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Thursday, May 01, 2014

May 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

70 comments:

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Can anybody tell me what happened three weeks ago that brought on this hyperventilating fit?

(Post deleted and re-entered because part of the captcha was appended to it.)

CW in LA said...

If I remember right, Atty. Gen. Holder went off on Louie Gohmert after yet another series of badgering questions on trivialities. Holder noted no other attorney general had been subjected to such tactics and wondered what was so different about him.

Then Gohmert accused Holder of "cast[ing] aspersions on my asparagus." Whaddaya wanna bet Mallard doesn't find that little gem worth mentioning?

Aldo, I see Duckie is back to the cloacal pomade 'do.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Graduation Speaker Mallard!

Huh. Who knew driver schools had those?

Bill the Splut said...

You know what would change in the strip if Welfare King Bruce was replaced by a robot?

It'd get better. The robot could eventually be programmed how to actually draw, and get the new
10 PRINT "FOXNEWS "; 20 GOTO 10"
routines it'd need in Basic. By 2800kps modem.

How many papers are adding you this year, Bruce? Must be a lot, "guy who sneers at those privileged people with guaranteed jobs"!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Today, the lightning rod reveals that college is expensive. Good luck getting the lid back on that one, cross-eyed, ponytailed administrators!

Frank Stone said...

Re May 4: If only Mallard/Bruce cared as much about remembering September 11, 2001 as he cares about remembering Star Wars Day.

You're right, though, Mallard: Some people do say you have no social conscience. Far more people, however, say you have no conscience of any kind.

DK said...

Someone on another forum said that Mallard Fillmore doesn't do racist jokes on Sundays since there are more eyeballs. Is this really the case?

Frank Stone said...

Re May 8: Talk about expecting a trophy just for showing up.

Tell you what, Mallard: You actually succeed in broadening someone's horizons -- like, say, your own -- and we'll consider thanking you.

We will now commence holding our breath.

CW in LA said...

Y'know what'll really creep people out?

A talking pantsless anthropomorphic duck whose face only has one expression and who, when he's not shilling for extremist politics, is constantly getting worked up about "pop tart" celebrities and having young boys making dust angels on his living room floor.

Bill the Splut said...

@DK:
Those people are wrong. I mean, Mallard doing jokes? That's crazy talk.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Education am stupid.

(ps: "The characters you entered didn't match the word verfication." News flash: there are no characters that match that misshapen gibberish.)

CW in LA said...

5/10 - Obligatory comment about the obnoxiousness of possibly the world's laziest wingnut welfare recipient talking about the "real world".

Frank Stone said...

Re May 11: It's so cute that Bruce is bragging that he's got a B.A. in Political Science. It's like he thinks the idiocy he scribbles out every day is the product of his Keen Political Insight rather than his ability to puke up Fox News talking points.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Looks like Brewski finally decided that Global Warming isn't a myth - he's been recycling the same joke for a whole week!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Once again, saying somebody is articulate is racist! If it's said by a Democrat.

Toots McGee said...

Is there anybody who CAN'T be presented as a victim of racism?

C'mon Bruce, show us how it's done!

CW in LA said...

Oh goodie, another week of "Who's the REAL racist?"

Evidently the latest person in need of a break, not a lecture is poor, oppressed Donald Sterling.

Frank Stone said...

Re May 12: If I were you, Mallard/Bruce, I wouldn't be making so much noise about people keeping their jobs despite saying offensively stupid things.

By the way, Mallard, what are your thoughts on this story? I know conservatives don't suffer from cognitive dissonance, so it's unlikely that your head would explode, but I'm still curious to see how you would reconcile your hatred for North Korea with your wholehearted agreement with their rant against Obama.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

This is belated, but let it be known for the record that on April 27, Tinsley declared his love of cigarettes and cancer, and more proof that he would rather see everyone in the world die horribly than spend one cent from his giant money vault. You thought the comic where he declared differences to be bait for a deathtrap was the worst possible thing someone could ever produce, but you were wrong

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Also, April 23, where he provided further proof that he is an ancient man who knows nothing about comedy or what is considered cool: He watches C.B.S. sitcoms.

Just kidding: He still thinks fire is too technologically advanced.

CW in LA said...

C'mon, Frank Stone, that's an easy one, especially since in recent weeks many of the wingnutterati, from Reverend Hucklenuts on down, have been saying that North Korea has more freedom than America. And if they're swooning over Putin, they're ready to go positively ga-ga over a specimen of manliness like Kim Jong Un. Their shared dislike of our president, as well as the country that twice elected him, merely seals the deal.

