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Wednesday, October 01, 2014

October 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

62 comments:

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 2: From self-righteously inveighing against hitting women to mocking transgender women and an institution that accommodates them, all in the space of one day.

You need the number of a good chiropractor to help with that case of whiplash, Mallard?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/3: Fake Dilemma Day! Actually, duck, liberals are against violence, and we don't have a privileged group that's allowed to engage in unprovoked hitting, period. SO COMPLICATED.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 3: Apparently, Bruce learned of the existence of transgender people three weeks ago, and after giggling over it like a kindergartner who just discovered the word "penis", he began trying to figure out if it's OK to hit a woman if she isn't "really" a woman. (Allow me to spare you the additional strain on your brain, old sport: IT'S NOT.)

CW in LA said...

10/4 - Further adventures in "I don't understand it, so I'm gonna make fun of it".

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/4: Tinsley's a talentless party hack who identifies as a cartoonist.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 4: Looks like Bruce was so driven to distraction by his intense fear and loathing of anyone who's different that he forgot to include a setup to go with his punchline.

It's so gosh-darned inconsiderate when people refuse to nestle comfortably inside your neat, tidy little boxes with the pre-printed labels, isn't it, Bruce?

Re Oct. 5: Ah, yet another installment of "Libruls r dum! Hur-hur!" Nothing like the classics...

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/6: If we don't beat our children, who will? The important thing is not to let anybody get photographic evidence. (They're like fish! They can't feel it. They're just screaming to be annoying.)

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 6: Gosh, Mallard -- if only there were some way to differentiate between spanking and beating... like, say, if a child is "spanked" so brutally that there's a police investigation, an indictment, and an arrest.

And by the way, I think it's absolutely delicious that Mallard/Bruce is leaping to the defense of a black man who is accused of committing a violent act against a helpless victim. It's a testament to the Transformative Power of Football.

Bill the Splut said...

10/7:
In his continuing project to prove that irony is dead, Bruce the FOX-bot complains about talking points.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/7: This strip really speaks to me, because I am not Barack Obama either.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/8: Is there a piece of horseshit so unlikely that Tinsley's cheerleaders won't assume that it represents reality and proves that liberals are all intolerant racists?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/9: Tinsley's readers are almost there. They're fretting over white males being a minority without finishing the syllogism: "And we all know that minorities are treated like shit!"

So near. So far.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 9: It slipped his mind for a few days (brain damage is rough on the ol' attention span, after all), but Mallard has now remembered how outraged he is that some people dare to defy his strict definitions of normalcy.

I'll give you this, though, Mallard: You've done a fine job of illustrating the concept of reductio ad absurdum. (You could look it up.)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/10: Snow day! By which I mean that the strip is so obscure today that even if the lettering had been legible, I'd get to take the day off.

By coincidence, my daughter's off of school today as well, and in a few minutes we're going to go pick up korma and meet my wife for lunch. (She works in an old-fashioned "office." I remember those!)

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 10: While I'm sure this strip makes perfect sense in Bruce's hate-fueled, Fox-addled mind, those of us with clear-headed, rational thought processes are at a loss.

Anonymous said...

10/10 - Unless of course it's a wingnut journalism class, where the question is, "At what point does the writer blame Obama?"

Neo Tuxedo said...

So... he's actually talking about the Internet, or about "Fox So-Called News" (™ Thom Hartmann). Or else he's relying on the Pig People's pre-programmed assumption that the "liberal media" must, by mathematical definition, be worse than conservative media no matter how bad conservative media get.

Bill the Splut said...

10/11:

Feminism: Empowering or Exploitative?

Spider-Man: Threat or Menace?

Mallard: Worthless or Shitty?

You be the judge!

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 12: "Grrr! Me hate young people and celebrities and modern technology! Rarrr!"

Jeezus, Mallard. Isn't there a cloud outside that you could go yell at?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/14: If Obama had really wanted to show his respect for the military (other than by actually greeting the coffins when they come in), he should have swiftly transferred the latte cup to his other hand and picked up a dog before saluting!

