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Monday, September 01, 2014

September 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

84 comments:

Randy Winn said...

Happy Labor Day!

I see Mallard Fillmore took the day off, cuz drawing a guy watching television sure doesn't look like it took him a whole day of researching

CW in LA said...

9/1 - Does the Tinsh even realize he
s talking about Fox Nuuz here?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

re Frank Stone (comment last month):

I'm sure that paper will start running Mallard Fillmore again when he starts doing new strips.

Heh.
Heh heh heh heh heh.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 2: All righty -- who had "The REAL outrage is how the lamestream media is reporting on it!" in the pool for how Bruce would address the Michael Brown murder?

Kip: To my surprise, the paper went back to its original comics page lineup as of Monday. No explanation was offered for why the change was so short-lived.

Bill the Splut said...

What sad, tragic, sordid event is he talking about? Obama's tan suit?

Oh, right--that nightmare didn't happen 3 weeks ago. In a couple of weeks, we'll get some biting commentary on that, I betcha! It's bigger than even Michelle's inaugural haircut!

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 4: You know, Mallard, Fox News is going to be none too pleased that you've been talking shit about them like this.

You really have no idea what irony is, do you, Ducky?

Bill the Splut said...

9/5: Mallard complains about the news media beating a story to death.

Tomorrow--BENGHAAAAZI!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I hope Mallard is ready to stay the course on this one, and explain about beating a story to death for at least a week or so. If even one of his readers notices the parallel, well then, I'll be somewhat surprised.

Anonymous said...

The Obama Economy

Record 92,269,000 Americans not working. Black unemployment hits 11.4%. Way to go Obama you are doing a great job as president according to the Democrats and many of the blacks.

But after 6 years in office most of these same 'leftist thinkers' believe the above is the fault of George W. Bush.

CW in LA said...

Oh look, Anonybruce professes to be concerned on behalf of "the blacks".

Yeah, Anonybruce, it's a mystery why more of "the blacks" don't come around to your way of alleged thinking, innit?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Sept 6: We have achieved liquefied, pureed dead horse.

Frank Stone said...

You can tell Mallard/Bruce cares passionately about this subject because he focused exclusively on it for five days in a row instead of letting his attention wander for a day or two and then coming back to it.

Either that or he's just a lazy, worthless hack who couldn't pass up the opportunity to recycle the same "joke" all week, thus doing as little work as humanly possible.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Sunday 7: Damn it, duck, don't leave me hanging! Does the media overdo stories or not? I keep thinking you were just about to tell me, if we only had three or four more days to devote to it!

CW in LA said...

9/8 - "Now watch this drive."

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 8: Wow -- so now Bruce is literally substituting Barack Obama for George Bush.

Historical amnesia can be a real bitch, can't it, old sport?

Toots McGee said...

iPhones, amirite?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/9: Aren't people awful for caring about X?

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 9: The new iPhone is also roughly the size and shape of a safety deposit box, apparently.

And Mallard, your speech pattern today indicates that your absence seizures have returned. I say again: See a neurologist.

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Marion Delgado said...

Bruce Tinsley deserves a break, not a lecture, people!

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 11: Tablets. Of course.

Because ten years is long enough to Never Forget™, right, Bruce?

CW in LA said...

9/12 - In which the Tinsh showcases his ability to draw the back of a person's head.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/13: Once again, it's far worse to call someone "clean" and "articulate" than to attempt to deny the right to vote to anyone who's not well-off and white. Got it!

Can't wait for the resounding silence, three weeks from yesterday, over the rootin', tootin', brawlin' Palins, who should have been allowed to have their cars up on blocks at the Vice President's house.

CW in LA said...

I like how, in claiming to offer a racist quote a day, he couldn't be bothered to give even one example.

I'm guessing that, as with the Veep, any examples he could give are several years old, too.

I'm not even particularly impressed with Reid. But when the Rethugs had the chance to unseat him, the best alternative they could come up with was that second amendment solutions chicken lady.

CW in LA said...

Still butthurt about the time Rush Limpballs decided to tell ESPN what the game says about our society and it turned out no one but his brainwashed audience wanted to hear it, are ya, Brews?

Anonymous said...

09-14-2014 - Good strip by Bruce Tinsley today. He is not far off base with what has happened and continues to happen since the Obama regime has gained control.

CW in LA said...

Damn, Anonybruce is getting to be as lazy as regular Bruce. Comment reads like it was composed three weeks in advance, also too.

CW in LA said...

Oh, and just for the record: "gained control" = 'was duly elected, and re-elected, by clear majorities of voters'. Suck on that, Anonybruce.

