What's Mallard raving about today?
SATURDAY NIGHT OF THE LEPUSOh, balls, Tinsley yarping and farting about "mediocrity." Priceless.But at least now we see why Bruce never got a real job; first, he was held back by all the muds and mixed-races and their mediocritzed self-esteem yip yip yip yip yip fart fart, and second, the real world's has too much "regimentation" like expecting you to show up to work on time and sober and all that bullshit. Scribbling a half-assed strip from home means never having to worry about getting those damn mediocritizing, regimentalizing PANTS on, tripping and falling and hitting your skull on the table again and SHE looks down at you with that mixture of loathing and pity and WHORE that she wore when she picked you up from jail and it was supposed to be better than this, Mother promised you!Oh, but the mind-numbing thing, yeah, Tins is totally on board with that!
I was going to borrow a line from "Amadeus" and say that Tinshley aspires to mediocrity.But, really, he stopped aspiring even to that extent ages ago.
"Regimentation and mind-numbing mediocrity", you say? You mean like standardized tests that rely on rote memorization? You mean like the very same failed "teaching to the test" education methods foisted on the country by your hero Bushbaby -- the ones that were supposed to herald a roaring comeback for American education? That "regimentation and mind-numbing mediocrity"?Oh, and congratulations on getting back on track. I guess you really needed a breather after getting three items into a ten-item list. Maybe this time you could get in another four items before collapsing in a gasping heap.
If he perseveres, he can be at #3 on Friday. Maybe he has plans for a Very Special Sunday strip! And then next Monday, he can do a mealy mouthed "I meant to do that" post-dated hasty tribute to the heroes of 9/11.
Hey, have y'all heard the story about Brews' BFF George Zimmerman being taken into custody by police for threatening his soon to be ex-wife and her father with a - wait for it - gun?Whaddaya wanna bet that three weeks from now Mallard will have absolutely not one blessed thing to say about this?
THE END OF THE WORLD IN OUR USUAL BED IN A THURSDAY NIGHT FULL OF RAIN (since I immediately buggered the days in the very first post while trying to be clever)Someone already brought this up over at the Disqus comments: How often does this happen anymore?And Rewinn points out there that Tinsley blew his own joke, accidentally suggesting that homeschooling leads to head lice. I'm tempted to ask if Bruce was homeschooled, but more likely he was kept in a box so he'd never get those horrid (and absolutely untreatable) bugs. (I'd bring up the spreading nuisance of bedbugs, but that just leads to talking about climate change, which isn't real, and even if it was, man doesn't have anything to do with it, and besides Rushbo says it'll be awesome because the rising sea levels will kill people and shake up the real estate market haw haw haw.) @CW in LA: Oh, I think you misunderestimate Brucie. He'll twist this into a media conspiracy against his poor little murdering pig-man, just you wait.
CW in LA...Zimmerman's 'soon to be ex-wife' was lying. George Zimmerman Released After Incident Involving Estranged WifeThe 911 call seemed frantic: George Zimmerman's sobbing estranged wife said he was threatening her and her father with a gun and she feared for her life. Please come.Hours later Monday, after police converged on the home in an Orlando suburb and after speaking to her attorney, she changed her story, said Lake Mary Police Chief Steve Bracknell. She said she never saw a gun and that she and her father, whom she said Zimmerman had punched in the face, had no interest in pressing charges.Police later said they did not find a gun on Zimmerman's person
Certainly it's possibly that someone who was willing to perjure herself on Commander Blob's behalf would be willing to lie against him not that they've fallen out. On the other hand, Zimmerman's pops is a judge, and one's bailed his little butterball of bad judgement out of trouble before. Plus, the local constabulary appear to have a weird, cozily ambivalent relationship with the guy.So I wonder how anyone can categorically say she's lying, unless one were there, unless perhaps one were in fact George Zimmerman.That would certainly explain a few things about certain people's posting patterns, such as the insistent racism and the ludicrously overcompensating abuse of bold font, yes?
CW in LA...You were wrong, end of story!
I don't see how I was wrong, Mr. Zimmerman. I mentioned there was a story about you threatening your estranged wife with a gun, and there was.And given your propensity to go places you're not supposed to go, to lose your temper, and to carry weapons to make up for your manifest blobbitude, I expect there are more sad chapters to your ugly story, Anonygeorgezimmerman.
Re Tuesday: I think Mallard's just annoyed that head lice think they're too good for him.
Head lice need to worry about liver damage, too.
@CW in LA and Anonnerman: Because a victim of domestic violence has never retracted her story under the threat of further violence, amirite? But hey, horrors of domestic violence aside, it's fun to watch all the wonderful "family values conservatives" turn on the wife for "lying," after defending her for actual, proven perjury.The difference? No murder of a black kid to justify.Hey, I wonder when George's uglier brother is going to pop up in front of cameras to threaten her (as he did to prosecutors, Martin's parents, and pretty much anyone else whose shadow crossed his).And let us never forget: George Zimmerman is an incestuous kiddy-diddler. No wonder Tinsley has the mad love for him.
