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Friday, August 01, 2014

August 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

43 comments:

CW in LA said...

You know, it really isn't surprising a union man like Cesar Chavez would have opposed a downward force on wages like undocumented labor.

For Mallard to conflate Chavez with the deport 'em all, shoot 'em as they cross the border Teabaggers is about as honest as, well, Bruce Tinshley usually is.

Something tells me Chavez also would have been in favor of stiff sanctions on companies that use undocumented workers, and that Brews does not.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Brews obviously thinks that liberals follow the same herd mentality as right-wingers, as if we all have to agree with Chavez or suffer cognitive dissonance-induced mental breakdowns.

Here's a tip for you, Brews: Liberals are not the Borg. We do not all share the exact same ideals, and do not suffer ill effects from disagreeing with other liberals. I know it's a confusing concept for someone linked to the Fox News Borg Queen, but it's true.

Anonymous said...

Does any loser on this blog ever disagree with any of their fellow losers? I have never seen it happen.

CW in LA said...

Aug. 3 - Wait, mediocrity? As Salieri says in Amadeus, the Tinsh aspires to mediocrity.

And is, as always, a sad failure at it.

Bill the Splut said...

ANONYBRUCE! You're back! And, oh, I shall never comment here again, given your clever and cutting observation that we're all Losers. It's true--sob!--so true! Forever will I wear the scarlet letter L of shame.

Do you ever disagree with Fox and your owners at the Moonie Times, Bruce? You'd have to actually earn a living then. Maybe you should change Mallard from a duck to a lapdog.

Toots McGee said...

I see where anony is going. He/she probably feels that without argument, there is no true discourse. See FOX News when people are invited on for "conversations" that are just the host pontificating, asking an inane question, then yelling "why won't you answer the question??".

See also the disqus forum on Comic Kingdom that is similarly full of high minded debate.

I guess we are just stupid here, having not gotten the memo on how humans should behave.

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 4: Again, Mallard: Right premise, wrong president. You're thinking of Dubya.

Also, practicing different facial expressions is something you could stand to do yourself, since you only have two: "Stunned by a hammer" and "smug smirk" (if we were to be generous, I suppose we could say you have two-and-a-half facial expressions, since you sometimes combine the two).

Anonymous said...

Liberal Logic

Hobby Lobby...
...doesn't want to fund abortions...
...hates all women.

Tea Party...
...wants less taxes...
...hates all Black people.

Chick-Fil-A...
...supports traditional marriage...
...hates all homosexuals.

Hamas...
...forces women to wear burkas,
stones homosexuals,
wants every Jew to die...
...an innocent victim of oppression.

CW in LA said...

Well, the above supports the hypothesis that Anonybruce is in fact Brews Tinshley: The level of honesty is certainly what you're accustomed to reading Brews' sad little comic.

Sure, Hobby Lobby "doesn't want to fund abortions" - unless they're in China, when there's profit to be made. And the contraceptives they want to deny their employees access to in no way constitute abortions, whether Hobby Lobby "believes" they are or not. But the kicker there is, Hobby Lobby's corporate "belief" is now privileged, while anyone who, say, doesn't want to fund the crimes against humanity in Iraq that Brews never had a problem with is shit out of luck.

Anonybruce, you're as shitty a troll as you are a cartoonist. And that's saying something.

CW in LA said...

Oh, and Chick-Fil-Atio. See, here's the thing: This "traditional" marriage their chicken sandwiches pledge to uphold by definition excludes those whom you so quaintly call homosexuals, Anonybruce.

And you're saying there's something weird about inferring an animosity against gay people on that basis. I'm afraid that says more about wingnut logic than any liberal variety.

CW in LA said...

As for Teabaggers and taxes. Yeah, it's just weird that when Teabaggers seem unable to make their appeals for "less taxes" without tossing in a bunch of crap about Lyin' Africans and otherwise betraying hysterical levels of butthurt that America has twice elected a black man as its president, we assume they have some sort of issue with African Americans. Oh, right, but if we notice that, we're the real racists.

As for teabaggers' stated yearning for "less taxes" resulting in vicious anger at President Obama, who reduced middle-class taxes to historic low levels, I'm willing to accept that this isn't a result of racism so much as being just really, really, really, really, really, really, really stupid.

CW in LA said...

And wingnuts are just soooooooooo concerned about the Muslim oppression of women. That's why they enthusiastically support efforts to liberate them by shock-and-aweing the unholy fucking shit out of them.

Mr. Spock you ain't, Anonybruce.

CW in LA said...

PS - Your half-assed cartoon still sucks duck butt, Anonybruce.

Love,

America

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Huh. the 8/9 strip was actually kind of funny. I'm almost expecting monkeys to fly out of my butt any minute now.

