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Sunday, July 07, 2013

Week of July 7, 2013

What's Mallard raving about this Week?

Read and Comment!


Tog said...


"And now, I'll let my conservative counterpart rave on for hours about Obama's birth certificate. Don't threaten him, though, because that wouldn't be funny--plus he might shoot up the neighborhood in retaliation."

NickE said...

"Heathful?" I'm not sure what Tinz means by this word, but whether it's that the person eats nothing but Heath Bars or that the person in Heath Ledger, he is correct. It'll kill you.

CW in LA said...

Oh, but wait, I thought, according to Tinsh and his apologists, it was only [b]those people[/b] who got violent when they didn't get their way.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Tinsley should take the lead and start eating an all-Heath bar diet so the rest of us can see the results in the flesh. Or better yet, in photos taken a long way away.

Frank Stone said...

Right, Mallard -- because people who are smug and obnoxious about their healthy eating habits are So Much Worse than people who are smug and obnoxious about their religious beliefs or their alleged patriotism -- or worse, both. (Why, yes, I am talking about you, Ducky. Thanks for picking up on that.)

And I can't wait to see Mallard's snarky, defensive rationalization for "heathful". My guess is it'll be something whiny about how he's being "targeted" by the "spelling police" because he's a conservative.

Tog said...

It wasn't that long ago that Tinsley was doing Sunday strips yippy-yapping about how he/Mallard was going to stuff barbeque and cheeseburgers down his throat until he lost consciousness, just to annoy the vegetarians. But he's still around, so I don't think he actually did that.

Just like last year he encouraged everyone to leave all the electronics on during Earth Day just to annoy the ecology-concerned. I doubt he did it himself, because that s*** adds up. Like the Jonah Goldbrick or the Romneykinder, he can't be on the front lines because he's fighting the culture war here at home!

And just like he enjoys depicting all Muslims as monsters, just to annoy anyone with a frontal lobe, but doesn't want to hear about Timothy McVeigh again.

I...sense a pattern here.

Bill the Splut said...

He certainly wasn't complaining about people living on a "Hate-filled" diet, or he'd starve.

Tog said...


Yay hate speech!

Y'gotta love the concern-troll civility-maven Disqus commenter who suggests that if you don't tolerate hate speech, "as despicable as it is," you don't have free speech.

I imagine a variety of people, from Constitutional scholars to law enforcement to Supreme Court judges, might disagree with him.

They'd also explain that hate speech doesn't "depend on whether or not you're on the receiving end"--it's fairly well-defined until someone comes up with another target to hate.

But really what he's saying is, "It's totally unfair that THOSE PEOPLE can say the N-word and he can't without getting dirty looks and it's not fair! Not fair!!"

Like Tinsley, he just can't be honest about it.

Disqus has a moderation system and swallows comments and deletes others on a regular basis. Go ahead, Tinsley: tell us how that's wrong.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley should just finish the job of making himself incomprehensible by borrowing from poorly translated videogames:

"Reagan have perfect terms and prooved the justice of White culture. Go and eternal rest our gays.
"Here is a graveyard of you: Immigration!
"JustDie!!!!!!! NADELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
"Lynching equipment bag fuck Barack Obama elf!
"Sometimes I wish to be a Hitler is me!
"Under-the-bus-wise, I would rather be the thrower than the throwee.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Who am I kidding? Tinsley never uses modern technology: He writes and distributes his comics through quill pens and movable type, and contacts newspaper editors through cave paintings.

Tog said...


(My comments are getting eaten a lot around here lately. And they don't even have swears in them like they used to! It's annoying but somehow I don't see a Big Gubbermint conspiro in it.)

You know, Tinsley, I don't think universities talk about basic addition and subtraction and multiplication tables either. Is that because you're already supposed to know about them before entering college...or it is because THEY HATE AMERICA?!?!222

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Bruce seems to have pieced out that he could make his Nazis without actual swastikas on their uniforms and nobody would suspect a thing because free speech ha ha.

As I say elsewhere, who knew the undergrounds of the seventies were masterpieces of restraint?

Frank Stone said...

Since there's no asterisk leading to a hopelessly vague footnote, I'm going to have to conclude that this is yet another strip based on something Bruce hallucinated while crashing at the end of a recent Fox-and-Red Bull all-night "research" session.

CW in LA said...

Has Brews actually set foot on a college campus anytime in the last few decades? Or has he avoided that for fear of being Indoctrinated?

Randy Winn said...

I'm not sure it's wise to bring up Nazi references in the context of universities, since the Nazi hatred for college professors is pretty well documented.

One might even suspect this ground was trodden in the 1930s.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley should avoid bringing up Nazis for many obvious reasons.

Tog said...


And now Tinsley's backing the Butter Bag. Not because he respects women, but because he idolizes ignorance and racism.

Bill the Splut said...

"How come it's okay for Them to use the N-word, but not me when I'm screaming it at them? Yet it's okay for them to call me 'hate-filled talentless drunk'!"

What does this bigot think is hate speech? "Dubya was a moron"?

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

I'm pretty sure Tinsley was the guy who drew the really awful reactionary political cartoons in everybody's local college newspaper, except for the fact that that guy probably has learned how to draw better since then (or has learned not to attempt it any more, which is better).

The drawing is sinking to worse and worse levels of ability and intent. In the real, non-subsidized, world it would have vanished into the primordial slime long ago.

Frank Stone said...

Theeere it is. Like fuggin clockwork. It's like he can't help himself.

Leave it to Bruce to brandish his toilet plunger and garbage can lid in defense of someone smart enough to parlay her grotesquely unhealthy recipes into a multimillion-dollar empire (and from there into an opportunistic drug-endorsement deal after those recipes gave her diabetes) but too dumb to recognize that her "innocent" Southern attitudes re black people would be perceived as racist.

