What's Mallard raving about today?
Just the other day the news was that enrollments in insurance plans under the Affordable Care Act had hit 4 million:http://www.latimes.com/nation/politics/politicsnow/la-pn-obamacare-enrollment-hits-4-million-20140225,0,3967173.story#axzz2ul1obTIZBut hey, for Brews, being mired in last October counts as practically current.
No wonder Mallard can't turn off the TV -- his arms are gone!
March 2Seems to be a re-run.As the evidence grows more solid, the nuts' statements get even more lame and rediculous . Made-up silliness is all they got.
Mallard's foray into the neighborhood of humor is over, and he's back to making up things for his readers to believe with all their tiny, crabbed little hearts. HILLARY HATE OBAMA! HUH HUH HUH!! HE COULDN'T SAY IT IF IT AM NOT TRUE!
March 6: That's funny, considering that the platform of every Republican nominee in 2012 was "Bush who?". After Shrub left office, the GOP came down with a case of mass amnesia and forgot he ever existed.
FOF, it's consistent with the GOP approach to everything. They either project what they're doing onto the Democrats or they simply echo the criticism they get back. Either way, it's "No, YOU are!!" writ large and often.
3/7 footnote: *A.P.Priceless!
3/7:You're a pantsless duck who's a reporter and talks without moving its bill, and you're drawn by a talentless, unfunny hack who can never be fired from his "job". I think the tree crocodiles need to really up their game to compete with your level of absurdity.
March 8 - Crotchy Duck is admitting that Fox creates "news" to drive the media narrative, that, in other words, it's a propaganda network rather than a news outlet.Thanks for the Earth-shattering scoop there, Sherlock.
They're "entertainment," not real news: accurate as your daily horoscope, and with the same army of uninformed standing up to defend them.
Re Mar. 9: Uh... OK, I'll take a crack at it... I think that's supposed to be a penguin, and it looks like the ground is covered in snow, so... a penguin is standing in for a robin because there are still snowstorms in winter, therefore global warming is a hoax...?
Re Mar. 11: Mallard sure needs an awful lot of words to say, "Ni@@ers are the REAL racists!"
March 9 was highly symbolic, because instead of the good RED robin, he snuck in a horrid BLUE penguin. So you just know that had to be called out.March 11, on the other hand, is pretty simple. "How come THEY get to say N_____, and I don't???"
March 12. N! N! N! N squared! N to the power N!
That's not racism!I'll tell you what the real racism is!(BTW, there is no more racism.)
Oh poor Bruce. Garry Trudeau finds another writer/creator gig, takes sabbatical from Doonebury, so Mallard gets dropped from another paper.Doonesbury, Mallard on the way outQuotes from article:"we’ve decided to stop publishing the old [Doonesbury] strips effective next week. We’d prefer focusing on fresh issues. And without an appropriate foil to balance Bruce Tinsley’s conservative Mallard Fillmore strip, we plan to drop this political strip as well.""Should Trudeau return to creating a daily strip, we’ll certainly consider publishing it and a conservative political strip again. Or, if we find other strips to fill the void, we’ll carefully consider those as well."Really puts the value of Tinsley's strip into perspective. I wonder what would happen if Bruce's talents were needed elsewhere. HAHAHAHA!
Here's another one"With Doonesbury leaving, we’ve decided to also drop Mallard Fillmore daily, although it will continue to run on Sunday in TV Star."Ohh, the TV Star! Coveted newspaper real estate!Sorry if I seem so pleased. There's just something gratifying about hearing these justifications come from the newpaper editors themselves.
Re Mar. 13: Looks like Mallard is back to reporting things he wishes had happened. But I guess you can get away with that when your whole work life is basically one long hallucination brought on by brain damage.On another note: I see the Veronica Mars movie opens this week. I wonder if Mallard will report on it or if he's not interested because Veronica isn't a teenager anymore.
Dude spends all week whining that he "can't call a spade a spade," now says Biden is a racist. Doublethink much, Bruce Tipsy?
Brews has really been showing off his range this week, pirouetting effortlessly from "I'm not a racist; n-word using football players are racist" to "I'm not a racist; VP Biden is a racist."
It's funny that Brewski is calling Biden a racist (huh?), but is blissfully ignoring the actual racist shit that Paul Ryan was caught spewing this week. Ryan was blowing the dog-whistle loud enough to attract every canine in a 20 mile radius.
No surprise that Mallard ignores something that happened this week. By the time his publication schedule catches up, he can be sure that the goldfish brains who believe the strip is factual will have forgotten all about it (or that FOX News never told them about it in the first place). If anything, a strange echo of the event in the strip will suggest that Joe Biden said something racist, or that Obama expressed hatred for the poor. The party of projecting poultry.
(I've been enjoying the Daily Show's hashtag #mcconnelling, where different musical cues are matched up to the wordless campaign ad of Mitch McConnell just doing things and blinking at the camera as if it were a tasty, slow-moving cricket. The funniest one was from "Sounds of Silence," where the words "Hello Darkness, my old friend…" synched up with views of Mitch and the Mrs.So far, I've posted:The theme from JAWSJanis Joplin's "Turtle Blues"and the murder music from PSYCHO.Not to mention my personal favorite,"It's time to put on make-upIt's time to dress up rightIt's time to meet the MuppetsOn the Muppet Show tonight!"
It's the middle of March and Brews is already riding his graduation speaker hobby horse?Has anyone ever invited Tinsh for such a gig? I'm sure it didn't happen twice, that's for sure:"An' annuer 'ing *hic', howcum I can' call n******s 'n*****' whenna n*****s do it alla time, huh? Aww, shit, did I shay n***** ou' loud? Shit. Now th' PC crowd'll be all over me. They're th' real raciss, them an' th' n*****s. Aww, shit." *pukes* *passes out*
The ideal commencement speech would of course condemn all of academia because its all just a way to indoctrinate youth with liberal propaganda, turning the latest generation of adults into immoral Marxist moochers. The grads basically need to be berated for wasting everybody's time when they should have been learning valuable skills like fighting oil well fires, fur trapping and equity capital management.
