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Friday, October 05, 2007

Those damned Bairs

What's Mallard raving about today?

Supermodels, Causes, Bears.'s spelled B-E-A-R.

If you aren't clever enough to come up with a phony acronym that actually works, that should tell you something.


Erich said...

Breaking & Entering Animal Rights.
Bears Enter Any Residence.
Bears Expect All Respect.
Because Every Accusation Rankles.

And those only took a few minutes' thought.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

Erich: Those are hilarious!

I think Tinny's deliberately screwing the acronym because it makes Purge (and thus, all liberals) look more stoopider, not smrt liek him HAW HAW. But then, I might be giving him way too much credit.

Ahhhhh, another key codeword pops up: "profiling." See, I was right yesterday--this isn't about bears at all, is it, Tinsley?

Nick said...

Doesn't "blatant" mean "obvious"?

Don't words mean things?

Since I'm not aware of any supermodel-centered events covered by Fox two weeks ago, I wonder if this whole week's strips were set off by some girl resisting Tinny's closing-time advances...

Erich said...

It also occurred to me that maybe the acronym was misspelled to show that "models (and lib'ruls and wimmen in gen'rul) are dumm, haw haw," but I figured that if that was his point, he would have made it blatantly. Like so:

PURGE: I've formed a group to raise awareness about discrimination against Ursine-Americans....
PURGE: Bears Aren't Inherently Ravenous!!
MALLARD: Um, y'know, "bear" is spelled B-E-A-R....
PURGE: How dare you make such a sweeping generalization?!
PURGE: Besides, I've already printed out all these T-shirts....


Oh my God, I just wrote a Mallard Fillmore strip...

Captain Slack said...

Ahhhhh, another key codeword pops up: "profiling." See, I was right yesterday--this isn't about bears at all, is it, Tinsley?

No, Billy, it isn't. Moreover, I strongly suspect that's the real reason he "screwed" the acronym.

(Word verification: "mbsbyzhb" — another sound of drunken vomiting.)

dlauthor said...

Dang. Guess Tinz is worried that attractive women are going to let the Moozlims blow up liquor stores in Indiana again. Or something.

What I like is the wild, drunken swerving between what hated brown people the bears are supposed to represent. Yesterday it was "immigrants"; today it's the Ay-rabs.

Maybe tomorrow he'll take a swing at the Jews again.

exanonymous said...


Now that the strip has been explained to me, I get it and it's hilarious!

(aside #1: if someone needs to find the reference to make the analogy, the punchline doesn't work)

Yes! I hate towel-heads and they're pitiful attempts to appear like anything other than killer bomb-happy yoodling crazy guys won't work!

(aside #2: if that were true, we'd all have been dead a long time ago. Considering the numbers that have immigrated (legally!) to the US and successfully integrated, I don't hold a few extremists against Islam. I can't be convinced a religion is flawed if I see gangs/tribes/people acting the same way elsewhere disconnected from religion. Oh, and what I said was something I heard a racist coworker once call them. Sounds like he and Tinny are on the same wavelength)

Yes! Death to Arabs and Black people and Women while I'm at it! And oh yeah, liberals! In fact, everyone's a stupid bonehead worthy of death except me and my clones!

And because I'm a superior white american, I'm going to go kill women and babies in a more civilized way: by drinking and driving!

Anonymous said...

Bears aren't suspected first. It's us racoons, and we're damn proud of it!

Kaitlyn said...

What about FAIR?

BillyWitchDoctor said...

*reads Saturday's strip*
*shakes head*

Do morons like Tinsley ever stop to consider how it'd work out if anyone applied his own "profiling logic" to HIM and "his kind?" (Rhetorical question.)

And does Tinsley realize his "bear" analogy has just collapsed? Or does he really want to compare human beings to wild animals? Does he think that IS what America's all about? (Again, rhetorical question.)

What a sick f***. After a slow week, he has really come back strong to "redeem" himself in the eyes of us who consider him a rank, pathetic bigot.

I'm looking forward (...I am? Ugh.) to the inevitable strips condemning Al Sharpton and the Jena 6, and Tinny's stalwart defense of Rush Limbaugh's "phony soldiers" garbagetalk.

Captain Slack: Thanks for the reference!

BillyWitchDoctor said...

If it isn't already one of your regular stops, check out Saturday's "Non Sequitur" comic strip. It takes one of Tinny's most precious gimmicks and busts it open like a ripe watermelon.

Kaitlyn said...


I love Non Sequitor!

That was funny - will it protect me while I'm looking at MF?

Kaitlyn said...

I only saw this once, I don't know where, maybe somebody else has heard this - it was about profiling and detaining Muslims and people with terrorist names, and one said that was bad, and the other said hey, FDR locked up Japanese
(Not to mention Italians and Germans) people in dubyadubyatwo, and he's your GOD!

Or something.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Why hasn't Mallard used this?

Captain Slack said...

Why hasn't Mallard used this?

Probably because it would blow his pretense of civility to bloody ritual shreds, and because he (or, more likely, his vestigial editor) retains just enough contact with reality to be aware of this.