Whattaya say, Brews? No black prez + all the young Asian boys making dust angels on your floor you could ever want. Authoritarian freedom beckons you from Pyongyang!

Bill the Splut said...

Hey, Bru--err, FU Tinsley! You're back after months! Talking about things you--err, HE scribbled weeks ago. Were you too busy reading Edgar Allan Poe?

Bill the Splut said...

"You thought the comic where he declared differences to be bait for a deathtrap was the worst possible thing someone could ever produce, but you were wrong"

AH-HAHAHA! How many times did you run that though Google Translator? Was it English to Hungarian to Tinsley? Seriously--what does that even MEAN?!

Sorry, Bru--err, FU, but you're only funny when you don't want to be!

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Frank Stone said...

Re May 13: Translation: "Stupid little whore should've kept her stupid whore mouth shut about poor Don and just kept on putting out like a stupid whore is supposed to. Whore."

And Bruce Tinsley will continue to openly demonstrate solidarity with racist shitbags (even murderous racist shitbags), secure in the knowledge that he will never pay any kind of professional price for it.

Three cheers for Wingnut Welfare!

Randy Winn said...

Wednesday is concern trolling day - it is so awful that non profits have to kisses up to the rich! It is so awful that the rich get awards in exchange for contributions! It is so awful that term thousand web cartoonists are more popular than Bruce Tinsley!

CW in LA said...

Man, Tinsh is sure identifying with Sterling.

Don't worry, Brews, no one, but no one, wants to record any conversation of yours. Ever.

Frank Stone said...

Behold the... person... who is bound to become Mallard/Bruce's next man-crush:

Police commissioner asked to quit over Obama slur

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Neo Tuxedo said...

I'm running late, but I'm running:

Actually, Randy, I think the "point" of Wednesday's strip was "Ah-ha! Gotcha! Donald Sterling has a Lifetime Achievement Award from the NAACP, therefore he can't possibly be a racist or ever have said anything racist! Bookmark it, libs!"

Also too, re today's strip, I must have missed the long history of people of color being denied the right to purchase tobacco products on account of their race that would make (a) Tinsley's metaphor relevant and (b) Tinsley himself not packed with shit of a frankly astonishing texture and density.

Frank Stone said...

Re May 17:

My first reaction: "Racist? WTF...??"

My second reaction: "OH! I get it -- he's equating an ID requirement for buying cigarettes with voter ID laws, because, being a right-wing tool, he thinks those two things are totally the same, and so only a silly libtard would think it was in any way racist to demand that a citizen show ID before being allowed to vote."

My third reaction: "Either Bruce has never actually seen a convenience store counter or he thinks no one else has."

CW in LA said...

I'd ask if Graduation Speaker Mallard has become the new Mallentines. But at least Brews has spared us his doggerel. So far, anyway.

Bill the Splut said...

My theory is that Bruce was busted for his DUI by a cop wearing a cap and gown. Who then read him his rights, over and over, for an entire month.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Real comment: "Guns don't kill people. Democrats kill people." Already been upvoted.

And yes! There's a comment there about "knife control" — hilarious stuff! Because nothing amuses a Republican more than somebody killed with a thing that isn't a gun.

Bill the Splut said...

"The solution to school massacres isn't to take away access to guns--it's to not report that it even happened!"

Congrats, Bruce, you have reached new depths in your "Too Lazy To Draw" challenge. This is a solid #2, coming only behind your "Most Transparent Administration" one, the strip with only a word balloon. I suggest a week of blank strips with only "...." They'd probably be just as funny and insightful as your regular "work".

Frank Stone said...

Re May 20: Dude, seriously: What. The. Fuck?

Oh, and I can't wait to see how you spin this one, Bruce. Another right-wing martyr bites the dust.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Looks like one of Brewski's man-crushes, Dinesh D'Souza, pled guilty to campaign donation fraud.

I wonder how he's going to spin this as a frame job by "Obummer"?

"Obama must had a bomb strapped to a dozen puppies and babies, and was going to blow them up unless Dinesh made the brave, heroic decision to plead guilty rather than see the Muslim Socialist blow up innocents!"

Toots McGee said...

Alright, BENGHAZI!
Yes, it's about time the MEDIA is brought to task for failing to cover this massive COVER-UP!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

As someone tweeted, "D'Souza joins in pile-up on D'Souza!"

