What's Mallard raving about today?
SUNDAYI've noticed two things about Tinsley's Sunday strips of late: (1) they're no more politically topical than Zits, and (2) he puts a lot more work into them than the copypaste-and-scribble weekday strips. They're not good or remotely funny--they're still just old-man-yells-at-cloud crap about stupid kids and junk television--but maybe that's the point. Anyone care to speculate?
Speculate? You mean on what those pieces of paper are? They're the wrong size and shape and thickness for valentines. It might help if I knew more about these Kardashians, but apparently I don't watch the right kind or amount of television. I don't really want to know that badly, you understand.
I honestly do not get this. I showed to someone else they were equally perplexed. This shows why the political stuff isn't funny either.
Let's see. Cupid hits people with arrows to make them fall in love. Apparently he does this on request. So either the Kardashians love everybody else (...which may be imprudent but there's an admirable quality to it ...) or everybody else loves the Kardashians (...manifestly untrue.)There's the seed of a joke here, but incompetence killed it. On the evidence, alcohol-related depression takes its toll.
I'd just like you to take a good gander (ha!) at the art quality of today's Mallard, and then take a look at today's Bizarro. There's more detail in any of the shoes.
I'll take a shot at it (see what I did there?): Apparently, Cupid has to file paperwork whenever he nails somebody with one of his love-inducing arrows ('cuz bureaucracy, amirite??), and the Kardashian sisters have had so many boyfriends that they merit more paperwork than everybody else.'Cuz the Kardashians, amirite???Good ol' Bruce -- always on the cutting edge of pop cultural satire.
MONDAYTinsley starts off a week of "Mallentine" copypasting by "exposing" the "real Obama."Just like Tinsley did four years ago.
Remember- the President spent four years NOT doing the things he REALLY wanted to do, so he could be re-elected- now, as a lame-duck, he's going to get all those commie-socialist-pinko-anti-gun-pacifist-muslim-I'm-sure-I'm-forgetting-something-oh-yeah-HOMOSEXUAL things done.Because that makes perfect sense.My dear departed mother once said "People with crazy conspiracy theories are just telling you what they would do if they had power."She also once said "If you're standing in a doorway, you're in somebody's way, " which, as I get older, seems like the wisest thing anybody's ever said. Doesn't have much to do with the duck, but I like spreading that axiom around.
Evidently, "the real Barack" pronounces his name "buh-RACK".But then again, it may be that Tinsley is just an incompetent hack. Woooo....
TUESDAYWho didn't see this coming? Mrs. Clinton spanked the GOP hounds (Rand Paul in particular), but all Tinsley can see is failure and falsehood. And of course he projects his own party's infighting onto the Dems.I'm still waiting for Tinsley to get outraged at George Junior for his abject failure to defend America from terrorist attack. But not holding my breath. Never forget, eh?
Re Tuesday: And yet, out of "all the stuff [Clinton] couldn't answer or explain", the only example Tinsley offers is the one incomplete, out-of-context sentence that every right-wing tool has been trained like a barking seal to remember and repeat (see also "you didn't build that").Looks like you've earned your little reward, barking seal. Anybody got a fish?
WEDNESDAYAh, good, back to this already-well-debunked nonsense. Having gone with "abject failure," then "hoax," Tinsley now suggests this study he's lying about is just one of many, many studies...that he hasn't, uh, mentioned until right now.KEEP DIGGING, ASSHOLE.
To work, lies have to be at least vaguely plausible.The study Brews Tinkley is referring to compares Head Start kids to kids who went to other programs, and concludes that the results are not very different. That's interesting but it doesn't show anything's a failure; it just shows that most well-structured programs work.But a thinking-type deconstruction of Mallard Fillmore is pointless, because it's not a "comic" about thinking. Instead, just ask any parent whose kid went to Head Start whether it was a good idea. You aren't going to persuade a single one of them that it wasn't because it's sort of like asking whether kids read better if you spend time reading to them or whether kids are less whiney if you feed them good food. So that lie just won't work. But I suppose it helps Drinkley fulfill his quoate.
...although come to think of it, the "comic" *does* help the reichwing in one way: it confirms their anti-education bias by repeating a lie.The usual process of reichwing "thinking":1. Decide2. Make up stuff to justify decisions3. If someone points out that the stuff in #2 is false, get angry and point out that you think you're so smart you can't be One Of Us!
THURSDAYOoooh, bad timing again, Brucie. Last night Obama promised to create an assload of jobs, so everyone on your side is already supposed to be "infuriated at his arrogance", not "infuriated at him for not creating assloads of jobs".Which is it, anyway? Aren't government-created jobs phony and bureaucratic and wasteful and baaaaaad? Isn't the massively-subsidized "private" sector supposed to create jobs? And wasn't that what the Bush Tax Cuts were for? They were in place for well over a damn decade while we spun deeper into debt, Bruce: Why Didn't They Work? I'm going to ask it again, Bruce. Let's hear some of that truth you're so famous (in your own mind) for. The Bush Tax Cuts, Bruce: WHY DIDN'T THOSE BIG TAX BREAKS MAKE THE "JOB CREATORS" CREATE JOBS?
Boy, Bruce -- the glass is always half-empty for you, isn't it? And even if it's full, by gum, you'll find a way to MAKE it half-empty. As long as you can blame it on Obama.Also, your poetry suuuucks.
Re: Head Start's failure. Remember when Mallard Fillmore was foaming at the mouth in indignation over the way George W. Bush wasted billions of dollars in Iraq trying to "eliminate terrorism"? Yeah. Me neither.
FRIDEUX"We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed, too. Otherwise, they will turn out to be outright traitors.""My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building."-- Ann Coulter, idol of one Bruce TinsleyCelebrate Tinsley's ridiculous hypocrisy by recounting your favorite bits of eliminationist rhetoric! Because when the right-wingers do it, Tinsley's concern is only about free speech, not any influence such rhetoric may have on their psychologically-imbalanced audience.
So, who starred in the movie full of gratuitous violence? Maybe Willis or Schwarzenegger or Stallone, maybe Eastwood in his pre-chair hating days? What were they using to kill people, really sharp golf tees? Certainly not guns! Maybe they killed with books they got from Head Start. Because guns don't kill people, people who watch movies about people killing people with guns kill people! Just not with guns! IT IS SO TOO LOGICAL! SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL YOU WITH A BOOK!
SADDERDAYNo, Bruce, your DT hallucinations do not carry equal weight with reality. (Admittedly, that could be a reply to at least 100% of all Mallard Fillmore comics in the history of history itself, but it seemed especially applicable to this particular fart.)
Well, since pretty much all Lardbutt and Fox News do is complain about the prez, that seems fair, actually.
Oh, Right-Wing Fantasy Obama™ -- is there any paranoid delusion you can't embody?
I have arrived at the definitive metaphor for BOTH Mallard Fillmore AND his critics:Remember "Real Genius?" Remember the montage where the boy genius was eventually the only student actually going to class? Instead of leaving a Panasonic tape recorder to tape the lecture? And then one day he arrived and the PROFESSOR was gone too, replacing himself with a taped lecture playing from the top of the lectern? Well, admittedly Mallard Fillmore is not THAT involved or hands-on or exciting. But it's pretty close.I think this goes for the "fans" and non-ironic readers as well. They read Malin Formduck out of the principle of the thing - showing the flag.
One thing I'll say for Brews' endless repetition of "Purge Daley" as if it were funny: It's still not as brutal as his poetry.
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