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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Week of January 13, 2013

What's Mallard raving about this Week?

Read and Comment!

44 comments:

DaveyK said...

The first generation to forget how to make fried chicken? More like the only person who couldn't think to search Google for a recipe. Or to simply bread the chicken and fry it in hot oil and see if, maybe, that would work. So, you know, basically just the dumbest fuck on the planet.

Adam Robert-Catt said...

Um, why would a duck be eating chicken anyway? That sounds horrifying.

Randy Winn said...

What a brilliant comic is Mallard Fillmore, deftly illustrating the inability of today's conservatives to understand simple everyday parts of life or to use technology to seek information not found in the Bible!

Truly this is a controversial and unique conservative viewpoint for the comics page!

Anonymous said...

Republicans eat their own. Nothing new there.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tog (from the previous post), I've got a Donald Duck one-page comic — presumably from the newspaper — showing him hunting ducks with a shotgun. Now there's Anonymous's Republicans eating their own in action! All it needed was him shooting one in the face and having it apologize to him.

Frank Stone said...

Um. Mallard's parents prepared fried chicken "all the time", yet he never observed how they did it, and he never asked how they did it, and they never told him how they did it? That's, uh, quite a remarkable household you grew up in, Mallard. I'm afraid to know how you think babies are made.

Anonymous said...

@Frank Stone: Learnin's for liberals! That's why they's so stupid!!

Randy Winn said...

Today's "comic" is about how Bill O'Reilly decided he forced Mexico to release a guy arrested for breaking their gun laws. It's like a rooster claiming he made the sun rise by crowing in the morning.

Also, it's false that our state department didn't help. Either O'Reilly and Tinshley lied, or they don't know that "consular officials" are part of the State Department .... "...prison officials, with the help of U.S. consular officials, moved Hammar out of the prison’s general population...".

You have to feel sorry for the guy, but it's pretty stupid to carry a gun into another country without finding out first whether it's legal. Apparently the guy drove to the border with the gun; he says that he asked someone staffing the American border post if it'd be o.k., and was told sure, no problem. If this story is true, then the staffer should be disciplined because he gave legal advice and also because he was wrong. But you have to question the story because what would the guy have done if he was told there was a problem: dump the shotgun in the waste basket?

Mexican jails are no fun, and it's quite possible the guy was set up, but the lesson here is don't go to another country without first learning its laws and how to avoid breaking them ... and don't just ask random people at a border crossing.

If the situation were reversed ... if a Mexican carried an illegal weapon into the USA, would Bill O'Reilly and Brews Tinkley demand Mexico boycott American goods?

MissD said...

I don't understand Sunday's comic. Huh? His generation forgot how to make fried chicken? Like Tinsley ever knew how? The closest Tinsley ever came to making fried chicken was when he came home drunk and beat his wife with the coal shovel while screaming, "Bitch, you're gonna make me fried chicken!"

Frank Stone said...

I think I understand: Bruce is just using the Jon Hammar story as an excuse to bash the State Department. 'Cuz, y'know, Susan Rice or something.

And I'd recommend that Bruce Google "Laura Ling and Euna Lee", but I'm afraid he'd injure himself flying into a rage after reading the results, on account of their release from a North Korean prison being accomplished by the Antichrist Bill Clinton, who took direct personal action, as opposed to just flapping his gums from the safety of a TV studio.

Bill the Splut said...

"Remember when Super O'Reilly defeated Robo-Stalin by drop-kicking him into that volcano in Kenya? And he took down the Berlin Wall as he went! WOO-HOO, something something!"
*barf*

Tog said...

TUESDAY
Wow, Tinsley's really on a "everybody (but me) is dumb" kick lately, isn't he? In the coming days, I imagine we'll be seeing the return of "...but YOU're the REAL elitists!"

Neo Tuxedo said...

Apparently, the Herald-Mail pre-ran today's strip yesterday. I can't decide whether or not to write in again pointing that out; judging from the commentary here, I should probably spare myself and Washington County the brain damage. (Then again, I keep reading Joel Stein's column in Time, which represents a triumph of hope over experience undreamt of by Samuel Johnson.)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Kids today must be really stupid. They keep rejecting the wonderful plans the GOP has for them to become an exciting part of a permanent underclass that will be happy to accept whatever jobs the rich will permit them to have, with all their hippin' and hoppin' and iPhonin' and underage sex. Not to mention that they're always texting. Yes, the youth of today is uniquely awful, and always has been.

Randy Winn said...