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 11: A redundant picture of Mallard is saying the word "redundant".

Much like the humor, the artistic symbolism in "Mallard Fillmore" only happens accidentally.

CW in LA said...

8/12 - The world's laziest cartoonist is lecturing us about rigor? Nice one.

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 12: It's apparently beyond Bruce's ken that a tablet, being a device for storing and displaying data, could be used as a vehicle for a "rigorous" curriculum. Clearly, he's too blinded by his hatred for teachers to think straight.

Whenever Bruce goes off on teachers like this, I can't help but think of the character Paul Radin from the Twilight Zone episode "One More Pallbearer", who spent years nursing grudges against the people who he imagined had wronged him, including a high school teacher who had dressed him down in front of the class when she caught him cheating on an exam.

CW in LA said...

8/13 - "Hur, hur, kids r stoopit. Givin' 'em technollogie they're just gunna drop is also stoopit!

...Aww, crap, I spilled my research again."

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 14: Although "least common denominator" is technically valid, the term "lowest common denominator" would have worked a lot better in the service of today's "joke". But since Bruce doesn't understand how humor works, his choice is not surprising.

How nice that Bruce remembered that back-to-school season would begin in August and scheduled the content of his strip accordingly. Now let's see if he can do the same for September 11 or if he's sticking to that 10-year statute of limitations on "never forgetting".

Anonymous said...

Conservatives say, "Lower taxes."...

...Liberals hear, "Abolish all taxes!"...

...then create more taxes.


Conservatives say, "No amnesty for illegals."...

...Liberals hear, "Obama will make them instant citizens!"...

...then demand amnesty for illegals.


Conservatives say, "Freedom of religion."...

...Liberals hear, "force everyone to be Christians!"...

...then force their religious views on us.


Conservatives say, "we disapprove of Obama's policies,"

...Liberals hear, "We hate Obama because he is Black!...

...then call Black Conservatives racist names.

Bill the Splut said...

8/16: Whoa, those third graders are really STUPID to be reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar!"

Wait, Bruce, what did Dubya say was his favorite book again? I believe the answer's included in today's scrawl!

It's ANONYBRUCE! Back to pretending reality is optional!

Can you give exactly one instance of any of your pants-shitting screaming points? Particularly, I'd like to hear what you think "the liberal religion being forced on you" is, as well as what "racist names we call Black Conservatives" are. But any example of any of your "Just So Stories for Maniacs" would be welcome. Try to not use just links to Malkin or StormFront.

But maybe change your underwear first. Eh, just throw it out and buy a new pair! You must've received your unearned lapdog welfare check this week! You can afford a pair, once you've finished your liquor run!

Anonymous said...

Bill the Splut...

I have a right to my opinion.

And you have the right to
be offended or get over it.

Either way, I'm good.

Bill the Splut said...

It IS Bruce! Who else uses the bold font to whine at people?

Apparently you've decided that your opinion does not need any backing up with actual facts. Oh, right! Fox "News" is all about opinions, not facts! Maybe you should go back and read my comment and give a single example of your claims?

Mmm, welfare checks! Must be sweet to never actually work more than 5 minutes a day!

I'll now go back to reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". Maybe I can grow up to be prezdent!

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 18: Fantasy is so much more comforting than reality... isn't it, Mallard?

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 20: Ahem... uh, Bruce...? Do you really want to be making noise about people who slack off and get paid to do nothing? I mean, considering.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

@Aug 23: If the President is trying to "distract" people from our problems, he's doing a lousy job of it, since he's publicly addressed the unrest in Ferguson, the beheading of James Foley, and acts of terror by ISIS several times.

Maybe he's trying to hide it in plain sight, huh, Brews?

Anonymous said...

FuryOfFirestorm...Do you acturally ever think about what has happened to this country since Obama has been the president? I have serious doubts or you would not make the ludicrous statements you have.

Obama Delayed Foley Rescue Attempt For Over A Month, Fretting Over Image And Golf

CW in LA said...

I realize that AnonyBruce wasn't asking if I "acturally" think about what has happened to this country since we elected Obama as our president. But I'll bite; the biggies, off the top of my head:

1) The economy has gotten better, despite active sabotage from obstructionist Rethuglicans.

2) A whole lot of people have access to health care who didn't have it before, thanks to the Affordable Care Act.

3) Osama bin Laden is fucking dead, after a certain other alleged president let him run around free for many years.

4) Marriage equality is the law in many states, and well on the way to becoming so for the whole country. Gay Americans can also serve honorably and openly in the armed forces.