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 14: So Bruce actually tried to jump on the OBUMMER HATEZ ARE MEN IN UNIFORMZ!!!1! bandwagon. I hope he didn't get too many bruises when he slipped, fell off, and landed flat on his face.

WV: "baadded dreadful". No kidding.

Bill the Splut said...

Obama should've just gone to Auschwitz wearing a big green hunting coat and gloves, not dressed all in black like those EuroFag leaders. Then Bruce would've loved it.

Mallard only addresses the most important concerns in the world today!
Also: MICHELLE'S INAUGURAL BAAAANGS!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/15: When you've got nothing, just slag on government workers! Because surely those guys are just lazy bums, am I right?

I see he's apparently supposed to be playing with a Bo-Lo Bat, as they used to call the things. He'll be shrieking for someone to save him from Ebola pretty soon. I can't wait, can you?

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 15: Once again, the irony of a "cartoonist" who regularly produces virtually blank comic strips (like this one) complaining about people slacking off at work is completely lost on Mallard/Bruce.

What's really sad is that Bruce, in all likelihood, honestly believes that he's putting in an honest day's work by sitting on his ass and watching Fox "News" Channel. You know, for "research".

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/16: Tinsley letters like Charlie Brown's mom talks.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 16: Translation: "WAAAHHH!! WAAAHHH!! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY, YOU BIG POOPY-HEAD MEANIES!! I'M NOT A BABY!! I'M NOT A BABY!! WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

BTW, I can't wait to see Mallard/Bruce's defense of the tobacco industry using the same brand of "logic". I hope he's at least smart enough to ask them to pay him for it.

Bill the Splut said...

Bruce is making fun of people who lack the willpower to not drink.

AAAHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUNNIEST MALLARD EVER

Neo Tuxedo said...

There are two possible reasons Tinsley could be vomiting out this crap.

1) He knows he can get away with it because his target audience, in general, considers NPR a part of the mythical "liberal media" rather than the Nice Polite Republican radio that all intelligent aware people know it to be.

2) He suspects some of his target audience might listen to NPR anyway, and he wants to be sure they don't accidentally hear what the Nice Polite Republicans are actually saying.

Speaking of, I wasn't paying attention to NPR three weeks ago. Did someone on NPR actually say something tentatively bad about Big Sugar that recently, or is Tinsley just spewing fictitious shit out of his mouth as usual? Because whatever they may have said about "sugary drinks" on the air, I'm not finding any matches on npr.org between July 23 ("Many Kids Who Are Obese or Overweight Don't Know It") and, ironically, yesterday ("Reality Check: To Burn Off A Soda, You'll Have To Run 50 Minutes").

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Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 17: This from someone who belongs to a political party that never takes any degree of personal responsibility for anything.

Also, since the R in NPR stands for "Radio", the use of "Radio" in your silly, hypocritical acronym is redundant, Mallard/Bruce. Do you also say "PIN number" and "ATM machine"?

Bill the Splut said...

"...And then NPR Public Radio arrests you and takes your mugshot."

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/18: Economic truths are best discovered by tallying the responses from poll responders to some questions. Popularity matters more than metrics.

In other news, the Mrs. and I had a lovely sushi and soba dinner for our 34th anniversary, suggested by our daughter, who stayed home and let us go out by ourselves. She's 12, so it's okay.

C said...

10/18 - Because cutting payroll taxes on the people working for pittances will help them tons more than raising their wages.

That seems unusually obtuse even for Mallard.

Congrats on the anniversary and on escaping the destruction of marriage resulting from letting gay people get hitched, Muffaroo!

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 18: This seems to be what Mallard/Bruce is referring to, for what it's worth (which isn't a whole lot, needless to say).

Here's the key to understanding the entirely predictable intellectual dishonesty in today's strip, though:

"Gravis Marketing, a nonpartisan research firm based in Winter Springs, Fla conducted a random survey of 850 likely registered voters in Kansas regarding current candidates, potential political match-ups and issues."

So there you have it: 850 randomly-surveyed likely registered voters in Kansas represent all Americans, according to Mallard/Bruce. Woooo...

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/19: Sunday, the day of rest, when Tinsley turns in a single panel with damn near zero content. But, hey, shading!