Today's "comic" mocking the intelligence of our young people was conceptualized, written and "drawn" by a guy who is, by his own admission, too stupid to fry chicken.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if every paper ran Tinsley's second Honey Boo Boo strip. If cross-dressing ever came up in Doonesbury, you know damn well half the nation's papers would refuse to publish it out of fear it would give little children Teh Gay.

Side note: This isn't working for me anymore in my browser (Firefox/SeaMonkey); I have to switch over to IE to successfully post messages. Anyone else having problems, or know what's up?

Andrew said...

Apropos of nothing, a Republican Maryland delegate has come up with a perfect reason for his drunken operation of a speedboat- one that Bruce should start using! http://www.ontopmag.com/article.aspx?id=14102&MediaType=1&Category=26 [SPOILER SLERT]- It's gay marriage!

Anonymous- I haven't had any problems- I use Google Chrome.

DaveyK said...

> This isn't working for me anymore in my browser (Firefox/SeaMonkey); I
> have to switch over to IE to successfully post messages. Anyone else
> having problems, or know what's up?

I switched up the comment setting so people could thread comments, thinking that might work better in the longer format...switching back, hope that helps.

Anonymous said...

It does, thank you.

WEDNESDAY
I can relate to this one. When all the terrified right-wingers were buying up duct tape and plastic sheeting, it made ME feel a LOT better about myself...

Andrew said...

Okay, now he's just making shit up to complain about. Yeah, I know, he always did- but it wasn't really HIM making it up, it was the conservative talking-points machine.

This- THIS- is just execrable. Yes, there's a TV show called Hoarders. Yes, some people bought a lot of, and are even hoarding, Twinkies (I suppose). There's probably a joke there. This is not it. This is the EXACT SAME joke you could tell about the original show. You even say so in the joke! SO WHAT'S THE FREAKIN' POINT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Randy Winn said...

Is anyone else a little concerned about the hygiene practiced at the Tinshley house? When he draws a picture of himself feeling "way better" and includes two rats feeding next to him, it may be time for a Health Department intervention. think of the children!

Randy Winn said...

@Andrew - thanks for the link to the kid-crushing drunk boat-driving homophobe Republican (?some redundancy there?)
If he'd been a liberal, Mallard Fillmore would've be drawing "comics" about this for a week!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Ho ho! Does Rusty really think he's going to go fishing with Mark this time?

What? I figure Tinsley's on some kind of vacation and we're getting, like robostrips created by his answering machine or something. So I might as well find a strip that's at least making a half-assed effort and comment on that.

(And thanks, DaveyK, for changing back from the threading thing, which had obliged me to open Safari in order to get comments accepted by the software.)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

THURSDAY

Wow. It's been that long since that asshole shot up the elementary school, and now Tinsley is offering his considered, reasonable view that teachers should be saddled with law enforcement duties (and no corresponding increase in pay, of course) besides everything else.

To put it in terms he'll understand, that would be as if, in addition to having to come up with one new tiny drawing and some oversized text every day, he had to go to the additional trouble of making sure that what he was putting on paper had even some tangential bearing on reality and wasn't just irresponsible talking point bloviation filtered through bile and intoxication.

CW in LA said...

Well, that's our gun nut's utopia for you, where the rights of the deranged to carry weapons of mass destruction trump everyone else's right not to be shot.

Fuck the NRA and its little drunken shill, fuck guns, and for good measure fuck the second amendment. Whatever its original intent, it's become an abomination. Dump that shit, and flush twice.

B said...

Yes, Mallard. America will never be safe until every single adult physically capable of holding a pistol, and pulling a trigger, is packing. 24/7.

That's what Jesus wanted when he wrote the 2nd A.

Tog said...

I "love" how non-lethal deterrents don't even come up in these "conversations" anymore. If'n it ain't got no recoil, I ain't gone git off.

Frank Stone said...

GASP!!! It cannot be!! Mallard Fillmore and his magic crystal ball have uncovered the dirty truth that we Evil Libtards have labored so long and hard to conceal: that our opposition to arming schoolteachers is motivated solely by our concern for the safety of deranged shooters, whom we value more than America's innocent children because we are traitorous, un-American monsters!! Truly, we are undone!!!

Bill the Splut said...

Speaking as a person from Connecticut...

So, Bruce Willis Shitsley, are you volunteering? Join the police, Mr Action Hero. First graders wouldn't shit their pants as much as you would during your first traffic stop. You earn a living off of welfare, you scumbag, so stop pretending you're braver and better than the teachers in Newtown. How soon before you scrawl yet another "I hate teachers!" strip, a week? Are you a "Sandy Hook Truther" yet? No, but as soon as Fox gives that lunacy any credence, you will be. Because you're not even brave enough to hold an opinion that your Moonie paymasters don't hold. God forbid you have to do in a year a thousandth of the work an American teacher does in a day, you leech.

