Those damned Things

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hallowe'en, Political Ads

The first one is true, which is plenty scary. So if you're saying there's no reason to gild the lilly since actual Republican positions are frightening as hell to anyone not in the 1%, we can agree on that.

(Strangely, Mallard does not seem upset about Romney ads which tell an outright lie about Obamacare taking money from Medicare. I wonder why that could be?)

I will say, however, I very much appreciate that Mallard has decided to just ride the same Hollowe'en punch line ("thing I don't like is scaaaaaary!") for a solid week. Saves on thinking which in his case is a good thing.

That damned Note

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden, VP Debate

When your party's intellectual "giant" gets obliterated on substance, this is what you complain about.

That damned Smile

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Mallard Fillmore has given up all pretense that he's even trying.

That damned Costume

What's Mallard raving about today?

Joe Biden

Yeah, yeah, Mallard doesn't like Joe Biden...yawn.

In other news, Mallard remembered to do a strip for Hallowe'en, but not for 9-11.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Yeah, uh, Mallard...this doesn't make even a lick of sense.

That damned Election

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voter Fraud

Wow, so Republicans are now re-litigating the 1960 election?

That damned Plan

What's Mallard raving about today?

Voting

When you electoral strategy depends upon insuring that fewer people vote, you can be 100% certain that your ideas are completely morally and intellectually bankrupt.

That damned Lead

What's Mallard raving about today?

Television, Americans

So, let me see if I understand this correctly...your plan is nullification of Obama's victory because the wrong kind of people voted for him? I'm not sure you understand Democracy, Mallard.

But, to be clear, you're saying the election only counts if you get your votes from people like this guy?

Or this guy?

Or these folks?

That damned Hope

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

Apathetic voters tend to vote Democratic.

Whereas large numbers of Republican voters are extremely motivated by factually incorrect views, such as whether President Obama raised taxes, the President's citizenship, and his religion.

I'll take apathetic voters any day.

That damned Chance

What's Mallard raving about today?

Mitt Romney, Presidential Debates, Bob Schieffer

Just noting that no one of championship calibre would ever blame the referee.

Which explains why the entire Republican establishment has blamed the debate moderator for their performance in the last two debates.

That damned Edsel

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Not sure why the Pentagon's decision to by Chevy Volts makes the car a failure on par with the Edsel, that logic escapes me.

That said, while the Chevy Volt has appeared as a "punchline" in Mallard Fillmore multiple times, it is going much too far to suggest that in any of those cases there was a joke...at least not as commonly understood by human beings.

That damned Phrase

What's Mallard raving about today?

The New Normal

Sweet Jesus, is there anything Mallard won't complain about?

Those damned Opportunists

What's Mallard raving about today?

Campaign Contributions

You're not some kind of Communist who doesn't believe that money is speech, are you Mallard?

Because you sound like just the kind of Commie bastard who doesn't support Citizen's United in all its glory.

That Damned Survey

What's Mallard raving about today?

Hollywood, Mitt Romney

Plenty of Celebrities like Mitt Romney!

Why there's Ted Nugent!

And Chuck Norris.



Craig T. Nelson loves Romney!



And who can forget Clint Eastwood?

That damned Unemployment

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Unemployment

Mark down Wednesday, October 17, 2012.

This is the one day all year on which Mallard Fillmore told an actual joke.

That damned Question

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Debate, Libya

President Obama should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Spokesperson

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

If I understand this correctly, the Obama Administration has been changing the story on what happened in the attack on our Embassy in Libya as new facts come to light.

Which, obviously, has the Right Wing in an uproar because...uh, because...yeah, I'm not quite sure.

Those damned debates

What's Mallard raving about today?

Presidential Debates

I'll bet Mallard is just kicking himself for this, after that first debate.

That damned Law

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt, Health Care

I see what you did there.

3 weeks ago, I am sure Mallard was feeling very, very pleased with himself, based on what he believes to be utter cleverness.

