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Sunday, May 05, 2013

Week of May 5, 2013

What's Mallard raving about this Week?

Read and Comment!


Bill the Splut said...

Hey, Bruce, WE GOT IT THE FIRST 200 TIMES. You hated school because they didn't recognize your Genius. You hate self-esteem, for reasons best understood by your therapist (the renowned Doctor Jim Beam). You hate everybody and everything besides your welfare check. WE GET IT. Keep wallowing in it for another few decades.

One would think a guy who gets paid to work 5 minutes a day and suck at a job he'll never be fired from would have a more positive attitude.

WV: "goofberries." AH HA HA HA!

Bill the Splut said...

Sunday's Doonesbury also does a strip on "self-esteem in schools." I leave it to the reader to decide which strip is funny, well-written, and took longer than 5 minutes to draw.

Randy Winn said...

If the big problem we have in education is the giving-out of too many stupid awards, then truly we are a blessed nation indeed. Rather than address actually issues, such as underfunding, rightwing attacks on science and the problems parents have participating in school programs when they have to work two jobs at Wal-Mart to make what a factory job used to make twenty years ago ... we get this.

Neo Tuxedo said...


Thanks, Bill, I needed that. People should cut (or print) it out and mail it to Tinz, telling him it's taking one of his favorite topics and doing it better, just to watch him gnaw his own liver. The image of him chipping a tooth on that cirrhotic lump of granite in his torso makes me grin like Anton LaVey receiving an invitation to the Pope's wedding.

It's times like this I almost wish the Herald-Mail carried the Sunday duck shit. Then I remember that, if they did, sooner or later they'd have to stop carrying Doonesbury on weekdays. The proof is left as an exercise for the student. Discuss.

Not too heatedly.

Neo Tuxedo said...


Is this the horse he's going to be beating all week, or will his brain cell suddenly chase a pink elephant in a bit of a different direction?

Randy Winn said...


Dark-skinned people frighten "conservatives".

And yet "Conservatives" want dark-skinned people to vote for them. Anyone see a problem?

Frank Stone said...

Re Monday: Yes, Mallard -- because that kind of lily-livered, touchy-feely, P.C. libtard-think is precisely what allowed the Boston bombers to escape without being identified, much less captured or killed.

Oh, wait...

Bill the Splut said...

No doubt written when CNN and other jerks knew who did it, like that injured Saudi or those 2 women. Remember when everyone said "I KNEW it'd be the Chechens!"? Me neither.

He's sure in favor of profiling! Except when based on the license plate numbers of drunk drivers. How do you know how many beers he's had, ossifer?!

Bill the Splut said...

Just to compare this crap with strips that don't suck (again), the Boston Marathon attack was handled with greater empathy than Mallard's "IMPRISON THE DARKIES!" today by Nancy.
NANCY, Bruce. Gilchrist, a conservative Christian, cares more about the victims than just playing one. You got your cold, heartless sociopathic ass handed to you by NANCY. Stick that in the next welfare check you "earn."

Tog said...

@Randy Winn: Actually, no, I don't see any problem with that at all.

...Oh, wait, you mean for Republicans.

@Bill the Splut (both posts): Well done, sir.

Neo Tuxedo said...


"When you're cruising down the road in the fast lane and you lazily sail past a few hard-driving cars and are feeling pretty pleased with yourself and then accidentally change down from fourth to first instead of third thus making your engine leap out of your bonnet in a rather ugly mess, it tends to throw you off your stride in much the same way that this remark threw Ford Prefect off his."
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Marion Diabolito said...

This right-leaning duck consistently addresses hot button issues, lampoons liberal politicians and the media alike, and skewers cultural establishments.

The poor waterfowl is only right-LEANING but you intolerant lieberals act like he's some sort of radical conservative.

I can tell his lampooning of liberal politicians, the media, and cultural institutions is hitting too close to home. But I'll leave off - as Mallard always says, the American people deserve a BREAK, not a LECTURE.,

Marion Diabolito said...

I think that professor is right - south asian muslims are indeed pouring in disguised as hispanics. I second Mallard's call for DNA testing for everyone. Only the guilty have something to hide!


Muslim Terrorists Crossing US/Mexican Border
Added by Katie Baker on March 27, 2013 at 7:03pm
View Videos

Open borders invites more than just illegal Mexicans.