The Herald-Mail hath drop Doonesbury and replace it with La Cucaracha. The first letters from butthurt wingnuts should be gracing its editorial page any day now, at which time I will gleefully say "You know that feeling you get when you see the guys in LC saying something horrible about Republicans? That's the feeling the liberal 27% of Washington County have been getting every time they read a Mallard Fillmore strip, with the difference being that Lalo Alcaraz can just take conservatives' actual positions, rather than having to distort them beyond recognition or flat-out invent them the way Bruce Tinsley does with the positions he imputes to his straw-liberals."
March 18: Oh, NOW Brews cares about devout Muslims' feelings, now that ghey people are getting hitched...
I had a similar reaction, CW, with the elaboration "Could somebody with a stronger stomach than mine please dive into the MF archives over at Zionist World Review and see what Tinz was saying, in real-time, about the Muslim cabbie who reserved the right to refuse service to drunks?"
Ah, Tuesday must be Desperate Hypotheticals Day, where Tinsley attempts to dissuade us from a moral position by making up dopey imaginary cases. "Well, what if a guy was marrying his turtle and wanted an atom bomb cake that would destroy a speeding school bus full of kids that can't slow down below 55 without exploding? Huh? Huh? Wait, what was I saying again?"Oh, and also you have to waterboard your dog.
Re Mar. 18: I'm not sure which is funnier: Bruce pretending to care about the religious rights of non-Christians or Bruce's apparent belief that a pig-shaped cake is the same thing as pork.Re Mar. 19: Yeah, because if there's one topic that's on everyone's lips these days, it's Cabbage Patch Kids. You reporting from 1983 there, Mallard?
@Frank Stone: Well, he believes that the only difference between lactose intolerance and racial intolerance is the target. Or else he "believes" that liberals believe that, I'm not sure and finding out would require asking him.
Ho ho, TSA screeners aren't human! No wonder some guys want to bring guns to airports, eh? Nothing like a little hunting to liven up those long waits.
Nice asterisk to nowhere, Genius. Today's strip must've been pushing that "spend no more than 5 minutes work" deadline. Maybe drawing a spilled cup on the floor reminded you that won't wake up that way tomorrow if you don't start in a-boozin'.
Today, Mallard paraphrases MTV's intro to their Monty Python reruns, only with a duck.
Brews is offended by people who are offended by things other than what he's offended by.
Mark your calendars! Today, March 22, 2014, E. Bruce Tinsley II actually got something right! I just hope he doesn't let it go to his alleged head.
Apparently what Brews is on about here is this; I'm not so good at the html thing, but you can copy & paste:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sue-wilson/the-agitprop-of-ajit-pai-_b_4886759.htmlReferences to this on google are mostly right-wing screech outlets and for the most part minor ones at that. But the above makes it more sound like a regular study which Ajit Pai mischievously made into something else. I guess this means the prez is in ruthless dictator mode today, and will be back in wussy wimpy Jimmy Carter mode tomorrow.
3/25:"These brats today don't know the meaning of hard work, like getting a lifetime Moonie welfare check because Doonesbury exists!"
Tinsley could draw Obama spitting on a pie, and his readers would all express outrage that he's spitting on a pie and never question the cartoonist for drawing nonsense that never happened and has no purpose other than to smear.
Kip, in your hypothetical Mallard Fillmore daily, would Bruce feel compelled to draw a speech balloon with something scrawled in it like "It's me, Barack Obama and I am spitting on this pie...not that the MAIN STREAM MEDIA is going to report that to the public"?See, if Bruce does that, then he has the thematic hook that "rings so true" with ravenous readers of his right-leaning duck.
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Toots, it would probably be a thought balloon, but you've got him saying his own name — CHECK — and spelling out what he's doing — CHECK — and blaming the media for being complicit — CHECK — so I think we've got a winner here. What say we run it up the flagpole and see if anybody worships it?
This week reminds me of a salesman who tried to sell us a bunch of products for water softening, and he would deliver a spiel, and I'd make objections to it and point out flaws. He'd be nonplussed for a moment or two, then he'd go into the next memorized bit. At the end, he thought he'd made a sale, and I had to tell him that since I didn't buy any of his individual points, and he hadn't said anything to overcome my objections, that we would not be buying anything from him.In much the same way, Tinsley's been repeating over and over that the SAT adjustments are to dumb it down so that kids' self-esteem is improved, and as the liberal trolls at Comics Kingdom keep saying, that's just not true. It's been a six-day test, and Tinsley fails again. Well, with people of the empirical sort. His fans continue to take his utterances at fake value, so to speak.
The highlight of this week for me was a Comics Kingdom tangent decrying the state of education that suggested that if kids aren't learning cursive then they won't be able to read the Constitution in it's original written form. You see, that's how [insert force of evil] twists the intent of the framers around. They slip in their own changes when they reprint the Constitution for educational or reference purposes.Remember the old days in civics class, when they used to pass around the original document and we all took turns reading it and committing it to memory? It traveled around the country from school to school where two armed men with white gloves would bring it into the class and stand guard while we all took our own gander at it.
Does the new SAT include a question on the proper use of an ellipsis?
Hey, never mind Mallard. I've just found a great new comic at the Oregonian [Comics Kingdom] that has all his good features and none of the bad parts:http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/index.ssf?feature_date=2014-03-30From now on, I'm reading NULL COMICS every day.
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