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Sunday, February 03, 2013

Week of February 3, 2013

What's Mallard raving about this Week?

Read and Comment!


Tog said...


Unless Tinsley was trying to make some witty observation about how some people tend to become more conservative as they age and their minds begin to fail, I don't know what "controversy" for which he's being "a lightning rod" here.

Into what may be his most pointless strip of the year already, Tinsley poured the most work and detail.

Christ wept.


Yeah, I get it. The media is useless because instead of everyone screaming, "Benghazi!!" 24/7, some commentators have noted Michelle Obama's hair style.

Fashion watchers are just relieved America's First Lady doesn't look like this. Yet.

Tinsley knows that simply scrawling the name "Obama" into the strip every day will bring his not-at-all-racist racist fans crawling out from under their rocks to foam at the mouth; this will be Tinsley's revenge against the Blacks for them getting a history month, when white people don't get a history month at ALL and it's NOT FAIR because they invented all the cool stuff, like Christianity and numbers and oxygen!!


Randy Winn said...

Why should we spend more time writing something here than Brews Tinkley spent drawing today's "comic"?

Seriously: pantless duck pointing his crotch at TV again?

I don't watch a lot of TV but none of my many news feeds has talking about Michelle's hair for weeks. Maybe Mallard's a fan of the Hairdresser's Channel?

Andrew said...

"...a major story we first reported weeks ago..."

Translation- Bruce desperately hoped that the "bangs" story would still be being talked about by the time this strip (probably drawn the day of the inauguration) saw print. Sorry, Bruce- wrong again!

I'm assuming we'll be seeing some half-assed Super bowl black-out joke here in 2-3 weeks.

Tog said...


Oh God, this isn't over yet, is it.


CW in LA said...

That's right, Brews, a great many of us like the first lady, and find her a delightful and entirely admirable person. Anyone think that about you?

That's a rhetorical question. No, of course they don't.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley's a lightning rod for controversy. An ungrounded lightning rod. The controversy happens when he starts screaming at the firemen who come to put his house out.

Neo Tuxedo said...

No, TOGGG!!!, it's nowhere near over. He's going to ride this imaginary horse all the way to the moon, where it will gorge itself on green cheese until its belly explodes and candy comes out.

Frank Stone said...

47 percent you say, Bruce? What an oddly precise number. However did you come up with it?

(Yeah, that's another rhetorical question, Bruce. We already know how you came up with it: you plucked it from the same place where kindergartners get retorts like "No, YOU'RE a big dumb poopy-head!!")

Tog said...


Did you all notice how "Teh Media" went out of its way to ignore an explosive expose of the "abject failure" of Head Start by a neocon stink-tank to focus on Michelle Obama's bangs? IT HAPPENED! YOU SAW IT, RIGHT? ...OR HAVE THE JEWS GOTTEN TO YOU TOO?

Borborygmy said...

Has Fox News been going to non-stop coverage of Flotus's hair? Because I haven't noticed it anywhere else.

Borborygmy said...

Trying to figure out what he's talking about. According to Wiki, " 2011, Time magazine's columnist Joe Klein called for the elimination of Head Start, citing an internal report that the program is costly and makes a negligible impact on children's well-being over time."

That's it? One report? Two years ago?

Minced oath.

CW in LA said...

I like how Brews complains that the media are BIASED, but his microscopic scrawled footnote cites the Heritage Foundation, as if they were just some guys with data to share.

I'd say the Tinsh has some chutzpah, but that's another one of those Jooish words.

Bill the Splut said...

How about the great triumphs of DARE and abstinence-only programs? Awesome if you want your kids to do drugs and have premarital sex!

Frank Stone said...

Mallard is gloating over the alleged failure of the Head Start program.

The Head Start program is designed to help children.

Therefore, Mallard is gloating over failure to help children.

Just thought I'd point that out.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley does the happy dance. "Ha ha! You failed to help! You should be like me and not even try! Haw haw haw!"

Next he goes down the street, where some firemen have just failed to put out a deadly fire that killed half a family and does the same thing. He's as happy as an NRA member who just heard about a multiple stabbing.

Neo Tuxedo said...

THURSDAY (since TOGGG!!! is running late)
The good news is, Brewski has confounded my prediction and stopped riding the "Michelle's bangs" hobby-horse. The bad news is, yesterday was the landing, and today he sticks the dismount with all the subtlety we've come to expect, i.e. much less subtlety than a sledgehammer made of machine guns that shoot bricks.

Tog said...


Head Start is no longer an "abject failure" but rather a very successful "fraud." Credit where it's due: Tinsley's as consistent as he is talented.

And what talent! The tossed-off background image this time around is a pair of cardboard boxes so haphazardly drawn I'm tempted to call 9-1-1 and have someone check in on the Tinsley residence.

What do boxes have to do with Head Start? Or (for Christ's weeping sake) Manti Te'o? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Tinsley just can't draw Te'o, and couldn't be bothered to draw his teacher-as-hippie-villain strawman, so he stacked up a couple of boxes! Boxes! What could be easier to draw? And yet he still failed miserably!

...Anyway, kudos to whomever predicted Tinsley would fumble a Manti Te'o reference two weeks ago.