Muslims Crossing Mexican Border


We're used to stories about illegal Mexican and South American immigrants crossing over the Mexican border into California and the Southwest. But there are gangs that specialize in smuggling Arabs into the U.S. from Mexico as well. And a new political movement in Mexico identifies illegal immigrants in the U.S. with Palestinians.


Proof Terrorists Crossed Mexican Border (video)
Posted on November 17, 2010 by creeping
Justin Farmer at continues exposing border insecurity and the terrorists who are crossing the southern borders of the U.S. via Channel 2 Uncovers Proof Terrorists Crossed Mexican Border
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Edgar Allan Poe said...

@Marion Diabolito:

I like the cut of your jib! Sorry, must go, there's an odd thumping sound coming from under my floorboards.

Tog said...

Ah, Ye Olde "If You Respond, He's Hitting Too Close To Home, and If You Don't, It's Because You Know He's Right" routine. Always very convincing!

"Only Channel 2 Action News of Atlanta will dare bring you the truth, despite all the efforts of the International Media Jewspiracy!! If you don't hear from us again, you'll know they got us! Carry on the fight!! Overthrow the corrupt governmen--wait, I thought that was radical hippie talk? Oh, right, black guy in the White House! (You) CHARRRRRGE (while I stay here and fight the 'cuture war')!!"

Neo Tuxedo said...


"A Few Concepts Margret Continues To Have Trouble Assimilating:
"5. One may have a thought and not say it. This does not make me insular, it merely separates me from you and that mad woman who's always shouting at the pigeons outside the supermarket."

Or that guy from Tennessee I used to know, liberal as the day is long, but absolutely convinced that the proliferation of Mexican restaurants was the establishment of a support network for the godlesschicom invasion.

Randy Winn said...

WODEN'S DAY - Mallard complains about student loans.

One of Obama's reforms was to cut the government subsidy given to college lenders. They were getting an automatic subsidy even though student loans cannot be dissolved in bankruptcy. At 3% interest or worse, they'r e the best investments around: banks borrow from the fed at 0.001%, lend to students at 6% and were getting a subsidy on top of that!

Obama's also shamed Congress into keeping student loan rates from rising and proposed other reforms.

So if Mallard Fillmore is thanking Obama for this reform, good for you Mallard. (But why not mention it was Obama's idea that the GOP fought?)

Neo Tuxedo said...


Wow. The longest sustained "do you want fries with that?" joke in the history of modern American humor.

CW in LA said...

So is there some school so misbegotten as to have invited Duckie to be their commencement speaker, or is he playing dress-up again, like when he was unemployed but still reading stories off his sheaf of papers?

I can see where he'd like to dress up in the graduation get-up - no one notices the lack of pants.

Randy Winn said...

What is Brekws Tinshley's college degree?

A B.A.?

No wonder he's so angry. Webcartoonists are making lots more money that he is even if they don't have the same higher education he has. THE FREE MARKET IS SOOO UNFAIR WAAAAAAH-AH-AH-AH!!!!11111

Bill the Splut said...

"You'll also be sorry that you can't earn a living by running the same crap drawing of a duck head 2 days in a row."

AndrewJ said...


Unemployed college graduates = megalaughs!

Neo Tuxedo said...


I don't know whether to give him credit for staying on (sub)topic two days in a row or blame for the utter bone-rattling inanity of the motif.

Randy Winn said...

Obama encourages kids to stay in school, so of course the reichwing has to oppose it.

Frank Stone said...

What kind of university invites Mallard Fillmore to give a commencement speech which repeatedly mocks and insults both the graduates and the university?

The kind that exists only in Mallard's delusional, brain-damaged head.

Bill the Splut said...

I guess that CNN isn't part of the LIEberal Lame Stream Media when Mallard agrees with a point they made once on a single show.

Neo Tuxedo said...


"Oops! I remembered to tell a joke!"

Frank Stone said...

Any commencement speaker who kept repeating the same thing over and over again, as Mallard has been doing, would rightly be suspected of suffering from dementia and would be escorted gently off the stage and taken to the nearest hospital for evaluation.

Since Mallard is actually giving his commencement speech to the wilting potted plant in his apartment, though, his dementia will remain sadly undiagnosed.

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