What's Mallard raving about today?
SUNDAY:"The Republicans should rebrand themselves as the party that calls half the country bums on welfare!"MONDAY:"Here's some totally random crap I pulled from my ass and scrawled out in 5 minutes. GIMME MONEY!"Tinsley's just a maggot living off the corpse of Reverend Moon. Get a real job, hippie! You wouldn't last one shift as a Wal-Mart greeter.
MOURNDAYsome totally random crap [Tinsh] pulled from [his] ass and scrawled out in 5 minutes.Thanks, Bill. I was wondering if there was some actual incident that Bwoosie had received the order from Radio Free Neptune to spin until it rocked the Base back to sleep, or if he was just inventing shit again because he knows the Base are programmed to be incapable of telling the difference.
SUNDAY: "The majority of Americans are bad people!"MONDAY:"Wa-a-a-a-ah! Michelle Obama is popular! It's so UNFAIR!"With genius like this, it's no wonder that a "comic" consisting mostly of headshots of a duck consistently tops the best-seller charts!
Early Republicans: Let us take everything away from all those hunters and gatherers who had worked their entire life, and are now ready to retire. Call them welfare moochers!Alternative on Sunday: Was Tinsley trying to get to a total of 47%, but couldn't do the math?I've (partially) solved the problem of accidentally seeing MF, by cancelling my newspaper delivery on M-Th, so won't spend as much time on this #@*.DW
Re Monday: Apparently, Mallard is angling for the lead role in Mean Girls 3*, in which the Mean Girls will at last be depicted in their proper roles as the heroes. At least, that's how it all works in his head, which is the only place the project exists.*Yes, there was a Mean Girls 2.
You know what? Make that Mean Girls 4. Turns out there's already been a Mean Girls 3.
SUNDAYThere's no need to slant statistics when you're making them up from whole cloth. Ha ha! It's funny because most voters are just horrible welfare bums, and that's why there's a president we don't like!MONDAYNo middle ground here! Either you're exercising your free speech by calling Michelle Obama racist names and trying to imagine that she's obese and subhuman, OR you're kissing up 24/7 and praising her with your every breath. No other choices!Say, what's it called again when you exclude the middle from discourse? Falla- something. Or, in the case of this strip, it's called "a day ending in Y."
Tuesday- Place your bets! Place your bets! How long will the "Annual spring Fascism Preview" (which, as far as I know, has never happened before) last? 3 days? 5 days? 10 days? And how many of the examples will be A)demonstrably false B)not actually examples of fascism C)more than 6 months old?All I'm betting on is it will be painful.
fas•cismnoun 1. (sometimes initial capital letter) a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism. 1. any ideology or movement inspired by Italian Fascism, such as German National Socialism; any right-wing nationalist ideology or movement with an authoritarian and hierarchical structure that is fundamentally opposed to democracy and liberalism2. any ideology, movement, programme, tendency, etc, that may be characterized as right-wing, chauvinist, authoritarian, etc[courtesy of dictionary.com; emphasis added] Yeah -- being overly vigilant in discouraging young children from embracing guns totally fits that definition.Hey, remember when Mallard did his annual "Spring Fascism Preview" after it came out that the Dubya administration had been illegally spying on Americans in collusion with the phone companies?Huh? Remember that?Hellooo...?
TUESDAY:"Spring Fascism Review" would have been kinda useful when the PATRIOT Act was passed and our nation was torturing people. But I suppose going after zero tolerance is something ...WEDNESDAY: It takes real talent to screw up a story like "Strawberry Pop Tart Gun" but Brews Tinkley succeeds, by misunderstand the difference between "Pop-tart" and "tart".They aren't the same, so the "comic" is lame.P.S. isn't there some other gun-related problem involving children in the news? something about using semi-auto rifles to shoot the faces of kids in Sandy Hook and in a Colorado theater?
Only Tinsley could make me feel like rooting for an idiotic bureaucrat banning 'bang bang' fingers. His anti-charisma is remarkable.
Thursday: Okay, seriously, what is that? That's your gun-shaped strawberry tart? It looks like four lava rocks sprawled upon a petrified dog turd.
Somebody already scooped me on the poo analogy. A "tumor festooned turd" was a guess at the Comics Kingdom.It might also be described as the world's worst slice of pizza.
It's a Poop-Tart™!
TURDSDAYI'm just impressed that he's trying to squeeze two days' worth of blood out of this particular stone.
Meanwhile, ten years ago conservatives were cheering the invasion of Iraq and accusing liberals of being traitors just because we recognized Bush was lying.4000 dead Americans (and God knows how many dead Iraqis), 300,000+ cases of TBI/PTSD (just among the Americans, again, who knows about the Iraqis), 2 million Iraqis STILLED displaced, war debt still climbing and we get: PopTartGate!
...you've got to stop holding back, Randy. All that repression can't be doing your prostate any good. Why don't you tell us what you really think of Tinsley's diarrhea of the brainmeats? :)Also, Kip, I just remembered: I'm not so much sympathetic to the bureaucrat as "not sure whom to root against and wanting to see them put in a box together and shaken".
The NRA's answer to "too many guns in schools" is "put more guns in schools." Tin Ear's is "put more representations of guns in schools, too!" Maybe Sandy Hook could go with gun-themed wallpaper. The kids would love being reminded of their 2nd Amendment rights.Funny, but I don't remember him sneering at zero tolerance when the diaper-filling over the Ground Zero Mosque was going on. Ground Zero Tolerance is totally reasonable!
If there are too many gun-shaped pop-tarts in school, OBVIOUSLY the solution is MORE GUN-SHAPED POP TARTS!!!!
Mallard considers it to be a "shocking incident" when a seven-year-old boy is suspended for making a gun shape out of a Pop Tart.No, Mallard -- an example of a "shocking incident" would be when a seven-year-old boy and nineteen of his classmates are shot to death in school.
FRELLED DAYFrom his failure to provide a footnoted source for the first half of today's "joke", I'm forced to assume that it's another completely fake incident sourced by his proctologist.
FRIDAY:1. Not hateful.2. A small joke, slightly insightful, although wasted by way too many words.3. Only a couple of weeks out of date.Truly this is the best Mallard Fillmore ever!
Here's a headline for you, Mallard:BRUCE TINSLEY ATTEMPTS TO USE EXAGGERATION FOR HUMOROUS EFFECT, FAILS MISERABLY; NO ONE SURPRISED
Oh, and just FYI, Mallard/Bruce: Here's another example of what actually qualifies as a "shocking incident":Georgia mom shot in leg and baby killed in stroller by kids with gun
Neo, that's the point. I'm not sympathetic to the bureaucrat, but simply reading Mallard almost makes me feel like defending whoever it is because of the inept and blatant slanting in Mallard.FRIDAYThis just in: Alert comic readers have discovered that Mallard Fillmore is a crude depiction.SATURDAYKids today just don't understand Mallard's prop comedy stylings, as he sits on a piece of playground equipment, staring at an imaginary camera as he talks over a piece of paper.
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