Interestingly, however, Mallard seems unfazed by the fact that long-standing Federal Law requiring all drivers to carry Auto Insurance tends to contradict whatever point he thinks he just made and is far more apt a comparison than an invented Law to require everyone to buy a specific model of car.

But, you know, very clever. Clap. Clap. Clap.

That damned Reason

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Finally! Mallard lays out the contours of his massive Chevy Volt gripe. I'm still not going to bother looking this up to understand in which way he's misrepresenting things.

But I will give him points for griping about the Pentagon buying cars from an American auto-maker. Apparently Mallard feels the US government should buy foreign cars instead?

Those damned Sales

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Apparently after 2 days, Mallard got the memo that the "apology" line of attack wasn't working out and so...we're back to the Chevy Volt.

Of course, Mallard's Chevy Volt whinging is no more grounded in reality than anything else he does.

In the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is outselling half of all cars marketed in the US.

That damned Apology (Part 2)

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

He should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Apology

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama

He should have said something more like this:

The United States condemns, in the strongest terms this outrageous and shocking attack. We’re working with the government of Libya to secure our diplomats. I’ve also directed my administration to increase our security at diplomatic posts around the world. And make no mistake, we will work with the Libyan government to bring to justice the killers who attacked our people. Since our founding, the United States has been a nation that respects all faiths. We reject all efforts to denigrate the religious beliefs of others. But there is absolutely no justification to this type of senseless violence. None. The world must stand together to unequivocally reject these brutal acts. 

That damned Guy

What's Mallard raving about today?

President Obama, Muslims

Mallard, you're a lying sack of crap, and a despicable waterfowl. You are so beneath contempt that I refuse to even address today's lie.

What's Mallard raving about today?

Americans, Personal responsibility.

But, of course, 47% of Americans, according to Mitt Romney, are not worth worrying about because he'll "never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

That damned Interview

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Allow me to point out that criticizing the Chevy Volt is more important to Mallard than remembering September 11th.

That damned Volt

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt

Point 1 - According to Mallard, the Chevy Volt is a

• Metaphor for meeting someone's ultimate obstacle and being defeated by it
• Reference to something that never happened in Happy Days, but still somehow represents when that series completely lost the plot
• Metaphorically similar to excrement

All of which just proves one thing: Mallard Fillmore has no understanding of how the English language works.

Point 2 - For anyone not fed a steady diet of Fox/Townhall, this has to be utterly mystifying. Does Mallard actually believe that, in the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is widely reviled?

Point 3 - By contrast, in the reality-based world, the Chevy Volt is actually quite a critical success (including being named Motor Trend's 2011 Car of the Year) and outselling about half of all cars marketed in the U.S.

That damned Man

What's Mallard raving about today?

Toddlers and Tiaras

In other news, a cartoon duck appears strangely familiar with a TV show he decries other people watching.

That damned Volt

What's Mallard raving about today?

Chevy Volt, Presidential Debates.

I'm not even going to touch whatever right wing dog whistle is going on here, as I am not current on the current non-troversy/fauxtrage over the Chevy Volt. And I am not going to spend time on Fox or Townhall to find out.

I will point out that Mallard was able to time this strip to coincide with the Presidential debates. A feat he was not able to replicate when it came to September 11th, which he completely forgot and/or ignored.

Why do you hate America, Mallard?

Those damned Sharks

What's Mallard raving about today?

Sharks

This from the man who was recently clutching his pearls about the fact that the Obama campaign is simply too mean?

That damned Spring

What's Mallard raving about today?

Arab Spring, The Media

Now Mallard is just putting random right-wing bugaboos into sentences without any rhyme or reason.

I'm a little confused, however. Wasn't democracy in the Middle East a neo-con, President Bush, Republican thing?

I guess they assumed democracy would just spring forth fully-formed with no disruption at all?

I mean, after all, our own revolutionary path to democracy (terrorists, the British called us) only took from 1775-1782. So why can't the Middle East just do it in a few months with no bloodshed? How unreasonable.