Witnesses changing their story about Zimmerman to make them worse? PROOF OF PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT! Wife changes her story to drop charges? PROOF THAT VIRTUE WILL TRIUMPH!Also: Something something home school lice.
SUNDAY BLOODY WEDNESDAYThis isn't the first time Tinsley's suggested that people send their children to public school because they can't stand them. As is not unusual for Tinny, that's complete gibbering nonsense. But he's been ordered by his handlers to demean public education, and he's gonna do it, no matter how desperately he has to reach to clutch at straws.Let's cut to the chase: Public ed is baaaaad because it isn't exclusionary, and therefore not Americanexceptionalismist.Also crap like this: Texas Conservatives Enraged After Reviewing Religion-Free Science Textbooks
Conversations. Yes. Like conversations about what happened on September 11, 2001.And about how we should never forget what happened on that date.Right, Bruce?
Heyyyyyyy, Anonymous! OOPS.Zimmerman was almost arrested outside of the home of his estranged wife earlier in the week for an alleged domestic violence incident. While some media sites have claimed that the police stated Zimmerman didn’t have a gun, these reports, according to Zimmermans’s own attorney, are false. In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, O’Mara said that Zimmerman was in possession of a weapon when he went to his wife’s home.
THE MONDAY THE ERF STOOD STILLYes, a child's illness is a good reason to...I mean, not to...uh...what was all this horseshit about, again? Oh, right.Homeschooling called, Bruce. It said YOU'RE NOT REALLY HELPING, YOU PISSANT HACK.
ON A CLEAR TUESDAY YOU CAN SEE MOSCOW FROM MY BACKYARDI have to pass through metal detectors (plural) every day at work. Bruce can't relate to that because it involves going outside.Of course, Bruce is still mad that white people have to go through metal detectors at all, when everyone KNOWS they don't commit crimes. They're WHITE, for God's sake!
Bruce Tinsley's real top 10 reasons for hating home schooling, edited by the newspapers to be less offensive:1. "Those damned teenagers with their victrolas and movable type think they're better than me because they know things, and know about modern events like Hannibal crossing the Alps and the Battle of Hastings!2. "We can't separate home schools for whites and niggers!3. "Technology is destroying the planet, and turning us all into violent monsters!4. "Those educated doctors say drinking pure grain alcohol by the keg is dangerous!5. "I failed Kindergarden, and I became a billionaire! Billionaires are the only non-faggots!6. "Those damned parents might teach them to love Nazis, by which I mean spics, kikes, ragheads, eurotrash, gooks, redskins, hottentots, aussies and yankees!7. "Books should be burned, not read!8. "They might teach religions that are not Christianity!9. "I don't need to know about Chemistry or Physics! Grab me that Bleach and that closed jar, I need a drink!10. "Evolution, gravity and integration are anti Christian!
So...Mallard's objection to guns in schools wasn't what happened at Sandy Hook (which he ignored), but that now little girls will get caught while walking in packing heat?How does this guy's brain actually work? I guess it's because he's home-schooling himself with Fox News and only leaving the house to get booze, afraid the the likker store will have metal detectors and they'll be set off by the plate in his head.
Dolly and Jeffy are at school, entering past the guards with dogs and the metal detector. Dolly explains to Jeffy, "It's called a Middle detector 'cuz you go through the middle."
FRIDAY OF THE ANIMALSBruce Tinsley supports the teabaggers who make every effort to defund public education and dilute what remains with nonsense like "Intelligent Design"...then complains America isn't getting a good "return" on its investment.Yeah, that makes sense.
ANY GIVEN SUNDAYDidn't even look. Probably some belated "never forget" hoo-hah that vaguely suggests that liberals haet 'Merika because they don't haet The Browns, but that's not racist, YOU ARE etc. etc. etc.(I promise that next week--assuming I don't get totally comfortable with the idea of altogether not looking at Mallard Fillmore--I won't futz up the weekdays anymore.)
Today, in a gag that's been handled better by every single webcomic in existence, Mallard slams comment sections. Oh, they're so trivial, aren't they? First!
Shockingly enough, the Sunday strip was mildly funny. Of course, that was because Brews focused on the inanity of the comments you find after on-line articles. For some reason, he chose to ignore the inevitable ugliness in these comments from Anonymous knuckle-dragging cretins who view every single thing through the lens of their heartless, mindless, soulless poltics.
Okay, I looked. Christ."Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm(...)mmmmmm...'comments'?"It's 2013. Did Mallard just now discover online comment sections under articles?I find that hard to believe, given how Tinsley pretty much abandoned Mr. Noseworthy and his precious totally-assimilated dust angel after we mocked his sick fetishes right here."Wait...410 comments? For an article about a grease fire?"See, Tinsley? It took all of three seconds for someone with an unpickled frontal lobe to outdo you.Of course, Tinsley's vision of acceptable, reasoned comments-section discourse is "I dunno nuffin bout edJEWcation, but I aggree with everthing Mallard sez! bcause I am patriot! Megaditzoes!!2"
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