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Sunday, June 01, 2014

June 2014

What's Mallard raving about this Month?

Read and Comment!

64 comments:

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

something something blah blah trendy thing now draw a duck in it all done what's on tv

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

VA: Better than Bush ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/4: Here's a camel
Take that liberals ha ha
Where's the goddamn remote

CW in LA said...

Yeah, this looks like "Arnt u dum libs sposed 2 tolrate shit? Y dont u tolrate this? Hur hur hur." But I guess I'm not well-versed enough in insurance commercials to know what the hell he's on about this time.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Ooh, a cartoon about the Geico Camel? TAKE THAT LIBS! I can't wait for his scathing takedown of the Geico Lizard.

Neo Tuxedo said...

I googled, and apparently, there was a piece last month at Hot Air asking "Is the GEICO Camel racist?" My gag reflex is not sufficiently atrophied to make it worth my while reading the resultant vowel movement.

Frank Stone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frank Stone said...

Re June 4: So apparently what we have here is another instance of Bruce basing a strip on some obscure article he read and expecting everyone to know what he's talking about without so much as a perfunctory vague footnote.

I have to wonder again if it's possible to feel a sense of pride or accomplishment knowing that you'll keep getting paid and never get fired no matter how badly you do your job.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/5: Doubling down on the camel. Meanwhile, commenters at MF are presently tense over the outrage of freeing Bergdahl (who goes instantly from being the poster boy of Our Brave Lads Abandoned by Obummer to Exhibit A for Obumberghazi Losing the Next Three Wars by Trading Five Osama McKhomeinis for a Traitor We Never Wanted to See Again).

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/6: "Today, out of respect, I won't attempt a jest, because I… sob… CARE about our vets, and you don't even know what that means!
"Okay, I guess that's a jest. Haw haw."

Bill the Splut said...

During Viet Nam, there was a kid in my neighborhood whose father would snarl every time he saw war protesters on TV "I fought the NAZIS for these punks!" which I guess he found somehow relevant.

How proud he'd be to know that today, his generation's sacrifices would be rewarded by 2 identical pictures of a dead-eyed pantsless duck!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/7: Good Grief, more camels. Well, I guess it was his chance to suggest the word CRAP in his comic — I mean, suggest it outright. Obviously, he suggests it every day, tacitly. I'm sure he's getting a round of backslaps at the National Organization Insinuating Delightfully Egregious Acronyms Saucily.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Kip, I think "CRAP" may be aimed at the same target as BAIR.

CW in LA said...

Tinsh, you can harp on this camel thing all you want. It's not going to make me curious enough to find out what the hell you're talking about.

CW in LA said...

6/9 - Ooo, Brews, if your ill-tempered pantsless duck didn't attract the attention of Disney's trademark-protection attorneys, today's strip will.

Unless, that is, they consider whatever the hell this is you do too insignificant for them to bother with.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I think this falls under 'humorous intent.' To conservatives, as long as you're slagging someone else, it's humor.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/10: I now have a favorite panel in Mallard Fillmore.

Frank Stone said...

Re June 10: While hallucinating that he's doing an episode of his TV show (he's actually sitting in his darkened kitchen talking to an empty cereal box, in case you didn't know), Mallard suffers an absence seizure.

See a doctor, Mallard.

Toots McGee said...

I'm curious as to how Bruce settled on the sobriquet "VA Hospital System".

Easiest explanation: too lazy to look up what something is actually called at the risk of sounding ignorant. (This explanation has broad application.)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/11: Mallard (to evil government): Why aren't YOU doing more to help these people? What do you do with all the taxes my rich pals and I evade paying, anyway?

CW in LA said...

6/14 - Wow, Brews cares incredibly deeply about health care for our veterans now that the president he hates is getting blamed for its shortcomings.

I mean, VA hospitals were known to be shitty in the '80s. I doubt the Tinsh was prepared to get so worked up about it then. He was pretty quiet when the previous occupant of the White House was creating a whole lot of new combat veterans.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/14: Today in history, we remember that fifteen minutes when the GOP cared passionately about the soldie— SQUIRRELDAHLGHAZI!!

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CW in LA said...

6/15 - I'm guessing Brews learned everything he knows about cartooning via home schooling. And he was a valedictorian too!

Frank Stone said...

Re June 16: Let all straw men TREMBLE in abject FEAR before the unfettered MIGHT of MALLARD!!!

You're not fooling anybody, ducky. Except maybe yourself.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

@May 16th: Wow - it must have taken Brews a whole 3 minutes to come up with that straw man!

FuryOfFirestorm said...

