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Sunday, January 27, 2013

Week of January 27, 2013

What's Mallard raving about this Week?

Read and Comment!


Bill the Splut said...

Wait, what? Given that "teacher" in Mallardspeak is an insult, I guess...Okay, I don't know. His "students shouldn't have self esteem" thing again?

Wait--HAHAHAHA, I get it!
Purge Daly! Because she has a hilarious eating disorder! That is truly the height of wit! He should do a spinoff strip called "Purge Daly" that would be 4 panels of her saying "Hi, I'm supermodel Purge Daly"! Guaranteed to be a lightning rod!

AirEarthFireWater said...

Did he forget the punch line?

Randy Winn said...

Awesome! Mallard Fillmore continues to be one of the most highly contentious and celebrated comic strips, providing a unique conservative viewpoint to the comics pages!!
A couple of taking dinosaurs: comedy GOLD!

Andrew said...

It appears Bruce may have gone off the reservation with this one. Um, Republicans DON'T LIKE Kathryn Bigelow, Brucie- they're going to hold hearings about how she got and used classified materials to make her movie.

And, assuming he's talking about Jodie foster (hey, only 2 weeks behind the news- way to go!), he apparently didn't realize she pretty much pointedly DIDN'T do what he's saying- she pretty much said "you all know I'm gay, and, yeah,I am, but, well, you knew that, right?"

But, apparently, he's stuck in "conservatives don't get jobs in Hollywood" mode- just a week after Schwartzenegger returned to the movies (although it bombed at the box office, you can't say it was due to lack of hype).

Tog said...

I'm fairly confident Tinsley drew his conclusions about Foster and Bigelow the same way he comes to "understand" everything else; from headline-skimming and tabloid TV.

I remember the hoopla about Foster. I would have come to the same conclusion as Tinsley, based on the crap I waded through online to reach real news stories.

The difference is, if I were going to write an opinion about Foster's "coming out," I would've done some actual research first (as opposed to Tinsley-style chug-a-lug "research").

I haven't seen Bigelow's movie, but Diane Feinstein and others have been making a stink about its "pro-torture stance" while others have denied such a stance exists.

And like Andrew wrote, that can be tailored to fit Tinsley's victimization fantasy of the week/month, so he couldn't give two shits if it's factual or not. It confirms his prejudices; ergo, it is correct.

Randy Winn said...

Hollywood is about money.
When conservatives directors bomb at the box office, they have trouble getting work. That's the free market in action!

Clint Eastwood, for example, is well-known as a conservative and is a great director. He makes any movie he wants, when he's not shouting at chairs or helping conservatives lose elections.

Frank Stone said...

Shorter Monday "Mallard":

"Whaaaahhh! Hollywood loves those faggity-fag-fag homo faggots but hates conservatives! Whaaaaahhh!!!"

CW in LA said...

I still don't get the wingnut butthurt over Hollywood. Yeah, a lot of its prominent members are liberal, but it's the right-wingers among them who end up getting political power (St. Ronnie, Ahhnold).

And according to their movies, has Hollywood ever seen a problem that couldn't be solved with lots and lots and lots of gunplay?

Chrysicat said...

Translated version of Tuesday's comic: "Vidya games should only be for kids--and limited even then!

And we hafta get back to the Hayes Code in movies too--all this rewarded violence and sex, especially the sex, is the reason kids these days are lahk this!"

CW in LA said...

Tell ya what, Brews: When someone slaughters a bunch of kids with a movie or video game, I'll consider your argument that the problem is them and not guns.


Randy Winn said...

Everyone knows that pretending to shoot a gun is more violent than actually shooting a gun.

And everyone knows that if the parents of the mentally ill can't arm themselves with weapons capable of shooting a classroom of children to bloody rags, the government will oppress them.

Frank Stone said...

I see by Tuesday's entry that Bruce Tinsley's debating skills peaked in kindergarten.

DaveyK said...

Let me see if I have this straight.

The fact that, like many people, mass shooters have been known to play video games and watch violent movies is all the proof we need of the fact that video games and violent movies are a contributing factor to mass gun killings. (Don't ask about the rates of such crimes in other countries with equally high rates of video game and movie consumption, BTW.)

However, actually using military-grade guns to shoot people to death is not enough proof that access to these guns is a contributing factor, so just move along without even discussing it.

Bill the Splut said...

What's the supermodel's name again? I'll need at least 12 repetitions of it in a row to remember, and I think we're only around 9.

Marion Delgado said...

We have now reached the point where every goon with a grievance, every bitter bigot, merely has to place the prefix, 'I know this is not politically correct, but...' in front of the usual string of insults in order to be not just safe from criticism, but actually a card, a lad, even a hero. Conversely, to talk about poverty and inequality, to draw attention to the reality that discrimination and injustice are still facts of life, is to commit the sin of political correctness. Anti-PC has become the latest cover for creeps. It is a godsend for every curmudgeon and crank, from fascists to the merely smug.
Finian O'Toole, The Irish Times, 5 May 1994

Neo Tuxedo said...


Here's mine: it is one of the great ironies of our time that, if anybody treated Bruce Tinsley in person with the level of respect he treats our entire nation to via his "comic" strip, it would not be Tinsley who went to jail. Can we just lock him in a room with Joel Stein until they eat each other like the Kilkenny Cats already?