Anonymous said...

CW in LA,You must be so proud of yourself for voting for the worst president in the history of our country...Twice!

I am sure you will be more than happy to house and feed a few of the illegals Obama has allowed to enter our country.

CW in LA said...

The worst president in the history of our country? I never voted for the Gypper nor Cowboy Caligula, so you are as always mistaken.

As for the "illegals" bit, I don't even know where to start with how wrong you are on that, so I'll just say, Fuck you.

Anonymous said...

CW in LA said...
The worst president in the history of our country? I never voted for the Gypper nor Cowboy Caligula, so you are as always mistaken.

As for the "illegals" bit, I don't even know where to start with how wrong you are on that, so I'll just say, Fuck you.


1:37 PM

Very intelligent comment. Liberals, when they cannot debate their opponent they usually begin cursing or go into name calling mode. What else would I have expected from an Obama voter?

CW in LA said...

As you wish. Die in a fire, and take your stupid bold font with you.

Bill the Splut said...

Says Brave the Hero Man who has never once posted using his actual name, in all these years pissing his pants here.

Doesn't matter. As we all know your name is Bruce. And your welfare checks just keep getting smaller and smaller as the papers drop your strip, don't they, Bruce?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Obama's done pretty well, considering his "control" amounts to a small enough majority in one house that's only enough to keep the Hun faction from getting everything they want — provided some of that majority doesn't flake away in panic.

Today's strip: taxes BAD. I guess that's because some of the dough goes to those hideous, tacky poors, many of whom aren't like us. It's all spelled out by the pro-Mallard commenters at GoComics.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 15: I was unaware that receiving a wingnut welfare check every week qualified as being self-employed.

And I'm going to go out on a limb here and speculate that Bruce is one of those "All taxation is theft!!" types.

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Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 16: OK, I'm confused. Now Mallard/Bruce wants us to pay taxes?

Ah -- I think I get it. If all those porn-watching federal employees lose their jobs due to a lack of taxpayer dollars, then they'll have no outlet to deal with their boredom (because they don't have computers at home, apparently) and will be "back on the street" doing... perverted stuff? Because porn?

Yeah, that fell apart pretty quickly, didn't it?

(And given Mallard/Bruce's history of obsession with "pop tarts", I shudder to think what kind of porn he looks at while he's at "work".)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/17: Is Tinsley admitting that the conservatives who he says are the job creators will always hire illegals before they'll pay a living wage to a citizen?

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 19: To the surprise of absolutely no one, Mallard/Bruce stands firmly with the victim-blamers in the photo-hacking scandal.

He's a wee bit late to the party, though; he's already been smacked down on that score.

Bill the Splut said...

Would that there was a similar app to prevent unattractive DUI mugshots.

CW in LA said...

Yep, the Tinzh is all about the personal responsibility of the poor saps who trusted their phone companies' promises to protect their privacy. And the companies' responsibility to live up to their claims? Well, now, that's just crazy talk.

The lesson is once again that, as Willard Romney says, corporations are people, my friend: People who basically suck.

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Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Wow! That's a dollar TWENTY!

CW in LA said...

Brews is sure worked up about how it's celebrities' own damn fault their private photographs were hacked. I believe we know what his latest fap material is.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/21: Oh, for the Good Old Days of unearned privilege! When white men were white men, and nobody else mattered.

Bill the Splut said...

"We can't call them 'darkies' anymore, because Those People are so easily offended!
"Less than 3 months before I start getting outraged over a store clerk saying 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'! Those People are so insensitive!"

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 21: I see Mallard is back to reporting events that only happened in his fevered, alcohol-corroded imagination.

CW in LA said...

Are you sure there was no teeny tiny asterisk with "Fox News" or "humpingbreitbartsdecomposingcorpse.com" in a barely perceptible scribble? I'd check, but I left my electron microscope in my other pants.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/22: The fact that a minority member somewhere committed a crime justifies all the beatings, lynchings, discrimination, and hate-filled diatribes against minorities of the last 100 years.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 22: Oh, "*Fox News"? Well, I guess that SETTLES it! Say no more!

With misdirection skills like this, it's painfully clear that Bruce would have been as bad a magician as he is a cartoonist.

Anonymous said...

If you are one of those who back in 2008 and 2009 started praising Obama to the hilt as one of the brightest guys you've ever known, one of the smartest, it's tough to now admit the reality he's an empty suit in those regards.

CW in LA said...