I'm surprised that Brucie hasn't bestowed us with several weeks of grade A material about Sekrit Muslin Traitor Bergdahl who's working in tandem with Secret Muslin Obummer.

You'd think he couldn't wait to proudly display his erection all over anything that makes the scary black man look bad. I guess he's still working on jokes about things that happened six months ago.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/16: The Self Pity is strong in this one.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/17: Having tried everything else he could think of, Mllard flirts with honesty.

Frank Stone said...

"... ignorant bigots who figure it's easier to scream slurs than to debate facts."

It's Always Projection, isn't it, Mallard?

Apparently, someone called Bruce a "hater" three weeks ago and it so grievously injured his widdle fee-fees that he decided to use it as a platform from which to launch a campaign of I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I???

Bill the Splut said...

Brucie, no one considers you a "hater." They consider you a "welfare king unfunny hack." It's totally different.

Even your hero Mr Nixon said "Don't get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects."

CW in LA said...

So when is Mallard going to reclaim "Lazy Pantsless Hackish Sot"?

Frank Stone said...

Re June 18: Ohhhh, now I see what this is all about: "It's not fair that the n****rs get to call each other n****rs but I can't call them n****rs!!"

And if you had a microgram of self-awareness, Mallard/Bruce, you'd realize that shouting slurs as "a substitute for rational debate" is a conservative sacrament -- and moreover, it's what you and your media heroes do for a living.

CW in LA said...

Sheesh, it ALWAYS comes back to the n-word with these people, doesn't it?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Doesn't reverse psychology require the user to possess a mind capable of forward psychology?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/19: Paralleling the brilliancy of Mallard's reasoning, the commenters at his page are not proving that they are indeed the Grandmasters Of Projection by claiming that liberals insult first.

Frank Stone said...

Re June 19: Hey, I've got a fun exercise: Let's list some other "terms idiots use against anyone they disagree with". I'll start.

"Communist"

"Libtard"

"Traitor"

"Un-American"

"America-hater"

"Cheese-eating surrender-monkey"

"Terrorist-lover"

"N****r-lover"

Neo Tuxedo said...

No, those are terms conservatives use for people they have perfectly legitimate grounds for disagreeing with (said grounds being that the person disagreed with a conservative). Conservatives, by mathematical definition, cannot be idiots. Only liberals can be idiots, and only idiots can be liberals. Don't be a liberal idiot who is an idiot liberal. Switch to DirecTV.

(And yet, that argument, despite being a deliberately stupid parody of modern conservative "thought", is still more coherent than actual conservative "thought".)

Frank Stone said...

Re June 20:

"DAMN that Obama!! GodDAMN him!! I HATE him!! I HATE that he's president!! I hate everything he SAYS and DOES!! I HATE that motherf***er!! I f***ing HATE HIM!! I f***ing HATE HIM!!!!

"...

"Sorry... reflex."

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

When the guy sold that shirt to Mallard, he told him it said "Patriot."

FuryOfFirestorm said...

June 23: It's obvious that Fartbongo isn't doing anything because Tahmooressi isn't a Sikrit Muslin Double Agent. I mean, it's not like it took years of negotiations to get Bergdahl back and Obama can free whomever he wants with a snap of his Nigerian fingers!

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/23: Obama is all-powerful and impotent, and if he frees a POW in one country, he should free a common criminal in another. Once he does, of course, they'll try and bite his head off for it. Because he's a… well, because he's from… uh… CHICAGO.

Neo Tuxedo said...

All I got was Mallard asking a Stereotypical Gen Xer how it feels to know that her generation is the most narcissistic in the history of history itself, and her asking him to let her take a selfie of herself answering that. I didn't know how lucky I was.

Frank Stone said...

Re June 23: When I Googled "Tahmooressi", the first two items were from Fox News, so that explains why Mallard/Bruce knows who this guy is. Even so, it must have taken hours of his valuable "research" time for him to find someone who seemed to be a parallel to Bowe Bergdahl so that he could use that person as a club against Obama.

And what you owe your readers an apology for, Mallard, is being a hypocritical, opportunistic, pathologically dishonest sack of shit.

Bill the Splut said...

"Mexican soldier 'accidentally' drives over US border with multiple guns; Fox News asks for calm, rational discourse, and his quick release from US prison."

Anonymous said...

Re: Sunday, June 22
The stupidity might actually cause people to question the "conservative" position. But what timing: Doomesbury certainly showed how dumb they really are.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/24: Now he's slagging on deer, or rabbits, or (reads text)… oh. Chihuahuas. Marking time until he can think of funny things to say about dead kids somewhere.

Neo Tuxedo said...