Real one-handed strip today: CONSPIRAGHAZI!

Bill the Splut said...

Mon & Tues: "The media should cover up details about school shootings!"

Weds: "Two years of screaming about Benghazi with 8 Congressional investigations means MEDIA COVER UP! Cover ups are bad!"

Doubleplusgood Doublethink, Bruce! Ignorance is Strength!

Frank Stone said...

Re May 21: A prime, if unimaginative, example of the alacrity with which right-wingers deny reality. Unless by "cover it", Mallard means "uniformly demand that Obama be arrested for treason and then flogged to death in the public square"...

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Thursday: Noun, Verb, Benghazi.

Mallard's readers: HAW HAW COVERUP DAMNOCRATS!!

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CW in LA said...

Whoa, one guilty plea and D'inesh is reduced to making spam blog posts. I hope Tinsh is taking note - even Wingnut Welfare has its limits.

CW in LA said...

5/23 - In which Brews determines yet again that today's feckless young people need a lecture, not a break.

Frank Stone said...

Re May 25: Bruce again demonstrates the same keen insight regarding modern technology that he has regarding politics and humor.

WV: "contains ntshit". Sounds like one of Mallard's snacks.

CW in LA said...

Yeah, but you can tell the guy with the e-pants is a moron because he has a ponytail.

Still, I'm not sure Mallard is one who should be calling out people for not wearing pants.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

As usual, the regulars at MF have a response for doubters, and as usual, it's "FUCK U U SHOULD DIE I HATE U U SCUMBGABG!!!"

Frank Stone said...

Re May 26: Yes, Mallard/Bruce, we get it: There is absolutely nothing conservatives will not politicize, because they are cranky, stubborn, petulant, spoiled infants who are genetically incapable of rational thought, honesty, or shame.

CW in LA said...

Plus, as I recall there were plenty of stories like this when Shrub was in the White House. The general response from the wingnut press then was that the veterans needed to shut up and stop whining.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Today, Mallard gives a powerful indictment of McConnell and Boehner and other Gops who keep blocking money intended for vet care.

Anonymous said...

You are right Duck. Now pay up or shut up. Care of war vets costs money (taxes). Bush and GOP wanted to start wars without ever paying for them, and the TP does not want to pay for anything.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Ooh, #TOPICAL.

The usual would-be imperialist BS, but THERE'S A HASHTAG!!

This is the hippest thing since Crankshaft got a smartphone.

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Frank Stone said...

Re May 27: To the surprise of absolutely no one, Bruce Tinsley equates Sending In The Troops for everydamnthing (a.k.a. war as a first resort) with strength, virility, and courage. Because for people like Bruce, playing Call of Duty isn't sufficient to bolster the testosterone; the only way they can really feel like Macho, Manly He-Men is if actual people are fighting actual military battles. (OTHER people, though -- what are you, nuts? That shit's dangerous!)

Yeah, I know your hashtag, Bruce: #BringBackMyPenis.

b said...

85 to 90 hours a week of work, right there on the comics page. Probably took 75 hours for him to letter the sign.

Frank Stone said...

Re May 28: This whole line of "thought" is pretty rich, coming as it does from such a dedicated armchair warrior. Or was Bruce expressing the same disdain for all the people who were putting little American flags on their cars after 9/11 because that was waaay easier than actually DOING something?

Oh, and this item provides an excellent perspective on the right-wing mentality on this subject:

Hard Limit

CW in LA said...

5/28 - Of course, in Tinshie's pickled mind, "doing something" consists of shitting out a lazy, dishonest cartoon.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

It takes guts and determination to keep drawing the same strip over and over with insignificant variations.

(Pleasant to think what Mark Twain would have made of this fellow.)

Frank Stone said...

You know you just lost, right, Bruce? #Godwin'sLaw

CW in LA said...

No, see, it's funny because conservatives in the 1930s really wanted the US to be nicer to Hitler.

Bill the Splut said...

Bruce, if it was 1941, you'd be an isolationist whose favorite radio show was Father Coughlin, and you'd say phrases like "made the trains run on time" and "bulwark against Bolshevism."

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Ooh, the sequester! There was no way that was ever going to bite the conservatives in the ass. Only now they want to pump more money into some weapons program or other, and Obama's saying, "Sorry, fellas. My hands are tied. Sequester, you know."

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