Adam Robert-Catt said...

He complains about TSA patdowns and body scanners, then mocks people against the NRA's insane proposal to put armed guards in every school, paid for with that dastardly Government Spending he's always ranting about? Apparently he's fine with turning America into police state, just as long as he's not directly inconvenienced.

Anonymous said...

The schizophrenic, 2nd amendment (and I doubt that most NRA members can quote every word entirely from memory) does have the phrase "well-regulated militia". Just a matter of how that is interpreted. Anyone who wants to carry should be included in such well-regulated militia. And have same duties as National Guard (such as tours of duty overseas).

Neo Tuxedo said...

...so we're all just ignoring Friday's strip? I'm not the only one to view it as 99% unmoored from anything within a day's drive of reality?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

FRIDAY
y-Yeah, I think maybe Bruce has had a tiny problem of some kind in his head (the only kind possible). It might be a mercy if I was only to comment on the first part of the strip for a while. After all, the amount of effort he puts into a token drawing (perhaps something from his own slush pile) and a couple lines of text are roughly equivalent to the amount of effort he expends in changing the number in the repeating part.

Randy Winn said...

Why should I put any more effort into commenting than Brews Tinshley put into drawing?

P.S. I just learned that the NRA used to back sensible gun control, such as a near-ban on machine guy ... those commies!

Andrew said...

FRIDAY Okay- I think Bloomberg's an idiot- he gives liberals a bad name, actually trying to create a nanny-state, convinced that no one can take care of themselves. I think most liberals agree with me. And that's what Bruce can't wrap his brain around- that not all liberals agree with all other liberals. Because, if you aren't in lockstep with the official GOP line, you AREN'T a real conservative, in many conservative's eyes.

CW in LA said...

I don't believe Mayor Bloomberg is any sort of liberal, and I'm pretty sure he would not characterize himself as such.

But that brings up another point: To the wingnut crowd, anyone who disagrees with them - in any way at all - is automatically a liberal.

And as for trying to make distinctions with any sort of nuance, well, that sounds French.

Bill the Splut said...

Even Bloomberg said that banning 32 ounce sodas wouldn't stop someone from buying 2 16 oz ones. The only thing stopping people from buying wastebaskets-worth of high fructose corn syrup would be their unwillingness to get off their larded asses and order a second. And, of course, they could just buy 2 the first time, to go with that fried chicken that they have to buy because they're too stupid to know how to make it.

So, yeah, Bloomberg's kind of a knucklehead. But let people who get angry about not getting approval to eat fried garbage and wash it down with liquid garbage and then drink & drive, hey, maybe they could have an anti-hunger strike and eat and drink nothing but, because then they'd prove--Hey, why are you laughing, Darwin?

Randy Winn said...

#12 makes even less sense than most Mallard Fillmores. It's something about how (according to him) too many things get labelled "racist", ok, I got that, but the example he gives is that (according to him) liberals hate it when you point out that some people who want work but can't find work. LOLWUT?

DaveyK said...

If I had to guess, he's complaining that the media considers it racist because, according to their reading of Right Wing ideology, minorities are all gift-seeking moochers who want to live off the government's teat, so saying you "want a job" is something only White people would say, which makes saying it inherently racist.

This conclusion on the Media's part is drawn mostly from stuff Republicans say, which is a totally unfair thing to do.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley doesn't see any difference in statements like "I'm looking for a job" and "You people are all lazy, shiftless moochers!" so obviously, neither can anybody else. Such clear stupidity would be a handicap in any other job, but this isn't a job, it's Wingnut Welfare.

CW in LA said...

But remember, everybody, it's teh librulz who are always playing The Race Card.

Tog said...

Everything "the media" does, it does to attack and undermine America and its truest, dittoheadedest patriots.

Ergo.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

I recently played a game where a man possessed by the ghost of a ninja killed a living skeleton in order to take down the world's armies. It ended with the skeleton coming back to life in order to go time-traveling with his clone, Someone with Tinsley's grasp on reality would find that game way too plausible and realistic, and also think it would cause violence in reality.

Also, what kind of horrible pun is Purge Daley? Even modern MAD Magazine could do better than that, and it has horribly bastardized for most of this century! Why does the "supermodel" look so horrible? Right, because Tinsley is so much of a closeted-gay homophobe that he cannot conceive of an attractive woman--certainly not his inbred daughters, whose flipper arms can still produce better things than him.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley has created a video in response to our comments: http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/03/20/experience-bij-3/