Bill the Splut said...

Sunday, the day when Tin-Ear does the "Something I don't like and/or understand gets rendered as a vicious predator" day. Because transgender people are vicious predators who eat seals, or who the fuck knows how the cognitive reasoning of his slug-sized brain works.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Bill skrev:

the cognitive reasoning of [Tinshley's] slug-sized brain

OBJECTION! Assumes facts not in evidence, facts that I'm actually pretty sure have never even been in the same room with evidence -- not even with a dictionary containing the word "evidence".

Bill the Splut said...

OBJECTION...RIGHT BACK ATCHA!
A simple MRI would PROVE that the defendant has a brain, or at least a primitive notochord! He has dressed HIMSELF today! Sure, he put his shoes and socks on in that order, but his strip proves that simply TRYING to mimic human behavior is a sign of at least a brain the size of a slug! Maybe even one of those big ones! Your Honor, I will put this glass of beer in front of him, and note how, like a garden slug, he reaches for it!

...Given the amount of time Bruce has spent on this subject, if there's one more strip about it, it'll seem as if he was cheating on his (allegedly liberal, apparently grey-skinned) wife by hitting on a woman in a bar, and then she said she was trans, and he's been going "ICK! ICK!" ever since. Or, something something Fox News 3 weeks ago, he didn't really remember it so good. Maybe during his "NPR soda pop" nightmare they mentioned that trans fats are bad.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 19: No longer content to simply mock transgender people as delusional (bouncing back a week to dig the subject up again, no less), Bruce is now insinuating that they're actually devious sexual predators who are just pretending to be transgender in order to have easier access to their intended victims. Not that he has any "evidence" for such, mind you -- he just knows that it's true.

Maybe next, Bruce, you can tell us about how Jews have horns. Or would that be too "old school" for you?

Neo Tuxedo said...

Granted that he, or somebody involved with extruding this strip, has a brain, it's still not clear to me that there's any cognitive reasoning involved, just what William James called "rearranging their prejudices" and Lionel Trilling "irritable mental gestures". Sustained, I think.

Bill the Splut said...

"Your Honor:
"The prosecution misrepresents the case. It is not about whether the client has a brain, but whether it is the size of a slug. And I mean a pretty good-sized slug at that.

"Gentlemen of the jury--what, there are chicks here too?! Hey lady juror--MAKE ME A SANDWICH! What, that's not funny now? You chicks, no sense of humor. Where was I? Big slugs?

"Yes! Look at my client's ears! Is that not slime leaking from them?! Ipso facto, he has a SLUG BRAIN!

"Surely even you chicks can see he's a victim of whatever rich white guy thing he's currently being persecuted for!"

(sits, thinking "Man, but that sandwich joke always kills 5 of the 9 Supremes!")

CW in LA said...

I do believe this whole "identifies" concept has overloaded Brews' pickled little brain.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 20: Jeezus effing christmas, Bruce, are you STILL going on about this? Yes, we get it: You hate transgender people because they're so very RUDE as to defy your ever-so-traditional, GOP-sanctioned notions of "normalcy". But your hatred, mockery, and slander aren't going to make them go away, so get the hell over it already.

Since we're still on the subject of "identifying", though, I think it's fair to ask exactly what Mallard himself identifies as. After all, he never spends time with other ducks, eschewing the local pond in favor of a human domicile and human work/social interactions, and only dates (or, more often, tries unsuccessfully to date) human women, so how does he perceive his biological identity: Duck or human? C'mon, Bruce, clue us in -- the world is dying to know.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/21: As we all know, "elite universities" are part of the liberal cabal. Hey, maybe we can peel the Asians away from their support! Damn it, there must be somebody we can make mad enough by screeching at liberals that they'll turn against their own interests!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/22: I don't know from beer, so I'll just defer to the experts here.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 22-23: Wow -- so Bruce Tinsley, recovering drunk, is complaining about the allegedly terrible taste of craft beers. Since we all know how cutting-edge and up-to-the-minute this strip is, can we assume that this blistering indictment is the result of recent personal experience, Bruce? Should we be concerned?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/24: Back in familiar territory now. "Ha ha stupid liberals make everybody pay tax for everything! Not like smart conservatives who put war on credit card so nobody never have to pay nothing for it!"