True, Brews Tinshley still has a job, or should I say a "job". But you can't win 'em all. Still, check out:

http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/magazine/march_april_2012/features/obamas_top_50_accomplishments035755.php?page=all

CW in LA said...

Plus, of course, lots of presidents have been big on golf. But it only seems to be a problem when this particularly one plays it. Hmm, what is different about our current president compared to his predecessors who were equally or more enthusiastic about golf, I wonder...

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 25: Well, if there's anyone who would be uncomfortably knowledgeable about teenage girls, it would be you, Mallard.

And I'll take a president who talks like a teenage girl over a president who talks like an illiterate brain damage case.

Toots McGee said...

8/26: I had to look google J.V. team to figure out what the hell this was about.

Typical collection of right-wing blogoblather pointing back to Fox News talking point about a lack of mainstream media outrage over Obama comment.

Moving on, nothing to see here.

Anonymous said...

It is very sad that our first African-American President will be judged in history as the most inept, corrupt, wasteful, subversive, destructive and divisive President ever. A man twice elected because of the color of his skin rather than the content of his character.

CW in LA said...

Hey Anonybruce, putting your wishful thinking and lies in bold font doesn't make them any less stupid.

Besides, I think it's rather telling that, while you earlier claim liberals take any criticism of the president as racist, you're the one who keeps bringing that matter up.

Anyway, as to what Brews is actually willing to put his name to (8/30): A (very mildly) funny thing about this is that, someone unacquainted with this strip might well read it as, "At long last: President Reach-across-the-aisle is finally calling out the Rethuglicans' extortion, obstruction, sabotage, and all-around spite for what it is!"

Frank Stone said...

Re Aug. 30: Pro tip, Bruce: In order for satire to be successful, it has to proceed from something that's actually true.

In other news, my local paper (The Record) has revamped its comics page as of today, removing a few strips and adding a few others. Among the casualties are the classic "Doonesbury" dailies and... "Mallard Fillmore". Thus does Bruce have to rely a bit more heavily on The Hated Technology in order to reach his audience. Oh, the humanity!!

Oh, and a courtesy "Doonesbury" received that none of the others did: A promise of the strip's return. "'Doonesbury' creator Garry Trudeau has taken a hiatus from producing the strip. It will return when he does." (Not entirely accurate, since Trudeau has continued producing new "Doonesbury" Sundays, but still.)

Anonymous said...

I must confess, when I see anyone with an Obama 2012 bumper sticker, I recognize them as a threat to the gene pool.

CW in LA said...

The 66 million of us threats to the gene pool invite you to fellate a rusty chain saw, Anonytbruce.

Bill the Splut said...

Whenever I see a Mallard Failmore comic, I see a drunken bum about to get kicked off of welfare.

Or should I do what you do, AnonyBruce, and back that up with a link to the Washington Times (your paymasters), or the utterly unbiased breitbart.com? As you're the guy who thinks that everything on Snopes is a lie because they're a nest of rabid Commies. As is most of reality in general to you.

But hang on to the dialogue in today's strip! In a couple of years, you change "African-American" and "color" to "woman" and "gender". You can scrawl the strip on the wall of the public bathroom you're living in by then.

Anonymous said...

CW in LA - I agree with you. The gene pool is already messed up. If it were not the worthless excuse for a president, Obama would never have been reelected in 2012.

America will continue to go down hill even further by Obama allowing the millions of illegals to enter the country. But, this is why he ran for president he does not like the U.S. and will continue to do as much damage as he can before his presidency is over.

CW in LA said...

It looks to me, Anonybruce, like the prez has a much higher opinion of America and its people than you and your fellow wingnuts. Go fap yourself silly over a shirtless photo of Vladdy-boy Pooty-poot, now.

8/31 - Oh look, it must be time for school to start, as we have an appearance by Li'l Rush, Model Minority and Gray-American. Brews and his duck will be back to their usual anti-intellectualism soon enough, though.

Bill the Splut said...

AnonyBruce, it's not surprising to find out that you believe in eugenics.

Although it is funny that you sneer in your strip today that teachers are So Dumb the same day you piss out the sentence "If it were not the worthless excuse for a president, Obama would never have been reelected in 2012." WTF does that even mean? Even if you put "for" in there, it's still gibberish. Do I need to drink a 12 pack of Bud first?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

If it were not the worthless excuse for a president, Obama would never have been reelected in 2012.

Yeah, what does that mean? Usually, I can figure out bad grammar, but that's generally a matter of figuring out which one or two mistakes someone has made. In this case, there's nothing solid to grab onto, just gaseous insult spewing.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Wait! Hitting SEND, as usual, has given me the answer I was looking for. Put a comma after "not," and it becomes a real sentence, amplifying the hatred for most Americans that was in the sentence before.

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