How effective has Tinsley's weeklong anti-Head Start campaign been? In yesterday's comments under the strip itself, the conversation was one long argument about whether the group that shouts down speakers at town hall meetings and continually launches the most obscene, hateful invective at their opponents should be collectively subjected to the once-self-imposed moniker "teabagger."

*golf clap*

Neo Tuxedo said...

Tinsley's as consistent as he is talented.

The underlying message is consistent, as long as you are, or get all your information from, the sort of person who believes the International Communist Conspiracy long ago took complete control of our public schools (oh, I'm sorry, government schools), the State Department, and the water supply.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley shows great imaginative powers here. You can bet there aren't any boxes like that at his place, with the arrows pointing up. Because no goddamn bureaucrat is going to tell him how to put a goddamn box, goddamn it.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Strangely, studies I found (at and ) show lasting benefits to the kids who were studied. A 17-year study from 2000, for instance, shows about a third as many arrests and a quarter as many kids failing to get high school diplomas or GEDs as the control group. I guess ("Your one-stop shop for bogus footnotes") has different standards for success. Perhaps they base their results on whether the children go on to become good gardeners and domestics, and whether they know their place, or perhaps whether their skin becomes lighter and they show a greater ability to inherit money.

Randy Winn said...

If you actually read some of those studies ("Reading Is Primary!") you'd see that Mallard is just being stupid again:

"Newly entering 3- and 4-year-old Head Start
applicants were randomly assigned either to a
Head Start group that for one year had access to
Head Start services, or to a control group that
could receive any other non-Head Start services
chosen by their parents.

---Third Grade Follow-up to the
Head Start Impact Study - October 2012

At most, the studies show that all preschool programs are helpful; it's just that Head Start isn't noticeably better than a program you pay for out-of-pocket, if you can afford it (or if you're in a study that pays for it for you).

Meanwhile, when it comes to hoaxes ... hey Tinshley, have you found those WMDs in Iraq yet?

Steve-O said...

Yes,because fucking Head Start is the cause of all our problems. Take away one week of oil subsidies and we could fund Head Start for the next fucking century. So kiss my ass Tinsley you hack.

Tog said...


"Why even try?," Tinsley told himself, not attempting to clean the finger with which he had just scratched his anus. "Duck head, screw the background junk, text, text, text...let's see. First it was a 'failure,' then I called it a 'fraud' and a 'hoax'... OH! I have it! It's a 'self-esteem' thingy!! Take THAT, hippies!! God, I'm a genius! Scribble, scribble, scribble...and it's Miller Time! Let's get 'faced!! Christ, it's almost noon!"

Marion Delgado said...

Now that Tinsley has the you cant graduate from high school until you prove you've read, understood, and agree with 100% The Turner Diaries ...


Mein Kampf

or was it ... ah yes, the Complete Works of Ayn Rand

at the ironic spearpoint of the Intrusive State

Now that the day he dug skulls, wagged his scales and raped scallions for is upon him

now that america is Going Rogue in Unison

I assume Hitl... Hoover's Hoosiers, such as himself, are now all hearts, flowers, and puppies.

And flags. oh, so many flags.

wait, wht?

Bruce! you havent said one word to any one at the (NSDA) party! circulate, man! have a good time!

Marion Delgado said...

My bad, i forgot which paranoid northern white militia enclave state Bruce Tipsy was in. Go west, old man! Idaho is the place you oughta be! So they loaded up the hoods, crosses, torches and ropes and they moved to Boise ... hills, that is ... hills that have eyes!

Frank Stone said...

Mallard, seriously: Go see a neurologist. You keep forgetting what you just said. This is not a characteristic of a healthy brain. "In other news"? You've been gnawing this same threadbare chew toy for four days now. Not to mention that you can't remember if this study you're so obsessed with says that the Head Start program is an "abject failure", a monstrous, malicious hoax which has defrauded taxpayers for billions, or simply ineffectual.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, despite what your ideological heroes would have you believe.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Frank Stone skrev to Tinsley:

you can't remember if this study you're so obsessed with says that the Head Start program is an "abject failure", a monstrous, malicious hoax which has defrauded taxpayers for billions, or simply ineffectual.

You're assuming these mean different things to his target audience. The point is, it's bad and a failure, therefore liberals support it, therefore it's bad and a failure. Or, as some shrill wag put it years ago, disputing Andrew Sullivan's insistence that he could not be a "radical leftist":

in the hands of the shitkicker demagogues of the Right like Malkin, phrases like "radical leftist" have long since lost any meaning. They are just the pejorative-du-jour, pulled from a random grab-bag of Limbaugh-words -- socialist, elitist, feminist, Marxist, anti-American, compassionate, cut-and-run, surrender, Liberal, extremist, collectivist, queer, Communist, fascist, atheist, humanist, "New York", "San Francisco", “Chicago”, French, European -- that each used to have discrete and very different meanings, but are now bleated interchangeably by the Pig People and their overlords at anyone with a softer heart than Curtis LeMay and less imperial ambitions than Genghis Khan.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

This is the week when a government study is important evidence of something, because it agrees with the talking points that come to Tinsley every day. Though lately it appears they've started coming in once or twice a week, and instead of his fax machine, they appear as random images on his toast that only he can see.