Well, Anonybruce, compared to Gaius Caligula Shrub or Princess Dumbass of the Frozen North, the president is Einstein plus Leonardo da Vinci times Sir Isaac Newton squared.

Probably draws better than sorry-assed scribblings of Brews Tinshley, too.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 23: Perhaps Mallard would feel better if Jackson and Sharpton were to mumble a half-hearted, perfunctory admission that the crime was "sad" and "tragic" -- you know, like Mallard did when an unarmed black kid was shot to death and then left lying in the street for hours in a pool of his own blood by a trigger-happy psycho cop.

Bill the Splut said...

Hey, Anonybruce, when do you start screaming endlessly for hearings not about BENGHAAAAAZI! but Ferguson? Will it be around the time you stop whining about how "And now they don't like being called 'the coloreds', so obviously THEY'RE the racists! THOSE COLOREDS!"

Also: I think you mean "Obama's an empty tan suit," as that's what Fox told you to crap your drawers about 3 weeks ago.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/24: Is Bruce implicitly admitting that there's something wrong with wife beating, or the team name "Redskins"?

Answer: Nah, it's all deniable.

CW in LA said...

9/24- A few things going on here:

-Why is the Tinsh portraying Al Gore as the commissioner of the NFL?

-More broadly, this is a nice illustration of how Wingnut Nation NEVER drops its butthurt over a slight against any of its members.

-The NFL does have its problems these days. None so bad that having an owner among its ranks who jets off to a Caribbean country known for its underage sex trade with a "borrowed" Viagra prescription wouldn't make them quite a bit uglier. But, like I said, Butthurt.

Anonymous said...

Young White Child Shot By Blacks

My name was Antonio West.

I was the 13-month old child who was shot in the face at point blank range by two black teens, who were attempting to rob my mother, who was also shot.

I think my murder and my mommy’s wounding made the news for maybe a day, and then disappeared.

A Grand Jury of my mommy's peers from Brunswick, Georgia ruled the black teens who murdered me will not face the death penalty... too bad it was me who got the death sentence from my killers instead, because Mommy didn’t have the money they demanded.

See, my family made the mistake of being white in a 73% non-white neighborhood, but my murder wasn’t ruled a ‘hate crime’.

Oh, and President Obama didn’t take a single moment to acknowledge my murder.

He couldn’t have any children who could possibly look like me - so why should he care?

I’m one of the youngest murder victims in our great Nation's history, but the media didn’t care to cover the story of my being killed in cold blood.

There isn’t a white equivalent of Al Sharpton, because if there was he would be branded a ‘racist’.

So no one’s rushing to Brunswick, Georgia to demonstrate and demand ‘justice’ for me.

There’s no ‘White Panther’ party, either, to put a bounty on the lives of the two black teens who murdered me.

I have no voice, I have no representation, and unlike those who shot me in the face while I sat innocently in my stroller - I no longer have my life.
Isn’t this a great country?

So while you’re out seeking ‘justice for Trayvon Martin or Michael Brown’, please remember to seek ‘justice’ for me.

Tell your friends about me, tell you families, get tee-shirts with my face on them, and make the world pay attention, just like you did for Trayvon and Brown.

I won’t hold my breath.

I don’t have to anymore.

Antonio E Gonzalez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Antonio E Gonzalez said...

"My name was Antonio West.

I was the 13-month old child who was shot in the face at point blank range by two black teens, who were"

- . . . arrested, charged, and prosecuted for this crime; unlike Darren Wilson. Darren Wilson is a killer.

CW in LA said...

Geez, looks like Anonybruce got OWNED for his lazy-assed stupid copy-and-paste job.

Hmm: Lazy-assed - check; stupid; check; racist - check.

Looks like maybe Anonybruce really is Brews Tinshley?

Toots McGee said...

"Tonight we'll be taking a look at the serious problem of problems with the word 'workplace' in front of them...If you say 'workplace' then people know that what's coming next is a serious problem. Even the word itself sounds like the kids' section of a McDonald's in China..."

Can somebody recommend a tool to translate this into...something.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 25: Hey, careful there, Mallard -- the Republican intelligentsia >snicker< might start to think that you're opposed to child labor.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Can anyone explain to me what the perfunctory fuck is with this "workplace" bug that has crawled up Mallard's cloaca and died? Because my kindly gray-haired mother asked me and dear sweetly decomposing corpse of God did I wish I could explain it to her.

CW in LA said...

I can't explain it either. I can however wonder what the hell Brews knows about workplace anything, given that his workplace likely is his chair in front of a TV blaring Fox News, with a lap desk and probably no pants.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/26: Fart joke. I pretty much know where he pulled that one from.