Tog said...

Thank you for that quote, Marion D.

Every time I've heard/read someone whining about "political correctness," it's been a white guy with a wounded sense of entitlement crying because his daddy used to lynch "n*****s" and "f*****s" but now he can't even say those words out loud without someone giving him a dirty look and it's not fair and waaaaah.

(...Or someone milking them with both hands, like McFarlane or Parker and Stone. Or Cain.)

What they really want is to return to the OLD "political correctness," when "those people" (women included) "knew their place" and lefties were subject to police beatings if they protested publicly.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley has once again exceeded expectations in skillfully knocking down his straw woman and her made-up statistics before a stray breeze blew them all away.

It's like making up a brand-new ethnic group so you can tell jokes about it. Because that's what humor is!

Andrew said...

No purge Daily today. Instead, duck doing his "job"- making up facts.

Oh, and what sort of "Nanny State" crap is this, Bruce? Are you saying we shouldn't be allowed to drink bleach?

Frank Stone said...

Just FYI, Bruce: This is what reality-based satire on the gun topic looks like.

ajm said...

In this week's Newsweek, David Mamet made the same claim Mallard does about cities with the strictest gun control laws -- a claim which was thoroughly annihilated by most online critics who've actually done the research.

Neo Tuxedo said...

It's like making up a brand-new ethnic group so you can tell jokes about it.

"You called me a Chuwero.... You said we have 'asshole faces,' and that we 'eat and fuck shit.'"

Randy Winn said...

Gun death rates by states

New York 4.8 per 100,000
Texas 11.1 per 100,000

I apologize for actually citing to a fact, something that Mallard Fillmore won't do.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Remember, all you conservatives: top liberals, including Al Gore say NOT to drink bleach! You know that, right? I'm a liberal and I say to you: DON'T drink the bleach! You should let me be the boss of you in this matter, because I know better than you. It's for your own good. And society's!

Thanks for not drinking bleach, conservatives! From us liberals.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley sticks it to all those liberals who think zero tolerance is swell. He's like the brave little tailor. He just got seven with one blow.

Congratulations on the rendition of the gun, too! It looks every bit as realistic and plausible as everything else in the strip! Really!

Randy Winn said...

You know who else opposes "Zero Tolerance" laws?


Why is Mallard Fillmore turning liberal?

Randy Winn said...

P.S. up at the top of this blog's home page is an ad for "Gyno-Star" which every week is funnier, better drawn and written, and more effectively political than an entire year of Mallard Fillmore. Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

Thurs: On Mallard Filmore's same level of thought, it could be said that "the NRA and GOP like to shoot babies." (at least, it might be true that 20 first-graders would still be alive if the assault-rifle ban had not been repealed some years back.)
OK, Bruce, this strip indicates that: 1. Your brain has turned to mush. 2. You have no valid/logical thoughts, so you just make things up.

Looking at the link provided by R.Winn for gun death rates by state, it sure looks as if the rates are proportional to the number of "conservative" voters.

Bill the Splut said...

Hey, weren't we just told on Tuesday that liberals don't think that "violent video games and movies"--i.e., PICTURES OF GUNS--cause school shootings? Which of course means that they do in the Mallardverse. And today, pictures of guns are something that liberals object to, meaning that they don't cause gun violence? Bruce's skull must a very roomy place to live in. Roomy, but drafty.

Hey, Welfare King, what do all mass shootings have in common? Hint: IT'S NOT PICTURES OF GUNS.

(In case AnonyBruce reads this, with a sliver of drool coming from the corner of his mouth as his brain-part tries to puzzle this out, the answer is "Actual Guns")

Tog said...


Remember when Tinsley put some effort into this ass-wipe? Now he thinks a panel break is just a "pre-zinger pause" and doing backgrounds is for suckers. Instead of copypasting the same image for weeks, he's drawing the same image twice per strip and occasionally throwing in some effort-free detail--a bleach bottle, for example, or a crude hurricane symbol.

Anyway. Hey, remember how angry Tinsley became when Bill Clinton asked everyone to tone down the violent rhetoric? And by "everyone," I mean Coulter, Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Savage, Nugent...all the usual wrong-wing morons, because no one else was saying it?

Now look at how hurt he is by the words he put in Obama's mouth!

CW in LA said...

Well, after all projection is the Teabaggistani national sport.

Frank Stone said...

Holy fuggin Moses. He finally beat the odds.

Every single word in Saturday's strip is actually 100 percent true.

And the tragically hilarious part is that Bruce doesn't even realize it because he thinks he's being all cleverly satirical and ironic.

The circle is now complete.

Anonymous said...

Navy SEAL Chris Kyle. R.I.P.,Sir, thank you for your service.

CW in LA said...

Wow, Brews sure sticks it to turtles who get tattoos in Sundays strip. Speaking truth to power, ladies and gents!

Randy Winn said...

Why should Tinshley spend time scripting and drawing? He's published to provide "balance" to all the well-written, well-drawn comics. Doing quality work would defeat the purpose.

(The above comment was written for the Sunday "comic", but applies to Saturday and every other Mallard Fillmore I've every seen)

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