Keep f***ing that chicken, Bruce -- but only after it's been stuffed with butter and sugar and deep-fried in lard.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Florida has a new law that bans literally everything, since anything can be used to gamble illegally. Maybe the residents will be able to live without electronics--wait, furniture and houses can be used for gambling! No, not enough: Any level surface can hold cards! They will have to live on rocky crags! Wait a minute, hand, feet and teeth can hold cards! They will have to remove those, and have nurses take care of them--wait, nurses can be paid to make bets! I guess Floridians will have to lay their stumps in ditches and die; Tinsley will join them and complain that he has too much fun and technology during that process.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

"Stop trying to make ditch angels! Shapes are from geometry!" "Stop getting so much dirt on yourself: This is my dirt, and you have no right to it!" "Stop bleeding less than those niggers! A proud White hero should be superior to those Mongoloids!" "Get to a lower part of the ditch! I should be on the highest point!

Toots McGee said...

FU,T Re:Florida

The law you are speaking of was a poorly conceived, knee jerk reaction crafted to shut down these small "internet cafes" that were mainly frequented by seniors who wanted to play some sort of offered online games of chance instead of gambling in the giant corporate casinos owned by the Seminole tribe.

So much for our Tea Party governor, Rick Scott and our solidly Republican state legislature staying out of the lives of citizens, deregulating the market and encouraging small businesses.

The law is a piece of crap on its face. It's overly broad, as you satirize. It's also another example of transparent support for big monied interest pulling the strings of a bunch of pigs at the trough in the state capitol.

Governor Rick Scott, a billionaire whose massive health care corporation was found to repeatedly guily of fradulent billing practices (lapping up "public money"...aka Medicare, those evil entitlements that we must stop lest poor, working people get any scraps after the big eaters clear away from the table) is now one of those Governors with arms folded across his chest, pursuing legal challenges to the Affordable Care Act instead of putting any effort into putting things in place for the state to be prepared to operate under "Obamacare".

This state is an utter joke, but offers a fantastic portrait of what kind of corporate welfare these free market/trickle down/pro business doctrinaires deliver once they get into office. (Oh yeah, and they run on a platform of smacking around poor people. They don't need benefits or healthcare, oh yeah and you better drug test them. Those dirty animals just want YOUR money, but we've got other plans!)

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Another day of "they're not Nazis if they're not wearing actual swastikas!" in a whole week of it.

Toots McGee said...

Everybody knows there really are speech codes! Everyone knows about it! Everybody knows about left wing liberals wield power and shut down good things that good people want to say!

I know it's true because Hollywood.
I know it's true because science.
I know it's true because socialists.
I know it's true because Chicago.
I know it's true because Solyndra.
I know it's true because hoodie.
I know it's true because Keynes.
I know it's true because media.
I know it's true because Benghazi.
I know it's true because death panels.
I know it's true because unions.
I know it's true because promiscuity.
I know it's tru because the gays.
I know it's true because moochers.
I know it's true because Oprah.
I know it's true because PETA.
I know it's true because Muslims.
I know it's true because illegals.
I know it's true because video games.
I know it's true because gaffes.
I know it's true because government.
I know it's true because endoscopy.
I know it's true because Spider Man.

Frank Stone said...

Once again, Bruce demonstrates that he doesn't understand the proper usage of the narrative introduction "meanwhile", which is used when a scene takes place in a different location than the previous scene. Every single strip since Monday, however, has featured the same characters in the same location, "a university near you*", so... yeah.

*"Near you" in this case meaning "which exists nowhere outside of Bruce Tinsley's feverish, Fox-fried brain".

Tog said...

Damn, another of my comments disappears. What the hell, man? Am I on somebody's list? Would they care to clue me in on what I did wrong?

Tog said...


Yup, Twinkies are a hot-button issue.

Let's forget how the right-wing media castigated labor unions for "causing" Hostess to go out of business, which as you might have guessed is a bald-faced lie.

Kip W [Muffaroo] said...

Today in history, Bruce Tinsley invented The Twinkie Offense.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley is saying that creating unhealthy foods is a proud American tradition and that newer generations, proud of their creation and use of modern technology, are evil and wrong. Twinkies were invented in 1933, so he is saying everyone born after that year is evil.

Verification word: pntsFL: Pants are now illegal in Florida, and pnts are black-market knockoffs sold on the black market.

Frank Stone said...

Replace "the Twinkie" with "Ronald Reagan" and you'd actually be onto something, Mallard.

Tog said...


Shyeah, like Mallard (or more accurately, Mallard's handlers) wants kids to have decent educations.

Tinsley just wanted to celebrate the return date (we regulars know he loves crapfood, plus TAKE THAT OBAMA), but wanted to seem "casual" about it. So he hid it behind a shovelful of IS OUR CHILDREN LEARNING?

Why does that Twinkie have wings? Does Tinsley have THOSE kinds of dreams about them?

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley is just angry because slaveowners lost the Civil War.

CW in LA said...

Once again, not even a tiny smudge of a source. He's not even bothering to hide that he's pulling this stuff directly from his well-crusted cloaca.

Frank Stone said...

Shorter Saturday "Mallard":

"Kidz R STOOPID cuz skool SUX an besides TWINKIES! Hur hur!! MONEY NOW!?!"

Toots McGee said...

Hope is the thing without Twinkies.

Fuck You, Tinsley said...

Tinsley hated Russia and the Middle East ever since the cavemen who discovered how to make fire moved there from North Africa. He has always hated that guy, and felt that such technology the purity of society.

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