CW in LA said...

You know, I'm actually looking forward to a couple of movies in the next few months that aren't Oscar-bait: The next Hunger Games flick, which I'm sure the Tinsh despises because Trilogies, and the Hobbit finale. I don't know specifically what he'd have against Tolkien, but I'm sure there's something.

Anyway, even Hollywood now showing movies more abut getting awards, I see Ducky is still ponying up to go. And since it's apparently a theater with only two seats, they're only one ticket shy of a full house.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/29: There are a lot of reasons to compare ISIS to the Tea Party. Both owe their existence to the GOP, for instance.

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 29: Gosh, Bruce -- you mean there isn't a comparison to be made? Because I can guarandamntee you that if America's fundamentalist christians and tea partiers had the legal authority to imprison and/or behead the people they hate, they'd be doing it 24/7.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

9/30: The duck's right. Any society that has to teach adults that it's not right to hit women is already in trouble. He's looking right at you, former Confederacy!

Frank Stone said...

Re Sep. 30: Mallard... are you DARING to suggest that America isn't ABSOLUTELY PERFECT in EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY? What are you, a TERRORIST? Or worse, a LIBERAL??!!

But you'd never actually hit a woman, would you, Mallard? Naw -- you just treat women with loathing and contempt because they don't want to fuck you. (And besides, you know that if you did hit a woman, she'd respond by wringing your scrawny neck and throwing your carcass in a dumpster because you're just a pathetic duck.)

Frank Stone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Frank Stone said... (Both comments.)

Re Sep. 29: Gosh, Bruce -- you mean there isn't a comparison to be made? Because I can guarandamntee you that if America's fundamentalist christians and tea partiers had the legal authority to imprison and/or behead the people they hate, they'd be doing it 24/7.

12:40 PM

Re Sep. 30: Mallard... are you DARING to suggest that America isn't ABSOLUTELY PERFECT in EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY? What are you, a TERRORIST? Or worse, a LIBERAL??!!

But you'd never actually hit a woman, would you, Mallard? Naw -- you just treat women with loathing and contempt because they don't want to fuck you. (And besides, you know that if you did hit a woman, she'd respond by wringing your scrawny neck and throwing your carcass in a dumpster because you're just a pathetic duck.)

12:53 PM

This thing who calls itself 'Frank Stone' is one sick POS!

He needs some serious mental help.

CW in LA said...

Anonybruce just wants us all to know that he is very, very butthurt.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

10/1: Now it comes out — when women were called "Ladies," they knew their place, and didn't go to the police or newspapers with their tacky stories of abuse.

Also, as the alert commenters have pointed out, this one time a woman hit a man, so the blame is exactly equal on both sides, and SHARIA LAW!!!

CW in LA said...

10/1 - Not calling women 'ladies' causes wife-beating?

Gosh, that makes almost as much sense as anything else Mallard ever pulled from his festering cloaca.

Bill the Splut said...

Anonybruce, you're right! That "Thing's" comment sounds exactly like every pro-Mallard comment on any comics site that has your strip. And you use the exact same random bolding that is used in your comic strip, so yeah, we know it's you, Bruce.

Also, no women were ever beaten before some imaginary time in your very cramped cranium. Duly noted, you shithead.

Frank Stone said...

Re Oct. 1: Why are you presenting this as some kind of mystery, Mallard? I thought you understood that everything bad that ever happened is All Obama's Fault. Where have you been for the last six years (a.k.a. the entirety of human history)?

So many dry, flaky layers here: The hoary conservative cliche of pining for the "Good Old Days" that never existed; Mallard/Bruce's desperate attempt to ensure that he's not perceived as condoning or apologizing for domestic abuse; the absurdity of Mallard/Bruce presenting himself as an arbiter of "civilized" behavior; Mallard's apparent attempt to depose David Brooks as America's Most Prominent Moral Scold (I don't think Brooks has anything to worry about).

As usual, Mallard/Bruce, you're not fooling anyone but yourself.

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Anonymous said...

I'm back and I wanted to clarify, Obama is a very scary black man. That is why when I go to bed I make sure to kiss my Jesus statue with some deep tongue, grab my 3 shotguns and say a prayer to my Bill O'Reily shrine hoping he blesses my life with his eternal wisdom.

Back to the Jewish,Kenyan,Racist,Communist,Godless,reptoid Obama; Me and my hooded brothers erm my brothers in the holy cloth withh bounce him out and welcome in a decent Republican President who I personally guarantee will eliminate the poverty and class issues with trickle down economics.

America will be safe.