

I vote for "home life," for sheer intensity of bitterness--although "at the mall" is indeed creepy. Regardless of the sentiments, you've gotta give "a sense of obligation" credit for coming very close to properly scanning. That's a pretty unusual feat for The Tinz.

Michael said...

Wow, what a murderers' row! But Kaitlyn is right, "At the Mall" is just too damn creepy. Like "Dust Angel", it plain out gave me the willies.

The bacon over the breast made me LOL as well. I'm with Rewinn - it may not win any awards, but we can start awarding the Bacon Breast trophy: for the most amusing unintended joke having nothing to do with the crux of the comic.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm voting for anything else than the bacon bra.

Squid Vicious said...

While the Mall one is creepy and Tinkley probably drew Mallard's head in silhouette because he couldn't draw him without some sort of craven leer, I have to say that as the father of a little girl I do find some of the clothes people dress their kids in stunningly age-inappropriate. Thus, I have to vote for Valentine's Day.

I know lots of people go apeshit about Valentine's Day, no one has an "obligation" to do so. It's entirely possible to make Valentine's Day a celebration of love and NOT a celebration of gross consumerism. So I say FUCK YOU MALLARD, I'm going to make my wife a special dinner on 2/14 because I love her and not for any other reason (well, except maybe to spite the Tinkley)...

Anonymous said...

Valentine's Day certainly IS a unintentional self-revelation, but the fact that mallard pays a LOT of attention to racy girls' clothing brings the creepy.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Tinkley is a father of daughters (daughters but no sons, like Peter from The Zoo Story), so I give him a pass on "At the Mall". This leaves me torn between "A Sense of Obligation" (another piece of evidence for my theory that he and Arlette only married because True Father commanded it) and "Black and White" (I'm not seeing the contradiction between the statements to which he objects, so it's a case of "How could my own head be up my ass if terrorists can blow up a children's hospital?"

Neo Tuxedo said...

)

*returns from dinner to something that's been weighing on his mind all this time* ...can we all pretend I got that parenthesis closed, and didn't get wrapped around the catrabi by how frigging convoluted my HTML and/or sentence structure got?

Jazzbumpa said...

Connecting the dots:
Mallard, the perv, desperately seeking a palliative for his ED, hangs out in the teeny-bopper dept. hoping for a visual turn-on. (Yeah - mega-creepy.) Vitamins leave him hanging, but coffee gets him up. But not to the point where his volcano would actually erupt. Back home he still has to deal with dead meat.

It's gotta be "At the mall." Eeewww. Keep that foul fowl from my 7 grandaughters.

rewinn said...

"...Tinkley is a father of daughters ... so I give him a pass on "At the Mall"..."

Is it so? Well, I must extend my compassion to him. If he's raising a girl in this era of hypersexualized childware then we can in charity assign the blame for "At The Mall" to stupidity rather than malice. That is, I agree with his general "anti-hoochie-mama kidsware" sentiment but he expressed it in a way that made Mallard look like a pervo.

So "At the Mall" stands for a different self-revelatory proposition: DT doesn't know what his work looks like to his readers.

rewinn said...

NeoTuxedo - thanks for the link to a Rolling Stone commentary that neatly explains reichwing theory:

"What's amazing to me is that conservatives have been pushing this line of reasoning for five, six years now, and some people are apparently still buying it. Okay, yes, I jammed my own head up my ass -- but I didn't really, because look at how despicable the terrorists are!"