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Tuesday, April 01, 2014

April 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

48 comments:

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Dancing ostriches on Neptune. I expect the comments at the syndicate site will be outrage over ostriches who dance on Neptune, and they'll blame it on Obama, Soros, and MSNBC.

Truly, can Tinsley pen a fantasy so ridiculous that his readers won't comment on it as though it has just happened?

Bill the Splut said...

If the US was first in education, he'd whine "Why are we spending so much on schools, when there are billionaires who need tax cuts and countries full of brown people that need to be droned?"

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 1: Bruce produced a strip commemorating April Fool's Day and scheduled it accordingly.

He could not, however, be bothered to do the same for September 11.

CW in LA said...

I thought today's Mallard was insightful, thought-provoking, and really well-crafted.

Hmm...

The sphincter-fingers are right: An April Fool's joke does need to have a hint of plausibility in order to work.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Now that April Fool's Day is over, we're back to slagging kids for not knowing… I dunno… the latest FOX News talking points or something. The unspoken assumption is that we were the world's smartest when some Republican was in charge, but actually, this has never been the case.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I seem to be the only one who cares enough to yawn over the strip any more. Come on, gang! Yawn with me!

CW in LA said...

Sorry, I was just realizing that why Chantal still bothers with Mallard is that, as a Gray American, she probably sees the talking pantsless duck in their Mutations Anonymous support group.

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 5: Mallard is reporting a rumor that is based on nothing more than his own prejudices and paranoia.

It is truly beyond comprehension how Fox "News" has not yet snatched up this flawless gem of journalistic integrity.

CW in LA said...

This boozehound loves guns, loves Death-Blob George Zimmerman, loved Cowboy Caligula Bush until it was no longer fashionable, and wants to wield the label "pro-life" like a cudgel.

Fuck him. Fuck him hard, fuck him raw.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

4/6: We implicitly and by example define real compassion vs liberal 'compassion.' Liberal 'compassion' involves actually doing something for people, which costs money. REAL compassion means building their character by doing nothing, which helps way more, and coincidentally doesn't cost REAL Americans a penny.

Borborygmy said...

Well said, Kip. As usual.

CW in LA said...

Brews' quest to build a straw man so flimsy he himself can knock it over continues.

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 6: Good little right-wing parrot. Mallard wanna cracker?

On second thought, no. Giving you food would be a disincentive to work, and you already get enough of that with your weekly wingnut welfare check. You know what? Buy your own goddamn crackers, you filthy little parasite.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

4/6: Brewski actually showed some restraint there. Nowhere did he claim that Obama was personally flying in illegals to vote for Democrats, as well as cutting up their meat and hand feeding it to them.

Nor did he bring up the old GOP chestnut of the welfare mom with 12 kids, buying steak and lobster with food stamps and driving off in a Cadillac with gold rims. Brewski must have been feeling generous that day...or he was too hungover that morning to draw those Talking Points in.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I learned not long ago that the Welfare Queen Reagan spoke of was a real person, whose crimes included kidnapping and murder — so of course the thing to complain about was Welfare fraud. Those other things were just little peccadilloes just about anybody might do, I guess.

Today (Monday 7) he took aim at stereo systems in cars. Fasten your seat belts.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I should add, my daughter (lazy and cross-eyed, according to Tinsley's strip) got on the bus at 7 am today, and will be on her way home at 7 pm, having put in extra time to rehearse the school's performance of "Schoolhouse Rock" until 5, and then having soccer practice after that. She's been studying all week as the tests continue, because she doesn't want her grades to dip to B. Bless her, she doesn't know that one side of the political spectrum seems to hate students, school, teachers, and education, and I'm not telling her.

[Thanks, Borborygmy! See you at the Curmudgeon.]

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 7: Translation: "Damn nig-- uh, I mean, damn spi-- uh, I mean, damn kids with their booming car speakers, momentarily annoying me as they drive past! How I HATE them!!"

Re Apr. 8: Sounds like Uncle Rush, or possibly Bill O'Reilly, was bitching about "welfare fraud" three weeks ago -- pretty rich, considering that they and all the other right-wing outrage merchants owe their entire careers to the most obscenely lucrative welfare scam of all time (wingnut welfare, natch).

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 9: I'd ask you to provide some examples of the thing that's got your knickers in a knot this week, Mallard, but I know that's not how you operate; yours is a faith-based form of journalism.

CW in LA said...

4/14 - Ooo, and what about booze taxes, huh Brews? Man, I'll bet you HATE booze taxes. Y'know what would really stick it to the gubmint you hate so much, Brews? What if you just didn't buy any booze, and thus didn't pay any booze tax? That'll happen, won't it?

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 14: Quite the bandwagon you've jumped on there, Mallard. Congratulations -- you're at least as intelligent as Jenny McCarthy.