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 25: Back to the concern-trolling about domestic violence, I see. But since you brought it up, ducky:

chivalry
[shiv-uhl-ree]
noun
1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.
(via dictionary.com)

Well, in your case, Mallard/Bruce, chivalry most certainly is dead -- in fact, was never alive to begin with.

The reality you're choosing to ignore is that domestic violence has always been with us, contrary to your misty-eyed fantasies of The Good Old Days™. The reason it seems to be more common today is not because of the "coarsening of the culture" (good little right-wing parrot!), but because fewer and fewer people are willing to keep their mouths shut about it and/or sweep it under the rug. Some of us would describe that as "progress".

CW in LA said...

10/25: Chivalry is dead

Recapping from earlier: If women's private nekkid pictures get stolen from them, it's their own damn fault.

motherofmike said...

Mal-lard's most consistent practice is to compare apples and oranges, then congratulate himself on finding them identical....

motherofmike said...

Recently stated that in the good old days gentlemen didn't hit ladies, so the problem of violence against women was somehow the fault of modern liberation thinking...Mallard, it used to be considered okay for husbands to hit their wives....and you are old enough to know that. Just determined to be stupid?

Frank Stone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 27: Mallard demonstrates what an intellectually superior, nonconformist, independent thinker he is by mindlessly following the calculated fear-promptings of the media, both right-wing and "lamestream".

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/28: The comments at Mallard Fillmore show just how sensitive and caring his fans are. "MOOCHELLE OBUMMER'S A TRANNY! HUH HUH!" "NO SHE'S BULIMIC!" "CLINTON!" "TEDDY KENNEDY!" And the ever popular "IF YOU CAN'T DEFEND MOOCHELLE AND CLINTON AND TEDDY, ATTACK NEWT!"

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct 28-29: I hope you're not cooking with this weak sauce, Bruce. Or worse, drinking it.

Oh, no, wait -- you only drink Kool-Aid, don't you? Fox flavor.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/29: Day Million of Bruce Tinsley making up stupid garbage to put in the mouth of a straw man, and the commenters at his comic reacting as if it's an actual fact that proves they were right all along.

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Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/30: Clip and save this one, kids! Today we had three panels that sequentially represented a series of events in comic-strip form! And to make it truly collectible, Tinsley drew a facial expression!

Toots McGee said...

For what it's worth, Tinsley has squeezed out another fascinating blog post over on mallardfillmore.com. In it he expound upon his inspiration for the strip feature Pluto identifying as a planet.

It's interesting that he makes no comment about the identity issue that seemed to primary target and instead expounds upon his education at the hands of teachers who embrace relativism. Remember how all math curriculums have been turned upside down by this insidious philosophy that preaches that the sum of two values is "whatever I feel as though it should equal".

His long(er) form rant surely does nothing to dispel the notion that he, like those rascally Comics Kingdom supporters, believes his strips to reflect the literal truth.

Neo Tuxedo said...

@Toots: What it's worth is the answer to the alt-text of xkcd #423:

"The question with Lucy and the football was always whether, on some level, she believed the things she said."

And also William F. Buckley's famous words to future Newt Gingrich mentor Saul Alinsky: "I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said."

I'm almost tempted to feel sorry for him; then I remember that he could've gone into actual therapy for his daddy issues, rather than turning the readers of 400 newspapers into his unpaid therapists.

CW in LA said...

10/31 - Standard comment about how Shrub's apologists would be crowing about how universally loved he was if he had President Obama's second term approval ratings goes here.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/31: Articles of faith. OBAMA IS SPENDING US INTO BANKRUPTCY [by reducing the deficit by a third]. OBAMA IS TAKING OUR GUNS AWAY [by signing more looser gun laws in his first year than Bush ever signed]. OBAMA LOVES TERRORISTS [by killing them].

It's not so much that down is up in their world, it's more that down is the letter 3, and up is the smell of radio waves in the air.