The Herald-Mail reran the "Before Paleo..." strip from May 24. The strip I mentioned yesterday must've been from May 23. It doesn't sound like I'm missing anything except the opportunity to kill some perfectly good brain cells, which later evacuate via the urethra.

Frank Stone said...

Re June 24: Translation: "Something something dirty Mexicans blah blah political correctness yadda yadda lamestream media. Where's my Wingnut Welfare check?"

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/25: Not to mention "I only find out about things in the paper." Because his teleprompter broke down? Haw haw. Wingnuts are the most amusing wingnuts.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/26: Well! Another day's useless energy spent, eh?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

6/27: Today, Bruce makes the dog whistle just a teenchy bit more obvious for the sake of his slower readers.

What's the only thing that will stop a bad cartoonist with a half-baked idea?

Frank Stone said...

Re June 27: The only way this strip could be in any way worthwhile is if the mold on Bruce's choice of talking point were used to make penicillin.

FuryOfFirestorm said...

Jesus Christ, Brews. If you blow that dog whistle any harder, you'll pop your eardrums.

Then again, to the people in Arizona who keep re-electing Good Ole' Sheriff Joe, those poor starving Mexican kids who barely make it here alive are pretty much the same thing as wild dogs that need to be sterilized and euthanized.

CW in LA said...

I believe the dogwhistling is maybe not as effective as the Tinsh surely wants to think: What kind of frightened little dickless wonder gets worked up over feral chihuahuas?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Are we sure this isn't the fawn from Apartment 3-G? Tinsley's artistic error bars overlap Frank Bolle's too much. Wake up, sheeple!

Hm. Maybe it's a sheep…

Toots McGee said...

Baby feet
You've drawn some mangled little baby feet
Your lazy strips don't generate much heat

Frank Stone said...

Sorry, Bruce -- one vaguely cute and innocuous strip doesn't make up for weeks' worth of strips filled with stupidity and bile. Nice try, though.

My only question today is if you're going to draw undue attention to yourself by weighing in on the latest imagined Miscarriage of Justice perpetrated against your little hero, Dirty Harry Junior.

Marion Delgado said...

My God. the commenters. the commenters. They do make him look smart. And that's to the portland paper's version.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Those comments are nationwide. The syndicate has a feed that goes to all the papers that carry it. So those comments represent the cream of the Mallard readers throughout the whole country.

David Cage Bruce Tinsley Forever said...

I admit that I am way behind, but the last time I tried to read this comic regularly, I woke up with half my brain lying in the street, covered in my urine and someone else's blood.

June 1: This is an actual joke and sort of funny. Maybe Tinsley will not be so bad this month.

June 4: Fucking Hell, I was so horribly wrong. Camels are mindless animals, they do not care if you hate them as long as you feed them. Foreigners are humans with abstract thought and emotions, thus your transcendent racism offends even though you think they are worse than camels.

June 5: Tinsley: Taking false equivalency, dehumanization, White supremacy, and the desire to keep all foreigners out of the country and somehow making them even more racism.

June 6: Tinsley is thanking the Nazis. No one who wrote the last comic, or was planning the comics that would from the 13th through today could possibly be anti-Nazi. Tinsley has only enjoyed two days after D-Day: August 6 and 9, 1945.

June 7: Tinsley thinks liberals and culturally-sensitive guys are the real hypocrites and racists. What more do I need to say? Bear in mind that this cartoon is going to get much worse within a couple of weeks.

June 8: Most of the presidents took office when more than 50 years old, and lifespans and quality of life have increased significantly since that time.

June 13: Tinsley thinks of Black guys as gangsters and idiots, but he would never use racial slurs against them, right?

June 14: I thought Tinsley hated the Veterans' Administration, but a literal reading of this comic would suggest he thinks veterans had much longer lives thanks to that organization.

June 16: Tinsley has hated the smart and educated ever since he failed out of Kindergarten.

June 17: Tinsley, you write literally the most hateful work; you never produce anything of substance; and you never consider the other side; therefore, you have no right to complainabout anyonemaking bigoted statements. Thanks for learning how to spell bigot, though.

June 18: This is Tinsley making excuses for using the word "nigger" constantly, that is the only logical explanation. Now that I look at it again, I realize he is mocking anyoe who complains.

June 19: Oh dear God, I thought the last comic was racist and horribly-written, but this is a thousand time worse. This is like a chapter from Mein Kampf rewritten by Chris Muir.

June 23 to 25, more or less: Implicitly comparing vicious dogs ro immigrants, foreign soldiers,

Today: Tinsley hates technology and considers anything preferable to it.

Confirmation Words: Lysespa tunic, mantel of the Goddess of evil, hate and stupidity, proudly won by Tinsley.

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