CW in LA said...

4/15 - Huh? Pretty rich, coming from someone who really is a professional ideologue, and a piss-poor one at that.

Bill the Splut said...

Most political cartoonists would understand that "Fat Pig in a Business Suit" is visual shorthand for "A Rich Asshole," not "A Progressive," and that this strip could just replace those words with "The Roberts Court" and keep the "Buying Elections" theme intact and 100% accurate.

On the other hand, most political cartoonists earn their living, not just lazily cash their welfare checks to pay for booze and tattoos of Sarah Palin.

CW in LA said...

4/18 - Looks like a certain someone's been a target of crappy cartoonist shaming again.

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Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 20: Wow -- so Mallard is admitting that God is smarter than him? That must have hurt.

So how would you deal with the problem of evil in the world, Ducky? If I had to speculate, I'd guess it would be to first define as "evil" everyone who didn't agree with you about everything, and to then have those people dropped into the nearest active volcano. Close?

CW in LA said...

4/21 - Looks like Brews has decided to give himself an extension on keeping up with the this tournament that completely ended quite a while ago.

Bill the Splut said...

4/22:
Bruce is upset that Obama isn't showing the resolve Dubya would've shown about the crisis in the Ukraine, which would be to invade Iran.

CW in LA said...

4/23 - Wooo, Captain Truth To Power is sure sticking it to the peanut allergy sufferers' lobby, isn't he?

CW in LA said...

4/24 - Wow, there's a completely fresh perspective: Ur not tolerating my intolerance - that makes U intolerant!"

80-90 hours of research a week, ladies and gents!

CW in LA said...

Actually, I think I'll play Future Mallard:

Two weeks from now: Mallard faps himself delirious over conservative hero and reincarnation of Reagan Cliven Bundy.

Three weeks from now: Mallard vehemently insists that anyone regarding Cliven Bundy as representative of conservative thought is the real racist, totally intolerant, and a PC fascist meanie.

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Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Asterisk found a horrifically misguided prosecution in one of those little countries to act righteous over. Good old asterisk!

Bill the Splut said...

4/25:
How about 20 first graders and six of their teachers killed by an American with an AR-15? Oh, right, you had no words about Sandy Hook, either.

Now if they'd shot the 9 month old for threatening some coward with his bag of Skittles, you'd have nothing but praise for the act.

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 28: Aww, isn't that cute? Mallard's pretending to care about the poor. Of course, it's only so he can have an excuse to express his hatred for the U.N., but still.

CW in LA said...

Man, the Tinsh hates guys with pony tails almost as must as laws against public intoxication!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

When Tinsley is completely out of material, his presentation becomes downright frantic.

Frank Stone said...

Re Apr. 29: A Sherlock Holmes deerstalker cap, Bruce? Really? Was a tinfoil hat too difficult to pull off? It's not like an inability to draw something has ever stopped you before.

Anyway, congratulations on inadvertently conveying a partial truth: Conservatives did indeed do their damnedest to ruin enrollment in the ACA. Unfortunately for their (and your) pathological need to be right at all costs, they were not nearly as successful as they had hoped. Suck it.

Bill the Splut said...

This is one of those strips that you just stare at baffled. It's only clear to Fox New listeners what it's about, because it's based on "news" only reported on Fox News.

So, Bruce...when McConnell declared that the ACA only had 7.5 million sign ups because Barack HUSSEIN Hitler was "cooking the books," you thought that was ca-razy? And Bruce...you do know that "Flouridation is EVIL MIND CONTROL" came from Bircher loonies fearing the United Nations, and the other phrase comes from "Commies under the bed," and all are 50 year old right wing paranoid fantasies, right? And now some Clive Bundy grandpa is going to read your strip and take it as an insult to himself and his deeply ingrained beliefs about The Negro. C'mon, Bruce, I realize that your whole job is just ramming a dog whistle up your ass and farting through it, but try to have even a little pride in your work.

Also, @Frank Stone: I didn't get "deerstalker cap," I got "Ignatius J. Reilly earflapped hat." And when your "art" is so goodly arted that 2 people can come to such different conclusions...Bruce, go back to scrawling the N word on bathroom stalls like you did in sixth grade. It's your true calling.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

The geniuses at the MF [syndicate] page have got it figured out: Nobody's lynching Holder because he's a, you know, urban, Kenyan, not-really-one-of-us, and you know how THEY always get special treatment. Like the time after they'd been enslaved and stomped on for decades and somebody apologized? Well, I was treated badly once, and nobody apologized to me. Sheer prejudice — the press is in the tank for anybody who's not a white man, and if you are a white man, and you say something awful or commit a crime, they'll criticize you and everything! So unfair.

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